**
Switch to Angel and Buffy walking up to the front door. They stop at the porch.
Buffy: “You ready for this?”
Angel: “Yeah. Why?”
Buffy: “I get the feeling you may be expecting too much.”
Angel: “All I need is a few minutes alone with her.”
Buffy: [skeptical frown] “OK. [sigh] Let’s get this over with.”
They ring the bell
Angel: “Whose car is that?”
Buffy turns to look, just as the door opens.
**
Back up in the bedroom with M&S. We only see her from the waist up—she’s still in the dress. Her eyes are closed and she’s looking very happy until she hears the doorbell.
Miranda: “Bloody...not now. Alex? Where’s our warning?”
We pull back to see the rest of her—we see Spike’s lower legs sticking out from under her skirt (he’s kneeling). At the sound of her voice, there’s rustling as he pushes up the fabric of her skirts to free himself.
Alex’s walky-talky voice: “Uh. Sorry. [Implication that he’s been too busy watching them to have his eye on the door.] Er...blonde and spikey-haired oaf at the front door.”
Spike: “Guess we’ll have to continue this later.”
Miranda:[whining/pouting] “Is it dusk already? Guess it’s time to face the tweedles.”
Spike: “You go ahead. I need a minute.”
Miranda: [smiles, knowingly.] “Such a waste. Why don’t you head straight down to the basement when you’re ready. There’ll probably be quite the ruckus in the living room once Buffy finds out the whole gang is here.”
**
Back down at the door. Xander opens it.
Xander: “Hey, Buffy. Come on in. It’s a party. There’s chip. AND dip. [a bit less enthusiasm] Angel. Didn’t know you were in town. What a...surprise.”
Buffy: [moving her hand to her face] “Oh god. I completely forgot she invited you guys over. [She rushes through the door.] Is everything OK?”
As she turns the corner into the living room, she sees Tara and Willow on the couch, Anya on the love seat, fiddling with her engagement ring and Dawn laying on the floor, reading the rule sheet for some board game. There’s a bowl of chips (and dip) on the table and drinks all around.
Willow: “Hey, Buff. Just in time for Scattegories.”
Dawn: “I wanted to play charades.”
Xander: “Too much movement and effort involved. Now Scattegories is all about sitting in place. Hey, it’s my day off—my goal is to be as sedentary as humanly possible.”
Tara: “Should I order a pizzas?”
Dawn: “No olives, please.”
Anya: “But I want olives. We never get olives.”
Buffy: [completely overwhelmed] “Dawn, you are SO grounded. What is everyone doing here?”
Xander: “We’re all just hanging out. What’s the big? Wait, let me guess—another apocalypse looming? Hey, the last time we were here, all together like this was...oooh, a very very long night.”
Buffy: [to Dawn] “Did you at least tell them?”
Dawn: [shrugs, playing innocent] “Tell them what?”
Angel: “Where’s Duncan?” From the doorway—Angel is still stuck outside.
Willow: “Who’s at the door?”
Buffy: “Angel—he’s in town. [sigh] Where’s Miranda? She has to invite him in.”
Anya: “She’s upstairs making out with Spike.”
Buffy: “Great.”
Xander: “Duncan went out somewhere with Cordelia.”
Willow: [to Xander] “Oh my god, Cordelia’s in town? Why didn’t you say anything?”
Xander: “I must’ve blanked it out of my mind.”
Tara: “Who’s Cordelia?”
Anya: “She used to go out with Xander. Until she caught him making out with Willow.”
Willow: “Ok, that is just a WAY oversimplification of what happened, see...”
Anya: “And Cordelia’s really pretty. I never understood what possessed you to cheat on her with a lesbian.”
Xander: “She wasn’t a lesbian at the time.”
Willow: “Not helping.”
Buffy: [frustrated] “Can we please quit the exposition for a moment? I’ve got something to say.”
They all stop and look at her.
Anya: “Are you pregnant?”
