Buffy's Angry Puppy

Ignorance is Bliss
by Bre

Email: bre_chznone@yahoo.com
Disclaimer: No infringement intended. These characters are being *borrowed*!
Distribution: Please ask me... or I shall go evil Willow on you!
Spoilers: Angel, S1: “I Will Remember You”, Angel, S2: “There’s No Place Like Plrtz Glrb” and Buffy, S5: “The Gift”.
Author’s Notes: Takes place after Willow “tells” Angel Buffy has died. Angst warning! The idea for this fic came from Margot Le Faye’s “Storming Heaven”. I was reading it one afternoon and decided I would take a different route, from the show (while him being “okay” and feeling like he was betraying her was sweet, I want misery) and her story. This is a huge Buffy/Angel (dependent relationship type) fanfiction. The song used in the end is “I Love You” by Sarah McLachlan from her CD “Surfacing”.
Rating: NC-17... Like I would actually write anything else! Some sexual content (m/f). Fluff, a little smut and serious angst in this fic!
Feedback: Pretty please.
Summary: After Buffy’s death, an angry Angel attempts to take things into his own hands.

Awards Won:
The Fallen Angel Award (Best Angel Fic) at the Spike Threw The Heart Awards, Round 9
The Devoted To You Award (Best Romance Fic) at the Spike Threw The Heart Awards, Round 9
The Tragedy Storm Award (Best Angst/Drama Fic) at the Spike Threw The Heart Awards, Round 9
The Best Angst at The Chosen Awards
Best Angel Fanfiction at The Lie To Me Awards, Round 2
Library Award at Vampire's Kiss

Nominated at:
Reborn Desires Awards
Twisted Angel Awards

“It’s Buffy.”

The words seemed to slip from his mouth naturally, almost instantly taking form at the sight of the redhead standing in his lobby, her eyes sad and red-rimmed from hours of crying.

He instinctively searched for that link that he had always had with Buffy, that little knowledge that she was somewhere on the planet, alive. But all he found was... emptiness. Nothing. She wasn’t here. She wasn’t anywhere.

His soul didn’t have to wait for the curt nod that Willow sent his way as it... collapsed in on itself was the only way he would later explain it to himself. Everything that had kept him going seemed to deflate at the knowledge that his soulmate was no longer on this plane of existence. She had moved on.

She had died.

Angel barely felt Cordelia’s hand on his arm as he stared at the witch before him. His jaw was clenched as he fought the torrent of emotion that rushed through him. All of the happiness and giddiness from before had evaporated and everyone in the room felt it.

“Angel...” Willow said softly and Angel flinched at the sound of his name coming from her lips. Her foreign lips. They were nothing like Buffy’s. They didn’t hold the caress he was so used to whenever his beloved spoke to him. It was something he would never be allowed to hear again.

A desperate chill ran up along his spine and Angel closed his eyes before turning towards the stairs and darting up to his room quickly, using his prodigious speed to ease the journey as he made it down the hall.

The sound of a door slamming loudly echoed throughout the entire hotel and the entire group winced as one.

Willow’s sorrow-filled eyes never left the top of the stairs as she felt her own emotion rising to the top. She had known that this would be hardest for Angel. Even though the two lovers hadn’t seen each other nearly as much as they could have whenever something came up, she had known that there was a bond between the two. How could she not whenever her best friend spoke to her? Whenever she noticed the lack of sparkage that the blonde exuded when she was happily in love... with her vampire.

“Is Buffy...?”

The soft words brought Willow back to reality - the cruel reality where her best friend was no longer alive - and she fought the tears that welled in her eyes. Focusing on Cordelia blankly, not truly taking notice of her odd attire. “What?”

“Is she dead?” Cordelia asked softly and Willow wilted a little at the sight of the concern and pain in the brunette’s voice. She had known Buffy as well, whether or not they had actually gotten along as well as they could have. And she was Angel’s friend. Willow could feel her pain for him like a second skin on the ex-cheerleader.

Nodding sadly, Willow once again looked up the stairs as the group moved into the main lobby. She absently heard them speaking softly as she stared after the absent vampire.

Angel didn’t want to believe.

He couldn’t believe what was happening but he also couldn’t deny the truth in his body. He could feel and hear his soul crying. Its pain as it realized that its mate was no longer living. It felt like somebody had wrapped a tight fist around his heart and was twisting it cruelly.

Before he knew what he was doing, he threw himself at his bookshelf and tore everything from it, throwing the books and vases and glass all over the room as he finally moved to the wood itself and threw it across the room. And it continued, his anger for her death coming out like a waterfall of pain as he took it all out on his own belongings. What was the point in reserving such petty things when all along it had been her that mattered. Everything else could burn in hell for all he truly cared.

Several minutes passed and Angel moved around blindly, tearing and ripping, growling before finally falling to his knees and crying out as tears melted down his cheeks. Where was the fairness in her death? Why her? Why such a beautiful, caring and heroic soul?

It seemed like an eternity before Angel stood, moving slowly throughout the destruction of his apartment. He didn’t bother removing any of his clothing as he gently laid down on his soft bed, resting on his side. Tucking his arms against his chest, Angel stared absently at the wall as he fell victim to the pain in his heart and soul.

He should have known. He should have felt her presence had disappeared the instant they were back in their dimension. Or maybe even in Lorne’s world. But he hadn’t. And he didn’t know why. How could he have... betrayed her like that? How could he have not been there? Been there to catch her... save her?

Even as he didn’t know the specifics of her death, he felt guilty for not being there with her. For her. Been there to share her burden. Hadn’t he promised her forever once upon a time? Hadn’t he said he would love her, through everything... be there for her through everything... and yet, here he was, his Buffy gone. And he could nothing about it.

The rage and agony that ripped through his soul was welcomed with open arms. It was so much better than feeling the frightening realization of her soul’s absence. Better than actually acknowledging his life without her.

Closing his eyes, an exhaustion like he had never felt ripped through his body and he felt tears struggling to free themselves once more.

Where had she gone? Was she in Hell? Or was she Heaven, where he knew she belonged? There was nowhere else she more deserved to be. She should be happy... content. Not burning in some Hell dimension. No... she should be somewhere warm... somewhere she could always be surrounded by love, something he had failed her in real life as well.

Angel felt guilt like nothing else rear its ugly head in him as he recognized the incredibly selfish urge to want her back. Angel wanted to hate himself for thinking such a thing. She could be happy somewhere... she should be happy. Angel knew that he could have never given her that here. He was a vampire, a child of darkness. She was the Slayer, a child of the light, born to rid the world of darkness. Everything in the equation was wrong, yet it made sense.

But it did nothing to ease the pain he felt. The pain his soul felt. It was like being ripped in half and the other part being shredded before his eyes. He could swear he felt his heart turning into ice as he instinctively tried to block himself from the pain. Which was something he couldn’t allow himself to do.

He deserved it, didn’t he? But not at the expense of Buffy...

A sob tore from his throat and Angel brought his knees up closer to his chest, hugging them close to his body.

Digging his face into his pillow, Angel surrendered himself to the loss he felt as he sobbed himself into a sleepless rest.

“How did it happen?” Cordelia asked Willow, her voice soft and somewhat child-like. She was resting in one of the leather chairs, her head resting in her hand. Willow tried to smile at her from the opposite chair, but failed.

“She saved the world,” Willow replied, her fingers crossed in her lap as they sat in the large office that was dubbed Wesley’s. The boss in question, along with Gunn and Fred, were upstairs, cleaning a room for the mousy brunette’s stay.

Cordelia smiled. “Just the way she should have gone out, right?”

Willow couldn’t help but smile at her words. This was such a new Cordelia. There was so much more caring in the seer’s eyes and body language that Willow felt truly comfortable in her presence... at least as comfortable as she could get in light of current events.

