The basis
of cooperation;
Friends
While the human being is in need of quiet
moments, of time to reflect alone, of privacy and solitude, he is by nature a social
being, to live in a society and interact with others in a natural or inborn
characteristic of human beings. The human being was not forced into being
social nor did he simply learn by experience that he cannot live in total
isolation and solitude. Neither did he just use his reason to decide that it
was better if he cooperated and shared with others.
One of the reasons for saying that social life is
natural is suggested in the noble verse of the Qur’an,
‘It is We who portion out among them their livelihood in the life of this
world, and We raise some of them above others (from the standpoints of
possibilities and capacities) in degrees, so that some might obtain labor of
others’ (43: 2)
This suggests that people are not created alike
in their possibilities and capabilities. If people were all alike, there would
be no need to obtain any service or help from others. God has create people with different physical, spiritual,
intellectual and emotional capacities. He has made some superior in some ways
and others superior in other ways. He has thus made all need each other and
naturally inclined to interact with one another. This is thus the basis of the
social or interconnected life of human beings.
People therefore naturally need one another for
their mutual benefit. This is why withdrawal from society is not allowed in
Islam. No one may just disappear into his green and luscious valley, forget
about others and do as he likes. Since man was created in a naturally good
state, the purpose of community or society is to promote and work for all that
is good. Also because some people go against their natural state and commit
acts of crime or evil needs, the purpose of community or society is also to
discourage or fight against all that is bad or evil. The need for such
interaction and cooperation is expressed in a beautiful parable related by the
noble Prophet:
The case of
those who observe the limits set by God and those who are careless about them
is like passengers on a ship who cast lots to determined who should occupy the
upper deck and who should be on the lower deck and disposed of themselves
accordingly. Those who were on the
lower deck passed through those of the upper deck whenever they had to fetch
water. So they said to the occupants of the upper deck: if we were to bore a
hole through part, we would not then have to trouble you. Now if the occupants
of the upper deck were to leave the others to carry out their design they would
all perish together, but if they were to stop them from carrying out they would
all be saved.
This parable shows that it is foolish to allow
everyone to do whatever he wants and whenever he wants to. To be liberal in the
sense of being tolerant of every type of behavior can be disastrous. People
need to work together for the common good. (top)
The Qur’an says, ‘Cooperate
with one another on the basis of righteousness and God-consciousness, and do
not cooperate with one another on the basis of sin and transgression’.
(Trangression (Arabic: ‘udwaan) here means going beyond
the limits of permissible behavior set by God)
The Qur’an in fact
suggests that individuals can only prosper if they, altogether, acquire
knowledge and faith, if they do good deeds and if they collectively encourage
and promote truth and steadfastness. If they don’t, they will find themselves
in a state of loss and ruin. This is stated in the brief of just three verses
called ‘AlAsr’ or Time.
‘Consider Time!
Man is indeed in a state of loss
Except those who attain to faith
And do good works
And enjoin upon one another to uphold the truth
And enjoin upon one another to be steadfast’ (The Quran,
103: 1-3)
This surah sums up the
Islamic view of human history. It sets out the conditions which save a
community from loss and ruin. At the same time it tells what peoples and
communities must do to be strong and prosperous. Foremost among these is not
wealth, or power or the strength of numbers although all these are important as
means to an end. It is above all, the combined and total commitment to truth
and justice and the determination to remain steadfast that save a community
from ruin and guarantee its strength and prosperity.
A sense of belonging to a community or group is
natural to the needs of man and a vital part of a person’s identity. In the
last section we have shown that man needs the care, warmth and support of the
family which is the basis unit of Islamic society.
Beyond the family, people need the goodwill,
support and fellowship of friends, neighbors and the wider community and
society. People need to create the environment, the facilities and the network
of relationships that promote and enhance the good and combat and discourage
the bad. People need to identify with and feel part of a group or community
that work towards these goals. (top)
For various morals, psychological and social
reasons, people need good company and close friendship. The type of friends you
have often indicate the type of person you are. Show me your friends and I will
tell you what you are, says the well-known proverb.
The noble Prophet pointed to the value of good
company when he said that it is better to be alone than in the company of the
wicked, and it is better to be in the company of the good than to be alone.
