When they got to her apartment Amber immediately started to cook lunch hoping that it would help calm her down. Iwata jumped up and down and barked at Kerry for a few minutes before giving up and hopping on the couch to go to sleep. Kerry hung her coat up by the door and then walked into the kitchen where Amber was slicing up some mushrooms to use in a soba dish. She ate one slowly feeling tears coming to her eyes once more but she quickly forced them to go away as she put a pot of water on the stove to boil.

“Do you want some?” She said her voice was still quite shaky and she went to the refrigerator to get out a can of diet soda, she knew she wasn’t supposed to drink it because of the baby but right now she didn’t really care.

“What are you making?” Weaver replied watching the woman as she went from stable to break down every few minutes. Amber got some cilantro and green onions from the refrigerator along with two cans of diet coke, she set one of the cans down by Weaver and went back to making herself some food. Kerry picked up the can and looked at it for a moment before opening it and taking a long drink.

“A soba dish…” She paused and went back to the refrigerator and took out a container of cooked brown meat and set it on the counter by the mushrooms. “It has green onions, mushrooms, soba noodles, a bit of cilantro, some garlic oil, and I’m adding in eel even though you can add chicken or well just about any other meat you can think of.” She soon added the soba noodles to the boiling water and opened her can of coke taking three big gulps before setting it back down.

“Sounds interesting…if you want me to leave I’m sure Romano is waiting to chew me out back at the hospital.” Kerry said taking another drink of coke before setting the can back down on the counter that she was standing next to. Shizu padded into the kitchen and hopped up on the counter where the eel was and started to paw at the container.

“Don’t leave that’s the last thing I want.” McKay replied softly as she drained the noodles and took out two small white bowls, a pair of nice looking chopsticks, and a fork for Kerry because she wasn’t exactly sure if she knew how to use chopsticks or not. “Go sit down I’ll bring it out in a moment.” Kerry nodded and grabbed her drink before going to sit down at the table in the other room. She didn’t have the first idea what to say to Amber but she would listen and sometimes that was the best thing anyone could do. Soon she came out of the kitchen and set a dish in front of Weaver and then sat down on the opposite side of the table to eat her food. It wasn’t until she had picked up her chopsticks that she realized she was starving. She started to eat quickly eyeing Kerry every so often to see if she actually like the food, Weaver was amazed at how simple the dish was and yet how wonderful it tasted.

Amber took a long drink of her coke and then picked out a piece of eel and held it out to Shizu who was on the floor begging for it. Weaver wasn’t such a big cat fan but it was obvious to her that Amber loved her animals so she guessed she would be able to put up with them for a little while.

“So, you speak Japanese?” Weaver said before taking another bite of food, Amber finished chewing and swallowing hers and took another drink to clear her throat before speaking.

“Yeah, I read and write it too. I was raised in Okinawa.” She nodded and took a few more bites of food before setting her chopsticks down. She finished her can of coke and got up so she could go make herself some oolong tea. A few minutes later she came back with a tray that had a traditional Japanese tea set on it. “People think I’m odd but this is how I was raised and I really like it you know?” Weaver finished her food and nodded, it wasn’t such a bad way to live it was just interesting since most of America had modernized there culture. Amber was right, Weaver thought, because people who grew up on a farm usually wanted to live on one or the people who grew up in the city usually ended up living in one or near by. Of course there were always exceptions, like the people who grew up in the city and decided to work on a farm but it made sense that Amber would want to keep the Japanese style. Amber poured two cups of tea and set one down in front of Weaver sort of just assuming that she would want some. She picked up her cup and drank some slowly because it was still incredibly hot.

“Actually I like it, it’s unique, and besides the food seems to be much healthier then pizza.” Weaver said picking up her cup of tea and taking a sip, it was pretty good but like most Americans, she wasn’t used to drinking tea with out sugar. Amber smiled at Weaver and her thoughts began to drift to the kiss they had shared in the car before coming there. They sat in silence for a while but it certainly wasn’t uncomfortable silence.

“I don’t know what I’m going to do…” Amber suddenly burst out in tears looking down at her belly which wasn’t quite extended yet. She knew there was a baby in there all she had to do was look down there was no question in her mind. She hadn’t told anyone about the circumstances of which she became pregnant or why she waited for three months to get tested when she was positive within the first two weeks that she was carrying a baby. Her ex boyfriend, well fiancé, had desperately wanted to have a child with her and when she left him to be on her own he got angry. So he started to routinely attack her once a month, he knew her ovulation cycle and he figured that eventually he would get lucky. Three months ago he did get lucky and she told him she was pregnant and he stopped, but she knew he would be watching her and the moment she gave birth everything was gonna go to hell. She didn’t want to call the police because she was afraid of what he might do to her or her friends if he knew. “This isn’t fair.”

