Disclaimer: This is not intended to offend anyone. These jokes
aren't my creation either...
A Sardarji finds himself in dire trouble. His business has gone bust
and he's in serious financial trouble. He's so desperate that he
decides to ask Bhagwan for help.
He goes into the temple and begins to pray........... "Oh Bhagwan,
please help me, I've lost my business and if I don't get some money,
I'm going to lose my house as well, please let me win the lotto".
Lotto night comes and somebody else wins it.
The Sardarji goes back to the temple..................... "Bhagwan,
please let me win the lotto, I've lost my business, my house and I'm
going to lose my car as well".
Lotto night comes and the Sardarji still has no luck!!
Back to the temple..................
"My Bhagwan, why have you forsaken me?
I've lost my business, my house, my car and my wife and children are
starving.. I don't often ask you for help and I have always been a
good servant to you. Why won't you just let me win the lotto this one time
so I can get my life back in order???".
Suddenly there is a blinding flash of light as the sky parts open and
the Sardarji is confronted by the voice of Lord :
"SARDARJI, BUY THE DAMN TICKET FIRST".WITHOUT BUYING TICKETS YOU CANT
WIN"
There was a competition. Those who don't laugh for 100 continuous
jokes will get an award. Our surdarji gang headed by Bantu singh
went to competition but unfortunately only one of them got the
admission. So Bantu as representing the surdarjis went and sat
with other competitors. People started telling jokes one by one. Our
sardarji didn't laugh a bit though somany others got
dis-qualified. Rest of the surdarajis were so happy after 98th joke
thinking that they will get their share of prize since Bantu was sent
as their representative.
But after 99th joke, Bantu started laughing, rolling on ground, no
body could control him. His surd friends got angry and asked "are
saale why didn't you hold your laugh for just another joke",
Bantu replied """" Are yaar, main kya karooon, the joke number 1 was
too good ......!!! """""
Once in the Indo Pakistan war, Pakistan was fighting fiercely
and capturing everything in sight. A sikh camp called Gurudwara
hideout was crucial to defend from the pakistanis as it contained all
the defence secrets. The pakistani forces surrounded the base and the
sikhs had thought that they had lost the battle but, suddenly out of
the bushes jumps Cptn.Jasvinder Singh wearing a Maachar dani! (mosquito
net) He Pulls out his A-k 47 rifle and fires like mad. The pakistanis run off
quickly. The next day Jasvinder Singh gets a medal.
His freinds ask him" Yaar thu maachar daani kyon pehenke gaya tha?"
Jasvinder replies"Maachar daani itni patli hote hain ki agar maachar
nahin ghus sakte, goli kahan se ghussenghi?"
In the following war Jasvinder Singh retires and his son
Pradeep Singh(NO ASSUMPTIONS PLEASE) joins the army. Pakistanis are
again surrounding theGurudwara hideout, the sikhs again think they'v lost
the war but out of the bushes erupts Pradeep Singh wearning nothing he tries
do shoo away the pakistanis like his father did but instead gets shot.
In the hospital his friends tell him "aare yaar, therre bap me tho itni
aakall thi ki vo maachar daani pehin ke gaya tha, aaur tu , nunga
chale gaya" Pradeep Singh replies"aare yaar main tho odomos laaga ke gaya
tha"!
Sardarji is selected to play for the Indian cricket team as an opening
batsman. He opens the batting against West Indies. He is asked to face
the very first over (with one Sunil Gavaskar as the non-striker!) from
Marshall who is bowling at his fiercest...
First ball : Whizzes past Sardarji's off-stump. Sardarji doesn't move an
inch. Ball goes to wicket-keeper.
Second ball : Goes right over the Sardarji's bat and just over the middle
stump, somehow missing both the bat and the stumps. Sardarji is again
unmoved.
Third ball : Is a bouncer. Almost decapitates the Sardarji, missing his
head by a fraction of an inch. Ball goes to wicket-keeper. Sardarji
doesn't move a muscle.
Fourth ball : Outside the leg-stump. Sardarji again doesn't move, and the
ball shoots past him to the wicket-keeper. But this time, the umpire
shouts "No Ball!"
Sardarji walks up to the umpire and tells him, "So you discovered it
now!You see, I know from the very beginning that the guy has no ball in his
hand!"
Two sardarjis were sitting outside a clinic. One of them was crying
like anything. So the other asked, " Why are you crying?" The first
one replied, " I came here for blood test." Second one asked, "So?
Why are you crying? Are you afraid ?" First one replied,
"No. Not that. During the blood test they cut my finger."
hearing this the second one started crying. The first one was
astonished and asked the other, " Why are you crying?" .
Then the other one replied,
"I have come for my urine test."
Two Sardarjis (pilots) try to land an airplane in the states. They
start descending and as they touch the ground the pilot scream to the other
pilot : "Get the airplane up, the runaway is ending...".
The second pilot swiftly gets the plane back up in the air...
