THE THREE AVENGERS

Year: 1979

Starring: Bruce Li, Hon Kwok Choi, Chien Yuet Sun, Michael Winston, Li Hai-Sheng

Directed by: Wong Wah Kay

Running time: 91 minutes

Not a spectacular movie, but watchable. Bruce and his friend(Hon Kwok Choi we'll refer to him as UG for Ugly Guy) get kicked out of a opera troupe and start up their own kung fu school. Along the way the make enemies with a real estate mogul and his evil kung fu fighting son. Along the way Bruce takes on a gwailo student(let's call him Whitey). So Bruce, UG, and Whitey make up The Three Avengers. Whitey doesn't get too much screen time and in the fights scenes he usually gets beat down. The fight scenes are the usual Bruce Li boring stuff. There are a few funny scenes in the movie, if they are intentionally funny I'm not sure. Well since I'm not sure what else to write about I'll share all the gut bustin' scenes with you.

• Bruce and UG go to UG's house and get in a fight with some thugs. The fight climaxes with the destruction of UG's house. I won't really call it a house, or even a shack, maybe it's a shanty. I've seen cardboard boxes with sturdier construction.
• During the above mentioned fight UG punches some guy and his dentures fall out. The guy is in his mid-20's and he already has dentures?
• Now Whitey knows some chicks and him and UG go to meet them at the discotheque. UG is wearing the most rediculous getup I've even seen. Whitey pushes UG into a dance contest and of course UG can't dance. So UG starts flipping and busting kung fu moves and poses, he even gets in some drunken style. The audience goes crazy! When he's finished he's mobbed by women who rip off his clothes. I'm not sure if they did this because they like him or can't stand to look at his clothes anymore.
• Bruce, UG, and Whitey are out having dinner and Whitey really likes what he's eating and orders another serving. When UG tells him he's eating tail meat he still doesn't understand. Then UG points to a guy skinning a snake and Whitey realizes he's been eating snake and runs off to vomit. Hahaha. Now they didn't use a stunt snake, or rubber snake, or use a digital one. The snake getting skinned was a real snake. I take it in Hong Kong there must be a lack of animal rights laws.
• Okay this bit of dialogue is classic. It's a bad guy talking to Lee Fu who is the son of the real estate guy. They are talking about how they're gonna get revenge on Bruce.
  Lee Fu "Well I'm going to." (referring to getting revenge on Bruce)
  Bad Guy "But how?"
  Lee Fu "Huh! I shall think of something really good!"
  Oh yeah that's real specific, but we all know what's he thinking. As I said that's classic.
• Now UG and Bruce are in another fight. A guy with a big knife comes at UG. UG points at the guy's crotch and says, "You're zip's undone." Of course the guy checks his zipper and when he does he gets a beating. At first I was like "That's lame!" but the more I thought about it, the more I thought I might work. I'll be sure to try it next time I'm attacked by someone with a knife.

Those don't seem that funny now that I think about it...sorry.

"Reviewed" by Keith.