As soon as Angel had left, everyone had heard his rage and the pieces of furniture and books that were the victim of it. Then the sound of his broken cry of pain echoing around them caused them to disperse and move about their own little tasks... anything to distract them from the pain that was emanating from his room so thickly.

After Cordelia had changed into something more appropriate, she had taken Willow into the office to talk. Willow hardly spoke as Cordelia asked her questions. But it was better than hearing the broken sobs in the vampire’s room before things finally fell silent.

“Was she happy?” Cordelia finally asked and Willow looked down at her hands as more tears filled her eyes.

“I really don’t know,” Willow answered honestly and Cordelia leaned forward to cover Willow’s hands with one of her own. Willow tried to smile at her once more. “But I think she was at peace with her... decision.”

Cordelia had nothing to say to that as she watched the redhead begin to cry again.

The two women hugged as they mourned the blonde’s death.

“Who is Buffy?”

The small voice could barely be heard over the sound of the sheets snapping in the air as Wesley tried to rid them of the dust that had become their best friend. He paused as he looked over at the little woman.

“She was a Slayer,” he said. Fred only seemed to look at him with more confusion written on her features. Wesley paused before reducing it to simpler terms. “She was Angel’s former... girlfriend.”

No need to go into the little details...

“Oh,” Fred said, fixing her glasses on her nose. The tension in the air around her was putting her on edge, more than before, as she tried to fight the urge to find a table to hide under. Or maybe a very large rock in the shape of a cliff. “So... they were close? I mean, they were together for a long time, right? It wasn’t just a fling thing... they loved each other?”

Wesley looked over at her fully, the sheet laying limp in his hands. He arched an eyebrow slightly as he took her in, his mind trying to find the correct answer. To be perfectly honest with himself, he hardly knew anything about the relationship his employee had had with the blonde Slayer. He had only been around for the aftereffects... after he had returned from Hell. He had no knowledge of it before then. But he nodded regardless.

“Yes,” he said, smiling slightly at her. Fred returned it before jumping as Gunn entered the room once more. His face was grave as he handed Wesley some more sheets and a thin comforter. “Thank you, Gunn.”

Nodding, Gunn looked at Fred in acknowledgment as he turned to leave the room once more. Wesley watched him leave.

“You’ll have to forgive him... I don’t believe he is too comfortable with the idea of death,” Wesley explained to Fred, not waiting for her to question. “He lost his sister in a fatal accident.”

“Oh, that’s alright... I don’t mind. I mean, I understand. Completely!” Wesley merely nodded at her before turning his attentions back to the bed. Fred smiled at his turned head. She wasn’t used to being around actual humans, much less grieving ones whom had been so happy just a few short hours ago.

It was slightly confusing after nearly five years of no contact with anyone of her species.

Sighing, Fred leaned over to help Wesley, once more giving him a slight, rather uncomfortable, smile.

All he could do was wander around the hotel.

The situation reminded him so much of Alonna. His poor sister whom he had allowed to be taken by the group of vampires that he had battled before her untimely death.

He could still remember so clearly seeing her in the van as the vampires bit into her, mocking him. Laughing at him. At her pain.

His heart broke every time he looked back at it and the pain never dulled. He wondered for a moment if that was what Angel was feeling before he changed his mind.

Losing blood kin and a lover were two very different things. Especially when you put the stake in their heart. So he clearly could not relate to his fellow evil fighter.

But he could understand the pain one felt after losing a loved one to death.

Which is why he wondered alone through the halls of the large hotel where the current Angel Investigations resided.

“Are you coming home s-soon?” Tara asked over the phone and Willow thought she could feel her lover’s warmth through the small connection.

“I don’t know. I want to stay here and see how Angel’s doing with it all... have you guys... you know?” Willow asked, unwilling to ask if her small, unconventional family had... taken care of Buffy’s body.

“Y-yes... Spike and Giles did it.” There was a long pause before the Willow’s lover spoke once more. “Are you d-doing okay?”

Willow smiled shakily at her concern. “Yeah. I’m actually more concerned for Angel right now... he kind of... blew up, I guess.”

Tara nodded on the other end before noticing Giles signaling her for his chance to talk to the redhead. “Giles wants to talk t-to you.”

“Okay. I’ll talk to you later?” Willow asked hopefully, unwilling to think that she might be apart from her lover for longer than she wished. All she wanted to do was curl up in bed and find some peace in her sleep... where she could visit Buffy. She felt Tara smile on the other end and knew that was her response. It was amazing what magick could do because as time passed, Willow swore that every time she talked to the blonde witch, she could see what she was thinking in her face. It was unnerving and beautiful at the same time. “Hi, Giles.”

“How is everyone in Sunnydale doing?” Cordelia asked as Willow left the quiet haven of Wesley’s office. The brunette was leaning against what had once been the check-in/out desk of the hotel when it had been in service. There was a pen in her hand as she looked up at Willow expectantly.

“They’re good. Holding together,” Willow replied. “I told them I would be staying here for awhile... just to see how Angel is doing.” Looking up the stairs where silence reigned besides the three other members of Angel Inc., she asked, “Has he come down yet?”

Cordelia shook her head, frowning. “No. And I really don’t want to go up there.”

Willow almost smiled. There was the Cordelia she was used to.

“How are holding up, Willow?” Wesley asked as he came down the stairs alone, his eyes trained on the redhead. She turned around as he came up behind her, his face a mask of concern.

“I’m okay,” she replied. “And you?”

Wesley couldn’t help but smile... at her wonderful innocence that was in no way hindered by her obvious maturity, her openness and her obvious concern. “I’m fine.”

“Well, that’s good...” Willow trailed off as Wesley’s face melted away into one of concern, caution and a seriousness she had never seen on his face. She turned to look over her shoulder and her mouth opened.

Angel stood at the base of the stairs, his face pale and his eyes red. His clothes were rumpled and it looked as if he hadn’t bothered removing anything. His face was chillingly blank. He was staring at Wesley.

“Angel?” Cordelia asked.

If he even heard her, he didn’t respond, his eyes trained solely on Wesley.

“Are you okay?” Willow asked.

“I want to contact the Powers,” he told the former Watcher, his voice devoid of emotion as if he had cried it all away upstairs. “She wasn’t supposed to die.”

“What?” Willow gasped. “Angel... what are you talking about?”

Wesley stared at the vampire. “Angel, I believe you are in some sort of shock. You can’t possibly be thinking about... bringing her back?”

Angel barely twitched as everyone stared at him. He merely blinked his eyes before continuing,”She wasn’t supposed to die, Wesley. They promised me.”

Wesley frowned harder as he moved around Willow, standing before her slightly as the two women just stared. “Who promised you, Angel?”

“The Oracles... they said she wouldn’t die.” There was the tiniest hint of desperation in his tone and Wesley felt his heart wilting at the sound.

“Angel... I don’t believe I understand what you’re saying. The Oracles are dead,” he replied, moving towards him slowly, completely unaware of what the vampire’s reaction would be, if his rooms upstairs were any evidence of the pain he was feeling. As he moved to touch Angel’s arm, he said, “Why don’t you sit down-“

“I don’t want to sit down,” Angel suddenly barked, growling, ripping his arm from Wesley’s grip. “I want Buffy back! They promised me she wouldn’t die!”

Wesley jumped back at his response and stared at him, his eyes wide with caution. “Why don’t you... explain... what you mean.”

Willow saw his eyes flash yellow for a split second as he bared his teeth. He looked like an enraged animal, ready to tear everything in his path limb from limb if his mate wasn’t found soon. “The Oracles... I went to them to save her... I had to give up everything I ever dreamed of to save her life... and she dies anyway?!”

A moment of silence following Angel’s shout before Cordelia gasped. “Oh! Are you... are you talking about the day that was erased? The one where Buffy came and you were...” She waved her arms around as if to illustrate it. “... you know?”