They make a big turn and start descending again. The moment they
touch the ground, the pilot scream again "Get the plane up, the runaway is
ending...". The second pilot swiftly gets the plane back up in the
air... They make a big turn and start descending again... This goes on again
and again... During their fourth descent the pilot says : "Look at those
stupid Americans, they build this huge & expensive airport but with such a
short runaway...", "I know" answers the second pilot, "But look how wide
they made it...."
A sardarni competed with a French woman and an English woman in
the Breast Stroke division of an English Channel swim competition..
The French woman came in first, the English woman second.
The sardarni finally reached shore completely exhausted. After
being revived with blankets and coffee, she remarked, "I don't vant
to complain, but I think those other two girls used their arms."
A sardarji, his wife, and son, after spending a hectic trip to
South are returning back home by train.
On the way, they fall asleep; the sardar on the lower birth, his
wife on the middle, and the son, on the upper one.
In one of the stations, the son gets up and wakes up his father
asking for an ice-cream. Both get out
and after buying him, they return to the compartment, only to find
a stranger occupying the upper birth, and snoring peacefully.
Sardar is frustrated, after repeatedly trying to get rid of the
man.
He finally calls the TTE, a pakka Madrasi, to his aid and in his
best English, explains his plight to him,
"An unknown person lying on top of my wife, not giving birth to my son"
This is is a letter from a sardarji mother to her
son at school ...
*************************************************
Pyaarey Puttar,
Vahe Guru. I am writing this letter slow because I
know you can't read fast. We don't live where we
did when you left home. Your dad read in the
newspaper that most accidents happen 20 miles
from your home, so we moved! I won't be able to
give you the address as the last sardar who stayed
in this house took the numbers with them for their
next house, so they wouldnt have to change their
address.
This place is really nice. It even has a washing
machine. I'm not sure it works too well, last week
I put in three shirts and pulled the chain and I
HAVE NOT SEEN THEM SINCE.
THE weather here isn't too bad. It rained only twice
last week. The first it rained for three days and the
second time for four days. The coat you wanted me
to send you, your aunt said it would be a little too
heavy to send in the mail with all the buttons, so we
cut them off and put them in the pocket.
We got another bill from the funeral home. It said
that if we don't make the last payment on
GRANDMA'S FUNERAL, she will come up again.
Your father has another job. He has 500 men under
him. He is cutting the grass in the cemetery. Your
sister had a baby this morning, I havent found out
whether it is a boy or girl, so I don't know whether
you are an aunt or uncle!
Your uncle jatindar fell into a whiskey vat. Some
men tried to pull him out, but he fought them off
and drowned. We cremated him and he burned for
3 days.
Three of your friends went off the bridge in a
pick-up truck. One was driving and the other two
were in the back. the driver got out, he rolled down
the window and swam to safety. the other 2 friends
drowned because they couldn't get the gate down.
there isn't much more news at this time. nothing
much has happened.
love, mom
p.s. i was going to send you some money, but the
envelope was already sealed.
There were these three friends who used to meet at lunchtime at a
bench near a cliff.
The Muslim person on opening his sandwich box said -I am sick of my
wife making Biryani every day for the last six months . If she does it
one more time I am going to kill myself and leave a note so she doesnt
do the same for her new husband..
The Hindu person person on opening his sandwich box said -I am sick
of my wife making Daal Chawal every day for the last six months . If
she does it one more time I am going to kill myself.
Sardarji on opening his sandwich box said -I dont know what you guys
are moaning about .! I have had just bread and jam -not even butter
for the last six months , if I have it one more day , I too will kill
myself.
Next day they meet.
The Muslim opens his box -says Oh NO !! , its Biryani ! - shouts the
Muslim war cry -Allahu Akbar ( God is Great -as if HE doesnt know ! )
and jumps off and kills himself.
The Hindu opens his box and say 'AAGH -its daal chawwal - shouts the
Hindu war cry - 'Ram Bandar Banana'- (-God reincarnate me as a
monkey ' ) jumps off and dies.
Sardarji opens his box nd sees 'Bread and Jam ! ! -shouts Raj Karega
Khalsa ( Sikhs uber alles ) and jumps.
The next day their wives gather for a collective wail .
Muslmani says -If he only he had told me he didnt like Biryani , I
would have made him something else.
Hindu wife sobs -if only he had told me he couldnt stand daal chawwal.
I would...
Sikhni says 'Sardarji has always made his own lunch . If only ...!!
WHY CAN'T A SARDARJI NEVER WEAR AN "ARROW" SHIRT?
- BECAUSE, WHENEVER HE GOES TO THE "ARROW" SHOW ROOM HE
SEES THE ARROW MARK AND TURNS TO THE NEXT SHOP.
1200 persons attended the recent International Psychic Society
conference.
Moderator: "How many attendees believe in ghosts?"
(Over 80% of the hands were raised).
Moderator: "How many have actually seen a ghost?" (58% of the
hands were raised)
Moderator: "How many believe that a ghost can be solid?" (23% of the
hands were raised)
Moderator: "How many have ever physically touched a ghost?" (3% of
the hands were raised)
Moderator: "How many have ever had sex with a ghost?" (After some
pause one lonely hand at the back of the hall went up)
Moderator: "May I ask where you are from, Sardarji ?"
