DECEMBER

12-26-02
MARILYN: 10:34pm. So I am going to Tahoe. With out you dear. Who ever you may be. Any ways, I'll miss you and Kirsten, and I'll be back on the 2nd or so. I'm not sure. I don't remember. Sancho is a weirdo. I'd just like to throw that out there. Also, Kirst, I'm gonna call you so we can see about coordinating while we're up there at the same time. I'm watching ER and its totally awful for me to do. Why am I so dumb. Fuck this. I think I'm gonna go now. Wait a damn week marilyn. Later guys.

12-25-02
MARILYN: 10:31pm. I'm going to bed in a sec. But uh happy hols. X-mas was ok i guess, parents suck. i hate the holiday season, really i'm glad its almost over, then we can go back to not drinking every night of the week. i had to drive home for christs sake. fuck.

12-24-02
KIRSTEN: 2:29 PM. I've been back since sunday night but haven't had a chance to write cause my brother hogs the computer and my mom's been screwedup for 2 days straight and making us do weird things like ride our bikes to target, we had no say in the matter, to buy nice christmas presents, we weren't allowed to buy anything at the 99 cents store cause that's crap according to her. When i told her she was being mean for saying i couldn't go to LIzbeth's if i was sick, she said, "screw you if ur gonna say that crap." So then i had to ride home with a migraine and so did my brother after a bit. SOme hispanic guy waved and smiled at me from his gardening truck. I got her the most expensive present too, i don't know why, it took me the longest to pick out and its this really pretty belt. Then she took me to Lizbeth's, her driving was scary. We booked the hotel for convention, we ate lots of fodd (i had over 100 pistachios) and i had to direct michael to blockbuster cause liz has never been there and i have and we agreed on shallow hal and watched it. It was good, we listened to country in the car cause the fat cuban lady sounded like a man. So then i went home. This morning mom woke me up to clean my room cause the house cleaner was here, seems a little ironic and then she told me to wrap my present and i needed to use the computer for various things and my brother took it cause he needed to do something and i waited. Then he was being a jerk so i went in the other room and all of a sudden mom wants to badger me about what's wrong with me when i want to be left alone and she follows me to my room and we get in a fight and she tries to guilt trip me and tells me once again that my heart is so full of hate and i am such an angry child she doesn't know what to do with me and i'm her only daughter and need to give her slack. Here's some convo sobbing mother: you hate me i know, but just try to be nice me: i never said that mom: well you imply it, u won't hug me and you think ur better than me, u and ur father always look down on ur brother and me, and never give me any empathy, You love to hate ur mother, u hate me WAAAAAA!! me thinking: well u don't get empathy from manipulating people into it, that's not what empathy is mom: i know i'm high maintenance and sob sob emotional, and bad things have happened but give me some slack, u r just so mean to me me: u r the mother here, i am not supposed to be taking care of u. she finally leaves (that was the condensed version of events) so ya then dad came into my room and agrees with me and says i can come on errands with him and bro to get out of the house, i quickly take a shower and we go get coffee and drop bro off at a party at some girls house, i got him a little black book for christmas, INside it says "Pimp daddy (bro)'s not-so-little black book" haha. And sticker stars for his favorites. O it's good. I probably get to go get my bronco on thursday!! it's in the shop right now but its just the fuel pumps and then it will be mine, my perfect dream car. My aunt said i should invest in paint, my dad says its not worth it. I'm naming it either brad or cal. Does brad sound like brad pitt cause it was really after brad paisley. Email me ur preference: kirsten@marilynandkirsten.zzn.com. Marilyn, 100 pounds would probably kill you anyway, don't u dare try that and 124 is not fat, that would be happy for me. Lizbeth's scale told me i lost 15 pounds. haha. I agree the world cares too much about food, u should watch shallow hal. byebye.
KIRSTEN: 4:20 PM. If i was a pothead i'd be happy right now. Marley's playin on 91x. meanwhile it is still christmas eve and i am still on the computer. Mom's all depressed still and went to bed in her bathrobe with her face burried in her pillow and my dad went to pick up my brother. I want to help mom and dad said to keep an eye on her and help her if she needed anything. I can't believe she hasn't gotten over her self pity yet. SHe's addicted to trying to make people feel sorry for her, it's another way to impress people, it's not impressive though, at least not to me. HAsn't she learned sometime in her 48 yrs or whatever that u cannot look to other people for everything and self pity is not healthy and manipulation is wrong. I can't believe her hypocrisy, She tells me every day she's older than me and knows everything where as i'm just a pompous little prick thinking i know anythign and yet look at her, i'm nto the one burried in self pity and depression, doing nothing with my life but sleep all day long. i mean geeze woman there is so much you could do. She always tells me that i can change myself, that i am not stuck how i am, but look at her, complainging that she can't help being emotional and "high maintenance". She just doesn't want to. She just wants to pity herself. We're not going to church now my dad says cause my mom's not going anywhere. This is christmas eve for crying out loud!!!! COuldn't there be one happy family day... i guess i should be lucky i have my dad and my brother sometimes and everyone's still alive and a house and all my friends. My wonderful friends and don't laugh but jesus loves me even if noone else does. Well i don't care if u laugh, it did sound pretty funny. I have my dog and a computer and my grandparents and my cousins and my aunts and uncles (well the ones taht are left) and i get my car soon and my license and then i can go to college and then maybe everyone will be happier here and i'll be much happier. there's a pretty sunset, we're not at war yet, i have my own room with a bed. I love my friends, i have a good research paper topic. I feel so lonely though and its christmas eve, at least dad and bro are home. Gotta go bye.
KIRSTEN: 4:38 PM. New update. We have a party for family friends every christmas eve. We're cancelling right now, my dad's calling, cause my mom is a depressed wreck. Christmas sux, my worlds falling apart, my childhood is officially over, this family is officially screwed up. It's probably all my fault for fighting with her too. I miss christmas, i won't try to pity my self like her though, i won't, i refuse to. I'll have my own christmas. ok luv u all, sorry i've written so much, i just like to write when crap like this happens and where better to spill my life story then the internet. bye.
MARILYN: 11:23pm. I'm sad now. Poor kirsten. sorry i was harassing, you, but i wanted to hear aboutthe car. YAY!! you get it soon!!! i gave frank a list of books i wanted, and i think he got me one of them. he did alot of research, making sure he wasn't just buying me bad ideas. i get the feeling that means he didn't buy the liar's club. i'm kinda sad, cause i hear thats a really good book, and i read the sequel, Cherry, and I LOVED IT!! you can borrow it, who ever you are, if you want to. i swear its like the best book i've ever read 10000000 times. the parents and so screwed up. but so are he kids. and it all takes place in texas. what better story?? except for that its a memoir, which is kinda depressing. chapter 23 i think, in the 4th book. i've read it like a million times. i know i'm getting repetative, but accoridng to monkey twits thats how you write a good paper. who knows. buts its abot her VB star friend. and her personal habits. very nice to hear that you arent alone. i think thats why i had to steal the book from my mom. mean old hag. i think that its something about the holidays, but my parents have had liquor out for the past 3 days. and everyday they take a trip to the super market and get a new bottle. they had a fight when my mom wanted to take the new mini cooper, my dad was like "no, i'm too drunk to drive the nice car" and my mom got all sad that she drove a van when her goal when she was 25 was to only smoke out forthe rest of her life. AND THEY THINK I"M MESSED UP!!!!!!! they came into my room today. and took away something of mine. i'm sad. it was the best one. no rust or stains. pristine, though i used it the most. if only i was talking about sinks. i need money to buy a scale and rice cake, and the a cell to keep myself in so i don't eat anything else. i'll go do that with the christmas money....