Buffy: “What? No. Why...?”
Anya: “Seemed like a good guess—you’re awfully agitated and the last time we were all here and Miranda was agitated and said she had something to say, she was pregnant. But I suppose you have to actually be having sex for that to happen.”
Tara can’t help but giggle.
Xander: “Not necessarily. Thinking back to the last time...”
Buffy: “Will you all stop talking for a minute. I feel like I’m a junior high substitute teacher or something. [They all apologize and are quiet] Ok. Thank you. [pause] uh...” [as if she can’t remember]
Angel: [from the doorway]: “Spike.”
Buffy: “Spike’s chip isn’t working.”
Tara: “But we were just upstairs with him. [beat] Oh.”
Buffy: “I don’t think he’ll try anything while we’re here, but you should protect yourselves just in case. In fact, it would probably be better if you all left.”
Willow: “What are you going to do?”
Buffy: “I’m not sure yet.”
Dawn: “I still don’t see what the big deal is.”
Anya: “I’m not leaving without my dress.”
Miranda slowly slides down the banister, still in her dress. She hops off onto her one good leg when she gets to the bottom.
Miranda: “Now, that’s the way to go down stairs with a cast. Buffy. So glad you could make it to my little party. Is it too much to hope that you’re alone?”
Buffy: “Angel’s outside. You need to invite him in.”
Miranda: “And why would I do that?”
Buffy: “He wants to talk to you.”
Miranda: “There’s a shocker.”
Buffy: “This isn’t a game.”
Miranda: “I’m well aware of that. I’ll talk to him outside if I have to.”
Buffy: [just noticing] “And why exactly are you dressed like that?”
Miranda: “Oh, the girls and I were just having some fun. And then Spike and I were having some fun.”
Buffy: “Speaking of, where is he?”
Miranda: “Downstairs.”
Xander: “Why don’t Anya and I go up and get the dress and then we’ll get out of your way. Unless you want us to stick around.”
Buffy: “Take some weapons just in case.”
Xander: “We don’t actually have anything handy.”
Buffy: “Have a look around—I’m sure there’s something you can use.”
**
Skip forward to Xander and Anya going up the stairs and down the hallway toward the bedroom where the dress is. They’re whispering.
Anya: “But if she has garlic in the kitchen, can it really be that much of a deterrent?”
Xander: “There wasn’t much else to work with.”
Just then, Spike comes out of the room—he’s been smoking a cigarette (he found a pack in the dresser) and turns to face X & A.
Anya: “We’ve just come for the dress. We don’t want any trouble.”
Xander: “We’ve got garlic. [beat] Yeah, that just doesn’t sound very intimidating, does it?”
Spike: “Guess Buffy spilled the beans, then.”
Anya: “Don’t come any closer—I’ve got a cross.” [She holds up a small, plastic cross.]
Spike makes a disgusted face.
Spike: “That’s pathetic. Buffy tells you that William the Bloody’s free and on the loose again and that’s all you bring to protect yourself? It’s insulting, is what it is.”
Anya: [not wanting to annoy him] “Maybe we just figured you like us and so wouldn’t be so keen to pounce. [She makes the little pounce hand gesture.] Double dates and all.”
Spike: “First, the double dates were beyond painful. And you, I don’t mind. Him, well, there’s no love holding me back.”
He suddenly lunges forward, and before Xander can do anything, he pulls Anya around to him, being sure to grab the cross with his hand (and continue to hold it). He turns her around so that her back is to him, casually brushes the garlic aside (it’s hanging around her neck) and plants a big sloppy kiss on the skin above her jugular. He smirks and promptly lets her go.
Spike: “Very effective defense you’ve got there. Good thing I don’t kill people anymore.”
Xander scowls. Anya has a slightly ‘mussed’ look—a little wild eyed, like she kinda sorta enjoyed that. Spike pushes past them and swaggers downstairs.
