Scene 4
The docks, night. Miranda and Spike are approaching the meet site. They are the first to arrive. All is quiet.
Miranda: [Bouncing with energy. Pointing to her cheek, playfully.] “So, want to give me a good lick before the others get here?”
Spike: “Seems a waste of tongue action, that. Come here.”
She saunters up to him and puts her hands on his chest—he puts his arms around her back and they have a nice, drawn out tongue-worthy kiss. He feels her ass and gently breaks away (from the kiss) with a pleased smile. They stay in that position.
Miranda: “I was very proud of you yesterday, the way you kept your cool. You were brilliant.”
Spike: “Yeah, well, it wasn’t easy. Have I mentioned exactly how much I hate him?”
Miranda: “Not in the last five minutes.”
Spike: “Had to keep chanting to myself to keep from ‘accidentally’ decapitating him.”
Miranda: “Do I want to know what you were chanting?”
Spike: “Somethin’ about him never ever being alone with you again—never ever being close enough to touch your hair—never ever waking up next to you like I will every day from now ‘till...” [he just smiles]
Just then, we see Angel on his way—he stops when he hears that it’s just M&S. He decides to wait until the others arrive to make his presence known. But he is within earshot.
Miranda: “Speaking of which, did you make the call?”
Spike: “Not yet.”
Miranda: [a bit pouty] “But tomorrow is Saturday. Are we still on?”
Spike: “Yeah, yeah. I’ll call soon as we get back. Promise.”
Miranda: “What do you think it will be like?”
Spike: “Haven’t the foggiest. Somehow, I wouldn’t be surprised if it involved an Elvis impersonator.”
Miranda: [She playfully bats at him.] “Stop it. This isn’t Vegas.”
Spike: “It’s not too far off, love. Maybe we should go there after—Vegas, I mean.”
Miranda: “I’d rather get back to the house, if you wouldn’t mind too much. I miss it.”
Spike: “You really going to give Dawn Aikido lessons in the library when we get back, like you promised her?”
Miranda: “Why not? The girl’s got to learn to take care of herself. Lord knows Buffy doesn’t have the time to teach her anything.”
They break apart and she starts pacing around, full of energy. She pulls out her sword and starts twirling it around.
Miranda: “My body is buzzing for a good fight. I hope Duncan doesn’t decide to put a damper on things. I’ll be very cross if there are no heads to be taken.”
Spike: [looking at her admiringly] “I do love to watch you in battle.”
Miranda: [small laugh—knowing smile] “You just like to be around after I win.”
Spike: “That, too. [pause] So, uh....amidst the chaos that is likely to ensue later on, if I were to, oh, I don’t know, oops, drive a wooden stake through a certain hair gel-happy oik, how would that go over? [She frowns. Off her look.] Guess I’ll stay away from wooden objects of all kinds, ‘case I get the urge.”
Miranda: [warning] “Spike”
Spike: “I’m just winding you up, love. Though you did manage to inject some venom into that—well done.”
Everyone else arrives. They review “the plan” one more time. Wesley’s brought the decoys packed in identical crates. Through some clever maneuvering, they are able to get to the real sword before any of the “bad guys” show up. Miranda takes it and puts it in her coat, along with her other sword. Just as she gets it, the “posse” arrives, including the dark immortals and the priests—the watchers keep their distance initially. They’re in a fairly open area near the loading docks. There’s some talking between the Immortals—they can’t all fight at once and they know that. Duncan tries to negotiate—basically telling them that he plans on destroying the sword so that none of them have an advantage. Initially, it seems that the priests are working with the dark immortals, but a subset of them break off early on. Angel’s crew is watching the priests, who have a two-pronged system. There are some who are fighting and others who immediately form a circle and start chanting. The ‘fighters’ distract Angel, Gunn and Wesley (Cordy is on the sidelines, watching the other priests performing a ritual—she’s taking notes to give to Wes). In a few minutes, everyone’s fighting. But just as the fights start to heat up, the ritual-performing priests succeed in opening some sort of portal in the ground—Cordelia tries to get Wes’s attention, but he’s too busy defending himself. The ground shakes and they all stop what they’re doing in response to what’s happening at the portal. A huge plume of smoke with swirling fire emanates from the portal—all the priests surrounding it (and the others who were fighting) drop to the ground, dead. When the smoke clears, we see a man—he looks human and is dressed exquisitely in an expensive looking tailored suit. He’s well groomed, handsome and looks about 40 years old. He steps over the dead bodies of the priests and looks around.