12-23-02
MARILYN: 6:59pm. Kirsten is home, but a poo hole and not posting or calling or anything like that. i am very upset with her. as is our only fan and so on, sancho. and babs i suppose. BAD KIRSTEN!!!!!!!!!
MARILYN: 11:38am. God. I just weighed myself for the first time in forever. How did get to be so fat??? Like no kidding, you can tell me about how fat i am at marilyn@marilynandkirsten.zzn.com I'm not joking. When i stepped on the scale, the first thing that came up was 117. I thought I had died and gone to heaven. Then it realized it was being far too nice. 124. And its all on my ass!!! No to say that the rest of eme isn't chubby too. Because it is. I guess I've given up on ever weighing 100. I mean really, is that so much to ask for. I suppose that was a question, with out the question mark. If this counts as a good thing, i can't eat alot any more with out getting sick. Last night i piggishy ate a bowl of cheerios (all this after my sushi binge) and threw it back up. By accident. Don't go getting all poopi (haha) on me now. Last night, to elaborate a hair, Babs and I went out. Chica noche. We went to Wok on (Precious stone) and ate $30 in sushi. I should say that I ate $30 in sushi. After that we were so full we had to get starbucks. This is where that gift card cam in handy, Frank. So we had starbucks and sat in the car and listened to music for a long time and then went to Longs to buy some cards. We ended up getting little kid cards you can only use for like one game, like gold fish, or old maid, or rummy, or whatever. We also got some really gross make up. So in the car we play cards and made eachother look horrible with the nasty blush and way too dark eye shadow for a long time then it was time to go home so we did that. It was all good fun. So now I am here whining about how fat I am, and why everything that we ever do is centered around food and gourging yourself. Maybe I need to get new slightly healthier habits. Like not binging once a second. Bah, I'm out...

12-22-02
MARILYN: 9:41pm. kirst must still be in vegas. she hasn't called. baba and i had an interesting night, but i'm too full from all the sushi t really say much. all i can say is that we came out card playing hyper hookers. it was some fun. i'll do it tomorrow then.

12-21-02
MARILYN: 3:45pm. Its raining, its pouring the old dood is snoring. kirst is in vegas getting her bronco!!! it has no paint and a red leather interior. she can also get her license soon. its so exciting!! after we got off last night we breifly painted and sancho came over and there was more bed and so on and we ate dinner and kirst had to leave for las and i ate very slowly and still got a tummy ache and then i went to bed but had to fight ALOT for the covers. then the boys left and i got tired so i spent the night at erins. and then i came home, played the floot badly for a few hours, and now i'm here. we also did the christmas tree at some poitn. very cool. i'm out.....

12-20-02 (winter break!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)
KIRSTEN: 4:17pm. well marilyn is very slow and now she stole my chair, ya i got here and they were all in the bed, i joined. haha. It's kinda funny. Now erin's dancing again. I want marilyn to go do the paint with me, she's slow as i said. WE all have paint shirts. I made them for us, they say get ho co. Going to vegas tonight with dad!! yay!!! talking about the orgy we're going to have, well not really. ok paint time. byebye, where is sancho, o maybe that's him. We're on break!!!
MARILYN: 4:15pm. I am at babs house. with tree and kirst. and sancho is on the way. there has been alot of, uh, things going on in that bed. very frightening. well i though so. now babs is readin over my shoulder. and rubbing my head. and now shes back to tree. where is sanch??? ah!!!!!!!!!!!!! at least ITS BREAK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