“You know there are a lot of options you can look into Amber, you aren’t alone…I’m here.” Kerry reached out her hand and placed it on top of Amber’s gently. Amber looked up and sniffed a little before wiping her eyes with her other hand. Her eyes connected with Weaver’s for a split second and then she let them move away, but Kerry picked up Amber’s hand in hers and started to kiss it softly. McKay was so venerable at this point she didn’t care if Weaver was doing this simply to get her into bed or because she really cared. Amber stood up slowly and Weaver followed stepping towards her before they both embraced in a passionate kiss. For a moment everything was the way it should be, she found a woman to love, and a woman to protect her, for a moment everything looked like it was going to be okay, if only she knew that a few weeks later she would have a broken heart.

About two weeks later everything was seemingly going great if you were to ask Dr. Weaver that is, she wouldn’t admit to it publicly but she was now practically living at Amber’s apartment. She only had a few minutes left on her shift and she was watching the clock and silently praying that nothing would happen within the three minutes she had left, but just as she was thinking that Romano came up behind her and tapped her on the shoulder.

“We got a problem in exam room one, apparently there are two women making out in the third bed and the guy in the second bed is touching himself, the woman in the first bed was the only one complaining so go in there and break it up.” He said starting to walk away like that was a perfectly normal request, Kerry turned and looked at him quite annoyed that he would choose her to do this and not a perfectly good med student.

“Why me?” She said glancing back up at the clock only two minutes till her shift was over, at least this wasn’t a trauma or anything.

“Seems like your area…have fun.” With that he turned the corner leaving Weaver to wonder how she was supposed to go about her final task of the night shift. She walked over to exam room one and opened the door she could hear the women behind the third curtain which made her wonder who would choose to make out in an exam room when there were other options, many other options. She pulled back the curtain swiftly getting ready to yell at the women expecting them to be teenagers with raging hormones but what she saw nearly left her speechless. Amber was the first one she recognized and her shirt was pushed up over the top of her bra, when the woman who was straddling her on the bed turned to see what was going on Weaver recognized her as none other then Kim Legaspi.

“Oh…hi Kerry.” she said with a smile trying to pretend like there was absolutely nothing wrong with what she was doing. Weaver didn’t know who to be mad at, she knew that Amber probably could have refused this but she placed the blame on Kim for initiating it in the first place. It was really a spur of the moment thing they kissed, and one thing lead to another rather quickly. Amber pulled her shirt down and sat up quickly gently moving Kim out of her way.

“You…this…” Weaver paused so she could maintain proper breathing, she couldn’t believe how enraged she was over this, “Both of you should be ashamed of yourselves! You are both professionals…how did this even start?”

“Well…”

“No, shut up I don’t want to know how this started just get the hell out of here before this guy pulls a muscle.” She snapped pointing at the guy who was behind curtain two he didn’t even seem to hear her he just kept his eyes on the two fairly attractive women who were making out just moments ago. Kerry turned and left the room as fast as she could and Amber looked at Kim and then at the man who was touching himself. Then she started to walk out of the room her face red with humiliation and anger, anger over the fact that she wasn’t able to control herself enough to say no.

“Wait Amber.” Kim said following the distraught woman into the hall, “There is a good explanation for all of this.”

“Like?”

“I used to date her so she…well if you can call it dating. Anyway that’s probably why she’s so mad and I had heard rumors about you two but I thought that they were just rumors.” Kim whispered as she followed Amber towards the lounge, Amber was hoping to catch up with Weaver so they could sort all of this out she truly felt terrible about this.

“How is that explaining anything?” Amber said angrily running her fingers through her hair trying to make it look like she wasn’t just fooling around. She reached into her pocket and pulled out a small mirror to check for makeup smudges or lipstick prints. She licked one of her fingers gently and started to clean up her face as best she could.

“I know about Kerry,” Kim said grabbing Amber’s free arm and pulling her to a stop, “Let me guess, she says that you two are in a relationship and yet she’ll deny it to the rest of the free world and on top of that she’s not as affectionate as you want because she is still denying to herself that she likes women there for you look for affection anywhere you can get it.” Amber had studied psychology too and even though she didn’t know nearly as much as Dr. Legaspi she did know that her theory held a lot of water. She sighed deeply and put a hand on her forehead suddenly feeling like she might burst out in tears.

“I feel like such an idiot.” Amber whispered as she slipped her mirror back into her pocket, Kim knew Weaver and it was almost like Kim knew her too. She didn’t want to have to make a choice over this, the choice should have been obvious, but she didn’t know what she wanted. How could she stay with a woman who by all accounts publicly denied any connection to her, she never really denied that she dated women and things came crashing down when her last girlfriend kissed her in the middle of the ER but she was determined to keep their relationship a secret. She loved Kerry or at least she thought she was falling in love with the woman but then she met Kim and she couldn’t believe how strong of a connection they had made in just a few moments alone.

“No matter what you decided Dr. McKay, I’ll always be here, I’ll always be affectionate, and most of all, I’ll always give you the attention you deserve.” Kim whispered moving in closer to Amber, her lips so close and so inviting that McKay moved in and kissed her softly.

“Don’t do that here!” Romano yelled from across the room where he was watching them, Amber laughed a little finding it odd that he wasn’t like every other man who would encourage them to continue making out. She was glad that the hospital was basically dead, it was probably the fact that it was 2:30 in the morning. Unlike Weaver Amber still had three more hours before she could go home but she was coming up on her first much deserved break so she decided she would go have something to drink, she wanted coffee but she knew that it would be bad for the baby. She stepped into the lounge, and sensing that Kerry would be in there Kim was smart enough to make herself scarce. The first thing Amber saw was Weaver sitting with her elbows on the table in front of her and her head in her hands.

