Humor
FUNNY, FUNNY... For all the absurd things that can happen. Just short jokes here and there.
Indifference
Would I care ?
If, the sun set at noon and the stars and moon shown in its place.
Would I care?
If, it rained from the ground up and the sky turned hunter green.
Would I care ?
If,time stood still and I was the only one in motion.
Would I care ?
If, the earth was in the path of an asteroid shower and my house was the
first to be destroyed.
Would I care ?
If, gravity went against its laws and I was trapped in a bathroom stall.
Would I care ?
If, anyone reading this poem does not like it.
Would I care ?
If, the person interpreting these lines does not get the point.
Would I care ?
If,I merely said,indifference. Would you have continued to read these verses? I think not.
But then again,would I have cared?
Oh What A Night
Sitting in this club, you know the type of club that has lights flashing and music so loud,that you think your head is going to explode. We were chilling at a table waiting for theDamn waitress to come over and take our order. When this trippy little midget started screaming at me. Couldn't make out what he was saying but I think we took his seats.
Finally the waitress came over with drinks. You know she was one of those painted up types that you could find on any street coroner or cathouse that serves warm beer and charges by the hour for a quick bump in the night. In a bitchy tone she said;"Here's your drinks."
Then she took off before we could say; "We did not order this!"
Six big Texas shot glasses on deck filled with a muddy glowing green concoction. Each of us got two shots each. When I tasted the mixture it was strong and bitter to me,but good enough since it was free. Shot the second one with a quickness as my busy body friend told me to slow down. he was one of those guys that in school you hated him because he was teacher's favorite and most likely washed her car on weekends.
Then we ordered some more big shots. But,a few hours have passed and thing got strange...
I began to feel the music and see each note stream through the club as if I was caught in one of those cartoons that grandpa use to watch, but if they were shown on TV now would considered X-rated. I got up from the table high stepping as if I was trying to get use to gravity again. Fighting my way across the club I noticed a Rasta rabbit smiling and pointing towards the restroom then he hopped away in slow motion.
Walked into the restroom. Everyone in there looked fake. You know, like those department store mannequins who eyes seem to follow you around. Goose stepped quickly into the first open stall. When I heard a voice; "Oh God, not another ass !"
I turned around and the toilet was talking, needless to say, I freaked out.
Ran back into the club and stumbled upon that midget again who was still jabbering about seats until I asked "Hey, were you on Twin Peaks ?"
Then this bright light blinded me ... You know, like that light you see when you're having a near death experience but God decides to toss you back like so many small bass.
The Rastafarian rabbit with the tight eyes and a joint in his hand led me to my friend. Who looked like Peppermint Patty strung out on crack.
The club started to spin but,I was standing perfectly still. All the people whirled around so fast that it looked like a Jackson Pollock painting. Visions of Van Gogh and Sylvia Plath showed me to a comfy place to sleep.
Drops of water hitting me on the head. You know, it was a steady stream as if someone was taking a leak on me. But,it was just condensation from an air conditioner.
Then I realized, I was in an alley behind a club on sixth street and the only things I could think of were, "Where in the hell were my socks and was that rabbit real ?"
And that is the last time I'll drink Absinthe with friends in Austin.
A Nanny's Hebetic Notes :Baby-sitting 101
Double, Bubble,
Toil, and Trouble
Baby-sitting the rigid couple.
Thumb suckers, I utter silently to myself
As the oldest of three disgorge the prudence of
“Mummy said I could”
Loud, rude, and crude are terms grossly over used
But at times befitting the vocals of the three year old's views
Young and running into his first year.
Tiny tot appears to be frolicsome sort.
He rather sit and contemplate the maelstrom that is “BABYDOM”
Volatile, is his person inside as well as out .
Sometimes,I wish that all questionable and felonious materials would stay in its realm
Double, Bubble,
Toil, and Trouble
Baby-sitting the rigid couple.
As the sitter of the laborious duo
I would like to receive a plaque
For my hard work and effort
And, for not making them both walk the plank
My name plat should simply state
“That the surest way to an early grave is to baby-sit a rigid twosome.”
Double, Bubble,
Toil, and Trouble
Baby-sitting the rigid couple.
This has left this nanny exhausted and beat
Think, there is still just one more
WEEK!!!!!!!!!!!
A Nanny's Hebetic Notes : Ending the task 102
Double, Bubble,
Toil, and Trouble
Baby-sitting the unruly crew
Being that this is my last week
This nanny is feeling
Oh so meek
The parental added another twist
Which has this nanny throwing fits
Now the couple has turned to three
So forgive me for not jumping for glee
Double, Bubble,
Toil, and Trouble
Baby-sitting the unruly crew
He is the oldest at seven years
He brings this nanny to her knees with tears
His brand of banter is tame at most
Considering he likes to boast
When they all run a muck
I would rather hide and pray for luck
Sometimes they make me wanna cuss
Instead I just go for bust
Double, Bubble,
Toil, and Trouble
Baby-sitting the unruly crew
With the addition of the oldest stripling
It made all situations quite tickling
Though I find it to be somewhat fickling
The trio is an exhausting group
To tell the truth
They’re all a bit around the loop
Double, Bubble,
Toil, and Trouble
Baby-sitting the unruly crew
Though this maybe my last week. Getting through it will be a feat. Just another chance that life has to offer. Next time I’ll vegetate and watch Bob Barker.
Special Kay
I once knew a girl by the name of KAY. I spoke to her nearly every day. She played pool with the greatest of ease and sometimes she played just to tease.
Her wit was sharp and she was oh so chatty that sometimes she comes across rather tacky. She is the queen of tasteless and perverted jokes. Some just turn and smile while others just gag and choke.
I deem her special, in her own way. That’s it , I think I will call her Special Kay. SEX... A feared subject to most but to leave it to Kay, she’ll just boast.
She makes this virgin squirm and blush. However, I have no need to fiddle nor fuss. Intellectual, is the company I try to keep but with Kay I attract all the creeps. She talks of positions and lengths but, believe me it is not what you think. She is vivid and colorful just a bit. Personally, I think she is full of shit.
The thing she says often makes me ponder, “Is her mind really out yonder?” From the many sick things she has said , I wouldn’t mind taking a look inside Kay’s head. The things said during the day may shock us more at night . Oh, what a fright. Kay’s mind at night... I wonder if her dreams are vivid and sinful. If so, they maybe oh so blissful. I can honestly say, that all the other girls wish, that they could be Special like that girl Kay.
© Christina Womack
Inspirational
For Love or Passion ?
When Good Love Goes Bad...
Just Because...
M W home
What in the hell ?
Punch Drunk Ravings
Just Friends
Remember
Deep Thoughts
Want to be a manic writer ?