12-19-02
MARILYN: 9:43pm. So i might have a boyfriend. who really knows though. the new stuff though. The water main down the street broke. so w have this little brook going down the sidewalk and street. very quint. when its not flooding the driveway. so we had to block that off. me and mom that is, dear father was already asleep at 8pm. so we did that and chatted with the neighborhood who all came out for this event. all it was missing was someone selling lemonade and hot dogs. haha. so it was fun and all though because of murphy's law everyone whos hose was flooding was out of town. i shaved and bathed and put on deoderant so i should be ok if the water isn't on by morning. so now i might go do some hom work. aw, whats the use. i'll do this. babs and i have told frank that we are bisexuals. i'm not sure he gets it. pal, the one who was dating berry, is a bigot or something with a double standard us his ass and around the corner. i guess i'm done, the others nee me too....
MARILYN: 7:39pm. well mayeb I don't have a boy friend. babs and i went around at lunch asking the guys if it would be cool if we went lesbian for a week. most answered in the affirmative, though sancho looked a little stun after a blow to the nose from tree and chill said yes, but only if he could watch. boys are so weird. i just shaved. its been about a month. berry enjoyed the cool stuff i got her. the voodoo doll kit, emerson quote bookmark, and "undress your stress" the book. i thought it was funny. and i think she liked it. i sailed today. brendack was an ass. in the jacuzzi he was all like i never did anything mean to you in y own self interest so i don't know why you hate me. and i said that i was BULL SHIT an he got all huffy and silent, though he was mumbling to himself when i started making bad jokes for him. haha. binky and banana and i decided there is no point to life, unless binky can find one over break. i wish him luck though i'm not so optimistic. Jimmy Carter, you know, the former prez, won the nobel peace prize, just to piss off the the Bush Admin. In his acceptance speech, he totally went off on them for trying to make war, and how its an evil, but not nessecary. very cool. I think Carter has to be about the coolest guy ever. mostly the bush bashing, but also all the other peace keeping stuff hes done over the years. so i have to work for like a minute now, i'll be back.....

12-18-02
MARILYN: 9:51am. I am at school. I just finished my scarlet letter paper and thought i would spread the joy. it suck, the paper i mean. it really genuinly sucks, though just for sancho, my use of cliches was reduced to a minimum. i thought you'd appreciate that. any how i am at school. it is milk break now, i think, that or i'm missing the chem class i don't understand and have a double period test in tomorrow. pray that its milk break i guess. i'm sure none of you will find this interesting, well, maybe the stalkers, but i don't think i have a boy friend any more. i'm not as sad as you might think. confused on if i have one or not, but not sad, yet i guess. that'll come when i realize its over and i lost one of my best friends in the world. wow now i'm depressed. amazing how quickly reality hits you and calls you a whore. so i think i have to go to a class or something now. my "secret santa" has not shown up yet, so i think they probably got distracted. I hope this looks like work to the average librarian. oops. well, later so i'm not late, i already have 1 tardie today. bummer eh?? at least i got to sleep till 7:10. life was so good then. And now shit has happened. later gator.
MARILYN: 7:23pm. I turned in the paper. I'mnot religious, and i would not normally say this, but oh god pray that i get a good grade. i sooooo need it. ugh. so now i'm at home. after a long day of buying stuff for my secret santa and going to the dentist (which HURT) and going to the chiropractor, which didn't help as much as it normally does. i guess its good that i'm here now... cause i love you, whoever you are. and, bad news for the stalking comittee, i think i may have a boyfriend again. we went to IHOP this afternoon and talked a bit. so at least were going to be civil to each other for the duration of tahoe and all that. so this is good. trent lot is a poo hole. he should be replaced with a democrat. but i think thats just me. its such a bummer that the house, senate, and white house are all republicans. it does not represent the views of ALOT of people. i'm not sure about the supreme court, but we can only hope. i read an article in Ms. mag (yes i know thats sad) the other day that said that if one more super conservative anti abortion person goes into the courty thing then abortion might become illegal again. wouldn't that be horrible?? well i think so. i'm done for now. more later.
KIRSTEN: 7:50 PM just missed marilyn again. Had a soccer game and we won, it was really fun and muddy, coach gave us tongue compressors to scrape the mud off our shoes or to use mrs. monkeytwits favorite word we were "muckracking" get it, haha. I got especially congratulated by our coach at half time for always being in the open space and being where i should. I was all of a sudden popular, i got a hug and people looked at me and cheered me and stuff, kinda weird. Ok so ya i turned in the paper too. Marilyn i can't believe u think ur nothing now because ur not acing ap english and on jv whatever sport it is, probably sailing. That's dumb. You're even cooler now. At least u don't scare the crap out of me anymore with ur constant ordeals like freshmen year and you're nicer than i remember u being, not that u were mean or anything, and u r a good writer, especially of funny book club articles. OK so even if u sucked at everything and ur talent was underwater basket weaving u'd still be the coolest person ever. Now i'm using the website for inspirational speeches, that's not what it was intended for so back to my life. So i got home and my gramma told me i had a beautiful profile like she always wanted and not everyone has their chin and nose and head line up. Umm?? and so i was eating dinner and my dad and brother wisely left the table. HEre's the convo: mom: how long were u walking around the parking lot? gramma: about an hour Gramma: the jesuit's are the most educated catholic preists and they said taht the antichrist will come when the 20 and 30 year olds will see it but not us mom: what do u mean? gramma: blahblahblah well it won't happen for like another few years when i'm...(trails off depressingly) mom: well i want to know because we studied revelations last year and this is all the stuff we're learning. The antichrist could also come now because of all the turmoil going on (looks sternly at me as if i caused the war on iraq). gramma: ya... mom: some people also think the antichrist will be a government me: u mean the antichrist will be multiple people? mom: geeze, its just a theory me: well it seems a little weird gramma: and it will come when the whole world is going through horrible hardships, maybe pestilence or famine... mom: and he will have the answer gramma: he will have such leadership skills mom: yes and he will have all the answers... (u hear my brother screaming at my dad about being able to play his army computer game longer in the background as my mom grumbles and shakes her head) gramma: ya so then i turned off the radio and went in the house cause i was freezing cold, but it was such a good program, he was just on the radio. I think i need to get out my 20 yr old electric blanket. mom: rhonda has an electric blanket for just the foot of the bed gramma: she'd need that, for her disease me: rhonda has a disease? mom: ya it's scylersernsjnte gramma: ya sekuhktjnsd dad: u mean scylerria? gramma: it causes scarring everywhere mom: ya its auto immune right? dad:ummm mom: what was that disease our friend died of, with all the polops...in his organs? dad: ummmm, o u mean cher? mom: ya wasn't that autoimmune? dad: i thought it was an infection mom: o That's about the time i got up and left. Nice stuff to hear at the dinner table right? o my family is dysfunctional, way dysfunctional. U know what else is weird? Armageddon comes up as a dinner table convo topic about once a month, its one of my mom's favorite things to talk about. But i get the Bronco!!!!!!! This morning my mom asked me if i wanted to go get it this saturday!! she gave in!! I am so excited, i knew i'd get that car, even when it seemed hopeless, i knew we were destined for eachother, we're even the same age and everyone agrees its perfect, everyone's happy for me even though they don't know y i'd want a paintless, beat up, not running car. I love it though, even more than the goldfish named ellen. I want to marry the bronco, haha, we're going to have a beautiful relationship. I'll paint it and get it running and outfitted and clean and then wash it all the time, like every other week! O i luv u God!! i luv u Bronco!
MARILYN: 10:41pm. Wow, how to follow a gig like that. its like blink 182 (POSERS) coming after bad religion. only i'm not half as cool as either. and kirst, not to be a bitch, but don't get your hopes up about that not freshman year thing and i'm just as much of an ass as ever. you've come to accept my bithyness!!!! i love you kirstn!!!!!!! i love you baby poopi!!