Angel turned his gaze to the brunette and she felt tears rise in her eyes as his face softened. Behind all the anger and pain was something akin to pure agony and he looked at her desperately. “You know what I’m talking about?” he whispered softly, his eyes dark with misery.

Cordelia froze at the sight he made before answering stiffly, “Well... Doyle... Doyle told me about what happened. I’m sorry if he wasn’t supposed to, but...”

“No... no, this is good. She knows what I’m talking about.” Angel whirled on Wesley. “I want the Powers! I want to talk to them right now!”

“Well, Angel, I don’t know if that is even possible. I don’t know of any other way to contact them besides through the Oracles, who you know, as well as I do, are dead. I’m sorry, but... I don’t know how to help you.”

Willow, whom had stayed in the background, unaware of what they were talking about, finally spoke up. “Are you talking about bringing Buffy back?” Her voice was small and laced with fear and sorrow.

Angel finally turned his eyes to the redhead. He knew exactly what she was talking about. He could read her tone as if she were a book. She didn’t want to do that to Buffy.

“Do you really think that that is... what she would want?” the redhead finally asked and Angel seemed to deflate as all the anger drifted out of him. He looked to the floor, his eyes closed as he brought his hand to his face before running it through his hair. Every move was stilted, as if he were lost and didn’t fully understand his place in the world anymore.

“I need her, Willow,” he whispered, his head dipped and his eyes closed as his arms hung limply at his sides. “I don’t think I can... go on without her... here, on this planet... I need her.”

Willow opened her mouth to reply but Angel cut her off with his hand. “Please... don’t. I just... don’t argue with me, okay? I need to try... I need to feel her again. I can’t stand this... this emptiness inside of me. It feels like somebody ripped out my soul and threw it away. I can’t... stand it anymore...”

None of them had ever seen him so emotional. So... open about his feelings. It broke their hearts to hear the pain in his voice. None of them said anything in reply as he turned to Wesley once more.

“Wes, please... is there anything you can do? Anything?” he asked, his face a mask of desperation and fear of having to live like this for the rest of eternity. Wesley opened his mouth, ready to repeat what he had said, but decided against it.

“I’ll... try to find something,” he said gently and Angel stared at him for a moment before turning away, moving back up the stairs. His shoulders were slumped and he was moving as if the entire weight of the world had been dropped on him.

As he finally disappeared down the hall, a serious Wesley turned to Cordelia. “What was he talking about? What day was erased?”

Cordelia felt blood rushing to her cheeks as she blushed unconsciously. This really wasn’t her story to tell, nor had it been Doyle’s in the first place. She didn’t feel comfortable sharing what Buffy and Angel had only had for a day and what only Angel remembered. As Willow turned her eyes towards her, too, she opened her mouth to speak before snapping it shut. “I don’t really think it’s my place to tell.”

Wesley stared at her. “Cordelia,” he said, his tone almost chastising, “Do you really think he is any condition to be rehashing such obviously painful memories?”

“Do you really need to know for your research?” Cordelia snapped back.

“I am merely concerned for my employee’s health,” Wesley said loudly and Willow jumped at the sound. Angel was Wesley’s employee? How did that happen?

Cordelia rolled her eyes. “Right. Like you were so concerned when... when... you did that thing!”

Wesley settled back, placing his hands on his hips. “Cordelia,” he said softly. “Please. That kind of information could indeed be vital to the research and I would like to know why he believes that Buffy can just be... brought back so easily. What did he mean when he said she wasn’t supposed to die?”

As Cordelia listened to his explanation, she felt her walls crumbling. Who would it really hurt? Sighing softly, she said, “Fine.”

Breathing in, Cordelia began. “Wesley, it was before you came into our lives. When Doyle was still... alive.”

Wesley nodded and Willow just stared at her.

“Willow, do you remember when Buffy came down here to yell at Angel for lurking around Sunnydale?” Willow nodded. Thanksgiving... “Well, the first time, she stayed for more than five minutes...”

Angel could hear her explaining what happened in his room. Could hear the shocked gasps and the quiet tears from Willow.

Closing his eyes against the memories, Angel turned to look out the French doors that led onto a balcony overlooking the city. It was usually a breathtaking scene, but right now, all he wanted to do was jump off said balcony. Not that it would really necessarily kill him.

Deep down, he knew that Wesley wasn’t going to find anything in his books. He was right when he said that the Oracles had been the only way for him to connect with Powers That Be directly. He knew that... but it didn’t stop him from asking. There had to be a way... some way for the Powers to right the wrong they had committed. How could they let Buffy die like that? Why? Hadn’t he sacrificed both of their chances at ultimate happiness just so she could continue living... but only to die?

The urge to scream curses at the ceiling was overwhelming. Damn them! The stupid bastards they are killed Buffy as far as he was concerned. They lied when they told him she would surely die when he was human... but she had died even though he had been re-endowed with his vampiric abilities.

It wasn’t fair!

Why was she always the one to suffer? Why were both of them always the ones to suffer? How could this be keeping the world safe? Weren’t they supposed to be together in the world?

Sighing deeply, Angel leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees as he cradled his head. Several minutes passed of this before he realized that he wasn’t alone. He could feel someone’s eyes boring into his back like a jackhammer and he sat up wearily.

“What do you-“ he asked as he stood and turned around only to pause in shock as he stared into the face of Doyle. Doyle... the man who was supposed to be dead. Not alive. Not here. “Doyle?”

The half-demon smiled. “Yeah... it’s me, brother... don’t have to freak out or anything. It’s really me. Powers sent me,” he said, pointing to the ceiling as he moved to where Angel had been sitting and plopped down soundlessly. Angel remained standing, staring down at his dead friend, his face a mask of suspicion and disbelief.

“Why don’t I believe you?” the dark vampire asked, his eyes narrowed and his voice somewhat scratchy from the hours of crying. He watched with blood shot eyes, naturally slipping into a defensive stance, as the apparition laughed.

“Man, you never change!” the Doyle-impersonator laughed. “Just like I remember ya!”

“What do you want?”

“I already told you,” Doyle said, sobering. “The Powers sent me. Man... you’ve gotten way off track... and in the space of a couple of hours!”

Angel merely stared at the creature sitting on his bed as he slowly back away before falling into a slightly overstuffed chair. Leaning forward, he fixed the thing walking around as his dead friend with a dark glare.

“Guess that’s what you get for being a warrior for the ‘Mighty Ones’, eh?”

Angel’s expression never changed and the Doyle thing met his gaze before sighing and looking down to the floor before meeting his eyes once more.

“Angel, you can’t look for Buffy, man. She’s happy, now, don’t you know? She did what she wanted to do... go out saving the world.”

A silent moment passed before Angel finally looked away, breathing out quickly air from his dead lungs. “Is that why you came here? To tell me to stop looking for her?”

“Well, yeah,” Doyle said, shrugging as if it should have been obvious.

“I can’t...” Angel began, closing his eyes. “I can’t stop, okay? Whoever you are... Doyle would have understood.”

Doyle brought a hand to his chest. “I’m offended, man. Can’t you tell I’m the real me?”

“I don’t know.”

Rolling his eyes, Doyle replied, “C’mon, Angel. It’s me!”

“How do I know? The Powers wouldn’t just bring you from the dead to do their errands.”

“Actually,” Doyle replied, standing and walking towards the French doors. “They would. It’s all part of having the visions jammed into your head.” Turning his head to look over his shoulder at Angel, he waved his hand around his head wildly as he spoke, “Kind of like a contract without all the blood signing that tends to go on.”

“Still,” Angel breathed out, standing as well, swinging his arms in emphasis, “Did they really think I would listen?”

As Angel stared at Doyle’s back, he watched as the half-demon in return stared outside, his entire body motionless. Then he turned around and his face was completely serious. “No, man. That’s why they gave me this to show you.”