Attendee: "I am from Jallandhar."
Moderator: "And you say you've had sex with a ghost?"
Attendee: " Oh, I thought you said "goat."
Sardarji is at a feast arranged by the Queen of England. One of
the dignitaries present requests the Queen, "Pass the Wine you Devine !".
Sardarji thinks to himself - "How poetic !". Sardar also wants to say a
rhyming sentence. He tells the British ambassador sitting next to him,
"Pass the custard you bastard".
Iqbal Singh is travelling from Moscow to Delhi by Khalistan
Airlines. Seated beside him is Garry Kasparov.
Garry asks Iqbal whether he would like to play chess to kill time.
Iqbal : " He he! you think i don't know who you are? I wouldn't
dare to compete with a world champion".
Garry: " How about if i play left handed?"
Iqbal: #Think.. Think..] " OK!"
Iqbal is demolished in 10 moves.. and is very upset through-out
the rest of the journey. On landing he meets his friend Banta Singh.
Iqbal: Hey! u know what! I played chess with Garry Kasparov and he
defeated me inspite of him playing left-handed...
Banta: He he he! He sure did fool you! U know what- Garry IS
left-handed.
Some hot discussion was going on in parliment. Our sardar did
not care what was that about. Growing weary of the noise he
stood up, grabbed mike, "Half the MPs here are dogs", proclaimed
the sardar.
The Parlimentary Leader thought this is derogatory.
"You got to withdraw your statement", leader.
"Ok. I'll. But, I can with draw only what I said", sardar.
"That is what we all exactly want.", shouted the crowd.
"Ok. Half the MPs here are not dogs".
Sardarji went to US to live with his brother. Sardarji's Brother
owns a apple shop in US. One day he asked his brother to stay at the
shop because he had to go somewhere. He asked his brother if somebody
comes to shop and ask for the apple's price, tell them $2 a pound. If
somebody questions wheter these apples are sweet or sour, tell them
some are some are not. If some body says I do not want to buy, tell
them somebody else will buy.
Now the sardarji was ready to sell the apples. A lady comes and asks
sardarji, Do you know what time it is ? Sardarji replied $2 a pound. Lady
said; all sardarji's are idiot and fools.Sardarji replied, some are some
are not. Lady got frustrated and said, I will take you to police station.
Sardarji replied, if you will not take some body else take.
GREAT SARDAR JOKES : time pass (even if you already heard them)
1)
Sardar Gurbachan Singh is appearing for his University final
examination. He takes his seat in the examination hall, stares at the
question paper for five minutes, and then in a fit of inspiration
takes his shoes off and throws them out of the window. He then removes
his turban and throws it away as well. His shirt, pant, socks and
watch follow suit.
The invigilator, alarmed, approaches him and asks what is going on.
"Oye, I am only following the instructions yaar," he says, " it says
here, 'Answer the following questions in brief'.".
2)
An Englishman, an American and a Sardarji are called upon to test a
lie detector . The Englishman says:
"I think I can empty 20 bottles of beer".
BUZZZZZZ, goes the lie detector.
"Ok", he says, "10 bottles".
And the machine is silent.
The American says: "I think I can eat 15 hamburgers".
BUZZZZZZ, goes the lie detector.
"Allright, 8 hamburgers".
And the machine's silent.
The Sardarji says:
"I think...",
BUZZZZZZ goes the machine.
3)
Santa and Banta work in a software company. One day, they were to
move their m/cs to another building. Santa was having a tough time
carrying his machine.
Santa : "My m/c has 500 MB disk. See how easily I am carrying it.
Yours has just 250 MB. Can't you carry even this much?"
Banta : "But yours is empty and my disk is full"!!!
4)
So this sardarji is walking the other day and comes across a banana
peel on the road. Can you guess what he must be thinking ??
"Saala aaj bhi girna padega..."
5)
Having lost his donkey a Sardarji, got down to his knees and
started thanking God. A passerby saw him and asked, "Your donkey is
missing; what are you thanking God for ?" The sardarji replied "I am
thanking Him for seeing to it had I wasn't riding the donkey at that
time, otherwise I would have been missing too."
6)
Surjit Singh saw that his friend Baljit Singh was very depressed.
"What happened ?" asked Surjit. "Yaar, I lost Rs. 800 in a bet
yesterday . "
"How come ?"
"Well, yesterday, the one-day match between India and England
was being shown live on TV.I bet Rs.500 that India would win,
but I lost the bet."
" But thats only Rs. 500, where did the rest go ?"
" Yaar, I bet on the highlights too!"
7)
A sardarji with two red ears went to his doctor. The doctor asked
him what had happened to his ears and he answered,
"I was ironing a shirt and the phone rang - but instead of
picking up the phone I accidentally picked up the iron and
stuck it to my ear."
"Oh Dear!" the doctor exclaimed in disbelief. "But .. what
happened to your other ear?"
"The scoundrel called back."
