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Screenplay (Continued)

WILLIAM:

It's a disease I've got -- it's a 

clinical thing, I'm taking pills and

having injections -- it won't last

long.

ANNA:

Step aside.

She starts to climb.

WILLIAM:

Actually be careful Anna -- it's 

harder than it looks...

But she's already almost over.

WILLIAM:

Oh no it's not -- it's easy.

A few seconds later. Anna jumps down into the garden.

ANNA:

Come on, Flopsy.

William clambers over with terrible difficulty, dusts himself

off, and heads towards where she stands.

WILLIAM:

Now seriously -- what in the world 

in this garden could make that 

ordeal worthwhile?

She leans forward -- and, for the first time since the first

time -- she kisses him. This time a proper kiss. A tiny pause.

WILLIAM:

Nice garden.

EXT. MAGIC GARDEN - NIGHT

They walk around the garden. It's a moonlit dream. We see 

the lights of the houses that surround the garden. They come

across a single, simple wooden bench.

ANNA:

"For June, who loved this garden --

from Joseph who always sat beside 

her."

We cut in and see an inscription carved into the wood. She

doesn't read the dates, carved below -- "June Wetherby, 1917

- 1992." She is slightly chocked by it.

ANNA:

Some people do spend their whole 

lives together.

He nods. They are standing on either side of the bench, 

looking at each other. The camera glides away from them, up

into the night sky, leaving them alone in the garden. Music

plays.

INT. WILLIAM'S LIVING ROOM - EVENING

William in a towel rushes downstairs, having just had a shower.

He shoots past Spike.

WILLIAM:

Bollocks, bollocks, bollocks. Have

you seen my glasses?

SPIKE:

No, afraid not.

WILLIAM:

Bollocks.

(still searching -- 

with no help from 

Spike)

This happens every time I go to the

cinema. Average day, my glasses are

everywhere -- everywhere I look, 

glasses. But the moment I need them

they disappear. It's one of life's

real cruelties.

SPIKE:

That's compared to, like, 

earthquakes in the Far East or 

testicular cancer?

WILLIAM:

Oh shit, is that the time? I have to

go.

INT. WILLIAM'S LIVING ROOM/CORRIDOR - EVENING

He sprints downstairs, now fully dressed.

WILLIAM:

(not meaning it)

Thanks for your help on the glasses

thing.

SPIKE:

(sincerely)

You're welcome. Did you find them?

WILLIAM:

Sort of.

INT. CINEMA - NIGHT

Mid-film. We move across the audience. And there is in the

middle of it, we see Anna, watching the screen, and next to

her, William, watching the film keenly, through his scuba-

diving goggles.

INT. RESTAURANT - NIGHT

A very smart Japanese restaurant. We see Anna and William 

sitting, near the end of their meal.

ANNA:

So who left who?

WILLIAM:

She left me.

ANNA:

Why?

WILLIAM:

She saw through me.

ANNA:

Uh-oh. That's not good.

We've been aware of the conversation at a nearby table --

now we can hear it. Two slightly rowdy men.

LAWRENCE:

No - No- No! Give me Anna Scott any

day.

William and Anna look at each other.

GERALD:

I didn't like that last film of hers. 

Fast asleep from the moment the 

lights went down.

Again -- Anna reacts.

LAWRENCE:

Don't really care what the film are

like. Any film with her in it --

fine by me.

GERALD:

No -- not my type at all really. I

prefer that other one -- blonde --

sweet looking -- has an orgasm every

time you take her out for a cup of

coffee.

Anna mouths "Meg Ryan."

LAWRENCE:

Meg Ryan.

William and Anna smile -- they're enjoying it.

GERALD:

Drug-induced, I hear -- I believe 

she's actually in rehab as we speak.

LAWRENCE:

Whatever, she's so clearly up for it.

Anna's twinkle fades.

LAWRENCE:

You know -- some girls, they're all

"stay away chum" but Anna, she's 

absolutely gagging for it. Do you

know that in over fifty percent of 

languages the word for "actress" is

the same as the word for "prostitute."

This is horrible.

LAWRENCE:

And Anna is your definitive actress

-- someone really filthy you can just

flip her over... and start again.

WILLIAM:

Right, that's it.

He gets up and goes round the cover to the men. There are in

fact four of them, the two meeker men, Gavin and Harry, hanging

on the other guys' witty words.

WILLIAM:

I'm sorry to disturb you guys but --

LAWRENCE:

Can I help ?

WILLIAM:

Well, yes, I wish I hadn't overheard

your conversation -- but I did and I

just think, you know...