Angel watched as his old friend lifted his hand out to touch Angel’s head. The vampire jerked away. “What? Show me what?”

“What would have happened.”

Angel stared at the hand suspiciously as his mind raced to make ends meet with the simple comment. What was he talking about? He couldn’t mean...? No...

“You mean... the Day That Wasn’t?” Angel asked in disbelief before a brief flash of joy and pain flashed across. “Buffy?”

Doyle nodded, his eyes and face suddenly giving nothing away. The shock of the fact that Doyle had the power to erase time and take him back to where he could change the results of this moment froze him and he didn’t even feel the half-demon’s fingers touching his temple until the bright light burst out from within him and began to burn...

Angel’s eyes snapped open and he jerked wildly as he sat up in an unfamiliar bed. Looking around, his eyes darted across the dark room that was bathed in a soft light coming from the living room, trying to take in everything that had happened in that short minute.

It was his old apartment, the one that had been blown up for that damn scroll. Or... had been... but wasn’t now. Furrowing his brow, Angel looked around, sniffing the air and moving to free himself from the bed only to realize that he was naked and there was an arm tossed around his hips which had previously been across his chest.

Looking down at it in shock and fear that he was imagining things, Angel followed the smooth skin with his eyes, dread filling him as he finally came face to face with his beloved. She was sleeping soundly, a small smile on her face full of contented happiness as she dreamed. It was the dreams of an innocent girl who hadn’t been tormented by the darkness in the world. It was the dreams of a normal girl...

Buffy.

She’s not dead. She’s here. Buffy’s not dead, oh god, she’s here, she’s not dead...

“Buffy?” Angel choked out, his voice a cracked whisper as he brought a shaky hand up to touch her face. “Oh, my god.”

Her skin was so soft and... warm... god, it was so warm. Not cold like it would be in the future. No... she won’t die. I’m going to change everything. I can’t... I can’t lose her again...

Laying back down, Angel didn’t notice the hot tears coursing down his *warm* cheek. Didn’t notice the blood pumping through his previously dead veins as he stared in wonder at his soulmate. She was so beautiful, lost in the land of sleep. So beautiful... and here... with him.

“Buffy,” Angel whispered once again, leaning forward to press his forehead against hers. It was so warm and comforting. The instant peace that penetrated him was astounding and Angel accepted it with open arms. How could he not? The love of his life was alive.

“Oh, god, I thought you were dead,” Angel whispered to her sleeping face, a sob following as more tears flowed down his sculpted cheeks. “I thought I lost you... oh, god, I love you, Buffy. I love you so much.”

Angel didn’t feel Buffy beginning to stir as he continued to whisper to her, wrapping his arms around her tightly and pulling her to his chest, pushing his face into her golden locks. Breathing in deeply, Angel didn’t feel his lungs inhale the air as he instead concentrated on the faint scent of Buffy’s vanilla body wash and his cologne in her hair. It was the best thing he had ever smelled in his life.

“Angel?”

Angel stiffened at her soft voice, tightening his hold on her as she moved a little. Would she disappear if he let her go? What would happen when she realized that she was dead in the future? Would she know? Should he tell her?

A thousand thoughts raced through his head as he felt her hug him back and moan in appreciation.

“This is nice,” she whispered against his chest, rubbing her face against the skin above his heart. “I like waking up to this.”

Angel didn’t respond and Buffy closed her eyes again, not noticing how tightly he was holding her.

“Is it morning yet?” Buffy asked in a sleepy voice and Angel could hear her desire to fall back asleep. He answered almost unconsciously.

“I think it’s around midnight...”

Angel felt her expression change against his skin and she jerked back from his arms, her alarmed eyes flying to his face. “What’s wrong, Angel?”

Her hand shot out to touch his cheek and her eyes grew wide as she touched his wet skin. “Are you okay? Are you crying?”

Angel smiled at her concern, warmth flowing through him like a healing river as he leaned his face into her hand. “No... I’m fine...”

“Then why are you crying?” Buffy asked, worry screaming from her tone like a bullhorn. “You wouldn’t be crying if you were fine.”

Angel closed his eyes as he pulled her to him. “I’m okay, really... don’t worry about me, love.”

“Angel,” Buffy said softly and Angel opened his eyes to find her staring at him. She was so dull in the dim light and Angel realized he couldn’t see very well...

“It was a dream,” he said softly, looking up at her. “Just a bad dream.” Was it? Is that all of it had been? Was it possible that everything in the future was a mere imagining of his mind? Angel didn’t want to believe that. But he couldn’t help but wonder... was it a warning sent by the very Powers whom had sent him on the destructive path? But hadn’t their intention been good in the very near future?

“That bad, huh?” Buffy asked gently as she relaxed within his arms, pushing him on his back before resting her head on his heated chest. “What happened?”

What had happened? Angel asked himself. He wasn’t sure what to think as the deep confusion attacked him. Had it all been a dream? Or was it another warning? A flash of the past to remind him of the good she had done? Or had he been transported back into the past as a lesson? Angel didn’t know what to think and was afraid to dwell on it much longer. How much more could he ask for? The love of his life was back in his arms, happy, and he was human...

Which only brought on more questions. How long had he been human? Had they fought Mohra yet? His body felt tired and sluggish and he could tell that Buffy was being slightly more cautious with his body. He could tell she was favoring most of her weight. As Angel took a deep breath - Good god, am I *breathing*? - and winced in pain as he felt a sharp arc of resistance move through him. So maybe they had visited the Mohra and defeated it. That had been in the early morning of the previous day and it would explain his partially healed body.

Closing his eyes, Angel felt sleep beginning to reclaim him. With Buffy in his arms, it was okay to suddenly release all of the heavy thoughts that had plagued him for so long when she wasn’t by his side. With her, it was okay to not care about what would happen tomorrow, as long as there was the guarantee that she would be alright and always there with him.

Breathing in deeply, Angel felt his lungs and heart rejoice as the oxygen rushed through his body. It wasn’t as wonderful as he remembered it being when he had taken his first breath of air, but it was still pleasant to know that his body was actually alive and that he had a heartbeat. And he was warm. Plus, he couldn’t smell everything that was smellable in his apartment, which happened to be most of everything, if he remembered correctly. The curse of having an old building.

“Angel?”

Opening his eyes slowly, Angel sighed, “Mmm?”

“Are you sure you’re okay? You’re acting kind of... cooky.”

Angel couldn’t help but smile. “I’ve never been better. I’m the happiest I’ve ever been and I’m laying in bed with the most beautiful woman in the world. What could I possibly be cooky about?”

Buffy beamed against his chest and he felt her heartbeat pick up from where her chest was pressed against his side. It was then that he realized how much harder it was to detect it when he himself had one. It actually made him want to laugh at the absurdity of the thought.

“Well,” Buffy continued, wrapping her arms around him lightly. “The bad dream for one.”

“It was nothing,” Angel whispered against her hair before kissing the top of her head. And it was. Now.

“But it made you cry,” Buffy said in a small voice. Angel hugged her tightly.

“I promise you it’s nothing to be worried about. It’s gone now.”

It’s gone now...

Several minutes passed before he felt Buffy beginning to stir beside him once more. She crawled atop him. Angel moved his head to follow her movements and saw a wicked smile decorating her lips. “How about I make you forget all about it?” she asked in a husky voice, her eyelids heavy as she looked down at him.

Angel couldn’t help but grin as she leaned down to take his lips. Bringing his arms up to wrap around her, he ignored the stiffness in his limbs as he hugged her to him, opening his lips and meeting her tongue in a carnal dance that made his already hardening member twitch with happiness.

It had been so long. So long since he had felt her wonderful lips against his... the last time had been on mother’s burial day. Those kisses were out of desperation and need... nothing like this, which were lust, love and happiness. They were damn near well intoxicating.

