Colonel
"It always amazes me how a baby can take a normal adult and turn him into a babbling idiot."
"It's 3 'blessed' a.m.! Even roosters are comatose!"
"You'll have to excuse these two, they are themselves today."
"You have to give Winchester a credit. He is bright, educated, and an A-1 surgeon, and with all that he still found a room to be a total jerk."
Hawkeye
"A device is yet to be invented that will measure my indifference to this remark."
"Okay, Radar, state your business, in one word or less."
"Well, what's the slop du jour?"
"The way I see it, the army owes us so many coffee breaks, we should get 1954 off."
"You ever had one of those wars where everything goes wrong?"
"Don't worry, I've never lost a patient. I never lose anything. Have you seen my stethoscope?"
"Come on stupid, don't play dumb with me!"
"She's offered her body to science. Time and time again."
Charles
"Ah, Klinger, my constant reminder that Darwin was right!"
"...but know this. You can cut me off from the civlised world. You can incarcerate me with two moronic cellmates. You can torture me with your thrice daily swill, but you cannot break the spirit of a Winchester. My voice shall be heard from this wilderness and I shall be delivered from this fetid an festering sewer."
Henry
"This is the best thing that ever happened to me since I did my first strangulated hernia."
"This is Frank Burns, one of our best surgeons. A real killer."
"This is captain Pak, R.O.K, this is lieutenant Mulcahy, G.O.D."
Trapper
"All it needs is a little salt.... pepper.... mustard, catchup, sauce, flavour."
"How would you like to donate a pint of blood through your nose?"
"What happens in the event that figure 'A' is attracted to figure 'B' and wants to get married, but figure 'A' is already married to figure 'C' and figure 'B' is engaged to figure 'D', but figure 'A' can't keep his hands of figure 'B' because she's got such agreat figure? "
Radar
"If you want a drink, sir, -- compliments Henry Blake -- brandy, scotch, vodka. And for your convenience, all in the same bottle."
"Oh, I am fine. Well, not really, I am closer to lousy than fine."
"What? He changed to psychiatry? That's crazy!"
Margaret
"Oh, go salute yourselves!"
"I am not so think as you drunk I am."
"You different men are all alike."
Frank
"Marriage is probably the chief cause of divorce."
"I want foxholes there, there, there and there -- each one smartly dug. The kind of hole a man can throw himself into with pride."
"You can't park a jeep over a superior officer!!!"
"That's what I understand from a very reliable gossip!"
Klinger
"I am going to live through this even if it kills me."
Fr. Mulcahy
"The meek may inherit the earth but it's the grumpy who gets promoted!"
BJ
"This is the last darn sock I darn until the war is over."
"Hawk, you are shaved, cleaned, dressed! It's revolting."
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