Subject: Book 3 Chapter 3 and a little more...
Author: marta I (152.163.204.177)
Date: 10-06-1999 22:08
Juan asks Noel to accompany him into the convent( if he wants to).
PN goes in but he won't be there when they talk, 'three is a crowd'.
Women like to be supported and dominated by their man. Not women
like Monica, says Juan.
Juan says: She is strong as a diamond. Besides, she does not love
me!!
Maybe she doesn't, says PN, but she could. PN says he knows Juan is
more than capable of stealing her heart, if he has not done so yet.
Aren't you the
pirate? Don't you rule over the waves and the wind?
Monica is telling Renato she came to the convent in search for her
own inner peace. 'You have a wife, soon a baby as well. There are
many who depend on you. Your position and wealth give you plenty of
power, but also your share of
responsibility. There are many things you can fill your life with
and maybe forget there is someone out there in a convent whom your
loved but realized too late. Renato tells Monica that when her ties
to Juan are broken, she will be free to also fill her life with
other things while she waits...
-Wait for what, asks Monica.
-I don't know , says Renato. Maybe a miracle that will also break my
own bondage, chains which I don't deserve either.
Monica thinks and tries to figure out why she is not so happy to
hear the words that she had dreamed to hear him say some time ago..
and now another image, another name, fills her soul.. she only feels
compassion for Renato's suffering now.
Renato is desperate and begs Monica to tell him that she still
yearns for him, that she still loves him and is suffering. But
Monica cannot, because she no longer fells that way about him.
Renato insists...
At that moment the mother superior comes with the news that there is
another visitor for Monica and she could not stop him.
Juan! Monica is scared. Renato is furious. Juan is totally
embittered, heartbroken inside but too proud to show it. He shows
only lots of sarcasm and irony in his words for both Monica and
Renato and in his eyes.
Monica almost faints, feeling very weak all of a sudden. The nun
helps her stay up on her feet.
Juan very sarcastically asks Monica if he could speak with her, he
still has the 'right'. Juan is very ironic in his selection of
words, like he is an intruder in between Monica and Renato. But he
came to ask Monica one question, which is practically answered by
finding them together there. Monica responds that Renato's presence
there doesn't mean anything he might be thinking, that Juan is
misinterpreting the scene.
Renato is furious, he won't leave them alone. Juan replies that he
still has the 'right', not yet revoked, to speak to her alone. He
reminds Renato that he also signed the marriage papers that give him
that privilege. Monica is really scared
at the threatening attitudes of Renato and Juan.
Juan responds jokingly: 'No te asustes, Monica. No pasara
absolutamente nada,.. al menos aqui. Este es uno de los lugares que
ustedes respetan...el locutorio de un convento no se presta a
discusiones de este genero... tampoco pense que se prestaba a toda
clase de visitas... No estoy culpandote, Monica, pero confieso que
pense encontrarte en un poco mas en retiro.'
Renato keeps insisting for Juan to leave her alone. Wasn't it enough
that thanks to Monica Juan is now a free man? LEave her in peace!!
She is sick, she has reached the limits of her strength.
Juan responds that she was not weak enough to not sign the annulment
papers. Right?
Renato asks Juan in Monica's name to leave her alone that she is
begging him to leave. Monica cuts Renato off, with what's left of
her strength she asks Renato to let her speak to Juan alone.
Juan..'contempla a la palida mujer como desplomada.. ahora llora..
en ahogados sollozos que llegan al corazon de Juan como flechas
mojadas de veneno. Largo rato calla, contemplandola, contenida un
momento su amargura, transformado el gesto altanero por el de una
piedad que es abandono y desaliento.
-Esta bien, Monica. No es mi deseo atormentarte. Supongo que lloras
todas esas lagrimas por tu amor imposible... al menos, te queda un
consuelo.. la dedicacion y la fidelidad de Renato...
-Te burlas de mi?
-Quisiera poder burlarme, Monica. Quisiera poder reirme a
carcajadas, como me reia siempre de todas las mujeres... Quisiera
poder apartarte de un manotazo, como aparte siempre de mi vida
aventurera cuanto significaba un estorbo... Pero ?que te importa a
ti nada de eso? ?Que puede importarle a nadie lo que haya en el
corazon de Juan del Diablo?
... Otra vez todo parece borrarse, menos las pupilas de aquel
hombre, menos el inconfesado encanto de su presencia.. Quisiera
retenerle alli hora tras hora, con ese deseo ardiente, unica luz en
el torbellino de sus sentimientos desbordados, de su mente
enloquecida de sufrir y de pensar...
(Juan continues)- Supongo que sera la influencia de las bendiciones
nupciales, pero no puedo desentenderme totalmente de ti, al menos
mientras no tengas la respuesta satisfactoria a esa solicitud de
anulacion que pretendes...
Monica asks who told him, Aimee? Has Juan seen her?
He responds he was with her last night and she brought him luck. He
won lots of
money from Renato. She asks if Aimee was with them. He says Of
course not! They both are regulars at the dock taverns, but they do
not go together. That's their 'decency'. ...Now he has enough money
to change into what they call a man of good. PN has given him advice
on how to invest it in good deeds. It doesn't matter if it came from
gambling or game. If he has a house of his own, if he can hire
people to do the work for him, instead of doing it all himself,
maybe he will be more worthy as husband of a 'de Molnar'.