Man: [casually] “Gentlemen. Ladies. I believe one of you has something of mine.”
Angel: “Who the hell are you?”
Man: [turning to look at Angel, then smirking] “I’m surprised you don’t recognize me, Angelus. It wasn’t so long ago that you were a...guest in one of my kingdoms.”
Gunn: “Don’t tell me he’s...”
Cordelia: [uncomfortable laugh] “So that’s why it’s called Lucifer’s sword.”
Wesley: “Funny, I never considered for a moment such a literal explanation.”
Duncan just scowls.
Lucifer: [mocking] “Shock! Horror! Yes, yes. Thanks to the hard work and sacrifice of these fine gentlemen (kicking one of the priests over with his foot), I can now take back what was long ago stolen from me. [commenting on the dead priests] Ugly, buggers aren’t they? I really need to look into recruiting more women—some sort of affirmative action for minions.”
Gunn: [under his breath] “Again with the progressive evil.”
Angel: [whispering to Duncan] “We can’t let him have the sword. Last time he had it, bad things happened.”
Lucifer: [overhearing] “Good times. I’d love to stay and chat, but I’m on a bit of a schedule, so...”
Just as he says this, Licia makes a break for it and starts running away. Lucifer lifts a hand and she stops, frozen.
Lucifer: “Naughty girl. No one leaves until I get what I came for. Do you have it? [She turns and shakes her head.] Better safe than...”
He reaches his hand towards her and she gasps as he appears to suck the quickening from her—a cloud of energy leaves her body and enters his. Afterwards, she drops to the ground, dead. He walks over to her, fishes out her sword and throws it to the side in frustration.
Gunn: “Uh, I think we need a revised plan of some sort.”
Wesley: “Based on Cordy’s description of the ritual, I’d say he’s confined in both space and time.”
Angel: “So he’s in a hurry.”
Duncan: “How big an area does he have?”
Wesley: “There’s no way to know. It’s also likely that he doesn’t have access to his full range of powers.”
Angel: “We need a distraction.”
Lucifer: “Who’s next? Honestly, I have no quarrel with any of you—give me what I came for and no one else has to die.”
Gaelin: [pointing to Duncan] “He’s got it.”
Lucifer: “Let’s see, shall we? [But instead of reaching towards Duncan, he reaches toward Gaelin and kills him] I’ve never liked tattle-tales. An untrustworthy sort, I find. [As he’s inspecting the remains] Oops, I guess he wasn’t lying.”
Shrugs, then turns to Duncan. Angel rushes him before he raises his hand, but Lucifer effortlessly pushes him aside.
Miranda: “Is this what you’re looking for? [Miranda pulls out the sword and is moving it around as if she’s testing it out. This whole time, she’s been at the opposite end of the courtyard from Angel and Duncan. Spike is off to the side—he had been fighting Trachys when Lucifer appeared.] It’s lovely. Fantastic balance. Light as a feather. I could see how someone with this sword could get ideas. You know what? I think I’d quite like to keep it.” [She’s acting a bit goofy/crazy.]
Lucifer: [Turns to look at her. He’s mesmerized by the sight of it] “It doesn’t belong to you.”
Miranda: “What’s that saying? Possession is 9/10ths of the law or somesuch.”
Lucifer: [casually] “You think you can keep it from me?”
Off to the side, whispering to each other. Gunn: “Why doesn’t he just take it—why isn’t she dead already?” Wesley: “Maybe there’s something to the legend after all—she does have the sword in hand.”
Miranda: “Tell you what. I’ll fight you for it.”
Duncan: “Miranda, no. Just give it to him.”
Miranda: [dismissive] “I came here for a fight, Duncan, and I’m not leaving until I get one. I’m very particular that way lately.”
