Charles Quack

Once upon a time, there was a duck billed horse. It's bill was made of
duck bill material, but real horse teeth were inside of it. This
created a problem because the horse's mouth could never close. Every
morning when the horse, whose name was Charles Quack, would open its
mouth, it would discover the slimy mildewed carcasses and live insects
which had flown into its mouth and become entangled in the phlegm
strings in its snoring mouth. Our friend Charles was getting quite
annoyed at brushing its teeth with Raid
so it decided to do something to combat the nightly insect invasion.
Charles had its chimpanzee friend duct tape (no pun intended) its bill
shut and Charles went to sleep. Over the night, Charles developed a
cold and could no longer breathe through its nose. He became very
frightned and started frantically hitting its bill with its horseshoed
hoofs to no avail. It tried to neigh, but it only made its breathing
situation worse. To attract attention, Charles began ramming its head
into the corner of the barn. Eventually, all the animals gathered
around, and the Chimp tore off the tape, removing a horse tooth with
it. The frenzied Charles began neighing and gasping for air. When
most of the animals had retreated to slumber, the chimpanzee tried to
calm Charles down. Charles was hissing and spitting. The Chimpanzee
realized that now, Charles would be tortured during its waking hours
because the missing tooth had created a passage way for even more
insects to go through. The raging Charles opened its bill and gnashed
its teeth into a pole repetitively until they were all smashed out,
leaving only the bill with a pulpy gum interior. "If I"m going to be
tortured with insects, then let me be fully tortured!" yelled the
irrational Charles as the concerned Chimp watched. Charles then
swooped its head down and began chewing on a turd with swarming flies
about it. Charles was eventually infected with Hepatitis A. His duck
bill withered away and turned into powder until Charles mouth only
consisted of unsheathed pulpy gums. Charles would angrily stare at
its reflection in the river every night. One night Charles started
braying like a donkey. The chimpanzee was sad to see its friend in
such a state and went to the river to console it. The crazed Charles
plodded into the river to kill itself, but the river was only a three
foot pond, and Charles broke its hind legs and was permanently stuck
to the bottom of the pond. Charles eventually died, but its petrified
skeleton is still seen, and many insects still thrive in its mouth.


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