8)
This is one of many famous sardarji jokes. Enjoy it, if you have not
heard it before. Our sardarji was filling up an application form for
a job . He promptly filled the columns titled NAME,AGE,ADDRESS etc.
Then he the column SEX. He was not sure as to what to be filled there.
After much thought he wrote THRICE A WEEK. On seeing this in his appln.
form, he was told that it was wrong and what they wanted it to be filled
was either MALE or FEMALE .
Again our sardar thought for a long time before coming up with the
answer PREFERABLY FEMALES.
9)
One great day in Bombay, One young couple was on honeymoon tour.
They saw one Sardarji in front of Hospital ( Bridge Candy ) was
trying to fill some form. So eagerly couple enquired " aare Sardarji
kya kar raahe ho "
Sardarji replied that I had a baby and I am filling the birth
certificate form.
Young Couple as per preshedule, they took the Bombay to Delhi Flight
for their next destination. On the very next day, they find the same
Sardarji, in front of Lal Qilla in Delhi filling the same form.
So once again young couple curiously asked " Aare Sardarji kya kar
raahe ho"
sardarji once again replied that I had a baby and I am filling the
birth certificate form. Couple said but sardarji yesterday you were in
bombay filling the same form Why you are in Delhi.
Sardaji cooly replied " Aare Saab Ye form mein leekha hey ke FILL IN
CAPITAL" Aap ko etna bhi patta nahi hei .. Ha Ha Ha.....
(1). Once two sardarjis, who thought that they are underestimated
in India, thought of trying their luck abroad. Both of them reached
London. As they came out of airport , they saw a English man. Santa
Singh asked Banta Singh that since he doesn't know English that well,
he should go and talk to that person. Banta Singh went to him and started:
" Respected Sir, With due respect I beg to say that I am suffering from
fever and so I will not be able to attend the school......................"
in this way he recited the full application.The person went away smiling.
Banta Singh returned proudly to Santa. Santa said," Oh yaar! it was great...
you talked so fluently, how impressed he was..........."
Banta replied, " this is nothing ! still I remember full essay of Cow ".
4. Once Zail Singh was on a foreign tour with Indira Gandhi. She
gave him prior training about English. She taught him about the silent
letters in English (e.g. how to pronounce HONEST etc.)
When they reached there and visiting important places there Zail
Singh happened to see BATA shoe store. He was happy and began to
cry, "BATA BATA........".
Indira Gandhi got angry and shouted "Be Silent".
Zail Singh realized his mistake and started crying " ATA ATA ATA........."
(6) In a party one of Zail Singh's friends asked him How many
chappathis he could eat in an empty stomach. Zail replied "Seven". Then
his friend told him "When U eat the first chappathi your stomach is no longer
empty .. Then how can U eat seven ??". Zail was impressed by this
tricky question. So as soon as he went back home he asked his wife "
How many chappathis can you eat in an empty stomach ??". She replied
"Five". Then Zail told " Shit!! If only you had told seven I had a nice
reply for it"
(8) One day sardarji decides that he is fed up of Sardarji being
called fools. So he decides to fool the others and show them that they
too are fools. Our freind goes to the top of Kutubminar in delhi and
peeps down from the top with a lot of interest.
Somebody taps him on the back and asks, "Sardarji what r u looking"
our freind replies "sssssshhhhhhh, line pe kade ho jao (stand in the line..)"
after sometime ,somebody asks the same question to the second guy and he
gives the same reply. This goes on .
After a while our freind sees that the line has reached the bottom
of kutubinar. So he feels very happy that he has succeded in fooling so many
people , & decides to turn back . He does so , and...
HE SEES A LINE OF SARDARJI'S ALL THE WAY TO THE BOTTOM.
(11) A sardar is traveling via train. On his way, he feels the
urge to go to the bathroom. So he goes and opens the bathroom door, which
happens to have a mirror in the front. The sardar thinks there is another
sardar bhaiwaal in there, quickly shuts the door and returns to his seat. 5
minutes later he goes again, only to find the same sardar bhaiwaal. An hour
passes away, he's made 20 trips to the bathroom, only to find that the same
person is still there. So he finally gets ticked off, goes to the last
compartment and tells the TC (Ticket Checker) what's been going on. The TC,
which also happens to be a sardar, feels bad for him and promises to throw
the bum out. The TC walks down to the compartment with the troubled bathroom
to get the resident bhaiwaal out.
Few minutes later the TC comes back and tell the sardar "I'm
sorry, I can't do anything. The guy in there is a railway staff member".
U know its a sardar when ??
puts lipstick on the forehead because he wanted to makeup his mind.
gets stabbed in a shoot-out.
sends a fax with a stamp on it.
was on the corner giving out potato chips yellin' "Free Lays!"
tries to drown a fish.
If you gave them a penny for their intelligence, you'd get change.
thinks socialism means partying.
trips over a cordless phone.
takes a ruler to bed to see how long he slept.