Lucifer: “You can’t be serious. You’re just an Immortal. What makes you think you can challenge me?”
Miranda: “Oh, I don’t know. What made you think you could challenge Him?” [She looks to the sky as she says this.]
Lucifer: [He laughs as this.] “I do like your attitude, but I simply can’t be arsed. You wouldn’t believe what my schedule is like, what with the torture and the corruption and the torture. Tell you what, hand it over now and I’ll let you live.”
Miranda: “Come on, Lucy. Think of it as a bet—rumor has it, you like to gamble. I’m simply betting that I’m a superior swordsman.”
Lucifer: [considers it for a moment. shrugs] “Why not? It’ll be fun. It’s been millennia since I’ve had a proper battle. The usual rules?”
Duncan: “Don’t be crazy, Miranda.”
Angel: “Miranda, think about this.”
Miranda: [ignoring them, shrugging.] “Sure.”
She looks over at Spike and gives him a wink. He nods.
Lucifer: “If you don’t mind, I’m not in a trusting mood.”
He raises a hand and creates a force field, preventing anyone from interfering in their battle. He then takes his jacket off. While he’s getting ready, Miranda becomes impatient.
Miranda: “Speaking of schedules...”
She lunges forward with the sword and slices off Lucifer’s left hand. It comes off like butter (with The Sword). He looks angry for a moment, but then quickly grabs a sword (from one of the dead Immortals) and by the time he turns to face her next blow, his left hand has grown back.
Gunn: [seeing the regeneration] “Oh, this isn’t going to be good.”
They start fighting, full force. Miranda is very fast and for a while manages to avoid any direct blows. She pulls out all the stops and uses every move she has. The fighting heats up and Lucifer starts to look mildly irritated because it’s not quite as easy as he was expecting. As he focuses more on the fight, his appearance starts to change.
Angel: “Is it me, or is he getting bigger?”
Duncan just frowns in concern.
He’s not only getting bigger, but his face is changing too—he’s looking more demon-like. His skin is turning red. They continue to fight fairly evenly, but you can see that Miranda is starting to get tired. Her swordplay is impeccable, especially with that sword, but he starts to push her around physically. He’s able to get his hands on her and shove her backwards onto a protruding piece of jagged wood, which goes straight through her right shoulder. She winces in pain, but before he’s on her, she pushes herself off of it and prepares herself. They trade blows—it’s obvious she’s in a lot of pain and that the wound has weakened her right arm.
Lucifer: “Ready to call it a night?”
Miranda: “Didn’t think that was an option.”
Lucifer: “All I care about is the sword. I’m willing to compromise the usual rules to expedite things.”
Miranda: “But I’m just starting to have fun.”
They trade more blows, but Miranda’s right arm is getting weaker and weaker. A huge smile crosses her face.
Miranda: “Ask me why I’m smiling.”
Lucifer: “Why should I care?”
Miranda: “Come on, Lucy—this is fun. Ask me why I’m smiling.”
Lucifer: “Why are you smiling?”
Miranda: “’cause I know something you don’t know.”
Lucifer: “Yeah, what’s that?”
Miranda: [She giggles] “I’m not right handed." [She switches the sword into her left hand.]
More fighting. This time, Miranda’s not doing so well.
Miranda: “Ok, so maybe I stretched the truth a bit. I AM right handed, but I’ve been dying to use that line—You know, The Princess Bride. Excellent film.” [She switches the sword back to her right hand. Taking advantage of the switch, he knocks her down to the ground and steps on her right arm so hard that it breaks. She kicks him with her left leg and manages to free herself. She stands up again and grabs the sword with her left hand] “Guess that was the wrong time to come clean.”
More fighting. She gets in a few good blows, but it’s pretty much over except that she won’t stop fighting. He’s getting more and more impatient. She’s standing there, with a hole in her shoulder, probably many broken ribs, a broken arm, still defiant.
Miranda: “Come on, mate. It’s only a flesh wound.” [She giggles to herself. Mental note: I need a new line.]
Lucifer: “Enough of this nonsense; you’re beaten.”