He's not a very convincing or frightening figure.

WILLIAM:

...the person you're talking about

is a real person and I think she 

probably deserves a little bit more

consideration, rather than having

jerks like you drooling over her...

LAWRENCE:

Oh sod off, mate. What are you, her

dad?

Anna suddenly appears at his side and whips him away without

being recognized.

WILLIAM:

I'm sorry.

ANNA:

No, that's fine. I love that you 

tried... time was I'd have done the

same.

They walk on and then...

ANNA:

In fact -- give me a second.

And she walks straight back to their table.

ANNA:

Hi.

LAWRENCE:

Oh my God...

Everyone on that table is shocked.

ANNA:

I'm sorry about my friend -- he's

very sensitive.

LAWRENCE:

No, look, I'm sorry...

ANNA:

Please, please -- let's just leave 

it there. I'm sure you meant no harm,

and I'm sure it was just friendly

banter and I'm sure you dicks are all

the size of peanuts. Enjoy

your meal. The tuna's really good.

And she walks away. Gerald turns to Lawrence.

GERALD:

You prick.

EXT. RITZ ARCADE - NIGHT

They are walking.

ANNA:

I shouldn't have done that. I 

shouldn't have done that.

WILLIAM:

No, you were brilliant

ANNA:

I'm rash and I'm stupid and what

am I doing with you?

WILLIAM:

I don't know, I'm afraid.

ANNA:

I don't know either.

They have arrived at the end of the arcade.

ANNA:

Here we are.

(pause)

Do you want to come up?

WILLIAM:

(he hoes)

There seem to be lots of reasons 

why I shouldn't.

ANNA:

There are lots of reasons. Do you

want to come up?

His look says yes.

ANNA:

Give me five minutes.

He watches her go -- and stands in the street. Music plays.

INT. RITZ CORRIDOR/ANNA'S SUITE - NIGHT

William coming along the hotel corridor. He knocks on the

door.

ANNA:

Hiya.

There's something slightly angry. He doesn't notice.

WILLIAM:

Hi.

He kisses her gently on the cheek.

WILLIAM:

To be able to do that is such a

wonderful thing.

ANNA:

(pause)

You've got to go.

WILLIAM:

Why?

ANNA:

Because my boyfriend, who I thought

was in America, is in fact in the 

next room.

WILLIAM:

Your boyfriend?

He is duly shocked. She's trying to be calm.

ANNA:

Yes...

JEFF (V.O.):

Who is this?

Jeff drifts into view behind. He is a very famous film star and

looks the part -- well built, very handsome. Unshaved, he has

magic charm, whatever he says. Over a t-shirt, he wears a 

shirt, which he unbuttons as he talks.

WILLIAM:

Ahm... room service.

JEFF:

How you doing? I thought you guys 

all wore those penguin coats.

WILLIAM:

Well, yes -- usually -- I'd just 

changed to go home -- but I thought 

I'd just deal with this last call.

JEFF:

Oh great. Could you do me a favor

and try to get us some really cold

water up here.

WILLIAM:

I'll see what I can do.

JEFF:

Still, not sparkling.

WILLIAM:

Absolutely. Ice cold still water.

JEFF:

Unless it's illegal in the UK to 

serve liquids below room temperature:

I don't want you going to jail just 

to satisfy my whims now... 

WILLIAM:

No, I'm sure it'll be fine.

JEFF:

And maybe you could just adios the

dishes and empty the trash please.

WILLIAM:

Right.

And he does just that. Scoops up the two used plates and heads

to the bin.

ANNA:

Really -- don't do that -- I'm sure

this is not his job.

JEFF:

I'm sorry. Is this a problem?

WILLIAM:

Ah -- no. It's fine.

JEFF:

What's your name?

WILLIAM:

Ahm... Bernie.

Jeff slips him a fiver.

JEFF:

Thank you, Bernie.

(to Anna)

Hey -- nice surprise, or nasty

surprise?

ANNA:

Nice surprise.

He kisses her.

JEFF:

Liar.

(to William)

She hates surprises. What are you

ordering?

ANNA:

I haven't decided.

JEFF:

Well, don't over-do it. I don't want

people saying. "There goes that 

famous actor with the big, fat 

girlfriend."

He wanders off taking off his t-shirt.

WILLIAM:

I better leave.

Anna just nods.

WILLIAM:

-- this is a fairly strange reality

to be faced with. To be honest, I 

don't realize...

ANNA:

I'm sorry... I don't know what to 

say.

WILLIAM:

I think good bye is traditional.

INT. RITZ CORRIDOR - NIGHT

William walks away.