12-17-02
KIRSTEN: 8:39 PM. Just missed marilyn, sorry i've been so absent. My parents are fighting in the other room about me being able to get the BRonco. My mom was crying about my dad wanting to please me (what's wrong with being nice to ur children) and how he's never there but he's always there. He finally got the courage to say that he can never say the right thing. I'm getting along with padoo. We were dancing outside and singing the song dancing in the moonlight and then we fell over. I was teasing him about his multiple girlfriends. He was trying to find someone to tease me about but it was hard. I'm gonna go for a run even though i already did in soccer. It's pretty outside, cold and windy and beautiful sky and clouds. Someone made lots of macaroons and other cookies, but the macaroons are best. someone went upstairs, probably my depressed mother who does nothing but complain about us cause it makes her feel right. bye.
MARILYN: 8:18pm. WEll i thought i posted sunday night, and mostly all i sadi was that the weekend sucked. it really did. so here i am telling, some person i dont even know, that i hate life and wish to die. isn't that sad?? sancho is at lordf the rings. there was a person named sancho in the book that lalex read for english. kirsten and i cracked up. everyone looked at us funny. it was a usual day. i got something cool from my " secret santa" who isnt really a secret (KIRST...). i have alot to do, so maybe i'll put something more up later. also, life is hell, and i hate it. or did i already say that?? oops. later gator.

12-13-02
MARILYN: 10:19pm. I am in the middle of packing for this weekend. i mentioned that right?? the regatta?? where i am silver A?? ya i thought so. i know you all care. so i have indeed realized that no one cares. you know what people thought of me freshman year?? they said i would be a famous writer. and now i'm failing english. they said i would be a famous athlete. now i'm JV. its funny to think that this was me. now its not, now there is no me. i'm so tired i can't type straight for like the 10th night in a row. i think i'm going to bed. i'll get back to all of you on sunday night... hopefuly since i might have too much home work. later gator.
MARILYN: 6:37pm. Its friday the 13th. i am at erins. i will add more later because i don't wanna now and i feel bad about abandoning the site for the weekend while i am in Newport. Sorry. Back around 10.

12-12-02
MARILYN: Tomorrow is the 13th, and a friday. ohhhh. i'm sick of caps, becasue i am writing my english essay. its actually going pretty well. i'm rather surprsed. so i got 3rd today at sailing. that means i get to choose whether i want to be Gold A alternate, or Silver A skipper. i think i'm going with silver a skip cause that will piss brendack off tremendously. and that is what i live for. i can't wait to sail with all the kids who think they are good and suck. wow i'm gonna have some fun! any hoo, if it gets really windy they'll move me up to gold a crew, with frankie, and we will rock the house!! they'll put bertha up with nice too, so i won't have to feel bad about it. shes really so much better than me, but people can't see through the fact that shes heavier. well, whetever. I BEAT BREDACK!!!!!!!!!! the seniors are hearing back from colleges that they applied early too. if i was going to hear back tonite at 3 am i would stay up. frank is not so inventive. he is just going to look before he leaves for school. bah humbug i say. so there. i think i'm going to stop now and do work. later gator. oh and don't expect to hear from kirst, she is alot more together than me and is acually writing her enlish paper. hasta.
KIRSTEN: 11:06 I am here despite doubt among the troops, I am doing my english essay. I did 3 pages in 2 hours and a quarter page in 2 hours. It's actually really good, i'm talking to marilyn and pal and sancho, i mean on IM. I have nothing interesting today. Soccer was fun, i fell asleep in history today again, i had 3 free periods today and did nothing, didn't study for our latin final and did some math but not nearly enough, i have a D- in that class right now, or worse. I feel sunburned but that's impossible, i probably scratched a zit on my back. I convinced Joius and Fichus and Marilyn to come to Young Life today at school. They were like freaking out that it would be religious, it was kinda funny. I think we had fun though, we played the step on each other's balloon's game, we weren't very good at it but we got pizza and soda. Fichus said he'd only come if it wasn't pizza hut and it was the one week we had pizza hut, kinda funny. Lana on the bus tonight, we talked a lot, we haven't talked in a long time, i love talking to lana, she's very smart. Bibly study and car rally tomorrow, marilyn will be chick bonding with babs and others. I have to read 2 novels and like do reports make a 6 page outline on my paper i haven't started researching, and study for my latin final by monday. I don't wanna go to bed so this is procrastinating, not to be mean or anything, i wonder if anyone reads this ever. sign the guestbook if u do. bye.