Good company can be a great source of help and
support in leading a virtuous life while bad company can lead to sin and ruin.
This clear in the advice given in the Quran,
‘And keep yourself content with those who call on
their Lord morning and evening, seeking His countenance, and let not your eyes
pass beyond them to those who seek the pomp and glitter of this life, nor obey
any whose heart we have permitted to neglect Our remembrance, who follows his
own desires, whose case has gone beyond all bounds’ (18: 28)
The Prophet has given similar advice in choosing companions
and forming friendships. He was asked,
‘What is the person that can be the best friend?’
‘He who helps you when you remember God, and he
who reminds you when you forget Him’, he replied.
‘Which friend is the worst?’
‘He who does not help you
when you remember God and does not remind you of God when you forget’.
‘Who is the best among people?’
‘He who when you look at him, you remember God’.
These are the principle that should guide your
friendships and govern your feelings towards all those around you. It can be
very difficult to live up to these principles when you have people of the same
age urging you on to be ‘with it’, and to seek forbidden fun and enjoyment in ‘the
pomp and glitter of this life’. Such friends could make you forget your cherished
values and principles and rob you of a dear and important piece of your life,
forever.
Ideally, you should try to influence your friends
to identify with what is good and beautiful. Should you fail to, so influence
them and a choice has to be made between friends and principles, then
principles must come first. You cannot afford to fall into disobedience and
ruin for the sake of friendship and popularity.
Besides helping one another to move along the
path of virtue and strengthening one another’s character, true friends help
each other in a number of practical ways.
The stress the importance of friendship and
brotherhood in providing for daily needs and in the building up of Muslim
society, the Prophet initiated a unique arrangement on his arrival in city of
True friendship is nurtured on love, sincerity
and generosity. Friendship is in loving rather than in being loved. The noble
Prophet advised, and in fact warned, that ‘You will not truly believe unless
you love on another’. An as a master of interactve
communication, he went on to ask, ‘Shall I tell you something whereby you will
love one another?’ ‘Multiply the greeting of peace among yourselves’, he
continued.
He advised that you should love for your brother
what you love for your self. To strengthen these feelings of affection, the
noble Prophet recommended that, ‘If a person loves his brother, he should tell
him so’. Love can even be expressed by a smile and ‘Smiling in the face of your
brother Muslim is an act of charity’ on your part.
A true friend provides emotional support as well
as practical help. A friend will visit another when he is sick, will seek to
relieve him of debt or any other type of difficulty if he can. He will even given preference to his friend’s needs over his own even if
as a result he faces hardship himself. This quality of giving preference to
others (Arabic: iithaar) is highly praised in the Qur’an in as much as it shows a real absence of greed, covetousness
or ostentation in a doer of good.
In the real world, friendships are not always
blissful and trouble-free. Disagreements and arguments do arise which sometimes
put a strain on even the most well-intentioned persons. If such situations
arise, there are procedures in Islam which make reconciliation easy. For
example, the noble Prophet has instructed that it is not permissible for a
believer to keep away from a believer for more than three days. After the laps
of this period, he should go and meet him and greet him with the greeting of
peace. If he returns the greeting, they will be sharers in the merit of
reconciliation. If he does not return the greeting, he will be guilty. (top)
Gifts and visits
The giving of gifts and the exchanging of visits
are two ways recommended by the noble Prophet of strengthening friendships and
relationships in general.
He himself set the example by being liberal and
generous in giving. He gave food and items of practical use like household
utensils. He recommended the giving of perfume for ‘it is light’ and fills the
air with fragrance.
On visiting, he instructed both hosts and guests
on how they should behave so that visiting becomes a source of mutual pleasure
and not a burden and a cause for embarrassment. For example, the noble Prophet
advised,
‘He who believes in God and the Last Day should
honor his guest according to his right’. When asked, ‘What is his right?’. He replied, ‘A day
and a night, and hospitality for three days. That which might be beyond this is
charity’
On another occasion, he said, ‘It is not
permissible for a Muslim to stay so long with his brother an
to involve him in sin’. Then when he was asked, ‘How would he involve him in
sin?’. He answered, ‘By prolonging his stay so that
the host has nothing left with which to exercise hospitality’. (top)