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We often lose sight of the real status of Manipuri women, as we are first
confronted with the legacy of Women's War, the Meira Paibi movement and
women's active participation in trade and commerce and other economic
activities. In reality, they are no different from their counterparts in other
male dominated societies.
Since time immemorial, the life of a Manipuri woman was circumscribed by the
social taboos and prejudices of a patriarchal society. The concept of an ideal
woman in Manipuri mythology, itself speaks volumes.
According to the deity Imoinu, an ideal woman is one who is faithful to
her husband, who regards her husband as divine and worships him, who obeys
orders and is submissive to the husband, who eats only when her husband has
eaten and so on.
The shaping of such an ideal woman begins from childhood, with the active
collaboration of the mothers. The daughter is brought up in such a way that she
always feel inferior to her brothers. She is made to sacrifice all good things
for her brothers. She is taught domestic chores while her brothers play.
A girl who is adept at household chores, who devotes her spare time to weaving,
who seldom goes beyond her home, who is shy and obedient is considered a good
girl by the society.
The girl-child's loss of innocence comes much earlier, as the lessons on how to
be a good wife and a mother is grilled into her, even before she reaches
puberty. She is brought up by her parents with a view that marriage is her sole
salvation. Along with this lesson, the fear of spinsterhood is injected into
her.
Even when she is employed in a salaried job or engaged in a profession, she is
least concerned in furthering her career. Because, she is told, a woman's life
is meaningless if she is unmarried. Her earnings are saved for endowing herself
a dowry.
But marriage does not complete the circle. She can only become a complete woman
when she attains motherhood. In motherhood also, the first preference is a son.
The ultimate wish of a woman after marriage is to give birth to a son.
Such a woman is considered a good woman and in social and religious functions
related to birth and marriage, it is she who is chosen to lead the ceremonial
procession.
A son is always coveted, because it is he who will carry forward the lineage. He
is the one who will perform the last rites of his parents after their death. To
the women, a son means prestige, social position and protection. A daughter is
also preferred, but she is not coveted. The preference is based on the logic -
'what a help she will be to her mother'.
Society has a poor view of the barren and childless woman . Unless she gives the
proof of her fertility, she will not have respectability and fate of her marital
status hangs in balance. As soon as she becomes a mother, she moves up on the
social scale and her place in the family is assured.
She is always defined as relative to man, be it her father or the husband. There
is a saying in Manipuri - Nupigidi Yumnak Leite - which literally means
'the woman has no clan'. During her maidenhood she is identified by the father's
clan and after marriage she uses both her husband's and father's surname, but
she is identified with the husband's clan.
Another Manipuri saying - Nupadi Taragi Mapuni - which literally means
'Man is the master of Many' is an indicator of the limited marital freedom given
to women as compared to men.
A man's social esteem is not affected by his wanton behaviour or amorous
adventures. Whereas in the case of women, loss of virginity can seriously affect
her prospects of marriage and at the same time infidelity on the part of the
wife can jeopardise a marriage.
Another Manipuri maxim says Nupidi Luhongphan Anirak Phamba Touheide,
which means 'A woman cannot go through the ritual of marriage twice'. So,
divorcees and widows had to be content with a much shorter version of the
traditional ceremony, when they re-marry. Whereas, a man is allowed to go
through the ritual of traditional marriage as many times as he wants.
In matters of marriage by engagement, a woman's right of choice and consent is
considered unnecessary. It is the prerogative of the parents, especially the
father. Here also, the initiative or proposal must come from the boy's parents
and not the other way round. It may be mentioned here that, it is always the
father or a senior male relative, who is empowered to negotiate and take a final
decision with regard to marriage. The mothers have no say and their views are
not taken into account.
Marriage by elopement is also permitted. But such marriage is not considered
complete, unless it is approved by the girl's father. It is the father's
prerogative to approve or not to approve. Before that, the daughter is not
allowed in her father's house.
The way parents had brought up their daughters, it was unthinkable for them to
consider their daughters could actually make their own choice. So, the
assumption of involuntary elopement or kidnapping comes naturally to the fathers
and they always make it a point to file a complaint with the police before
ascertaining anything. This can be seen from the large number of kidnapping
cases filed with the State police, most of which were settled out of court.
Regarding property rights, women are forbidden from inheriting or claiming
landed properties. However, there is a limited right of inheritance with regard
to moveable properties. Such properties are passed down the female line, from
mother to daughter.
A working woman cannot shirk the traditional responsibilities of a housewife and
mother, even if she is the sole or one of the earning members of the family. She
has to attend to her household duties before going to work and after coming back
from the workplace. She has to dog at home like a full-time housewife. She does
not expect any help from either her husband or other male members of the family,
as housekeeping, and domestic chores has always been her duty. Normally, the
in-laws do not approve of the working daughter-in-law as her professional duties
often interferes with that of the home and the hearth.
Besides, she has to be a responsible mother to her children. In child-rearing,
the patriarchal attitude is such that, the mother always get the blame for any
negative or delinquent behaviour on the part of the child. And the father always
take the credit for good behaviour.
In the socio-economic domain, where women supposedly plays a special role, they
enjoy limited freedom. Their role is more of contributory nature and they have
no place in the decision making process. They run and manage the local markets.
is true, they play an important role in the socio-economic activities. But it is
also true that, they cannot turn it into an advantage for uplift of their own
status in the society.
- Other articles in the January Opinion
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