12-11-02
KIRSTEN: 9:09 PM. GOod thing marilyn wrote the date cause i didn't go to snack bar, everyone including me brought cookies. I wrote an entire feature article in 1 period plus 45 minutes so like an hour and a half. It's one character over the amount needed. 4248 instead of 4247. Soccer was fun again except babs was working on her dental hygeine, haha. Too bad, she missed header and boob ball day. Well Steeny and I had fun, i made her fall over from laughing and some freshman thought the ball knocked her over. Steeny was yelling cause we didn't run our laps in formation. We had to run 3 laps today, i'm getting shinsplints again. I'm really tired and its late and my mom likes to dictate people's lives because she does nothing with her own and i read this book almost all the way through about this guy in special ed who gets stood up for prom by this girl he loves and then his dog gets hit by a car while he's ditching school and he drives it to the vet without knowing how to drive. Well he runs into a trash can when a light shines in his eyes and almost gets arrested and the policeman thinks his name is ed cause he said he's special ed and he likes amphibians and has recurring dreams about when his sister drowned when he was little and tries to talk to her. OK fun fun. I have 3 free periods tomorrow cause mr. t is at a robot convention and said we could have the double period off. I can do my HW then, and my studying for my latin final which is now which is weird. The article i wrote today is the crappiest, most boring, most i don't care what its about i have no energy and no tome kinda thing ever. DOn't read the BAGLS article if u even make it to the center spread of the paper. I can't deal with math now, i got a d- on the wuiz and like failed the take home quiz and am behind in the packets cause i was at the salty lake. Gonna try to find this prom dress i saw online.
MARILYN: 6:36pm. I was just told for 20 mintues that i will never be responsible enough to drive myself or any other living things more than 20 miles from home. thank god they don't know about the LJ grill outs. ba..... humbug. i had to change my tune, sorry babs. so i hate life and have too much home work and hate life. oh, and i hate life. did i already mention that?? i think really i just hate the society in which we live. my mom was telling me all the more responsible people that will be driving there also and in the list was: backa, bredack, and mr. mathin. oh and also bobbie. fuck, one of then speeds, alot, one of them wrapped their mercedes around a tree and doesn't even drive anymore, one of them doesn't believe in the holocaust, and one of them i refuse to spend 2 hours in a car with. fuck them. i'm responsible. i haven't dinged the car at all. i mea really, when will hey trust me?? never?? the week afer that?? i think i'm just oing to break my curfew alot, they will never notice. and if they do, i'll just tell them to fuck off and drive off into the sunset. that would be grand therf auto, but see if i care. i'll go to san fran and buy new plates for it, and then go where ever i want to, montana, wyoming, maine, and never come back. they would never hear from me again. we'd all be happy....
MARILYN: 6:13pm. I just got my outside reading book. after reading the cover,it sounds extraordinarily dumb and romance novel like. i don't have any idea how i will justify this books place with classics and so on. like good one. haha. ok so i might get to drive to newport. ok brb.

12-10-02
KIRSTEN: 9:21 PM. I only know the date cause i went to the snack bar. We had singing enrichment today and all i could think was how much i do not like Ms. Carmon and how she ruins peoples lives. Marilyn and I are gonna take tap sometime maybe cause its funny and she has to do art. We talked to Pose about devil tennis coach and he listened and told us we'd have a novice team next year and we'd be on it and devil coach would still be there basically because he's too lazy for anything else. O well. So soccer was fun. Babs and steeny and i are captains, our coach told us we need to be positive and peppy and stuff as part of our job. It's really hard to cheer someone on after someone tells u that, u can never really be sincere again. I made a ball duty schedule. Steeny told me i was responsible but she sounded like arnold swarchenager and then we talked about our collective group of balls. Sancho's been at school 2 days in a row. He told me my hip was not my butt. The phone's really really loud right now. I saw Mr. T before the chem test. We watched the lord of the rings preview and listened to spanish music, a sophmore laughed at my head bobbing (i do it unconciosuly now). My mom just came and talked to my gramma on the phone so i got a cookie, don't know y she had to use this one. She's so annoying. I swear i just asked if i could go to Vegas before Christmas to look at the Bronco and she went off on her "things are different now", "did she say that before or after my brother died.", it's not all about you and your car right now" I wanted to say "well its not just about you and your self pity either" You'd think something like this would bring us together but we're fighting so much more now and i'm even trying, but she's just such an obnoxious person. mt brother just came in and i said i'd be on the computer till like 11 cause i'm doing a US hist outline and he left the door open cause he knows i hate that. A bit ago my mom almost had a nervous breakdown cause she couldn't find my dog. He was outside "socializing" with some girl dog. Haha she was like "all we need right now is to lose Java" with tears in her eyes and everything, i couldn't help laughing to myself cause we go through this "omigosh we lost the dog" about every week. This morning she had a nervous breakdown cause we missed the bus cause she woke us up like 20 min later than when we need to get up for the bus and didn't tell us we were taking the bus till then. SHe said "why would i drive u to school?" i wanted to say "i dunno, to be nice, ur husband does it" She was like screaming at me, speeding, banging the steering wheel, cussing (which she never does) and directing it all at me because my shower was too long. Whatever. I want my dad to come back although he's been touchy lately too. He yelled at me for not trying to get directions off the college board website (where they obviously do not have them) my family sux. My brother's such a jerk and so ugly (maybe he just looks ugly to me cause he's ugly inside) My dog even just sits around doing nothing for food and back massages and every once in awhile runs off with a girl doggy (aka bitch, literally) I heard a car slam, maybe dad's home!! no, neighbors, ok back to history, sorry that was so long.