At the bottom of the application where it says "Sign Here"
he put "Sagittarius."
takes 2 hours to watch the TV show 60 minutes.
studies for a blood test and fails.
invents a solar powered flashlight.
sells the car for gas money.
heard 90% of all crimes occur around the home, he moves.
misses the 44 bus, and takes the 22 twice instead.
takes you to the airport and saw a sign that said,
"Airport left", he turned around and went home.
got locked in a Furniture Shop and slept on the floor.
4) Sardar Strikes Again
Once sardar is standing for a bus , he sees a truck being towed
away by another truck . He laughs, breaks down, rolls on the ground and is
laughing . There is a sindhi who is standing with sardar for the
bus. He wonders what's up ?.
Calls sardar , but sardar cannot control , points at the towing
truck & again rolls on the ground , billowing more dust . The sindhi papad
is annoyed , pulls up sardar asks him what happened, the sardar says
" kya zamana aag gaya ek rassi uthane ke liya do-do truck !! "
and again starts rolling .
Are you a Sardar ???
You should be sure it is a sardarji when somebody
* spends twenty minutes looking at an orange juice box because
it said "concentrate."
ENJOY THESE HEAPS OF TITBITS...
A fellow stopped at a rural petrol station and, after filling his
tank, he paid the bill and bought a soft drink. He stood by his car
to drink his cola and he watched a couple of surds working along the
roadside.
One surd would dig a hole two or three feet deep and then move on.
The other surd came along behind and filled in the hole. While one
was digging a new hole, the other was about 25 feet behind filling
in the old. The men worked right past the fellow with the soft
drink and went on down the road. "I can't stand this," said the man
tossing the can in a trash container and heading down the road toward
the surds.
"Hold it, hold it," he said to the men. "Can you tell me what's
going on here with this digging?"
"Well, we work for the city corporation, " one of the surds said.
"But one of you is digging a hold and the other fills it up. You're
not accomplishing anything. Aren't you wasting the city's
money?" "You don't understand," one of the surds said, leaning on his
shovel and wiping his brow. "Normally there's three of us--me, Santa
and Banta. I dig the hole, Santa sticks in the tree and Banta here
puts the dirt back. Now just because Santa's sick, that don't mean
that Banta and me can't work."
Subject: ***Mathematics of the taxi problem !
There was this group of 7 sardars who planned on going to Delhi to
thank the president Dr. Zail Singh for his revolutionary policies,
from which they had greatly benefited. Moreover they were his old
friends and longed to dine with the president. They agree that it
would be appropriate to use a taxi and decided to call a taxi waala.
So they go to a taxi driver and ask him how much a ride would cost.
The driver fretted a little and told them." Saab! If only four of
you were to be there I would charge you just the meter rate but then
since seven of you would be there, you have to give me 10 Rs more.
The sardars agreed and decided to take the taxi. The taxi driver took
them to the Rashtrapathi Bhavan and the meter read 18 Rs. So the taxi
waala said " You have to pay me 28 Rs ".
The sardars had to divide this sum and so they decided to divide the
total 28 by the number of people that is 7. This is how they did the
calculation to arrive at the answer
7 ____
\| 28 = 13 (7 x 1 = 7, 7 x 3 = 21
7
--
21
21
--
0
--
The driver was exceedingly happy upon receiving 13 Rs from each of
these fellows. He thanked then profusely and the feeling of excultant
happiness was writtern on his face as he left them and proceeded in
his way.
Seeing this the sardars felt that they may have made a mistake. They
decided to ask Zail Singh about it. After all the fellow was the
president of the nation. After all the initial formalities were
completed, they asked Zail Singh to check their calculation of the
taxi fare. Zail Singh pondered over tha calculations and finally
said. See I am not good at division. The process just boggles me but
addition is something I am an expert at. let us add all the amounts
you guys gave to the taxi driver and check the result. This is how I
do for those tax forms I get very often. The process is slow but is
sure. the other sardars nodded their head in appreciation. The
president wrote as shown below and also explained as he wrote on
13
13
13
13
13
13
13
--
28
--
i.e. 3+3+3+3+3+3+3= 21 and 21+1+1+1+1+1+1+1=28 so this
checks out.
He said then " yes its correct. But I can also call my close friend
and finance man Manmohan Singh. It is always better that he recheck
it. After all, he is a finance man you know.
Manmohan Singh arrives and when told he replies that he doesn't think
it is a bad deal but says " No problem! I will verify it via
mathematical computation. I'll verify it with multiplication. That
is the best technique for this you see " . While others watch in
admiration manmohan goes on to write as shown-
13
x7
---
21
7
--
28
-- This checks out as well.
Then he said " This is really fine. there should be no problem
President saab. After all it is correct in all the methods."
Peace lasted at the presidents residence as the inhabitants and guests
remained in quite contentedness while they reminisced about their
astute abilities on solving a problem in a successful fashion.
What is the national drink of Khalistan called ? Sharbat Khalsa.
What do you call a sardar who drinks only beer ? Just-beer Singh.
What do you call a sardar who has only one drink ? Just-one Singh.
