Ref: 10 Safety Steps

Karian, Notes Section 06D

As a simple preface, this document originally came from an Op in #submission, a BDSM channel. While it is aimed towards BDSM'ers, much of what it has to say is still applicable to a kajira meeting a Gorean Master for the first time. While we know that Gor necessarily entails a much greater level of trust than BDSM, and we know that the kajira should be totally trusting, the hard facts remain that there are still too many out there who use the Gorean venue as a means of preying on the accepting. Too many who call themselves 'Masters' but have a proven track record of putting helpless kajirae into the hospital through excessiveness or just plain sadism. There's no need here in this document to mention the names of those who are known to do this, names change. If you don't know, ask long-time Gorean Masters who are known to be honourable, and preferrably but more rare, known to be real life Gorean Masters with real life kajirae.

"You know the Dom I have been telling you about? Oh gawd! He is SO powerful and sexy Shari. And guess what???
HE asked me to met with him real life!!!!
What am I going to do?"

A conversation with a friend, not over the phone, not face to face, but via Irc. We all know what it is. A medium for getting people together and talking in type to people you may never get the chance to meet. The medium that allows so many of the people in this world to reach out, finding new friends, keeping in touch with old friends. A wonderful world of exploration, high emotions, and deep sensitivities where we can be anything and anyone we ever wished to be. Beautiful pictures painted with the brush of the Ideal world, were the lamb and the lion can co exist side by side.

All of us, every single one of us, finds in another person that something that we need for us to call them, friend, lover, Dom., Master, Mistress, etc. Here in cyber world, it can go much deeper. Meeting the instinctual needs and wants of a submissive. Perhaps new to the life style, hungry beyond imagination to submit to the first Dominant. Maybe, a long time submissive, well known in the ways of our world of bdsm. A Dominant experience in many of the exquisite pleasures of life. We all have a common thread. Irc, lures us here, talking, smiling, giggling, enjoying each others company. Eventually the opportunity to meet that person that we have laughed with, cried with, shared our most intimate secrets with, and loved, comes along. We can not help but want to meet that person.

"Shay! I meet him tonight. He says he will be here at 6. I am so excited, I can hardly wait!"

HEADLINE NEWS: WOMAN FOUND DEAD! ONLINE STALKER STRIKES AGAIN! ~~more on the 6:00 news~~

Here is where we need to be cautious, taking the small steps we can, to preserve our health. Not only of our bodies but of our minds as well. Unfortunately, this ideal world allows people that we would never dream of meeting in real life the same obscurities. The ability to be caring sensitive, loving, and all the things that many of us seek in a partner. Hiding the real attributes of the person, who may very well be a drunkard, rapist, stalker, pedophiles, or emotionally damaged seeking to harm others for no apparent reason that we can discern. In view of the fact that we can not really see this person/s nor can we gauge that they are being honest with us, that I write this. We are forced to rely on typing, a medium that only our minds allow us to interpret. We can only hope that person is honest, caring, loving and all the things that we interpret them to be. Sometimes, we painfully find that he/she was not, that they where blatantly lying to us, laughing as we expressed our feelings to them. Usually they slip, we catch it, and red flags go off that perhaps not all is what it appears to be. Sadly sometimes we do not find out until we read of it in the paper, a friend, acquaintance, complete stranger, emotionally damaged, mangled, or murdered by someone they dared to meet in real life. We have all heard the horror stories. Some have lived them.

Dear Reader, I write this in hopes, that the next person will not be you. Life is too precious to not take a few precautions with your own.

1. Never ever, go against your Own Instincts.
This means if you hear small bells going off in alarm. Take your time. Do not let anyone ever push you into a meeting. Do not feel guilty that you said no. After all, it could very well be your life at stake. A good Dominant can not fault you for being cautious. A good submissive will understand that this is a necessary precaution. If they get angry, "What's wrong I am Master/Mistress, DON'T you trust me" rethink your plans. If they get upset "But my Master/Mistress, all the past people hate me, you will here nothing but lies" Rethink your plans. If what you hear just makes you nervous. DON'T DO IT.

2. Know Details!
Talk to people who know him/her past submissives, past Dominant's, friends, and acquaintances, talk to them all. Ask important questions. Listen well to the answers before you agree to meet. Investigate this information, make sure it is correct. If it is not, then reconsider your plans. Have the person's statistics. That means, know his/here hair color, eye color, height, and weight. The make, model, and license of his/her car, phone numbers where they can be reached, where they work at. If you have a picture, leave it as well as all this information with your safety person. In the event that anything goes wrong, they can do all they can to help you. It will not help you to be found if this information is locked in a drawer where no one can see it. Make sure your trusted safety people have this information as well, without it, they can not help you.