12-09-02
MARILYN: 8:27pm. I am watching the billboard music awards with my brother and dog. I'm not sure it gets much worse. Oh, the phone is ringing. A break in the monotony. Its frank. Oh weell. hahaha, just kidding if you're reading this, i like you alot. Frank is cncerned about a certain Babs. Woah, cool. So ya nothing really happened today. Word. My family sucks. Make my brother die a horribe death. and then my parents. and then me and the dog will live happily ever after. the end. oh if only it were the end. why am i so fucking fucked up?? fuck this. i hate my life!!!! kirsten, get out of your bible thing, we're aving some chick bonding, no boys. wild eh?? i thought so. we'll do something that involves walking, since berry, yes the infamous berry, will be joining us. and babs, como siempre. so it'll be fun. ya know, one thing did happen today. career day. god all mighty, it was DULL!!! if i grow up, I want to be something interesting. something that sounds cool to high schoolers. none of the careeres mentioned sounded like any fun at all. The agriculture lady, who we thought would be cool, turned out to be a dud. it was one of the worst 30 mintues of my life. the hotel one was a little better, but still, all we did was gossip about teachers. and we found out you don't go into the hotel business for money. all the normal kids went to things called "marketing" and "business finance" and "law", but i bet they had no fun also. just cause i wanna be a lawyer (for the moment, i doubt this is a lasting career) doesn't mean i wanna waste and hour of my day going to lecture put on by bish grad who realy couldn't care less and are only doing because of alumni pressure like kirstens mom, only replace alum with parent. like, fuck. I hate life. Alumni and parents and teahers and friends, they ass suck monkey butt. I wish i could be full of life like frida. she was a cripple with a bitch assed husband and was so happy, she lived each day. and i am a punk assed bitch who sit around typing to you, no that i don't like you, but its not a real life. i hate my life. it seems like everything that becomes a pattern, becomes normal, ends up stopping. how will i hold done a job, when its quantity not quality?? fuck fuck fuck.

12-8-02
MARILYN: 8:32pm. I saw Frida with Sancho and Babs. It was good except even Sancho thought there was a bit too much sex. Naturally, I agreed. After Sancho left to do his thang, Babs and I had CPK and it was alright, but very very chain foody. i'm kinda in the wrong mood for this, more after english paper is written.
KIRSTEN: 4:24 PM. My obnoxious brother was just sitting in here to piss me off. I just locked him out but he's good at picking locks and loves to piss me off more than anything in the world. he could be the antichrist, his birthday is 6-6 by the way. Haha. the salty lake was interesting, i went to a mortuary and saw some dead bodies (theyhad free mortuary calendars), the people that worked there were actually really nice, they gave me and my cousin sodas and said not to tell where we got them, Then i went to a funeral. There were lots of flowers and lots of people, i talked to my cousin, i met the nice lady i talked to on the phone, i met my aunt's childhood sweetheart, and my gramma's really old friend, who kept weirdly smiling at me and my cousin, and lots of people, including my second cousins (they're 3 year old triplets). Me and my cousin and my brother all slept on one couch instead of all having our own beds, we all slept in my brothers clothes too cause we had none. I gave my cousin (the one who's dad died) my zebra, zed spot, she smiled (the only time i saw her smile) and we gave her cards and a huge teddy bear, she gave us hugs. My aunt (her step mom) never cried and said she might take a job that travels a lot cause there's no reason for her to stay now, pretty sad. alright moving on. Ok so anyway ya winter formal was fun, even though i wasn't expecting it to be, those are always the funnest. O took the SAT too, i think i did good. Sorry Marilyn that u wasted ur time on sailing or whatever. At least ur nice though. You could teach sailing without being the best in the world. u r a very nice teacher, i might add, everyone would love u, u'd be the coolest sailor ever and get payed for being nice and riding around in a boat telling people what to do, not that that should be a career or anything but it would be fun. FOr a career ur managing our bed and breakfast. That awards ceremony sounds crappy, like most awards ceremony. I just saw my mom has the laminated article with me in it about community service that was in the carlsbad newspaper or something, she never showed it to me cause i would get mad. Its so dumb. Ok anyway, i haven't done my article, i'm so screwed, and thats important, they need that article. I have so much homework, i went to lunch with Smellen when i woke up at around noon. I still have gothic mascara on me. She wants Babs to come to this all city club thing tomorrow night, she says babs seems like a really cool person, not that everyone else isn't too. So i did some latin till they decided to get the christmas decorations out of the attic and the hole to get up there is in my closet. I'll describe yesterday. I went to babs' house after the SAT and eating and buying a strapless bra (and keeping the change). We hung out, i tried to do my make up and failed miserably, and we spent 31 dollars on her dads Vons card on food that we didn't eat. Then we drove to Mr Juice early and told the guy there (who is babs and marilyn's close personal friend by now) that we would get the broccoli soup in a while, nasty. We wrote on the car windows that each other stank and then we called marilyn like 50 times till she got there. We got the soup and went to the pitch black beach in the mercedes with the tinted windows. We ate in darkness while chill and pee talked about computer games cause they were too cool to talk about real life. Then we made cider and stuff and then we went to Chill's house to change. That was fun, there was a speedo on the door knob it was gross and changed locations several times. Then after we ripped chill and pee from their computer games we were off. I acquired chill as my date because babs had 2 half dates and i had none, i even got a corsage and we kinda matched, haha. So ya we went. I totally cleaned up on this formal. I got a corsage, a date, someone's jacket for a bit, and danced 3 dances, without even planning it, i could be popular, haha. Well then again it wasn't really my date or my corsage, it was frank's jacket and i danced with my "date" and Fichus, haha. O well. i took my bra and shoes off in the car on the way home cause it was painful. Ok well thats my life. time for more latin translation. I write way too much all the time. I have to do a LUpis Nuntti soon, i wrote like 2 pages of one. farewell my adoring fans.

12-07-02
MARILYN: 1:19am. It just occured to me that I should start a new day for this, as it is sunday. But I am far too lazy. I just got back from winter formal. It was fun, I guess. Those eyes, he keep giving me this hurt sad oh my god look with his eyes. I won't say who, sorry, but oh my god, i thought i was gonna cry. I couldn't even return the glance. He just stared into my soul, into my deepest darkest self, sadly stared. I should write a poem, Sadly Stared. Not that it would be good, words cannot describe the guilt, remorse, sadness that flooded my viens with every glance. Dear god, I wish I could sleep tonite, but his eyes haunt me, so I cannot release.....
MARILYN: 2:40pm. I just took a shower. And now my quitting thing makes more sense. Now I'm seeing it like smoking. It felt good, but would only make me fall apart in the long run, or at least thats what happens to most sailors. And plus, now I know what I'm going to be. I'm going to go to law school and be a politicain. Doesn't that sound fun!!!!!!!! Plus this way I can go to law school with babs. Wouldn't we have fun?? Well i hope so since its my new career. But I'm too damn lazy to change my Bio page so deal, k? good, now I have to go get ready for formal. Only like 6 more hours.