“Kerry…I’m,”

“Don’t talk to me, don’t even…” She stood up and started to get her coat on, Amber’s lower lip trembled she didn’t want to be alone when she came home she didn’t want to sleep by herself. Sure Iwata, Shizu, and Yoko were more then happy to pile onto her once she crawled under the covers but it wasn’t the same as having another person there to hold her.

“Kerry please just…” She stepped forward and started to reach out her hand to place on Weaver’s shoulder but it was quickly slapped away and not gently either. Weaver sneered at Amber and turned her head before walking out of the door. Amber sat down and looked at her hands for a moment before the first tears came, it wasn’t long before Kim was in there to comfort her. She sat down and put her arm around Amber and ran her fingers through her hair softly not saying anything just being there. This brought McKay to think about her relationship with Kerry, was she so unhappy that she wasn’t able to control herself when it came to other women? She loved thinking about crawling into bed into Kerry’s arms at the end of a long shift, or greeting her when she came in from the cold. There certainly was affection but it was sparingly, Amber did want more sexual activity but it had only been two weeks with Kerry and she certainly had her own issues to work on. She felt stupid for expecting the woman or any woman to want to dive into activities like that after the first two weeks. Kim was there now and her shoulder looked so enticing, Amber put her head down on it and continued to cry.

The next day was uneventful Weaver stayed away from McKay and she really didn’t mind the fact that she was being avoided. It was around midnight when Amber’s shift ended and she headed into the lounge to get ready to go home when she ran into Kim.

“Hey, you doing okay?” She put a hand on Amber’s shoulder when she saw the utterly depressed look on her face. Amber bit her lower lip and pulled her hair down from the bun it was in, or what was left of the bun. She ran her fingers through her hair slowly trying to think of an answer that wouldn’t result in a hug or a kiss.

“Yeah I’m fine, Iwata keeps good company.” She replied and then turned and went into the lounge Kim followed her. It wasn’t that she didn’t like Kim it just seemed that if Weaver saw them together again she may not have a chance at redemption.

“Iwata?”

“It’s my dog.” Amber smiled at Legaspi and opened her locker pulling her coat out and slowly putting it on, every so often she would turn her head to check the door making sure Kerry wasn’t about to walk in. She had agreed to meet with Amber after her shift which ended in an hour, she told McKay that she would stop by her place but she shouldn’t expect anything good to come out of it. Amber was happy that Weaver had even offered to talk to her and she wasn’t going to expect more then that.

“Interesting name for a dog.” Kim said getting closer to McKay, she took a step back and then headed for the door wishing to leave before she was lured in by Kim’s incredible eyes. Legaspi took a step forward and took Amber by the arm pulling her into a deep kiss. Amber resisted at first her eyes darting back and fourth trying to make sure no one was watching but finally she gave in and kissed back, which was one big mistake.

“Well I guess you’ve made you decision Amber.” Kerry’s voice came from the door she was standing there looking quite composed considering the situation they were in. Amber looked away from Kim and wiped her mouth on the sleeve of her coat.

“Look I can explain this…” Amber said feeling as if they had all gone through this before, she didn’t know how to explain it she didn’t even know why she kept falling for Kim when all she really wanted was to be with Kerry.

“I don’t want to hear it.” She turned and left the room deciding to go outside to get a breath of fresh air, it may have been terribly cold but she thought that the air would wake her up and help her out for at least another hour. Amber took one last look and Kim and chased after Weaver following her right up to the sidewalk outside. “Get away from me.” She snapped and started to walk towards the street not exactly going anywhere but wanting to get away from Amber.

“Kerry listen to me.” Amber called as she walked after her, Weaver didn’t respond she just continued to walk towards the street that was nearly empty at this time of night. Finally Amber picked up her pace and got in front off Weaver stopping her in her tracks.

“Listen to me, I don’t want her every time you have seen us together she initiated it.”

“You didn’t have to respond!”

“Oh and you wouldn’t have?” Amber side stepped slightly to keep Weaver from going around her, Weaver moved for a moment or two and then gave up and stood there shivering trying to act like she wasn’t cold. Amber took off her long winter jacket and wrapped it around Kerry’s shoulders not really caring how cold she got herself.

“That’s not the point…I’m in a relationship remember?”

“Remember? REMEMBER? Oh you’re in a relationship now…I wonder who it’s with, it can’t POSSIBLY be me I’m just the woman you sleep with sometimes but I’m not really your GIRLFRIEND.” Amber snapped at her, how could she have the nerve to stand there and say that she was in a relationship when most of the time she didn’t even act like Amber existed. The only time they were really close was when they were back at the apartment and Amber was getting tired of it.

“Get this off of me,” She pulled off the jacket and threw it back at Amber adding a strong shove to it, “I don’t need you.” Amber took a few steps back to catch her balance but the next thing she knew was two bright lights and a very loud horn.