By this time, he’s in full typical Lucifer-looking mode, complete with red skin, black bat-like wings and horns. He points a finger to her right leg and she yells out in pain as it crumples under her—she falls to the ground. She tries to sit up enough to lift her sword with her left arm. He walks over to her and grabs the blade of her sword with his big red hand.
Lucifer: “Let go.”
At first she pulls against him, but then he takes his sword and is about to cut off her hand. She glances at the ring on her left ring finger and releases the sword just in time to save it. He smiles as he holds the sword—he throws down the one he had been fighting with and quickly sheaths the new one. He leans over Miranda again, looking at her curiously.
Lucifer: “There’s something familiar about you. We’ve met before.”
Miranda: “I think I’d remember.”
He squints at her, grabs her chin with is hand and takes a closer look. He appears to think of something and roughly picks her up and turns her over (she cries out in pain)—he lifts her shirt to reveal her birthmarks and then quickly tosses her to the ground again.
Lucifer: “Yes, you were there—in the Great Battle. You had the same tenacity then. The others squirmed and cried on the ground after I’d cut off their wings, but you landed on your feet and kept fighting. Yes, I remember you. You were so full of confidence and pride. [With contempt in his voice] And look at how He rewards you for your valor—throws you to earth to live with pathetic mortals and battle the other cast-offs. I would reward such bravery as yours—you’d have a place of honor in my army.”
Miranda: [out of breath, flinching in pain] “What army? Not to bring up bad memories, but you lost that one—cast out of heaven and all that. Sound familiar?”
Lucifer: [Smiling down at her—he’s morphed back into handsome/well-dressed human form.] “I may have lost the battle, but by some accounts I’m winning the war. In any event, it’s far from over. [He puts his jacket back on] There is a place for you now if you want it—I can make you as you were. [Pause while he qualifies] More or less.”
Miranda: “I’m flattered. Really I am. But I’m kinda holding out for the white-fluffy-feathery kind of wings—black and leathery doesn’t exactly go with my complexion.”
Lucifer: “We’ll see. [looking around] From the looks of the company you keep, you’ll be mine soon enough. [Considering his next move] You’ve amused me and for that, I’ll let you and your friends live. Consider it a token of my good will.”
He starts walking back towards the portal. Spike had been inching closer and closer and now rushes up and kneels next to her. She turns to him and smiles wearily.
Miranda: “Hey Lucy, hang on a minute.”
Lucifer: [Turning back, mildly annoyed to be stopped] “I wouldn’t push your luck.”
Miranda: “I, eh, just wanted to ask. Are all Immortals like me?”
Lucifer: “What, archangels? No—their origins are as varied as the stars.”
[Noticing Spike, a smile crosses Lucifer’s face. As he turns to go, he lifts his hand and Spike grips his head in pain and falls backwards. Lucifer mumbles to himself.] “Nothing wrong with hedging one’s bets.”
He jumps into the portal and it closes behind him.
Spike: [annoyed and still holding his head] “That was totally uncalled for. Spiteful bastard.”
Miranda: “You alright?”
Spike: “Yeah—felt like he just activated the chip is all.”
The others come rushing over.
Duncan: “Honestly, Miranda, where is your head? What sort of insanity would cause you to challenge bloody Lucifer to a swordfight?”
Angel: “What the hell were you thinking?”
Miranda: [feeling attacked, she responds with a petulant tone] “Maybe I was bored. Told you I was in the mood for a fight.”
Angel: “He could have killed you—killed us all and all you can say is that you were in the mood?”
Miranda: “But he didn’t kill us, did he?”
Duncan: “You should have just given it to ‘im.”
Miranda: “Fuck off. Can I get a splint here? My arm’s broken, but it’s a clean break I think. Don’t know what he did to my leg—it’s entirely numb. I have an awful feeling that the bone is shattered and the only thing holding it together is the skin and muscle.”
Gunn: “I’ll find somethin’. Be right back.”
Spike takes a bit of his t-shirt and uses it to wrap the wound in her shoulder.
Spike: “Where’s Trachys?”
Cordelia: “He took off as soon as the fight started.”