12-06-02
MARILYN: 11:37pm. I just figured it out. The only way to get around this damn sailing thing, is to get out of it. I'm quitting club. I'll still do HS, since its all point based, and I guess I have to finish Shadden with Frank, but after that I'm done. I will never be good enough to get away from my last name and win trophies, so why even bother?? better to just get out of the way for the people who still have a chance. Like tonite, the hirl who won most improved intermediate was all stoaked, and I remembered winning that how ever many years ago. And now I'm seeing the significance. Its time to pass the torch to the next generation of mediocre sailors. I never thought I'd say this, but if I can't win, why bother?? I'm just bringing other people down with me. Aren't I sad?? Isn't it terrible what its come to?? I can't sail unless I win, so I guess I can't sail. Well, it was fun while it lasted. No, I take that back. I didn't have any fun at all. I've hated it for so long now, why do I even keep this up? Maybe if my last name were Campbell or Reynolds or something, then I would have a chance even if I wasn't good. But me, as I am, I'm done. Kinda sad how long I wasted on this to give up now. So I'm sitting in my computer room now, and this is the first time in my entire life I've had no direction at all. None. My life is blank and I should have been tkaing notes. In short, I'm screwed.
MARILYN: 9:20pm. Tonite was the trophy dinner for the YC. I hate it. Its so goddamn useless. Its like they all get together and award themselves go being individuals who are alive. Needless to say I'm not very in on this stuff. Because I not so much into that whole thing with being in a clan that totally ignores about 95% of the people in this world. I mean, they gave about 5 people 30 or so awards. There were about 100 kids there hoping to get something. It just pisses me off. I was hoping, uselessly I might add, that I would be given an award, I mean, if there were an award named after me or my dead kid i would give it to some one who was 1) not related to me (we seemed to have a problem wiht that), 2) not getting 1000 other awards, 3) A genuinely nice person, not a person related to some people who are rich. So in short, life still sucks, i ahte it, i read part of the bible in Job that backs me up by the way. Yup, later doods, love you all.

12-05-02
MARILYN: 9:19pm. I did the OG interview today. It took the whole period, but we got to gossip a bit so it was fun. But I'm way behind on the old HW so i'll be bakc later mayeb.

12-4-02
KIRSTEN: 6:45 PM. yes i am leaving again for a body of water that's salty, hmm. I'm going to the funeral. Marilyn's the best friend ever, she's interviewing for me and she's talking to my teachers, even Mr. Down, and thank u so much marilyn, u were so sweet too, u just made everything so much better, luv ya. I'm leaving tomorrow, i'm trying to get back friday night cause i don't think we should stew in our misery and I think we need our lives to stay normal like they were, that's why formal and the SAT are all of a sudden super important to me. I think i'm over the death part. My advisor was waiting for me at the end of the snack bar line and told me she was sorry, somebody put a note in her box. I wonder who told her and who knows? A certain Phiz knew too, i didn't tell her, she heard it from someone. I guess i shouldn't be complaining i freakin posted it on the internet. Phiz was harrasing my brother. I talked to snordan's mother (i thought she had a new car but she didn't) when she picked of piffin and she knew about it and is bringing us dinner, our neighbor knew about it too, probably from her and they probably know cause i told snordan. It all links back to me and i'm making huge deals out of it. I have random urges to hug people lately. There are headless humongous nutcrackers outside of the Christmas tea room. What kind of a school has a christmas tea and what kind of reporter agrees to go to it to take pictures for their school newspaper, well i'm not going cause i'm not gonna be there anyway. Who can eat on the beach in december anywhere but here. I hope my cousins are ok. I hope i can go to formal. I actually have been enjoying this time with just my dad and brother and they're actually being nice and this will really pull our family together and cut the crap. My mom doesn't care what i'm doing, i actually feel sorry for her, really really sorry. Puke (sorry i couldn't resist it was a funny name) told me that someone said they liked my writing cause of the dry humor, i thought it was funny cause i don't think i'm a very dry humor kind of person, that's for Marilyn. But marilyn agreed that i was totally sarcastic, i guess i am. At least someone likes my writing and he said he hadn't heard anyone compliment anyone elses writing but that was between us. Too bad, now anyone with a computer can virtually see it. I wonder if that's where the word virtually came from. Luv u marilyn, my brother's throwing stuff at me, so much for him being nice, ok still launching, he just picked the lock. bye, ok he's a jerk, he's hurting me
MARILYN: 6:05pm. So once again our darling Kirsten must leave us. This time for a lake that is rather salty. Does that give it away? Well, just promise you won't stalk her and I won't change it. Very well then. This time she must leave because her uncle died, as you probably read, or didn't, its not like there is a test at the end of the website. Though maybe there should be one... Anyhow I'm in the middle of a living sweater hell. Some one took the wrong size and someone took one that isn't even on the freaking team, or something like that. Anyhow, now I have to call everyone and ask about it. Which sucks, I hated our damn tennis team. So in conclusion, Kirsten will be gone through at least friday night, and hopefully she'll be home for formal, her dad is pulling for that, but maybe she won't. I trust you all to get out your bibles, dusty as they may be, and pray that Kirst can come chill with us for formal. It seems I have to go eat thanksgiving dinner now. Yes I know its a few days late, but with the water out and all, it is now for us. Woo fucking hoo.