A female Khalistan terrorist? Hard Kaur.
khalistan history .. SARSON-DA-SAGA
the great wall of khalistan .. LONG-O-WALL
national dish of khalistan .. AKALI-DAAL
the dirty drain of khalistan .. BAR-NALA
a sikh scuba diver .. JULL-UNDER SINGH
a better adapted sikh diver .. JULLUNDER SINGH GILL
a bald sardarjee .. BAL-WANT SINGH
National Bird of Khalistan .. Butter Chicken
A Saintly Sardar is called: Jogi-Inder Singh
Ticket collection
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A Surd was going by train from Delhi to Bombay. He kept
getting off at every station to buy a ticket till the next
station. When the train reached Delhi, the Surd's co-passengers asked him
why he kept on buying tickets instead of buying a ticket for the entire.
The Surd replied that his doctor had advised him against taking
long journeys.
===================================================
Detective job vacancy
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Three men were applying for the same job as a detective.
One was a Sardarji, one was Jewish, and one was Italian. The chief
decided to ask each applicant just one question and base his decision
upon that answer.
When the Jewish man arrived for his interview, the chief
asked him, "Who killed Jesus Christ?" The Jewish man answered without
hesitation "The Romans killed him." The chief thanked him and he
left.
When the Italian man arrived for his interview, the chief
asked the same question. He replied "Jesus was killed by the Jews."
Again, the chief thanked the man who then left.
Finally the Sardarji arrived for his interview, he was
asked the same question. He thought for a long time, before saying,
"Could I have some time to think about it?" The chief said, "OK, but get
back to me tomorrow."
When the Sardarji arrived home, his wife asked "How did
the interview go?". Pat came the reply, "Great, I got the
job, and I'm already investigating a murder
======================================================
Salary ??
~~~~~~~
Our sardarji was filling up an application form for a job.
He promptly filled the columns titled NAME,AGE,ADDRESS etc. Then he
came to the column Salary Expected : He was not sure as to what
to be filled there. After much thought he wrote : Yes
Santa Singh and Banta Singh were sitting on a tree
and Santa Singh was singing a song. After 4 songs
Santa Singh hung himself upside down and started
singing again. Banta Singh : Santa Singh, what is
the matter with you? Why are you hanging upside down.
Santa Singh : I am singing the B side.
=====================================================
This sardarji goes to see Jurassic Park and when the
Dinosaurs start approaching he is cowering in his seat
when his friend asks him ;kyon sardarji, kya baat
hai? Dar kyon lag raha hai cinema hi to hai.;
Sardarji replies ;Aadmi hoon aur akkal hai, pata hai
ki cinema hai, lekin voh to janwar hai, usko kya pata"
=====================================================
Banta Singh finished his English exam and came out. His
friends asked him how did he do his exam, for that he
replied ;Exam was okay, but for the past tense of
THINK, I thought, thought, thought ... and at last I
wrote THUNK !!!;
=====================================================
Once a Sardarji was travelling on a train. He felt sleepy
so he gave the guy sitting opposite him on the train 20
rupees to wake him up when the station arrived. This guy
was a barber, and he felt that for 20 rupees , the
sardarji deserved more service. So, when the Sardarji
fell asleep, the barber quietly shaved off his beard.
When the station arrived, the Sardarji was woken up, and
he went home.
Reaching home, he went to wash his face, and suddenly
screamed when he saw the mirror. Said his wife ;
What's the matter?; Replied he ;The cheat on
the train has taken my 20 rupees and woken up someone
else.;
=====================================================
There's a funeral procession of a sardar going on a busy
street. All the sardars in the 'mayyat' are dancing the
bhangra and singing and general 'balle balle' is on. The
people on the street find it strange that instead of
mourning everyone is celebrating as if its marriage
baraat. So one of them asks Santa Singh, ;Singh
Saab, aapka koi sage wala gujar gaya hai aur aap naach
rahe ho?; .....comes the reply, ;Haan ji! Hai
hi baat badi kushi ki!!! Aaj paheli baar ek sardar
brain tumour se mara hai!!!;
=====================================================
*******************************************************************
Sardarji calls Air India. "How long does it take to fly
to Amritsar?" "Just a sec," says the rep. > "Thank you."
says the Sardarji and hangs up.
***
***************************************************************
Sardarji is in Delhi. He is walking on a street which has a
Clock Tower when someone asks him if he wants to buy the clock
on the Tower.
Sardarji says "Yes".
"Give me a thousand rupees and I'll go get a ladder."
The man took the thousand and disappeared. Having waited for
several hours the Sardarji figured he was taken. On the next day the
Sardarji is again walking along the same street and the same man
asks him to buy the clock
"Give me a thousand rupees and I'll go get a ladder."
The Sardarji gives him the thousand and says "I am not a fool.
This time you wait and I'll go get a ladder."
********************************************************************
Sardarji is buying a TV.
"Do you have color TVs?"
"Sure."
"Give me a green one, please."
******************************************************************
Two dogs, Rubi and Moti, and a Sardarji were sent to the outer
space. The ground control issues commands "Rubi!" "Woof!"
"Press the red button." "Woof! Woof!" "Moti!" "Woof!" "Press
the white button." "Woof! Woof!" "Sardarji!" "Woof." "Stop
barking, feed the dogs and don't touch anything!"