She wants to know where is he leading to with this statements. He
says to ask her the question he came to ask her. Is Renato also
trying to get his freedom?? He NEEDS AN ANSWER from her.
'Monica se ha puesto de pie, temblando, mientras Juan va hacia ella,
tomandola por las munecas en un impulso irresistible. Ahora si,
decidido y fiero, quiere sondear un alma a atraves de la azul mirada
de Monica. Su vida entera esta pendiente de aquella palabra, pero
Monica esta demasiado ciega, su corazon esta sordo a fuerza de
sufrir, y no llega hasta ella, no percibe el grito desesperado de
otro corazon asomado al fondo de las falsamente ironicas palabras de
Juan. Tambien ella se revuelve envenenada, tambien ella siente en
los labios la amarga bocanada de los celos...'
-Quieres saber si Aimee queda libre? Ella es la que te importa, no
es cierto?
-Aimee?
-Porque te ries? ...anoche estuviste con ella y por ella espias y
hurgas en mi vida. La quieres. La quisiste siempre..Pero no me
importa, puedes estar seguro...
-De eso si lo estoy, Monica. ya se que te importa el...
They both claim that the other spilled the guts of their soul to
them some time ago. Monica loved Renato and Juan loved Aimee, even
though he wanted to get revenge from her he still loved her, he
still wanted to take her away with him...
Monica finally answers his question after some more of this back and
forth insulting...
-Si Renato va a romper sus cadenas, no lo se, ni me importa....
busca tu a Renato y preguntaselo cara a cara.
-Es justamente lo que voy a hacer!
-Juan! (she stops him with her call) No..no vayas a el de esa
manera... No choques con el...
-Otra vez tienes miedo. Otra vez lo aceptas todo, como entonces...
-Como entonces no. Entonces lo acepte todo, ahora lo rechazo todo,
pero no quiero que mis palabras te empujen a buscarlo, no quiero
enloquecerte.
'Se ha desplomado sollozante otra vez, y Juan la mira apagandose
lentamente en sus pupilas la llama que la colera encendiera,
sintiendo que su ira se transforma en hondo dolor, que sutilmente le
penetra mientras se abren sus brazos en la triste actitud del que
nada puede.
-Calmate, Monica, te lo ruego. No hare nada. Un momento me deje
llevar por la colera, pero no lo buscare si el no me busca; no lo
buscare, porque hay algo que si no podria prometerte: respetar su
vida. Cien veces me contuve frente a el, cien veces, al ir a
extender las manos, al ir a alzar los punos, pense que al fin y al
cabo, renegado y proscrito, es tambien sangre suya la que me corre
por las venas. .. Tampoco yo quiero derramarla, Monica. hay algo que
me paraliza, que me detiene, no quiero verter la sangre de mi
hermano. Pero que no siga por ese camino, que no sea el quien cada
instante me salga al encuentro, porque no mirare nada, puedes creer
que no mirare nada la proxima vez... Si quieres que viva, dile que
se aparte de mi sendero, que se olvide de mi, como yo voy a
olvidarme de el!!'
Juan leaves rapidly, Monica calls for him, but he does not respond.
Out comes Renato again, asking Monica if Juan said something to hurt
her again.
-Nada hizo contra mi. Es que no entiendes? Nada me ha hecho. Ningun
mal quiere hacer a nadie... Es noble, es generoso, es bueno... ..Te
comprendo
mas de lo que crees. Ya se lo que es sentirse enloquecer y cegar de
celos. Pero, aun comprendiendote, aun perdonandote de todo corazon,
el mal que hiciste esta hecho... Te dije mi ultima palabra, Renato;
olvidate de todo esto, vuelve a tu Campo Real. Si el Santo Padre
accede a mis deseos, no saldre jamas de este convento. '
Bonus advance,.. the beginning of Chap 4.
Juan is leaving walking rapidly. PN tries to catch up with him but
he cannot so he complains that Juan wants to 'kill' him.
-Eres como el mendigo ciego, lo bastante loco para echar a palos al
perro que le sirve de lazarillo.
-No soy ningun mendigo!
-Ni yo ningun perro!
-..No me atormente mas.
...
-Me dijiste que tenias que hacerle una pregunta, de la que dependia
tu vida futura... Llegaste a hacerla?
-No, Noel. Para que? Todo me dio la respuesta. Queria invitarla a un
viaje, llevarmela esta misma noche, arrancarla de aqui, sacarla de
esa tumba
donde agoniza por un amor que es imposible para ella, mirar sus ojos
bajo otra luz, bajo otros cielos, arrancarle como a un idolo las mil
tunicas falsas en que su alma se envuelve, y volver a sentir su
corazon entre mis manos... Escuchar el latido de su sangre bajo las
estrellas, y entonces, solo entonces, preguntarle si el amor de Juan
del Diablo es algo para ella... De otro modo, no lo hare, no lo hare
aunque me muera...'
(Isn't that whole statement priceless?? His entire heart is naked in
just one statement... and oh such beautiful choice of words... )