Advice to Players

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Writing turns can be a difficult business so here are a few tips to help you on your way and make sure you get your money's worth out of your GM.

1. Do remember to begin your turn with a brief dismissal of issues raised in the previous one. Be sure to assume the best and to base your whole turn on the natural assumption that this first bold statement will carry the day. Useful examples include:
"After killing the ogre...."
"Landing skillfully on my feet..."
"I'll convince the King to make me a knight..."
"I'll steal all the ingredients I need..."
Be sure not to countenence failure or allow any possibility that everything you've set out will not come to pass. Thus the GM will be forced to let you succeed or to write a two page commentary on the weather.

2. Be as ambiguous as possible. Remember that if the GM can't understand what you want to do he can kill you off for doing the wrong thing. Something along the following lines often serves well:
"I'll help out the winning side."
"I'll test out something harmless from the treasure."

3. Always assume your own character knows more than you do, that way the GM can solve the problems as well as set them. This can be achieved through such gambits as (relating to events in the previous turn):
"If I think it's a good idea."
"I'll use logic to solve the problem."
"Should I suspect he is lying."
Be sure not to supply any of the criteria on which you're making these judgments.

4. It is essential that you never miss the opportunity to allude to items and events that you gained/took place 50 turns ago in the 'ps' section of a turn. Make sure that your current turn hinges about these events/items (preferably ones that have not been mentioned since) and take care not to identify the context in any way. Clearly turn numbers or even dates are a no no here. If you haven't been playing that long then reference parts of an addendum to your character start form that you never actually got around to sending in.

5. Small compliments always help to boost the GM's morale. Possible winners here include:
"The last turn was quite good."
"I liked the last turn, except for the beginning and the end. And the bits in between."

6. Of course you should always be swift to let them know where they're going wrong. Contructive critcism is a kindness:
"My dog could have eaten a bag of scrabble pieces and shat a better turn."

7. Be sure to edit your GM's replies before forwarding them to friends. He's bound to thank you for introducing spelling mistakes, removing context and generally restructuring the whole thing. After all if you make him look illiterate then the other players will get a warm glow thinking that he must be taking a special effort for them.

8. Make sure your GM knows you could do a better job. He'll appreciate your candor.

9. Finally - If you are going to 'rest' your character remember to get involved in a large multi-character scenario first.

That's it folks! Happy adventuring! :)