********************************************************************
Sardarji is sitting on a tree branch and sawing it. A passerby
warns him
"Sardarji, you're gonna fall down!"
"Hardly," says he and falls.
Then he looks after the passer-by and mumbles
"Must have been a wizard."
******************************************************************
Sardarji got the 4th child. He fills data in the birth
certificate "Mother: Sikh. Father: Sikh. Kid: Chinese." "How
come you write "Chinese" when both parents are Sikh?" "Aah,
Sardarji read a newspaper,
it says that every 4th person born on the Earth now is a
Chinese."
******************************************************************
Two Sardarjis are in a railway station.
"Can I take this train to Ludhiana?" asks the first.
"No," answers the RR man.
"Can I?" asks the second Sardarji.
******************************************************************
A passer by notices a Sardarji by the side of a lake, throwing
bricks into the water. So he asks the Sardarji "Why are you
throwing bricks in to the water?" The Sardarji takes a brick
and again throws it into the water and says thoughtfully "See,
I've been trying to solve the mystery: why are the bricks
rectangular and the waves circular?"
Date: Mon, 14 Jul 1997 12:49:30 -0400
Subject: One liners
Q. Desi who falls at people's feet?
A: Charan Singh
Q. Desi who falls at peopls' feet and stays there?
A. Gir charan Singh
SARDARJEE JOKES.
Q. What is a jiving Sardar called?
A. Breakdan Singh.
Q. What do you call a sardar who drinks only beer ?
A. Just-beer Singh.
Q. What do you call a sardar who has only one drink ?
A. Just-one Singh.
Q. A female Khalistan terrorist?
A. Hard Kaur.
Q. Who is that guy visiting the Golden Temple everyday?
A. Har Mandir Singh.
Q. What do you call a sikh female's boyfriend?
A. Her Pal Singh
Q. What do you call a sikh guy running towards the enemy camp
with a white flag in his hand? (This had appeared on SCI long
long ago.)
A. Surrender Singh
the great wall of khalistan .. LONG-O-WALL
national dish of khalistan .. AKALI-DAAL
the dirty drain of khalistan .. BAR-NALA
a bald sardarjee .. BAL-WANT SINGH
Date: Wed, 05 Nov 1997 09:16:09 -0600
One rainy day Sardar singh was travelling by his new FERRARI
car . He was not a very good driver and so, did not have complete
control on it
. Mike tyson was also riding his bike on the same road . At a
speed breaker sardar's car came in contact with tyson's bike . Tyson
got very angry . He dragged sardar out of the car and threw him a
few yards away from the car . Tyson then drew a small circle
around sardar and shouted " Hey !! Its not easy for you to damage my bike
and get away . Now i will be thrashing your car . You should stay
inside this circle and watch me smash your car .If you come out of the
circle I will kill you immediately".Then tyson turned towards the car
and he smashad its side indicators.Then he looked at sardar . Sardar
looked at tyson sarcastically .Tyson's anger grew and he smashed the
window panes and then again looked at sardar . Sardar grinned at
tyson .
Tyson was confused . Tyson could now not at all control his
anger and he broke the side doors and tore away the seats of the car .
Then he again looked at Sardar . Sardar was laughing so hard that he
could hadrly stand ( kannada version -- falling falling laughing
laughing )
. This time Tyson came to Sardar and he told " oh ! what is
this ? I am spoiling your expensive car and you are so happy about it ?
" .Sardar replied " Every time you turned towards the car I was
out of the circle and you did not notice it . I have fooled you .
You are a fool .. "
Date: Wed, 07 Jan 1998 12:05:09 -0600
During the initial periods of Narsimha Rao, when the
libralisation, de-regulation etc. was on the top of the economic aganda, our
great duo Santa and Banta Singh decided that this is the right time to
for their Constructions Company to go global, and lanunced an Indian MNC
namely S_B Khalsa International.
Around the same time, there was an effort by European Economic
Community (EEC) to construct a new Tunnel under English Channel,
to connect England and France,and there was a big advt. in international
newspapers inviting global tenders for the job. Needless to say,
S_B Khalsa Inc. also went for it.
When tender was opened, it was found that S_B Khalsa's quotation was
ridiculously low. They quoted just ?50,000 for the complete work,
with a gurantee that job will be completed in one month's time. The
entire tender evaluation committe was surprised at this proposal. In fact
this was the first time they had come across any such proposal. So, the
committee dicided to invite S_B Khalsa Inc. for technical evaluation,
and Santa, Banta have been invited abroad to discuss the issue
further. Now.....
Venue: EEC Headquartes
Scene: Santa and Banta in their traditional dress with SPADES
(digging tool) in their hand, answering quaries of high powered tender
evaluation committee.
The discussion goes somthing like this:
Chairman: Welcome Mr. Santa and Banta Singh. We are delighted to
have you here.
Banta Singh: Thank you.
Chairman: Could you tell us somthing about your previous
experiences with this kind of work.
Santa Singh: Oh sure!! We have digged several canals in Punjab
by our own hands and.....
