28 HUMOROUS THINGS TO THINK ABOUT
1. Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me,
for I may not follow. Do
not walk beside me, either; Just leave me the hell alone.
2. The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and a
flat tire.
3. It's always darkest before dawn. So if you're going to steal your
neighbor's newspaper that's the
time to do it.
4. Don't be irreplaceable; if you can't be replaced, you can't be
promoted.
5. No one is listening until you make a mistake.
6. Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else.
7. Never test the depth of the water with both feet.
8. It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a
warning to others.
9. It is far more impressive when others discover your good qualities
without your help.
10. If you think nobody cares if
you're alive, try missing a couple of car payments.
11. Before you criticize someone,
you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you
criticize them, you're
a mile away and you have their shoes.
12. If at first you don't
succeed, skydiving is not for you.
13. Give a man a fish and he will
eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and
drink beer all day.
14. If you lend someone $20, and
never see that person again, it was probably worth it.
15. Don't squat with your spurs
on.
16. If you tell the truth, you
don't have to remember anything.
17. If you drink, don't park,
accidents cause people.
18. Some days you are the bug,
some days you are the windscreen.
19. Don't worry, it only seems
kinky the first time.
20. Good judgment comes from bad
experience, and a lot of that comes from bad judgment.
21. The quickest way to double
your money is to fold it in half and put it back in your pocket.
22. A closed mouth gathers no
foot.
23. Timing has an awful lot to do
with the outcome of a rain dance.
24. Duct tape is like THE FORCE;
it has a light side and a dark side, and it holds the universe
together.
25. There are two theories to
arguing with women. Neither one works.
26. Generally speaking, you
aren't learning much when your mouth is moving.
27. Experience is something you
don't get until just after you need it.
28 Never miss a good chance to
shut up.