Anya: [recovered, calling after him] “Hey, were you just smoking in the room with my dress—I’ll send you the dry cleaning bill.”
Xander: [wanting to say something, but at a loss] “She’ll do it, too. It’ll be expensive. [once he’s out of sight.] Damn, my come-backs need work.”
**
Switch to the living room. Spike comes trotting down the stairs.
Miranda: “I thought you were downstairs.”
Willow: [concerned] “Xander.”
Spike: “They’re fine. Bloody idiots.”
Buffy: “Willow, go check on them.”
Spike: [knowing Angel must be just outside the door.] “Angel, mate. Anyone dead or bleeding in the house? [silence] See? I do believe he’d say otherwise.”
Buffy: “Angel?”
Angel: “They’re fine.” [Annoyed, heavy sigh. Implied eye roll.]
Spike: [looking around the living room] “And once again, I have to say, this is it? This is your response to my de-chipping. I was expecting crossbows and flame-throwers and re-enforcements. You didn’t even think it important enough to call in Watcher-boy. Maybe you DO have a bit of faith in me after all, slayer.” [He gives her a little eyebrow-raise.]
Buffy: “Giles is in England—some sort of conference. And I seem to remember this very same group being able to keep you pretty much contained back before the chip.”
Miranda suddenly looks a bit faint. She tries to shake it off, but it’s obvious she’s exhausted.
Spike: “You alright, love?”
Miranda: “Just need to sit for a minute and catch my breath.”
He leads her over to a chair and she sits. After a moment.
Miranda: “So, Buffy, what’s the plan? The gang’s all here.”
Buffy: [Looking around, uncomfortable. She’s not sure what to do.] “Angel wants to talk to you. Alone.”
Spike: [possessively] “No.”
Miranda: [reading Buffy’s look] “I think it might be for the best, love. It’ll give you a chance to catch up with Buffy. We can both have a nice, long chat.”
Spike: “You’re not going to invite him in.”
Miranda: “No, of course not. We’ll talk in the shed. [turning to Buffy—still in a pleasant voice] You wouldn’t do anything stupid, now, would you?”
Buffy: “Only if he does something stupid first.”
Miranda: “One thing to keep in mind—and pay attention, Angel, because I know you’re listening. [Her voice switches to a more ominous tone.] It’s true I’m still weak and therefore, we are effectively outnumbered, but should you make the decision to...let’s be blunt, shall we?...take Spike out, as it were, you had better make damn sure you’re prepared to kill me too, because you’ve never seen fury like mine.”
Buffy: [bristling at the threat] “I’ll do what I have to do.”
Xander and Anya are now at the top of the stairs and have been listening in.
Anya: [interjecting] “But she’s an angel. I mean, wouldn’t killing an angel be, like, a one-way ticket to hell? [Xander gives her a subtle elbow jab] I’m just saying.”
Xander: [whispering to Anya] “I don’t think she’s that kind of angel.”
Miranda: [smiling, back to polite voice] “As long as we understand each other. [turning to Spike] William, will you help me to the door?”
He helps her up and she leans on him as they walk to the front door. As they approach, they see Cat, who is standing just on the inside of the open door, hissing and growling at Angel. At one point, he actually shoots a paw out to swat at Angel’s foot—he obviously is aware that Angel can’t come in, because he quickly pulls back and retreats hissing.
Angel: “Nice cat.”
Spike: “He knows who his friends are.”
Spike and Angel glare at each other through the open door. Miranda turns to Spike.
Miranda: “See you in a bit, love. Remember what I said.”
She touches his face gently and looks into his eyes. He nods. She turns to hobble out the door and Spike turns back to Buffy, who is now standing behind them.
Angel: “Aren’t you going to get dressed?”
Miranda: “But I am dressed—it may not be in fashion, but...[Suddenly realizing what he’s referring to. She smirks, remembering what she and Spike had just been up to] Oh. Sorry, left my knickers upstairs. [shaking her head] Get some bloody nose plugs.”