Moaning into her mouth, Angel ran his fingers through her tangled hair, cupping the back of her head lightly as she moved ever so slowly against him. Angel could feel her wet opening rubbing against him, her heat yearning to encase him wonderfully. The sensations weren’t as bright as they usually were when he was a vampire, such as smell and taste, but with Buffy... they were still multiplied tenfold compared to any other woman in the world.

Buffy broke away from his lips and began a soft trail down his jaw line, leaving a panting Angel behind, too lost in the sensations she was creating to realize that he was, in point of fact, *breathing*. But that didn’t matter right now. She did. She always did. And she always would.

She moaned against his skin as her tongue darted out to lick his neck before moving lower. Angel smiled as she ventured across his chest, her lips finding one of his nipples. Wrapping her mouth around the tough peak, she sucked on it gently and Angel let out a deep sigh before letting out a soft sound as she bit him gently. Buffy felt his hard member twitch against her leg and she smiled before moving even lower.

“Oh, god, Buffy, please. I need to be in you... please,” Angel chanted softly, the desperation in his voice surprising himself and Buffy. Buffy couldn’t place the other tone she heard in it, but it resembled sadness. But she ignored it.

“Uh uh,” she objected. “It’s my time to play.”

Angel couldn’t help but feel slightly annoyed. He needed her! Why didn’t she understand that? As much as he wanted to play her little game, and as much as he would definitely enjoy it, he needed to be encased in her tight body... know that she was his and that she was still alive.

“Buffy,” he groaned as she finally reached his aching manhood. Buffy smiled, not responding as her lips encircled the very tip.

“Oh, god,” Angel moaned before sitting up, ignoring the spiking pain in his body as he grabbed Buffy’s arm, pulling her up to him. The surprised look on her face went unnoticed as he crushed his lips to hers, pulling her back against him. She landed roughly on his chest and he couldn’t help the groan of pain that escaped his throat.

Buffy broke away from him. “Angel-“

Angel didn’t let her continue as he rolled them over and pinned her to the bed, his lips finding hers once more. He continued kissing her, exploring the warm cavern of her mouth as he quickly thrust into her waiting body. Buffy broke away from the kiss, a keen of pleasure echoing from her lips. Angel closed his eyes, enjoying the sensation coursing through his body. She was so warm... so right... so his...

Pulling back, Angel thrust back, beginning a rough rhythm as he lost himself in his soulmate. He barely heard Buffy’s sounds as she approached her crisis, only able to hear the voice in his head. She’s here. She’s alive. She’s alive. She’s alive... yes, yes, yes...

Angel cried out sharply as his seed finally spilled into her. Shouting her name, Angel continued thrusting roughly into her, his senses reeling as her walls clenched around him, squeezing him of every drop as she, too, came. He didn’t hear her voice as she called out to him, instead focusing on being one with her. He was with her. Forever. Only her.

Angel collapsed against Buffy, breathing in as quick as he could as his body fought for oxygen. He felt Buffy’s arms come up and circle his neck as she cradled him against her chest, her face turning inward. He felt her inhale as she smiled.

“I love you.”

Angel smiled as well. “I love you, too.”

Angel couldn’t stop looking at her. She was so beautiful. Her face positively glowed and he found that he was completely unwilling to look away. Why would he want to? She was the perfect image of everything that was right in the world... and she was his.

She was laying on her side, facing towards him, one arm under the pillow and the other curled up in front of her chest. She had fallen asleep after their second round of lovemaking and Angel was content to just watch her, sleep pulling at him. But he wouldn’t dare close his eyes.

What if something was to happen? What if, when he woke up, she would suddenly disappear? He would be back in the horrible world where she was no longer on this planet? There was no way in hell he would go back there and if that meant never sleeping again, Angel would try his hardest to stay awake.

But he knew he was being ridiculous. His body was tired and now that he was human, especially because he was human, he needed his rest. Considering the fact that he got so seriously hurt the other day, it was something he would be needing very soon.

But he couldn’t bring himself to close his eyes now. For that moment, while he was awake, he would simply enjoy the sight she created.

Lifting his hand, Angel touched her face lightly with the fingertip of his index finger. She smiled softly and Angel returned it as he trailed his finger down her nose softly, past her plump lips and down her jaw. Taking his time, Angel began re-memorizing every inch of her body, feeling the softness of her skin and the absolute warmth that he now shared with her.

It was like a dream come true.

Trailing his finger up towards her earlobe, Angel began downward slowly, so slowly, his eyes following the trail he created. Angel stopped as he reached her scar... his scar.

The thought still brought up images of self-loathing and lust. It had been one of the most erotic moments of his life. He could remember the feeling of her blood coursing down his throat so smoothly, immediately healing him of all that was wounded on his body. He remembered her reaction of pleasure and pain. She had cried out and he had felt her climax. It had made the blood taste so much sweeter...

Circling the scar gently, Angel felt his body stir. That night had been so perfect and so wrong at the same time. He couldn’t believe that she had trusted him enough to drink from her. Perhaps that hadn’t been the plan at all. Perhaps she had hit him, over and over, with the intent to give her life in the name of love. The thought made him sick and scared at the same time.

He vowed at that moment to never let her away from his again, human or vampire. Never would he let her out of his sight enough for her to even get scratched.

He felt Buffy beginning to wake, a lazy grin starting on her face as he stared at her neck. He hadn’t gone to the Oracles that morning, meaning everything had changed. Everything. He was going to stay human. There was no way they would change so much time back now, would they? It would affect too much and too many lives...

Angel’s eyes snapped to meet Buffy’s as she opened hers and she smiled happily, looking at him with hooded eyes as his finger continued its path around her scar. Buffy arched into his touch, the rest of her body moving forward, searching for more contact. Angel smiled at her.

“That feels so good,” she whispered, closing her eyes and reaching forward to wrap her arms around his neck. “Don’t stop.”

Angel grinned, meeting her lips in a fiery kiss. He removed his finger only to wrap his arm around her quickly and begin the same route with his thumb at her whimper.

Opening her legs, Buffy lifted her right leg and curled it around his, pulling him flush against her. Moaning into his mouth, Buffy broke away, her eyes fluttering shut as he continued rubbing.

“Yes, Angel... Bite me...”

“What?” Angel asked, slightly shocked at her words. Bite her?

Buffy nodded quickly, her eyes never opening. “Yes... please...”

“Buffy... I don’t know if- “

“Angel... bite me, please,” Buffy said softly, her eyes opening and looking up at him from underneath her eyelashes. “Bite me...”

Angel stared at her for a long moment before Buffy closed her eyes and arched her neck towards his mouth, bringing him closer to her by wrapping her arms around his shoulders and pulling him closer with her leg. Angel could feel her wetness against his leg and he felt his cock hardening in response. Leaning forward slowly, Angel opened his mouth and closed his eyes, placing open mouthed kisses all along her jaw line before reaching her scar.

Buffy moaned as he kissed it lightly, her hands gripping his shoulders tightly and pulling him closer yet. Kissing it once more, Angel opened his mouth wider, sucking on lightly and he felt Buffy buck against him as his teeth grazed against her skin.

He couldn’t believe what she was asking of him. He was amazed that she found this an actual turn on. What also surprised him was how sensitive it was. The instant his teeth touched it lightly, her response was automatic. She tightened her leg around him, the pressure delicious as her Slayer powers kicked in. Angel breathed in deeply as she began rubbing herself against his leg, hard, her hot juices spreading all over him.

Groaning into her neck, Angel finally bit down gently, causing Buffy to jerk against him and rub harder. Arching her neck into him, she cried out softly as her leg tightened. Angel felt a rush of juices surge from her and he bit down harder. Angel’s name fell from her lips.

Suddenly, Buffy pushed him onto his back, straddling him quickly. Angel released her neck, fully intent on taking things slow. But she had other things in mind as she quickly took him into her, pushing down until he was completely incased in her warmth. Angel groaned and closed his eyes, his hands flying to her hips as she began to bounce on him, finding leverage on his chest. Angel cried out as her nails found themselves deep in his skin.

