- Year: 1986
- Starring: Bruce Baron, Phillip Ching, Jack Elam, Dragon Lee, Pierre Tremblay
- Special Guest Star: Richard Harrison
- Directed by: Godfrey Ho
- Running time: 87 minutes
Another crappy "cut and paste" movie from the dynamic duo of Godfrey Ho and Joseph Lai. Some boring footage HK movie is cut with some newly shot "gweilo ninja" scenes. Usually the new ninja scenes are better than the old stuff, which always unfortunately runs longer. The "old" footage has something to do with a woman getting raped and then taking revenge on her attackers, diamond smuggling, and the Interpol agent who loves the woman. The new ninja footage isn't spectacular by any means, but still slightly amusing, but the total runtime of the ninja footage is under 10 minutes. That means we're forced to watch 80 minutes of garbage.
The older HK footage is from the early 80's and features bad acting, horrific fashions, and god-awful dubbing using words like "sullied". Although there are a couple funny lines like "She'd never done you any harm, you turd!" and "Not the wine, my nipples, you jerk!" Plus the so-called hero Interpol agent delivers the total badass line, "My gun shows no compassion." But when you see the jacket he wears it loses all meaning, you'll be too busy laughing. What was this movie really about? Was that guy really an Interpol agent and was there actually diamond smuggling going on? Probably not because we're never shown a single diamond!
Now the box and the movie credits boast that one of the movie's stars is none other that Dragon Lee. Yeah he is, for a staggering three scenes totaling about 27 seconds! What's worse than his miniscule screen time is that you have to wait 1hour 15minutes and 15 seconds before his appearance. In the first scene he's in you can't even tell it's him because the shot is far off. At least he gets in two lines of dialogue, "Search!" and "Looks like they're all dead." or something to that effect. I'm telling you, if you want to get this one because it has Dragon Lee in it, you'll be sorely disappointed. I know I was. I wonder what the movie was originally supposed to be about, that has Dragon Lee playing a cop. I guess it was never finished or released for a reason that until Godfrey Ho got his hands on it.
The ninja scenes star Bruce Baron as Donald and Interpol agent/ninja. You can tell he's a ninja because his headband actually says "NINJA" on it. He just goes and kills all the bad red ninjas. Donald kills the three lackey ninja's before he fights their leader. Unfortunately all the lackey ninja fights come in at less than 30 seconds each. That's too short. I've been watching this crap for 25 minutes and when the fighting starts, I blink and miss it. Before the fights actually start is shows the lackey ninjas "training" with weapons. One guy has a staff of some sorts with a blade on it, I don't know the technical term. The guy looks quite good bouncing it around off his arms and spinning and stuff, but a lot of good it did when Bruce Baron showed up and killed him, killed him dead! The thing is, the guy is wearing a Jackie Chan Stuntman's Association t-shirt. He must've bought it on the street so he can look cool, or maybe he's the guy who does the laundry for the stuntmen. All of that plus the standard "ninja" techniques of disappearing/reappearing, instantly changing into a ninja uniform, and making weapons appear from nowhere.
A couple funny lines, ninja hijinks, a mute bald retard, a guy in a JC Stuntman's t-shirt, and 27 seconds of Dragon Lee can't save this movie from being BORING! Steer clear of this one, you'll thank me. I wish someone had told me about this movie before I watched it because I may have just "sullied" myself.
Reviewed by Keith.