EXT. RITZ - NIGHT

William walks down the arcade outside the hotel. He is 

stunned.

EXT. LONDON BUS - NIGHT

William sits alone on a bus. We see him through the side

window. As it drives away, we see that the whole back of the

bus is taken up with a huge picture of Anna.

INT. WILLIAM'S BEDROOM - NIGHT

He gets into his room and sits on the bed.

INT. SPACESHIP - NIGHT

Space Anna, in the very hi-tech environment and a serious 

moods, fastens the last claps on her uniform. She takes a 

helmet type thing, and places it on her head.

INT. CONNECT CINEMA - NIGHT

Cut round to the Coronet cinema where this film is showing.

It's not full. The camera moves and finds, sitting on his 

own...William. Just watching. We see a momentous flash of

light from the screen explode, reflected in his eye.

INT. WILLIAM'S LIVING ROOM - EVENING

William is looking out the window, lost in thought. Spike

enters.

SPIKE:

Come on -- open up -- this is me --

Spikey -- I'm in contact with some

quite important spiritual vibrators.

What's wrong?

Spike settles on the arm of a chair. William decides to open

up a bit...

WILLIAM:

Well, okay. There's this girl...

SPIKE:

Aha! I'd been getting a female vibe.

Good. Speak on, dear friend.

WILLIAM:

She's someone I just can't -- and 

it's as if I've taken love-heroin --

and now I can't even have it again.

I've opened Pandora's box. And 

there's trouble inside.

Spike nods thoughtfully.

SPIKE:

Yeh. Yeh...tricky...tricky...I

knew a girl at school called Pandora

... never got to see her box though.

He roars with laughter. William smiles.

WILLIAM:

Thanks. Yes -- very helpful.

INT. TONY'S RESTAURANT - NIGHT

Only two tables are being used. William and his friends are 

on their first course. Bernie reads an "Evening Standard,"

with a picture of Anna and left at Heathrow Airport.

MAX:

You didn't know she had a boyfriend?

WILLIAM:

No -- did you?

Their looks make it obvious that everyone did.

WILLIAM:

Bloody hell, I can't believe it --

my whole life ruined because I don't

read "Hello" magazine.

MAX:

Let's face facts. This was always a 

no-go situation. Anna's a goddess

and you know what happens to mortals

who get involved with the gods.

WILLIAM:

Buggered?

MAX:

Every time. But don't despair -- I

think I have the solution to your

problems.

WILLIAM:

Really?

They all look to him for wise words.

MAX:

Her name is Tessa and she works in 

the contracts department. The hair,

I admit, is unfashionable frizzy --

but she's as bright as a button and 

kisses like a nymphomaniac on death

row. Apparently.

INT. MAX AND BELLA'S KITCHEN/LIVING ROOM - NIGHT

The kitchen. William is looking uneasy. A doorbell rings.

MAX:

Now -- try.

William nods. Max heads off to the door. We stay with William

-- and just hear the door open and a voice come down the 

corridor.

TESSA (V.O.):

I got completely lost -- it's real

difficult, isn't it? Everything's

got the word 'Kensington' in it --

Kensington Park Road, Kensington 

Gardens, Kensington bloody Park

Gardens...

They reach the kitchen. Tessa is a lush girl with a huge hair.

MAX:

Tessa -- this is Bella my wife.

TESSA:

Oh hello, you're in a wheelchair.

BELLA:

That's right.

MAX:

And this is William.

TESSA:

Hello William. Max has told me 

everything about you.

WILLIAM:

(frightened)

Has he?

TESSA:

Oh yes please. Come on, Willie, let's

get sloshed.

She turns to take the wine and William has a split second to send 

a message of panic to Bella. She agrees -- it's bad.

INT. MAX AND BELLA'S KITCHEN/CONSERVATORY - NIGHT

Max walks over to the table. Honey, Bella, William and another

girl.

MAX:

Keziah -- some woodcock?

KEZIAH:

No, thank you -- I'm a fruitarian.

MAX:

I didn't realize that.

It is left to William, who has been set up here, to fill the

pause.

WILLIAM:

And ahm -- what's a fruitarian exactly?

KEZIAH:

We believe that fruits and vegetables

have feels so we think cooking is 

cruel. We only eat things that have

actually fallen from the tree or bush

-- that are, in fact, dead already.

WILLIAM:

Right. Right. Interesting stuff.

(pause)

So these carrots...

KEZIAH:

Have been murdered, yes.

WILLIAM:

Murdered? Poor carrots. How beastly.

 

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Screenplay Continued

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