Sheila's Daily Picks: Monday

6:00 AM (TV7)
Get Up and Live,with Klondyke Kate

Greet the day with Kate's brisk 20 minute workout.This morning,channel 10's
popular 200 pound all woman muscle machine focuses on the can-can shoot your
foot above your head kick-up.Also, in a previously taped segment of the show
Kate takes to the great outdoors for a spot of tree-felling with "special"
friend Babe Turnblatt.A playful frolic in the woods rounds off the mornings
fun.

10:00 AM (TV9)
All My Tomorrows

Justin returns from a week long business trip and catches Miranda playing
around on him-- with herself.A fight ensues and Miranda admits the truth.
She tells Justin that she's leaving him in order to be with "Herself." In
a jealous rage Justin confides in Mary "The Phone" Morrissey and soon the
sordid details have spread through every nook and cranny of the sleepy town
of Hickory Butt.Miranda takes to wearing long,black gloves but nothing
can hide the shame that she feels when she meets the knowing eyes of her
horrified neighbors.Will "Herself" be enough to see her through all of
this, or will she finally cave in and leave herself alone?

4:00 PM (TV12)
The Old Oprey Hour:

Today, Old Oprey interviews former laxitive junkies.A deeply moving show,
guests like the one-time chocolate ex-lax addict, reveal the inside story
on what it is like to travel to the very depths of the sewer of despair and
back again.Portrayed are not just the heartaches and the sorrows of these
lost souls, but also on the painful road back to regularity,the indomitable
human spirit that refused to be broken under that "insidious urge to purge"
as one woman so aptly put it.Stiffling a sniff or two the viewer will be
certain to be caught up in the tears and the fears,yes and sometimes even
laughter,with which these courageous men and women confront each and every
day.Viewers will have a hard time seeing any relief in sight to this
no-holes-barred grim dose of reality.See exposed: The fortunes lost
spending a penny, the Feen-a-mint fiend, the Metamusil mainliner.And that
most comtemptable of all merchants-- the Prune Peddler.Visited: An enema
house.This show definately not for the squeemish.

8:00 PM (TV3)
Big-Balls and Little Willie

Tonight we find Big-Balls and Little Willie way down South and not exactly
whistling dixie.Knee deep in a trucker dispute our hero is forced to drag
his "you-know-whats" across the Mason-Dixon line.When one of them gets
snarled in a tar pit, it's side-kick Little Willie to the rescue.Watch out
for a rare T.V. appearance towards the end by Jane Russell, flaunting an
old boobie-hoister of hers which she will use to lend some much needed
support to our hero's bruised privvy members.Lots of beer, brawling and
gum-snapping babes in this one folks.(Not to mention big,shiny trucks!)

9:00 PM (TV27)
Bleakly Manor

This week we find "open hostility" to be the order of the day amongst the
residents of the grand old house.Mrs. Bleakly has accused the "strange"
Miss Presscot of hawk-like behaviour, consequently setting up the atmosphere
of pursed lips and hate-filled squints so reminisent of Bleakly Manor
housekeepers.Tradition at least was being upheld.Esmerelda refuses
Mortimer's proposal of marriage citing his intellectual incompetance as her
main reason.Mr Bleakly is trying to cope with a bad case of foot blight.A
trip across the channel to Calais "to brighten us all up" has been decided
upon for the week-end.Popsy, the pampered family poodle, is to be left in
the care of the disgruntled Miss Presscot.With everyone away and feeling
more peeved than ever at not having been invited, the "strange" Miss
Presscot gives in to a sudden fit of spite on the Saturday and calls up
the local vivisectionist to donate Popsy.When all have returned the
following evening the dirty deed is brought to light.Mr. Bleakly rushes
over to Cutter's laboratories and a short while later returns with Popsy--
in 108 zip-lock bags.Mortimer wonders if there is still time to save him.
Mrs. Bleakly urges her husband to deal strictly with the "strange" Miss
Presscot.He confronts her in her quarters:"Look here old girl,this simply
won't do," he blurts out."Ghastly business and all the rest of it." After
having said his piece he marches out on his heel to the culprits indifferent
shrug.He informs his wife that their errant employee has been well and
truly reprimanded.And the saga continuees...

10:00 PM (TV53)
Movie: Vampire Dogs Of Kadmandu

Excitment aplenty here for fans of the genre.Movie loses much of it's
realistic touch though when the dogs keep tripping over their long black
capes.'Nuff said.

11:00 PM (TV69)
Barbie's Barge

This week Barbie and her girls endure yet another police raid and are
charged with running a common bawdy barge.Arrested at the scene after first
being forced to walk the gang-plank are 2 congressmen, 5 T.V. evangelists,
and a white haired man in a white suit claiming to represent a
plastic bag company.All eight had initially claimed to be fishing tackle
salesmen en route to a Shriners Convention.Confiscated at the scene: A
cat-o'-nine-tails,8 sailor uniforms and Barbie's beloved stuffed
parrot,Barney.

12 Midnight (TV22)
Wilder Kingdoms

This weeks topic "The Farcical Arse" is an in-depth look at Simians with
rude bums.Yes folks, see them in all their glory,those sorry, swollen
rear-ends attached to various indifferent baboons, mandrills and orang-
gutans.See chimps with prolapses and the like, ad nauseum.A BEHIND the
scenes gape at the apes only for the truly devoted monkey lovers among
you.

Sheila Na Gig
Send e-mail to nagig@surenet.net