Miranda: “The watchers might still be lurking. They’d be quite happy to get their hands on either of us still.”
Angel: “Wes, have a look around while we get Miranda ready to move.”
Cordelia: “I’ll go get the car and bring it closer. She doesn’t look so good.”
Miranda: “Oh, but I feel brilliant. No, seriously.” [She is serious.]
Angel: [Shaking his head—mostly what bothers him is that she put herself in danger. He wouldn’t have just given the sword away either and he knows it, but he can’t stop himself from being angry] “Brilliant? What is it with you? That was a really stupid thing to do, just to get your kicks.”
Gunn comes back with some pieces of wood and some handkerchiefs to tie it—he starts working on her leg with Spike’s help.
Miranda: [Big frustrated sigh. Deep, disapproving/scolding frown.] “Did it occur to any of you that I might have been trying to save your asses? That maybe, just MAYBE I was creating a diversion and that I expected you to take off like Trachys did?”
Gunn: [murmuring] “It occurred to me, but nobody moved, and I didn’t want to be the first, so...”
Miranda: [Continuing her thought—she’s mostly directing it at Angel and Duncan.] “That instead of being a crazy, short-tempered, impulsive wack-job, that I was, perhaps, doing something heroic? NO, of course not, because you think I’m off my head. So instead of heading off to safety once the fight heated up and you were out of danger, you just stood there with your gobs hanging open like codfish, as I got the shit kicked out of me, with your misplaced machismo preventing you from taking advantage of the situation to get the hell out of there. I mean, seriously boys, on a scale of crazy from one to Dru, I’d rate, what, a four, maybe five, tops?”
Spike: “Certainly closer to four than five on that scale, love.”
Miranda: “I mean, I expect Duncan to be a bit unnerved having a woman come to the rescue, but the rest of you lot have the whole slayer thing—I mean hasn’t Buffy save your asses like, a hundred times? Oh, right, she’s not crazy...or impolite.” [rolls her eyes]
Angel: [mumbling to himself] “I don’t know about a hundred times. [to Miranda] So you just expected us to leave you here.”
Miranda: “Well, yeah. That’s what I’m saying. Except for Spike, of course. I’d expect him to stay and die with me, but that goes without saying.”
Spike: “Lucky me. [smiling] Kidding.”
Duncan: [Rather taken aback—it hadn’t actually occurred to him that she picked the fight on purpose. He looks almost embarrassed.] “Oh. I...uh. I’m not really sure if I should say ‘sorry’ or ‘thanks’.”
Miranda: [waves it off] “Just get me out of here. I’ve a feeling once the adrenaline wears off, this isn’t going to be quite the barrel of laughs I was hoping for.”
Angel: [Still frowning. He’s a little ashamed that he’d thought so poorly of her.] “I guess it was a pretty convincing performance.”
Miranda: [starting to giggle] “I’ll tell you a little secret—I’m not a very good actress.”
She just raises her eyebrows, cryptically.
Wes comes back.
Wesley: “I’ve seen some evidence of men in the area—we should get out of here quickly.”
Duncan and Spike lift Miranda up—she can put weight on one leg and so she puts her good arm around one of them and they both support her as they walk forward slowly. She should be in a lot of pain, but she’s kind of delirious—her stern, chastising demeanor has changed to a rather euphoric one.
Miranda: “That was bloody FANTASTIC. I mean, it’s not every day you get the opportunity to fight Lucifer himself. I think I held my own for at least 3 minutes—against the Prince of Darkness, might I add. And I survived to tell the tale.”
Spike: “You were absolutely stunning. Thought you had him for the first 30 seconds or so.”
Miranda: “Really? How sweet of you to say. I’m quite pleased with the way things went, considering. At the end of the day, he turned out to be an rather upstanding bloke, don’t you think?”
Angel: “I think you’re missing the point here. Lucifer_has_the_sword. This is disastrous.”
Gunn: “He did say something about an army. That can’t be good.”
Wesley: “If it helps, there didn’t seem to be any urgency about his plans.”
Cordelia returns with the car—it’s parked about 50 yards away at the end of an alley.