Meeting her thrust for thrust, Angel forced his eyes open to take her in. She was amazing, her head thrown back, her long hair cascading down her body in waves of gold. Her breasts bounced with her, rising and falling quickly in time with her movements and her quick breathing. He could see her brows creased in concentration, pleasure written on her face. She was the most beautiful creature he had ever seen.

“Oh, god,” Buffy whimpered, closing her eyes tighter. “Ooooh, god, Annnggell...”

Angel closed his eyes, bringing his feet up to give him more power as he thrust up into her harder and Buffy keened her approval, slamming down on him harder and harder. Gripping her hips, his nails digging into the soft flesh, Angel felt her walls begin to shudder and her body stiffen.

Suddenly, she dove at him, thrusting her face into his neck. Angel’s eyes flew open as her teeth dug into the flesh at his throat. He felt his skin break before she exploded around him.

Angel couldn’t help himself as he pulled her closer, still thrusting up into her, and bit into her neck. Buffy released him and cried out so loudly it hurt his ear but he didn’t release her as he came, coating her walls with his heavy semen.

Angel released her neck, falling back against his pillow, his entire body throbbing and humming at the same time. Relaxing his body, Angel let his legs go limp and his arms fall around Buffy loosely. Cradling her light weight against him, Angel savored the feeling her of lying so closely in his arms, breathing heavily against his arm as she tried to catch her breath.

Laying limply against her lover, Buffy closed her eyes happily. Kissing his shoulder, Buffy was content to lay there for the rest of her life.

“I didn’t know that you liked that,” Angel said softly, slicing through the quiet air. Buffy didn’t respond for a moment before lifting her head to look at him.

“I guess I didn’t either,” she responded, lifting her tired arm to smooth his hair away from his sweaty forehead. He smiled at her, pulling her head down for a soft kiss.

“I didn’t know I would like it so much, either,” Angel admitted, staring into the heavy moss of her eyes. Reaching up to smooth her hair behind her ear, he continued, “I guess my being a vampire doesn’t really go away.”

Buffy couldn’t help but hear the sadness, guilt and self-loathing decorating his voice. She smiled at him lovingly. “I wouldn’t have it any other way.”

Angel searched her eyes, his mind automatically rejecting her words. She couldn’t mean that, could she? Isn’t this what she wanted? The normal human boyfriend, not the freakish vampiric boyfriend? But there was no lying there, only trust and love. And he felt it envelope him. He couldn’t help but revel in it.

“You are so beautiful,” he whispered. Buffy blushed, but couldn’t hide the beaming smile that came over her features. She kissed him softly.

“I love you,” she whispered against his lips and Angel hugged her to him, tightly.

“I love you, too, Buffy. Always.”

“Are you proper down there?” Cordelia shouted down the stairs, her head peeking around the corner slightly. Not seeing anything naked, she moved around fully before pausing once more. “Hello?”

“Christ, ‘Delia,” Doyle whispered loudly from above her. “Just go down.”

“Well, I don’t know why you’re not down here with me!” she whispered back, louder. “This was your idea!”

“What, don’t you want to see if they’ve sexed themselves to death?” Doyle asked back, amused. “You got the short straw, remember?”

Cordelia rolled her eyes, not moving from her spot and looking up the stairs. “I really don’t want to see anything sex-related when it comes to Angel! Can you saw ‘ew’?”

Doyle chuckled. “C’mon!”

“I don’t know why we care,” Cordelia whispered back before continuing down. “We are so out of a job. I mean, hello, how the hell is human Angel not going to stay with human Buffy? He’ll fire us and then we’ll be out of a job...”

She could hear Doyle laughing silently upstairs. Sticking her tongue out at the stairs behind her, Cordelia moved closer to the bedroom’s open door. Neither Doyle nor Cordelia had been there the entire time Buffy and Angel had been hidden in his room. But after a couple of days of nothing from her boss, she had gotten a little worried and began to think that Buffy had done something bad to him... or something along those lines.

Which was ridiculous but her income was on the line here. Anything was possible.

“Hello?” she called softly, wishing against all things that her boss and his new lover girl were dressed and out of bed and drinking tea instead of lying in sex-covered sheets. Her wishes weren’t answered as she entered the room. But the sheets were at least covering them up, so that had to be something.

Moving forward, Cordelia looked around and crinkled her nose. The room was a mess and it even smelled like sex. She couldn’t believe she was down here. Why was she down here again? Because Doyle was stupid, that’s why!

Sighing, Cordelia stepped over a pile of Buffy’s clothes only to step on a loud wrapper. Pausing dramatically, Cordelia stared at the sleeping couple before continuing forward. She didn’t even know why she was being quiet. She was here to wake them up, so there wasn’t any point.

Leaning over the bed, Cordelia avoided looking at the sheets. It may be darker than usual in the room, but she could still see everything. Reaching forward, Cordelia pushed on Buffy’s shoulder. Nothing happened.

Trying again, Buffy shifted slightly and Cordelia waited for her to wake up and get out of the bed only to be disappointed by the blonde pushing back into Angel’s chest, snuggling with him, before falling back into a deep sleep. Angel’s arms were wrapped tightly around the little Slayer, one arm around her stomach - under the sheets, thank god - and the other across the top of her chest. Buffy was using his arm as a pillow.

Cordelia wondered for a brief second how that could be comfortable before she pinched Buffy’s arm.

Buffy’s eyes snapped open and she jerked violently, causing Angel to awake. But his response was much more physical as he sat up and immediately surveyed the room for any immediate danger. Cordelia looked at him in surprise and Buffy fell back against the bed, bringing the sheets up to cover her more fully as she snuggled back into it.

“Cordelia?”

Cordelia smiled brightly at Angel’s raspy voice. “Hey!”

“What are you doing?” Angel asked tiredly, the situation not truly sitting in for him. What the hell was Cordelia doing in his room?

And then it all came back and he looked down to the bed to still see his beloved nestled against his side. He sat staring at her for a moment before hearing Cordelia attempting to get his attention.

“Angel? We just wanted to know if you were still alive. You know, seeing as how you’ve been down here for so long... are you going to fire us?”

Angel shook his head before rubbing his eyes. “What?”

“Are you going to fire us? I mean, now that you’re human, will we still have a job? Or should I just leave now because I do need the money, you know. New apartment, remember?”

Shaking his head once more, he looked at the Cordelia of this time. Her hair was so long and... dark. She looked younger and thinner, but still just as beautiful as before. “Uh... no?”

Cordelia grinned happily. “Well, good. Because I don’t think it would be very nice to just... fire us, right?”

“Is that why you came down here?” Angel asked, getting slightly annoyed. “To ask if I was going to fire you?”

“Well, no.” Cordelia linked her fingers before her. “Doyle wanted to know if you two had ‘sexed yourselves to death’. His words, I swear.”

Sighing loudly, he heard Buffy grumble something so softly he couldn’t hear. Looking down at her once more, he looked back to the brunette. “We’ll be up in a little bit.”

“Okay! Take your time... don’t feel rushed, or anything.”

As Cordelia left the room, closing the door behind her, Angel laid back down, wrapping his arms around the small blonde. “Buffy.”

“Five more minutes... then I’ll get up...”

Angel chuckled before shaking her a little. “Buffy, we need to get up.”

Shaking her head, she burrowed deeper into the pillow she had found. “Five more minutes, mom!”

Angel laughed out loud at that and Buffy finally opened her eyes. Looking around warily, she finally focused on the man beside her. “Why are you laughing? And so loudly?”

“I’m sorry. You’re just cute when you wake up.”

“Well, I’m glad that you think so,” Buffy said in a low voice before closing her eyes once more. Angel sighed.

“Are you getting up, Buffy?”

