Quotes to Remember...
As said by my crazy friend Joe
Note: This picture was taken the night before we left for Washington D.C.
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It all began on a journey to a far away land called...
Washington D.C....
"We could meet by that big tall thing..." (referring to
the Washington Monument)
"Who wrote the Gettysburg Address?" (after reading it
off the wall in the Lincoln Memorial)
After that trip began a legacy... Known as the "Joe Quote
Book"... never to be forgotten...
"Well, sometimes she comes and sleeps with us."
"My homework was turning me on."
"My popcorn has a roommate button."
"I could caress my elbow all day."
"Men have breasts... they're just not of the female variety."
"Oh man, my feet suck! They cracked... They suck at
cracking... I don't know..."
"All girls come in shapes and sizes."
"If I was laughing any harder, I'd be on the ceiling like Mary
Poppins."
"It's a Mr. Potato Dog!"
"...hair length and tail sizes..."
"bee-oligykeelcockus"
"My feet grow longer when I'm erotic."
"I better take the elevator. That way I can hit the number."
(to go down one floor)
(breaks into song) "I'm a pop man!" (clap) "I'm a
pop man!"
"You were just one of my buddies that I played with."
"Lay some skin on me sista!"
"I can't think of a joke to counteract your joke."
(meaning comeback)
"I wear a cup size C3."
"That's your hair you're spitting out on my dick."
"These are my legs, and I know what to do with them."
"I love socks... as much as I love sex..."
"Stop having sex with that video."
"I'm not touching anything promiscuous."
"Know anybody I can sleep with Friday night?"
"Come on bunnies... preach it with me!!!"
"OH! My name looks good in sparkly colors!"
"So I'm gonna take this pen's virginity?"
"I'm sorry for wearing shorts. They keep falling up."
"You know the thingy-majigy you gave me...
you know, that thing... at that place... you know?"
"Know any single males?"
"I go through every post office in the United States, but
I'm still single mail."
"Annie, speak Lord..."
"You 'star' her... and she'll 'happify' you..."
"I'm not hungry... because I'm full..."
"Now that's static if I've ever had it."
"Get the womanage off!!"
"No girl has ever touched my breasts before... NO! You are NOT
touching my breasts!!"
"No, I'm not into threesomes!! I'm not even into twosomes yet..."
"Keep the hands within one foot of the breasts."
"Oooo... I think there's a boner in your bed..." (Annie's bed)
"Public hair... that's what they call it, right? Or is it pubic?
Public hair is what they called it in Family Life."
"All I do is make faces... I'm not a conversationalist."
"Mike, you saw the size of my package, right?"
"I got thrown at by chocolate!!! Wait... no..."
"I didn't know women had pencils."
"I'm playing pool in my pants."
"I put splat on your hand."
Joe: "I like Michigan girls... they know how to respect a man...
They put out..."
Bryan: "You mean the cows...?"
Joe: "Yeah... they give me milk every day."
"Wanna play with my head?"
"What's he gonna show her... his dick?"
"You guys were crazy last night at the dance... dancin' around
me like I was a guy..."
"I was still interested in going out with her... despite
what Jesus said."
"I like my nuts doughy..."
"I have the hots for Bridge too... just to change the subject..."
"Woah... people were gettin' it on like bunnies in your bed last year..."
"Hey... I just started thinkin'... ... ... and I just stopped thinkin'..."
Now the "Joe Quote Book" takes a journey to the University of Minnesota-Twin Cities
for the NACURH 2002 conference... Yes, Joe was there, and yes, he said some quote worthy things...
"I don't wear pants."
"Sex is sexier."
"The circulation in my butt kinda ended."
"Claffing... It's a combination of laughing and crapping..."
"It's like when you caress someone in just that certain spot..."
"My coworker had sex while driving."
"There'd be leg spreadage-definite, obvious leg spreadage..."
"The lady jumped up... put one leg here, one leg there, legs open..."
"Dairy is making me harder... to cough."
"I'd be a special spoon... that could eat... and I'd suck all the stuff
out of the bowl... before they could even get their thing up..."
"My middle name is Random... I have a coworker named Random, and Random is a cycle
on a dishwasher."
"I'm the genie in the bottle..."
"What's a male exotic dancer?"
"I wouldn't want a guy with his thing goin' up touchin' me!"
"Ooooo! I wanna go milk it!!"
"I'm gonna play with my toy."
"Do you wanna see my toy?"
"Do her first! I wanna watch!"
"Man, the power of one finger... This is awesome!!"
Thus ends our freshman year experience. I'm sure next year
will bring many more amusing quotes for everyone's enjoyment!
I was mistaken. You don't have to wait until school starts again for new Joe Quotes... My friend Jared works with him, and has been keeping me updated on the amusing things Joe says in the wonderful world of... Big Boy...
"Ok... this is a repeat after me song..."
"I think I'd wear you out first, Dawn."
Well, we've now been in school for several weeks, so it is now time to add a section on this page for Sophomore year. Joe's still saying crazy things that provide much amusement for all who know him...
"This computer is porn free... I just bought it this summer..."
"My computer is always porn free... There's plenty of free porn on it."
"That'd be like and Irish porn site... Porn O' Plenty."
"I'm a practicing male."
"Don't snap my bra."
"I respect my butt... I mean, it gives me crap once in a while, but..."
"I don't know... one of these days you're going to start making out with me, and I'm going to have a heart attack and die."
"Well... if I was stuck in my penis..."
"Phil, you should be exploding with excitement, like a young girl on her first period."
"I would love having a candlelit dinner with my sister... I mean my girlfriend."
Joe: ... "my all time favorite movie, 'Escape to Witch Mountain'...
Abby: "Escape from Jewish Mountain?"
Due to a comment that was made earlier this evening, I have decided that I need to create an "Honorary Joe Quote" section of this page... So, if anyone (other than Joe) says something that I deem worthy of the title "Honorary Joe Quote", I'll put it here... So, without further adieu...
"Remind me to bring my dick on Friday." -Tim-
(while looking behind me to check out my ass)"Where's Paige?" -Phil-
"Will you frost our tips?" -Greg T.-
"Dude, spray your holes!" -Pat-
"I would so grope his genitals." -Pat-
"You gotta do housekeeping down there... because trimming makes it look longer..." -Pat-
"I didn't do you in the hallway... (referring to Annie)" -Katie-
"What is it with guys violating our bed buddies?" -Tasha-
"You can poke me any other day... (to Pat)" -Chip-
"You should just do something out of protest... and be protestical." -Matt-
"We were there... and she walked in with my boyfriend..." -Matt-
