Roseidous:
Sits in a foldout chair, on a beach, with tiki-lights in the background.

“I’m not saying anything until I see my lawyer.” Roseidous says, taking off his ultra-cool sunglasses.

A lawyer pops in out of nowhere.

Roseidous leans over and whispers into the lawyer’s ear. “Tell them what I told you.”

“My client wishes to express his dissatisfaction with the treatment of his person during the exploits in question. My client feels he has suffered emotional distress during the events in which his quote un-quote “friends” belittled and abused him. He says the claims of his love for the bunny are greatly exaggerated, and he wants compensation for the damages rendered. He demands a minimum of one cent in retribution, and a maximum of no more than two cents from each of the accused.

“Tyrael stands charged with eating all of Roseidous’ butter--”

“And not that crappy ‘I Can’t Believe It’s Not Butter!’ It was the real Macoy!” Roseidous interjects. The anonymous audience gasps.

“Please,” the lawyer hisses to Roseidous, “let me handle this. Now, Jaina stands accused of fraud, using her secret ventriloquist skills to fool Roseidous into believing the Pen could talk, and having him give the Pen money for his mother’s ink transplant.

“Holli is being sued for sexual harassment and blatant flaunting. As a result from staring, Roseidous’ eye was poked out by a leaf carried by the wind. And ultimately was dealt a serious case of whiplash.

“Crayak is being indited for tax evasion. Besides that, he touched Roseidous without his express permission, which falls under assault and battery. Just because he’s from another dimension does not give him diplomatic immunity! We must charge him to the fullest extent of the law, to send a message to all other foreigners—that we will not stand for this kind of treatment! We WILL take action!”

The audience gives a standing ovation. Flowers are tossed at the lawyer. “And finally, Roses is under investigation for the murder of Bunny. No one ever knew how it died, but we have evidence that points to Jaina…I mean Roses. If you look at Exhibit A, you’ll find a leather glove stained with blood. We believe this was Rose’s glove. If it fits, we must not acquit!”

Sincerely, Roseidous

__________________________________________________________________________


Holli:
It's sad to know that our adventure is over, it was such an educational journey.  Me and Tyrael learned many things, many new and strange things.  There was this one time we snuck off into the woods and found a Motel 6 and rented a room and...uh.....played Scrabble the entire night?  Yes, that's it, we played Scrabble, and Monopoly, and Strip Poker....wait...NO!  NOT Strip Poker!
     
I'm sorry, my mind tends to wander a bit, like that time me and Ty wandered away from camp and found this cave and began exploring each....uh....each tunnel, yeah, each tunnel of the cave.  It was very exciting. 

Being with Ty is very exciting, he is so full of surprises, like once he led me to a hidden waterfall and we went skinny...skinny...skinny fish catching!  Very rare type of fish, we didn't actually catch one, but it was fun trying!

I'll never forget my time with Tyrael, or this adventure.  It was definitely unique--in more ways than one. *sly smile*                                          Sincerely, Holli
________________________________________________________________


Tyrael: 
I've always felt as if I am a victim of fate.  Either that or "I Can't Believe It's Not Butter."  I had always been sort of partial to the second one.  This adventure proved me wrong. 

How horrible would it have been to live my life in fear of my cruel master, I Can't Believe It's Not Butter?  How many sleepless nights, wondering if it really IS butter?

I like to think that even the worst ordeals have a purpose.  This one indeed did.  I learned the true Guider of my Destiny (tm):   Margarine.                        ---Tyrael
_______________________________________________________________________________


Roses:
I know, everyone's saying it was a wonderful adventure, aren't they?  Well, it wasn't.  It was terrible.  I can't believe I got stuck with those people and that horrible dead bunny.   Really.  I mean, I finally have to rescue myself and then I get pulled into a parallel dimension?  How fair is that?

I have been asked about the gingerbread man incident.  No, I do not feel sorry that I lied to Tyrael, and no, I never gave him a gingerbread man.  I spent more time with those people than I ever wanted to, no offense to them personally.  But then, who really wants to know about Roseidous' Scooby Doo fantasy?  Not me.  I want to spend the rest of life avoiding any further adventures and living alone in Budapest.  I will contact none of my fellow adventurers, except Holli, because we are evil partners. (And possibly Jaina, because she did hit Roseidous that one time.)

____________________*waves at Holli and Jaina and ignores everyone else*   --Roses___________


Crayak:
Well, that was fun. To think the whole story started with a greased pen. I think I wrote only like 2 or 3 chapters, but I was glad to be a part of this adventure. Who knows? Maybe I'll travel to Clayyatville one day.

Well, that's it. I don't have much to say. I'm just a flying nun boy.

--Crayak

_______________________________________________________________________________


Jaina:
Jaina could not be reached for further comment, as she is on a spy mission in a foreign country.

_______________________________________________________________________________


Bunny:
Yeah, it’s true, Roses murdered me. I hope she burns in Hell. Actually, it’s not that bad of a place. The locals are a bit antsy, but once you get to know them, they aren’t so bad. And every once and a while, Hell freezes over, so ice-skating has become a popular sport among the imps. Just be careful, the Devil throws a mean snowball.

Now, as for the adventures, I’m still a bit miffed at being buried. Personally, I think they should have buried that cow-coward Tyrael. Who would have noticed, anyway? Holli? She’d be too distracted by Roseidous’ buff physique. …Okay, he paid me to say that. Holli would have actually been distracted by my buff, decaying physique. I mean, who can resist roadkill?

There was one technical error that annoyed me. When I told Roseidous to use the “Force”, the recording microphone must have tapped against something, because I clearly said, “Use the Yorshe, Roseidous, the Yorshe!”, which is a French yogurt that Roseidous kept in his shoe. I knew it was slowing down his progress, so I suggested he eat it. Or throw it at someone. Preferably Roses, since she killed me. That lousy farmgirl…thinks she can do anything with a BB Gun… Just wait until I rally up all those crows you knocked off! You’ll be sorry, when you’re re-living that low-budget movie “The Birds!”

_______________________________________________________________________________

Pen:
What's there to say when you've been transformed from pen to a pencil to some hideous monstrosity, some hideous mix of the two? What's there to say when you're only love has been murdered? All that's left for me is to curl up in a corner and die.

Actually....curling is sort of difficult when you're a pen/cil...umm....could someone curl me and stick me in the corner? Please? Somebody? Anybody? Am I doomed to live this dank, greasy life alone?

Curse Roseidous and Tyrael for greasing me, and instigating the whole thing. And curse Holli for not understanding their clever ruse before it was too late for me.

I'll get you, Roseidous and Roses and Holli and Tyrael. And your little I Can't Believe It's Not Butter too.

_______________________________________________________________________________






Back to Sagas