“Nope.”

“Buffy.”

“I’m not needed anywhere.”

“I need you.”

“You’re just saying that to get me up.”

“I am?”

“Yes.”

“Fine,” Angel said, exhaling loudly. “Then I’ll just have to get you up.”

“Yeah, I’d like to see you try...! Angel!”

Angel’s fingers were suddenly dancing across her skin and Buffy let out a peal of laughter, the sound echoing off the walls. It was like pure magic and Angel yearned to hear more. Tickling her against her ribs, Buffy fought to get away from him, but Angel was relentless, his own laughter coming out.

“Angel! Stop... please!” Angel couldn’t as her magical voice continued. “Please...!”

After a moment of Buffy’s squealing and Angel’s deep laughter, he stopped and Buffy laid against the headboard, panting, her eyes wide with laughter. “I can’t believe you did that!”

Angel grinned. “Well, you wouldn’t get up. What was I supposed to do?”

“I am so going to get you back for that!”

Angel laughed as she dove at him. He caught her easily, her lips falling on his.

“You did tell them to come up, right?”

Cordelia looked up from where she was filing her nails to see Doyle sitting on the edge of her desk. “Get off my desk,” she said loudly. “And yes, Angel said he would be coming up.”

“When, exactly?” Doyle asked, “It’s been twenty minutes.”

“Sorry,” a deep voice said from the elevator as the loud contraption suddenly appeared. Doyle smiled at the flushed couple while Cordelia scowled.

“You’d better be. We’ve been waiting forever!”

“Why did you guys wake us up, anyway?” Buffy asked lightly, Angel’s large hand held securely in hers. “Is there danger about?”

“Nah, we just wanted to see if you two were alive is all. Which are you, so congratulations on tha-“ Doyle was cut off as Angel suddenly bounded forward, wrapping his arms around the half-demon tightly. Doyle stiffened, looking at Buffy over Angel’s shoulder in question. She shrugged. “Hey... Angel.”

“I’ve missed you, Doyle,” Angel said and Doyle patted his back awkwardly.

“Yeah, I’ve... missed you, too, buddy,” Doyle said as Angel pulled away. The ex-vampire was literally beaming. The damned smile was a big as his forehead. “Are you okay?”

“I’ve never been better,” he declared, moving back to Buffy’s side. “Everything’s perfect.”

“Riiiight... well, that’s great for everyone, but what are we supposed to do now that you’re human? How am I going to pay for my clothes, for my auditions and photo shoots?”

“I’m not firing you, Cordelia,” Angel said, walking over to the couch, dragging Buffy behind him. “Everything will stay the same.”

“Uh... if you haven’t noticed yet, Angel, you are human. You know, without all the super strength and freaky hearing,” Cordelia reminded him. Angel nodded his head.

“I know that. But it doesn’t mean I don’t know how to fight. I can hold my own. We’re going to stay open,” Angel declared.

Sitting down on the couch, Angel pulled Buffy down into his lap. Not protesting, she smiled happily at the other people in the room.

“And plus,” Buffy added. “I’ll be staying around here, I think. I like LA and it’s not like I can’t enroll in UCLA, right?”

“Really?” Angel asked, his eyes on her face. “What about Sunnydale?”“There is plenty of muscle there and it’s only a two hour drive. Just a couple miles away. Not a problem.”

“Yeah, I’m sure Giles and your mom’ll just love that idea,” Cordelia said, returning to her nails.

“Not that it’s any of your business, Cordelia,” Buffy replied, turning to glare at the brunette. Cordelia looked up, ready to snap back when Angel interrupted.

“Let’s go shopping,” he said, squeezing Buffy’s arm. “I’m sure we need some food around here and I know I’m hungry.”

Turning away from Cordelia - for the moment - Buffy beamed. “That sounds like a great idea.”

Standing, they turned to leave and Angel looked over his shoulder. “We’ll be back in a while.”

Doyle stared after the happy couple, watching as they exited the building, Angel tickling Buffy and her happy laughter flowing back before they fled into the sunlight where Angel stood out like a light beam in the pitch black of night.

“They seem happy.”

“Yeah,” Cordelia said sarcastically, filing her middle finger’s nail as she spoke, “Then comes the horrible angst and fighting. Things never change for them. Trust me. Something’s going to happen. It has to.”

“We’ll need chips. And ice cream. Oh, we could make burritos tonight!”

Angel listened to Buffy’s rapid speaking, merely following her around as she grabbed a cart and started for the first aisle. “Or hamburgers!... No, burritos, or tacos... yeah, that sounds good. I can make that.”

Angel couldn’t deny the loud grumble his stomach made at the sound of food. He only remembered tasting Mexican food as a vampire so he had yet to get the full experience. And he couldn’t wait. Especially if Buffy was making it.

Following her around the ridiculously large grocery store, Angel just nodded his head, sometimes grabbing things from the shelves that he remembered - which basically ranged from bread and some form of meat substance he couldn’t remember - or that looked particularly good.

Buffy just talked about everything she could food related, grabbing everything she saw and liked. She was sure that whatever she liked, he would, too.

As they reached the chocolate aisles, all decked out for Christmas, Angel’s eyes brightened and Buffy laughed. “You want some chocolate?”

“Oh, yeah,” Angel said and Buffy walked over to where he stood. Grabbing a couple of bags here and there, they eventually worked their way out of there before finally reaching the end of the store where they proceeded to pay for their purchases and leave the store.

Stocking the trunk of his car and the backseat, they were finally off, only to stop in the nearest alley to sate their lust before heading back home.

“Do you want salsa?” Buffy called from his small kitchen and Angel looked up from where he was reading. He heard her make an irritated sound. “Well, I guess that was a stupid question. You don’t really know what it tastes like, do you?”

Not waiting for his answer, Buffy appeared within his line of vision, grinning. “Dinner’s ready!”

Standing, Angel approached the kitchen. He could see the table and he grinned. It was beautiful, with two large candles standing tall with a small vase of white roses in the middle of them. He saw two wine glasses full of a dark liquid that he couldn’t remember buying. Then he saw the plates full of food. A large burrito was on one plate, some steam floating into the air. On the other was a rather smaller burrito, which he assumed was Buffy’s.

“How romantic,” Angel said, his voice full of wonder and love. He couldn’t remember ever sitting down for a romantic dinner that didn’t consist of blood and body parts. It was magnificent.

Buffy rolled her eyes. “Yeah, burritos are just so darn romantic,” she said sarcastically. “But this sounded good, so we’ll deal.”

Angel grinned genuinely - something else he hadn’t done more than once in a day since he had been propelled back into this time - and walked towards the small blonde. Facing the stove, she seemed to be turning things off and placing them all in the sink to be washed later. Wrapping his arms around her waist, he pulled her back into his chest. She sighed happily.

“It’s beautiful... just like you,” Angel whispered softly into her ear before placing a hard kiss on her scar. Buffy exposed more skin only to be rejected as he grabbed her hand and pulled her towards the table. “Let’s eat.”

“Are you sure it’s okay?” Buffy asked nervously, watching Angel eating slowly. “I want your first huge meal to be perfect and you’re acting weird... You don’t like it, do you? Oh, my god, I just chose burritos right there for you! I should have let you choose, right? I’m sorry! How dumb of me...”

Angel listened to her rambling before smiling gently. In all honesty, he had never tasted anything better. Even the hot salsa was delicious, even though his mouth was literally on fire. But, oddly enough, he enjoyed it. “Buffy,” he said, softly. “It is perfect. And it’s delicious.”

“Are you sure?” Buffy asked doubtfully. She had never made a full-fledged burrito before. She always had someone there to help her out in case she forgot something. So, to say she was slightly nervous was an understatement as big as the Grand Canyon.

“Yes... I love it. You did a wonderful job. A fantastic job, even.” Setting his fork down, Angel reached over and took her warm hand. “You’re the best.”