12-3-02
MARILYN: 8:40pm. "i never thought i'd say marilyn's was less depressing, o well." Wow. thats amazing. But i also am depressing. I though of someting to say driving home, but promptly forgot it. sorry. something about how everyone is always on a band wangon and if you can't be an individual its not worth living. well, its not. So there. I hate it. I am such a good girl though, i haven't done it in like forever. like two weeks. Wooo. Also, i hate humanity. everyone is a braggart. ooo, look at me, i'm doing this. Fuck you. Ya so. I feel bad for Kirst. I did good on my english BS. Yay me. According to Hilbilly, even cartigan gave me an A, which is rare because shes a bitch and grades really fucking hard. Like Mrs. English Teacher the 2nd. I mean fuck. Ok, so Kirst really was in love with tree, and i am fat and well, its a pretty accurate drawing so its only fair that you have plumber boobs because i have a huge ass and erin its like tiny. You'll see.
KIRSTEN: 7:02 PM. My uncle died. Yesterday. He had a heart attack. We were on vacation with him last weekend which is why i ignored you. His poor daughter, my cousin and his sisters (my mom and aunt) and his wife and his mother (my gramma) We just saw him. I might not be able to go to formal cause of his funeral, in fact i probably won't. I probably won't be taking the SAT either. It makes me mad. All of a sudden formal and the SAT are the most important things in the world. I don't want my life in uproar. Smellen called me and we talked a bit. My cousin Snowey called last night but i was in bed. She emailed me, i emailed her back. We have to talk. She's in the same position as i am. That's what she said. What's gonna happen to pelsea and lannon. O i hope they're ok, they won't be and my gramma, she's always so happy. I hope she doesn't start becoming like my other gramma. This is the second uncle in like 2 years. Both parents have lost a brother. My neighbor's here, i wonder if she's here to comfort or what. I didn't make a big deal about it at school because i don't like people treating me differently. Everyone in my family is hysterical. I made a decision in the shower though. There's nothing i can do about it except be strong for everyone else and trust God because he obviously knows whats going on better, he can see eternity. He's probably talking to kory right now (i don't have to disguise his name, he's dead, he can't have stalkers now) At least our family's pulling together, we'll become closer, we'll become more mature and better people for it, maybe some more good will come of it. I'm almost happy with this decision, i have a purpose and i know its right, its my calling to be strong since i'm probably the only one distant enough right now to be strong. I sound so cheesy, o well. I don't really care. Life's different now, i notice lots of stuff and i cherish life more. O this is getting more and more cliched. Ok well my lesson of the day is to read Marilyn's funnier and less depressing stuff instead of mine, i never thought i'd say marilyn's was less depressing, o well.
KIRSTEN: 7:23 PM SOme lady called that was my mom's friend in jr high, she was really nice and said she was so sorry about my uncle and everything. She had a southern accent. She was like the nicest person i've ever heard. OK anyway i read marilyn's comments. Number 1 i'm offended that i have the plumber look on someone's wall. NUmber 2, Marilyn's so not fat, i have the love handles and the only reason i look good in that dress is its black so u can't see my fatness. Number 3 i was not madly in love with a certain pee/tree, she's like my brother, she invents crushes that i had for kicks. Its kinda funny, at least my brother has a reason cause i tease him. I looked up the nice lady with the southern accent in my mom's old yearbook. She's pretty, so is my mom. This is their yearbook from when they were jrs. My mom reminds me of my cousin for some reason. O gosh she was really pretty, y didn't i get any of that. O well i guess the less i'm like her the better. She drew a gotee and wrote what an ugly dog on this one guy's picture, supposedly he like stalked her, that's what she said, and she wrote the fly on this other guys picture, he does kinda look like a fly. OMIGOSH there's this one guy that looks exactly like Frank (u know marilyn's one) Holy crap! It's uncanny! I'm gonna go look up all these people on the internet, there's one that looks like a girl in a movie i just saw. My mom looks so familiar, it's kinda weird cause she doesn't look like herself really, she's like the prettiest one, in a weird way. ok bye. o wait i found a seven mcsneezy too on the football team, scary. I found the nice lady's entry in her yearbook. It's the longest one. She was on yearbook staff too and a jr scholar or something like that. My mom was in ski club, that's all. I think that was the school she had to leave in the middle of the year to move.

12-02-02
MARILYN: 9:47pm. I have too much homework. BBB should die a horrible death for making us research at all. Poo on her butt. And Kirsten's mom's. Kirst can't go to Hawaii, which would have been fun. Kirst is back, and everyone is aflutter (is that a word??) with formal bull shit. We are going to ramen, and any one who wants can join us at the marriage knoll at the shore, e-mail me if you want directions. I guess thats it for now, I wanna go to bed but I've got more shit and can't put anymore of it off.

12-01-02
MARILYN: 11:13am. Its a new month so I guess that means I have to move all the old junk. Woo fucking hoo. But I'll tell you about last night before I do that. Also, there was an error with the dates, but I fixed that reaizing that there is only one 28th of November. So last night, after all the painting. So there was some Tree humping and all that but finally Sancho got out of shopping and helped me to remain sane for a bit. The he left to play polo and I was again alone. Chill was in Fallbrook, Kirst in Jerusamlem, and me in a bedroom where Tree and Babs were like, ugh, nevermind then. So we stopped painting not long after Sancho left, and got soup at Senor Juice and smoothies too. Who would do a thing like that?? Then we got rid of Tree since it was his sister's, Fanny Pack, last night in town before she went back to boarding school. So we ate, and then got Sancho again by waiting at his car. We followed him home and convinced him to go out with us instead of Chair and Snalex. Very difficult I might add. So then we got Tree again and went to Belmont Park and road the Coaster and wasted some money in the arcade and come out of it with a bouncy ball and a key chain. Very cool I might add. So we couldn't decide what to do next so we went to Fanuel Park and rode the swings and it was good except for when we all started mocking Marilyn's ghetto booty and Tree slapped it and I took the liberty of bitching him out, but he didn't seem to mind as he was humping Babs at the time. Not like he wasn't most of the time. You get the picture. So we next went to In and Out, which has good fries and exellent shakes, not that Snacho chose to share of anything. So then we took the longest short cut ever and dropped the boys off and sped home and poof, we went to bed. And got up early the next morning, much to Marilyn's displeasure.

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