Cordelia: “So am I wrong in thinking that our mission can be formally labeled a complete and utter failure?”
Gunn: “Think that about sums it up.”
Wesley: “I don’t believe we should consider ourselves completely at fault here. It’s not as if we could have anticipated an appearance by Satan, the lord of the underworld, in the flesh. This was quite a remarkable event.”
Gunn: [sarcastic] “Yeah, I mean, how could we have possibly guessed that Lucifer’s Sword was actually Lucifer’s sword. Sure would take better detectives than us to pick up on that clue.”
Cordelia: “Guess we won’t be getting that whopping Christmas bonus this year, huh?”
Miranda: “Hey, enough with the whining—I’m the broken one here and I feel rather giddy.”
Duncan: “It’s probably the blood loss.”
Miranda: “Hang on a minute. [They stop walking] With all the excitement, I almost forgot the most important thing. [She has a wild-eyed look] I’m a fucking archangel. That is some seriously crazy shit.”
Cordelia: “An angel with the mouth of a sailor.”
Spike: “Technically, WERE an archangel. There’s no time for faffing about now, love.”
They start walking again.
Miranda: [waves it off] “Ask me a question.”
Duncan: [annoyed & worried] “What?”
Miranda: “Go on. Ask me...ask me why I don’t just heal my leg right now, being an angel and all.”
Duncan: “You’re delirious.”
Miranda: [pouting] “Ask me.”
Spike: [rolling his eyes, reluctantly indulging her] “Tell us, M, why you don’t just heal your leg right now.”
Miranda: [She starts laughing—almost like a drunken laugh. She tries to make a straight face.] “I’m not that kind of angel.” [She bursts out laughing.]
Spike: “How long you been holding onto that?”
Miranda: “Since 1996—when the movie came out. I couldn’t wait. Loved it when he fought the bull.”
Cordelia: “What is she babbling about now?”
Gunn: “Michael—that movie with John Travolta playing...well, you get it.”
Suddenly, from behind, they get jumped by a group of men in hoods. Cordy runs ahead to the car and starts it. The others fight them off. Duncan continues to carry/lead Miranda forward, but Spike breaks off to help in the fight. He gets in a few good punches and the men go running off. He rejoins Miranda and Duncan as the others run after the men and look out for more. They come back shortly afterwards.
Angel: “They’re still running. I think we scared ‘em off.”
Cordelia: “Weird, like they’ve never seen a vampire before.”
Gunn: “Huh—but they were dressed like the priest-guys. Wouldn’t have thought they’d be scared so easily.”
Duncan: [interjecting] “They were watchers—I could make out the marks on their wrists. Probably thought the hoods would be more intimidating.”
Gunn: “But the Sword’s already gone. Why would they attack now?”
Angel: “They may not have seen what happened back there.”
Duncan: “Or if they did, they could’ve just been interested in making off with the wounded. They know Miranda’s got considerable power now—she would be a target regardless.”
Spike: [offhanded, to Miranda] “I thought you said watchers were human?”
Miranda: “They are.”
Spike: [looking confused] “Oh. But then how could I have...”
He stops himself and looks around, nervously. But it’s too late—Angel has just figured it out (that the chip must not be working) and before Spike has a chance to defend himself, Angel pulls him away from Miranda and Duncan and roughly pins him against the wall of the alley, face to the wall. Honestly, he’s just been waiting for an excuse and this is the best one he could have imagined. As he fumbles for a stake, Miranda breaks from Duncan, grabs his sword as she turns toward Angel and summoning all the energy she has, takes the large step to the side of the alley, deftly swinging the sword, stopping just as the blade reaches the back of Angel’s neck. He freezes.
Miranda: [through clenched teeth] “Don’t.”
Angel: “You wouldn’t—not after everything.”
Miranda: “Wouldn’t I? Did you miss my little speech about sentimentality? I’m not so afflicted.”
Angel: [disbelief] “You can’t tell me this doesn’t make a difference to you.”