Banta Singh: ( interrupting Santa and trying to be
sophisticated) We have more than 60,000 man-hours of digging experience.
One Member: But Tunnel and Canal are two different thing isn't
it? How do you expect that your experience with Canals will be useful in
Tunnel Construction work?
Santa Singh: There is no difference. Digging is fundamental to
both Canal and Tunnel construction and we are experts in Digging ...(
waves his digging tool, the spade)
( The comittee members are at complete loss of words, looking at
each other and pondering what to say next)
Banta Sigh : ( breaking the silence)... We are confident that if
the contract is awarded to us we will be able to complete it in time.
Chairman : ( Smiling) OK.... Suppose we give this contract to
you, how do you guys propose to go about it?
Santa Singh: It is simple...., I will start digging from England
and Banta will start digging from France. We will be meeting
somewhere down the midway and your tunnel will be ready....
Chairman : Oh !! I didn't know it was that simple... But what if
you guys don't meet?
Banta Singh: Then you will get TWO tunnels in 50,000 dollars.
Date: Fri, 13 Feb 1998 16:05:12 -0600
There was a Sardarji that was down on his luck. In order to raise
some money he decided to kidnap a kid and hold him for ransom.
He went to the playground, grabbed a kid, took him behind a tree,
and told him, "I've kidnapped you."
Our Sardarji then wrote a note saying: "I've kidnapped your kid.
Tomorrow morning, put $10,000 in a paper bag & put it beneath the
mango tree next to the slide on the north side of the city play
ground". Signed, "A Sardarji". The Sardarji then pinned the note
to
the kid's shirt and sent him home to show it to his parents.
The next morning the Sardarji checked, and sure enough a paper bag
was sitting beneath the mango tree.
The Sardarji opened up the bag and found the $10,000 with a note
saying, "How could you do this to a fellow Sardarji ?!"
Date: Fri, 13 Feb 1998 16:07:46 -0600
A sardar in Punjab decided to learn English and that too by way of a
formal education in the subject. But, as is the case with all sardars, he
had real problems learning the language.
In order to finish his course successfully, the sardar had to pass
an exam in English language. He spent sleepless nights in preparing for the
test and his main cause of worry was the English essay. Grapevine had it that
this year the question paper would require the candidates to write an
essay on 'My friend'. The sardar prepared himself accordingly and mugged up
the essay on 'My Friend' to perfection.
Came examination time and on seeing the question paper the sardar
found to his horror that he was required to write an essay titled 'My
Father'. Since he had not prepared himself for the required topic,
he wondered as to how to tackle the situation and then, as sardars
always do, he came up with a brilliant idea. He decided to substitute
the word 'friend' with the word 'father' in the essay which he had
prepared so well. So he wrote :
My name is Mohan Singh. I have many fathers but the one I like
most is Sohan Singh. He lives in my neighbourhood and often comes to my
house. My mother likes him very much.
........
Moral of the lesson : A father in need is a
father in deed.
Date: Thu, 26 Feb 1998 10:59:32 -0600
Bobby returns from his first day at school and immediately questions
his father. " Dad, today we had a Spelling Class - All the other kids
could only say half the alphabet, but I knew the whole thing. Is that
because I am Sardar?"
"No son, that's because you are intelligent. "
Bobby seeming content with the answer, asks his father another
question, "Dad, today we had Math class - All the other kids could only
count from 1-10, I could count from 1 to 20. Is this because I am
Sardar ??"
"No son, that's because you are intelligent," replies his father.
Happy with the answer, Bobby poses another question to his father,
"Dad, today we had Gym class. All the other boys had little small 3
inch penises, mine is at least 3 or 4 times that size. Is that because
I am Sardar ??"
The father replies, "No son, that's because you are 31 years old."
A Surd was standing at the station with his wife and son. His son
wanted to check his weight and he took a coin from his father and
stood on the machine. Unfortunately, he could not reach the slot
meant for inserting the coin. The senior surd had a brilliant idea.
He lifted the Junior surd and helped him insert the coin.
All the three were wondering what made the little surd weightless
even on EARTH!!
Sardarji proposes to a woman. She says yes if you bring me a pair
of crocodile boots. He sets off to Africa and disappears. Finally a
search is being made, they find him hunting crocodiles and watch
him killing a huge one . He walks over the reptile, checks its legs
and angrily exclaims "71st and *again* barefeet!"
This Sardarji goes to the doctor and says 'Doc, I ache all over.
Everywhere I touch it hurts.
' The doctor says 'OK.
Touch your elbow.'
The Sardarji touches his elbow and winces in genuine pain. The
doctor, surprised, says 'Touch your head.'
The Sardarji touches his head and jumps in agony. The doctor
asks him to touch his knee and the same thing happens.
Everywhere the Sardar touches it hurts like hell. The doctor is
stumped and orders a complete examination with x-rays, etc. and
tells the Sardar to come back in two days. Two days later the
Sardar comes back and the doctor Sardarji says;
'We've found your problem.'
'Oh yeah? What is it?'
'You've broken your finger!'