Faith shook her head. "Naw. I did some stuff in the prison yard to keep from going crazy."
"Okay. Then I know not to pull any punches."
"Oh, B," she said, chuckling slightly. "Always a champion of what's just. You know better than that. Let's just box."
"You got it."
Spike sat in the corner on a stack of mats, smoking quietly. This wasn't what he'd meant about the training room being empty. If I made a video of this, it'd sell for… well, enough to pay all of Buffy's bills. Certain vamps and demons would love to their hands on a tape of two Slayers duking it out, he thought. He watched Buffy duck a right cross and grinned. She definitely outclassed the tarty brunette in skill.
A knock at the door distracted the fighters, and they stopped momentarily. Willow and Tara walked in, both eyeing Faith like she was a rabid dog. Buffy nodded at them and turned back to her opponent. "Ready for more?"
"Oh, yeah. Been a long time since I could really unleash," Faith replied, her double entendre lingering in her tone. Spike's chuckle caused her to smirk cockily and salute him. "Why not bring the pet vamp in as well? I'm sure he can take us both on."
Buffy let out a surprisingly possessive growl that even made Spike raise his
eyebrows. "That better have only referred to sparring, Faith, or I'll rip
your stringy hair off your head strand by strand. I'm a different girl than
the one who dated Angel."
Spike looked at Buffy in shock, trying to keep his emotions from showing on his face. He stood up to take off his duster, tossing it over where Willow and Tara were sitting. He looked at the other Slayer. "You do realize that I'll really hit you, right, ducks?"
"And if he gets hurt with anything of the wooden kind, I'll really kill you?" Buffy seconded.
Faith looked from one to the other slowly. "I've finally seen it all. A vampire making sure I know the score, fair and square. And Buffy actually meaning it when she threatens to kill me is doubly strange. It's been an enlightening day, after all." She caught Buffy's look, and rolled her eyes. "B, I always knew, when no one else did, that you'd never really kill me over Angel. And that half-hearted try? Come one, girl. You'd hit me harder in training sessions. It's why I threw myself into the truck before you had to piss or get off the pot. I knew you couldn't do it; I saved your face for you."
Buffy's jaw dropped and she stared at Faith in amazement. How Faith had known things she'd never even admitted to herself was a total mystery. Everything the brunette had said was true, and Buffy, for once, had no witty remark or comeback to offer. She closed her mouth, opened it, and then shut it again. Without a word, she turned on her heel and slammed out of the practice room through the back door.
Faith looked at Spike, who was making to go after her. "I mean it, Blondie. She would never have killed me over Angel. She'd drop me in a minute for you, though. Just call it woman's intuition." Shrugging at his lack of response, she walked over to the punching bag and began hitting it ferociously.
Willow looked Spike and nodded her agreement. "I think she's right, Spike. None of us really wanted to admit that we didn't want Faith dead, not really. But we never really forgave Angel for Angelus, at least not then, anyways. Let Buffy work this out on her own. She needs time to figure this out for herself. Come out front and help us look for something about the singing, okay?"
Spike nodded jerkily, striding over to pick up his coat. He nodded at Faith,
who gave him a cool look in return. Then he followed the Witches out into the
shop, his mind still on Faith's words and Buffy's lack of denial.
************************************************************************
Buffy kicked the gravel underneath her feet, staring at the ground like it held
all the answers in the world. She knew she'd have to face her friends about
the information Faith had revealed. Not to mention Spike, who was probably doing
a Snoopy dance of joy right now. The image of him doing so made her frown crease
a little, almost inverting into a smile, but not quite making it. How did
she know? Did Angel know? How could I not have loved Angel as much as Spike?
What's the difference? And why does everything in my life have to affect the
entire world? Why can't I just be Buffy Summers for a while?
She sniffled slightly, and looked around. No one had followed her out. She was free to do or say anything she wanted. Even cry. Before she opened her mouth, it occurred to her that she only felt like singing when her emotions were high, or when she was trying to hide them. That was something she could tell Willow to check on. A few tears slid down her face before she finally gave in to the urge to sing.
"I can't stand to fly. I'm not that naïve. I'm just out to find the better part of me. I'm more than a bird. I'm more than a plane. More than some pretty face beside a train. It's not easy to be me," she sang softly, kicking the dirt again, before getting up.
She walked over to where the sun was filtering into the alley and stood in it, basking in the warmth on her cold limbs. It felt good, like she was alive, really alive, and all was right with the world. "Wish that I could cry, fall upon my knees. It may sound absurd but don't be naïve. Even heroes have the right to bleed. I may be disturbed, but won't you concede. Even heroes have the right to dream. It's not easy to be me."
Her voice grew stronger with each line, her eyes shining with the tears that were falling copiously now, both for her and for all the people in her life she'd betrayed by lying to herself for so long. "Up, up and away, away from me…it's all right. You can all sleep sound tonight; I'm not crazy or anything…It's not easy…to be…me," she whispered, looking out into the horizon wistfully.
The sound of someone clapping rang out in the deserted alleyway, and she whirled around to see the annoying green guy Faith had brought with her.
"What are you doing here?" she asked angrily, wiping her eyes with her hand.
"Oh, honey, you got it bad for him. And you hold so much guilt for things that aren't even your fault," he said, clucking his tongue at her.
"How the hell would you know and what business is it of yours?"
"Well, it's my gift. You have yours, and I have mine, sweetie. And mine is the ability to read souls when people, or demons, sing. Your soul is crying in agony. You need to lighten up. I think that idiot Childe of Angel's is helping you find that out, but Faith… that biscuit needed to keep that info to herself. You didn't need to know that. But, c'est la vie, you know?"
"I didn't take French in high school. I was too busy slaying the Mayor and trying to kill Faith. Or not kill her, I don't know."
"You have to accept, Buffy, that you loved Angel like a young girl. Of course you didn't have the capacity to kill someone, a human, your sister Slayer, over him. But now…you're all grown up. You've died to save your sis. You've been resurrected, and found a new life, a new love. It's got to be different, or nothing you've done has meant anything to you. And then I'd be scared."
"So you're saying that everything I've done so far, has lead up to this? My being able to love fully enough to," she broke off remembering the First's words. 'Death is your gift…you are full of love.' "I'll be damned. She was right."
"You bet your ass she was. The Powers don't send the First Slayer to guide just anyone. She's not very friendly, but she's not slouch with the prophecy, either," Lorne said. "You have to trust your gut. The feelings there…they come straight from the top, if you know what I mean."
Buffy nodded slowly. She looked at him thoughtfully. "Did someone tell you come out here?"
"Nope. I've got stellar hearing, dearie. I heard a mournful song from inside, and by the way, don't ever let them tell you that you're a bad singer. You just have to believe in what you're singing." That said, he walked past her, opening the door to the training room and heading inside.
She watched him leave, a smile pricking the corners of her mouth. Maybe he's right. Maybe I do need to stop blaming myself for every little thing. Loosen up a bit. And I know just the two people who can help me do that, she thought mischievously. For the first time in awhile, I can't wait to patrol tonight.