Miranda: “Sure it does. But not in the stake-first-ask-questions-later category. And truth is, it doesn’t actually affect me directly at all [Her strength is waning—she’s balancing on one leg and you can tell the blood is rushing from her head, as she looks white as a sheet] But we’ve talked about it—worked out an agreement, haven’t we, William?”
Spike: “Yeah. We’re good to go.”
Angel: [skeptical] “An agreement? Don’t kid yourself, Miranda. I’ve known Spike a hell of a lot longer than you and trust me, he’s not the sort to follow any agreements requiring deprivation on his part. And you might think it doesn’t affect you, but it does. You heard what Lucifer said about the company you keep.”
Spike squirms and Angel shoves him harder against the wall—he’s in a good position and Spike has no leverage.
Miranda: [a touch of panic] “Let him go and we’ll talk. Or better yet, we’ll leave town tonight—right now—you’ll never see us again.”
Angel: [not what he wanted to hear] “So you can go back up to Sunnydale? I don’t think so. I got friends there.”
Miranda: “Oh, and we don’t. Everything’s so bloody black and white with you. What, you’re worried he’ll go after your precious Buffy? Lord knows she’s given him reason to, but no need to worry, she’s definitely on the ‘don’t kill’ list. Besides, he was in love with her less than a year ago and we’ve already covered how useless men are at killing their exes.”
Angel: [thrown by this] “What?”
Miranda: “Think he was pretty close to wearing her down, too, until I selfishly intervened.”
Spike: [mortified] “Uh, Miranda, not exactly the best time to be sharing that kind of information.”
The look on Angel’s face is just precious as he tries to comprehend this information, but unfortunately, it has the opposite effect to Miranda’s intension. Just then, Miranda’s eyes start to flutter. She knows she can’t hold this position any longer.
Miranda: [to Spike] “Sorry, love. I can’t.”
And with that she falls hard to the ground, cracking her head soundly on the pavement.
Hearing Miranda’s body hit the ground, Angel can’t help but turn his head to see and in doing so loosens his grip on Spike ever-so-slightly. It’s just enough for Spike to push off against the wall, sending Angel reeling backwards. Spike heads toward Miranda, whose body is still. But before he can get to her, Angel pulls him around and the two start to fight. It’s fairly even—all sorts of anger coming out. We see Miranda come ‘round—she blinks her eyes a couple of times.
Miranda: [weakly] “Duncan. Don’t let them...”
Duncan, looking very confused tries to intervene. He finally manages to wedge himself between them and stop the fighting. They stand there a moment, glaring at each other.
Duncan: “I don’t have a clue what’s going on here, but can we put a halt to the death match and get Miranda to safety?”
Angel glances over in Miranda’s direction. He’s concerned, but obsessed with getting rid of Spike.
Angel: [trying to explain] “His chip’s not working. He can’t be trusted.”
Duncan: “What chip?”
Angel: “You know, the chip in his brain that keeps him from killing people.”
Duncan: “He has a chip that keeps him from killing people?”
Angel: [a bit thrown—he figured everyone knew] “uh, yeah.” [duh]
Duncan: “News to me. [to Spike] Do you plan on trying to kill any of us in the immediate future?”
Spike: “Not particularly.”
Duncan: “Fine. Then lets cut the theatrics and get Miranda in the car.”
Angel: “But this is huge.”
Duncan: “Not to me.”
Angel: “It’s too dangerous to keep him around with the others. [to Spike] Fine. Consider this your lucky day, Spike. Beat it—get lost. Next time I see you, I kill you. Deal?”
Spike: “It’s been such a long time since I’ve heard you say that, peaches. Warms my heart, it does. But I’m not leaving her.”
Angel: “Jealous much? Why don’t you be the bigger man for once and do what’s best for her. [beat] Last chance.”
Spike: “Fuck off. I’M what’s best for her. I know how to take care of her.”
Angel: [incredulous] “And I don’t?”
Spike: “Didn’t do so well the last time...”
Angel: [Rage building. Deep breath to calm himself.] “I think I can handle it.”
Spike: “Bullshit. You have no fucking idea—you don’t know the first thing about it. [under his breath] ‘was the same with Dru.”
Angel: “What was that?”