3. If it is your first meeting. Choose a public place.
There is some safety in being in public, even the mentally deranged dislike exposing them selves to public view. A cry for help in public brings people and police far to fast. Do not agree to go with that person on the first meeting. Remain in your pre arranged public place or your safety net will not be able to help you if you need it. It is hard to do, especially if you are submissive. Think of it this way, yes they are Master and yes they are Dominate, BUT it is your first duty to ensure your safety and health. Yes, I hear the Dominants out there going "Why should I worry?" I recall not too long ago a Master/Dom. shot by a submissive, and a Mistress found dead in her highly respected dungeon, killed by her submissive. Safety Safety Safety!

4. Set the amount of time.
Make sure the time you will spend with the person is only so long. This will help in the event that your safety checks can not be followed i.e.: the person you met managed against all odds to abduct you. This also allows you to comfortably end a meeting with someone you may find you have no interest in once you have met them. Keep it to an hour maybe two for the first time meeting. Again, it does not matter how well you both hit it off. Do not leave with that person to go anywhere on your first meeting. If it is a first scene, have your safety net firmly in place! You may have to rely on these people to save your life! Knowledge IS power.

5. Reach out and touch someone.
Have a friend that you call during the meeting. At a specific time, lay out guidelines of How to proceed if these check ins do not happen. Do so frequently. Call again when you safely arrive home. Have a code words with special meanings to you and your safety net people so that you can comfortably say them even if that person is listening in on another line.(example excellent means HELP (Please see #8 and #9 as well))

6. Never EVER, agree to a scene with someone you have only just met in real life!
You say "But, I've known this person for a year on the computer!" That's all well and good. What happens when he/she has you tied up, unable to move and suddenly tells you he/she has always had a fetish for knifes and the way they practiced skinning people in Germany during the Third Reich? Involving your self in a scene with another person takes trust. Practice what we preach! Safe, Sane, and Consensual! Meet several times enjoy each other. It never hurts to take a bit of time. You are not a "bad" person for refusing to do so.

7. Tell people where you are going, when you will be there and again, How long.
Make sure several people are aware of what is going on. No you do not have to tell them that they are people you met from a bdsm-related site. Just that you are going to meet someone that you have talked to online. If you do not arrive or call safely at the time designated know that one of these people will check up on your safety.

8. Secret word
Have at least two secret words (or more). One in the event that things are going Splendidly and the other in the event that you are in trouble. Words that only you and your safety net know. This will give you a way of telling them in any situation that you are all right. Even if that other person is standing right there. Make one of them a 911 keyword. Always speak in person to your safety person.

9. Have your people call randomly. (first time private scene)
In a private, first time scene. I would hope you all have done your home work and know all there is to know about the person whom is going to have your life in their hands, or of the person who's life is about to be entrusted into yours. Have your safety people call where you will be randomly. Make sure your secret words are well known to your safety net. Insist as well that You speak with your safety person. How else are they to hear the needed code words and know you are ok? This might cause a bit of embarrassment if there is scening going on but what's a little more rosy color to that face if it is right?

10. Have a plan.
Have a well-detailed plan of what to do in the event that any of these things fail. Yes be a bit excessive. I am sure the submissive that lost contact with her safety net didn't think it was terribly excessive when they came to the hotel to check on her after the Dominant refused to let her safety people talk to her on the phone. After kicking in the door, they found her bloody and unconscious body hanging upside down from the hall doorway frame. She lives, because of this safety net.


Yes, I hear you all out there going "Good Lord, with all that how are we suppose to have fun?"

Yes perhaps it is a bit excessive, maybe even wholly unnecessary (we can only hope!). Still, if you happen to have the bad luck to be one of the people that turn out to need these measures, and god forbid, they may just save your life.

What ifs?
Do I hear what ifs lingering around your minds?
What if he/she won't give me these things?
What if they turn out to be the most wonderful person in the world?
What if they get upset that I asked for that?
What if

I counter with
Any good Dominant that is honestly seeking you as a partner knows that these steps are necessary. He/she should not object to your inquiry into their lives if it is serious. In fact, they should INSIST that you do so. Clearing your mind of any worries that they are not what they appear. If they do get upset, I ask you Does your life mean so little to you that you would consider laying it in the hands of the next Jeffery Dommer?

IF he/she really cares for you, is the person you hope and long for, would he/she not want to know you took careful steps to protect yourself?

To all of you who sat through this article, I thank you.

"Shari! OH god the weekend was fabulous! I cannot wait to tell you about it. Thank you for all your support honey, the phone calls. Oh, blush yes you did catch us at a bit of an awkward time. Oh! Shari!"

HEADLINE NEWS! Men to wed on line Lover! More on the 6:00 news

My wish for all of us Safety, happiness and NEVER having to say your sorry.

. Asrai.


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