Duncan: [looking around nervously] “Okay, okay. I think we’ve got some old business here. D’you think we could come up with a compromise? I’ve got a set of handcuffs in the car. Spike, will you agree to let me put them on you just till we get back to the hotel where we can talk this out?”
Spike: [scowling, but glancing over towards Miranda, who is now moving around, mumbling to herself.] “If it means I can stay with her.”
Duncan: “Angel?”
Angel: “We tie his feet, too.” [Duncan looks to Spike]
Spike: [Rolling his eyes. He’s doing his absolute best to hold back.] “Whatever.”
Duncan heads to his car. Angel shouts to G, W & C to stay where they are. Spike shoots over to Miranda. He kneels next to her as she pushes up on her elbows. She looks very out of it.
Miranda: [seeing Spike] “Hey, handsome. Sorry I fell.”
Spike: “No worries, love. You feel alright?”
Miranda: [confused] “Did I get hit by a truck? I feel like I was hit by a truck.”
Spike: “Not so much a truck as the Lord of the Underworld.”
Miranda: “Huh. Well that’s got to hurt. [looking around on the ground] Hey, I think I lost my wallet. Do you see it?”
Spike: “Yeah, it’s right next to you.”
Miranda: [She picks it up and blinks hard at it, as if she’s never seen it before. She takes out her drivers license and hands the rest to Spike] “Might need this.”
Spike: [giving her a ‘you must be delirious look’] “Sure.”
Just then, Duncan comes back with the handcuffs and Angel has some rope for Spike’s feet. Duncan, rather apologetically, indicates that they have to go. Spike puts his hands forward, but Angel steps in and roughly pulls them behind his back and Duncan snaps the cuffs. Angel then ties the rope securely around Spike’s ankles, leaving just enough room for him to take baby steps.
Miranda: “What’s going on?”
Spike: “Nothing to worry about, love. Angel’s just being a bit of a pansy.”
Miranda: [shrugs—nonchalant] “Yeah, he’s like that sometimes.”
Spike lets out a little laugh. Angel scowls. He kneels down to lift Miranda up, but she retracts away from him like a kid afraid of getting cooties.
Miranda: [sternly] “Duncan.”
Angel frowns, but lets Duncan take over. He carries her toward the cars where Gunn, Cordelia and Wesley are waiting. Spike shuffles behind, only able to take small steps because of the rope. As they approach, Gunn opens the back door of one of the cars, indicating that’s where they should put Miranda. Duncan stops for a moment. Miranda gets a whimsical look on her face.
Duncan: “How should we do this?”
Cordelia: “Why don’t I ride with you, Duncan, in your car and the rest can mush into Angel’s car?” [She’s developed a wee crush on Duncan.]
Angel: “Take Wesley, too. Miranda should keep her legs straight across the back seat.”
Miranda: [dreamily not paying attention to what’s going on as the others discuss the plan. She pulls out her driver’s license and holds it up in front of her face. With a strange accent.] “Multi-pass” [They ignore her.]
Gunn: “I’ll ride in back—Spike in front with you?”
Spike: “I’m in the back with Miranda—that was the deal.”
Miranda: [She pushes her drivers license towards Spike—he isn’t paying attention.] “Multi-pass” [She giggles.]
Angel: “No, the deal was, you do as I say and I don’t kill you.”
Gunn: “Take it easy, man. He can ride in back—he’s smaller than me, anyways. More room for M.”
Spike: [defensive] “I’m not that much smaller.”
Gunn just gives him a ‘have you looked in the mirror lately’ look and shakes his head.
Miranda: [Pointing her license toward Gunn. In a milder voice] “Multi-pass.”
Gunn: [turning toward Miranda] “Fifth Element. I get ya’, Leeloo. Come at me with a rubber-band bikini and we’ll talk.”
Miranda: “Me supreme being. Me save YOU.” [More giggling.]
Spike: “There are going to be serious ego issues with this, I can tell already.”
Miranda: [smiling, to Spike] “Gunn always knows the movies.”
Duncan: “Are we set? [everyone nods and gets into the respective cars] Meet at the hotel, yeah?”