Buffy blushed, ducking her head as she picked up her fork, but not dropping Angel’s hand. “You don’t have to exaggerate, Angel. They’re just burritos.”

“My first burrito,” Angel corrected. “Which makes it all the better.”

Buffy smiled up at him. “You’re too good to me.”

Angel smiled curiously at her before returning to his plate of food. “Why do you say that?”

“Well, you’ve never had a really good, five-star restaurant burrito before and you’re saying it’s the best.” Buffy beamed. “It’s sweet.”

“You’re sweet,” Angel replied with a goofy smile and Buffy stared at him for a moment. This was the first time she had ever seen him so happy. He barely allowed himself to smile when he was a vampire and now the sight of him grinning like a fool made her heart fly. Everything was perfect. Just the way it should be.

“I love you,” Buffy said softly and Angel looked up at her. He still couldn’t believe what was happening. She was here with him rather than laying somewhere, dead and cold as the ground she was surely buried in in that future. But not here... not here where he could protect her and always be there for her. He hadn’t gone to the Oracles so that surely meant something... things had changed... quite significantly and Angel couldn’t be happier.

“I love you, too. Forever.”

“I’m all sticky,” Buffy complained, snuggling back into Angel’s chest, using her hands as a pillow. The pillows had been knocked to the floor unceremoniously after the meal and Buffy could feel some of the chocolate that had fallen onto the bed. “But,” she said, smiling. “It’s a very good sticky.”

Angel laughed. “Well I think I’ll still be needing a serious shower after we get up. And new sheets. Which, if I remember correctly, were very expensive.”

Buffy looked over her shoulder, her face a perfect mask of innocence. “It wasn’t my fault.”

“It wasn’t?” Angel asked, amused. “It was you who suggested this.”

“Ah, yes,” Buffy agreed. “But it was you who actually brought it to the bed and applied it to... well, me.”

Angel laughed again, the sound coming out naturally. “And you didn’t do anything with it?”

“You did it first.”

“Very mature.”

“That’s me.”

Silence reigned for a few moments as they sat in the contented bubble they had created. This was their paradise. This was the place they had wanted to be for all those years. The place they believed they could have before his soul had been ripped away only to be cruelly replaced at the worse time possible. The idea that they now had everything that they could wish for was remarkable.

“Are you really going to move down here?” Angel asked softly, his warm breath tickling her ear. Buffy sighed happily.

“Yeah, it had crossed my mind. You wouldn’t mind, would you? Me moving down here and being around all the time?” Buffy asked, her voice amusingly hopeful.

Angel chuckled. “Of course I mind. It’ll be hell.”

“Ha ha. Very funny.”

“What do you think Giles will say?” Angel asked, “And your mom? Will they let you move down here?”

Buffy knew that her mother would definitely object the very idea of her leaving Sunnydale. She had grown a new worried protectiveness ever since learning about her being the Slayer. During her senior year, she knew her mother stayed up almost all night just to make sure that she had gotten into bed safely. That her daughter would rise to see another sunrise. It didn’t bother Buffy, made her feel loved and protected in a way only a mother could provide. Plus, it was nice knowing that you could stay out all night and not have your mother constantly on your ass all the time. Buffy knew she was lucky with her mother. But she wouldn’t be too keen on the idea of Buffy leaving but she could convince her. She wouldn’t be that far.

Giles... well, he was different. He had been her Watcher and her father-figure for so long, with her through it all. He had always been there, supporting her or objecting softly enough to make her change her mind. Unless it was world-in-peril stuff. Would he let her move down here? So many miles away from everything she had known in her Slayer life?

And what about her friends? What would they think? Could she live without talking to Willow everyday about what happened during class, what happened with a boy during this or that, or actually arguing over something school- related? What about Scooby meetings? And research together and the monthly apocalypse...

But... when she began to think about what her life would be like with her newly improved boyfriend... the joy that sprang into her heart was instant and Buffy couldn’t deny her soul’s wishes. This was where she belonged. With her soulmate... building the life she knew she had always wanted deep down for so long... the normal life...

“I don’t know. But either way, I’m coming down here. Now that I have you back in my life, permanently...” Angel cringed inwardly at her words. “I couldn’t deny that even if I wanted to. It’s perfect. Just the way it should be.”

Angel had nothing to say. What if things weren’t permanent? What if he woke tomorrow and he was back in the horrible world where she was no longer living? Angel hated thinking himself in circles, over and over again. He didn’t like thinking that in the very near future, she could be dead. Closing off his thoughts, Angel settled down. Maybe he was being silly about this entire thing. Maybe it had all been just a crazy dream... Wouldn’t that be perfect? Could it have been the PTB’s way of telling him that he needed to change things around in order to make it all right again?

“You know that nightmare I had the other night?” Angel asked quietly, almost saying his words without thinking. Buffy barely nodded before he continued.

“I dreamed you died,” Angel said, holding Buffy tightly to his chest as he continued his story, not allowing her to turn around. It had been a dream... everything had been a dream... It was true... It had to be true... “I dreamed that I went to the Oracles this morning instead of staying in bed with you and changed time back because of Mohra’s warning words, that more would come... I changed back time and took away everything that had happened between us...”

And so he continued. Told her every detail that he could remember. Which he found wasn’t much. Which could be evidence of the fact that it had been a dream and that he was really back in the correct time. Or maybe it was his mind in denial...

Holding Buffy tightly to his body, he didn’t allow her to turn around and look at him as he spoke. She finally laid still after three attempts and listened, her heart breaking at the pain in his voice. He spoke of her mother dying, of a sister named Dawn she had never had, of the end of the world. He talked about her jumping into a hell dimension to save the world... to save her imaginary sister...

Then he went into what happened afterwards. He talked about not being able to feel her death and how it truly hit him, almost taking him over the edge before realizing that she wasn’t supposed to die. And then Doyle - who had died some time ago in his dream - coming to him and showing him this world... this time and taking him back to it.

“That was why I was crying, love,” Angel said, his voice soft as he felt Buffy’s body shake from her tears. Unconsciously, Angel lifted his hand towards her face and wiped away some of the salty liquid away with his thumb even though he couldn’t see what he was doing. “I just couldn’t believe that you were alive. It felt so damned real that I couldn’t believe you were lying here next to me, sleeping, breathing...”

Buffy let out a sob and Angel turned her in his arms, holding her to his chest. “I love you so much, Buffy,” he whispered into her hair.

“I’m sorry,” Buffy said against his heart. “I don’t know why I’m crying.”

Angel didn’t respond.

A moment passed before Buffy regained control and laid against him, her eyes closed. “I’m so glad that didn’t happen, Angel.”

“Me, too.”

“I mean... to know what had happened yesterday and have to live with it... I don’t know if I would be able to go on like that.”

Angel sighed softly, taking a moment before speaking. “You didn’t remember.”

“Oh,” Buffy said after a stalled second. “Did you?”

“I had to,” Angel responded. “If I hadn’t, what would have prevented us from doing it again?”

“Would that have been so bad?” Buffy asked, a weak attempt at a joke as more tears began to surface. Angel hugged her tightly.

“Well...” Buffy said after several minutes of quiet, sighing as she sat up. “I don’t know about you but all of this crying and chocolate stained mess has made me want a shower.” Angel smirked. “Really?”

Glad that light-hearted camaraderie was back, Buffy smiled wickedly. “How much you want to bet I can beat you to the bathroom?”

“Fifty bucks,” Angel said and Buffy laughed as he launched himself from the bed and ran to the bathroom, completely naked. Jumping out after him, she had never felt so free as she did running after her boyfriend to a joint shower session, both naked as the day they were born.

“Beat you,” Angel announced from where he stood, leaning over to turn the hot water on. “You owe me. I can put it towards those new sheets I’m going to have to buy.”

Staring at his back, Buffy grinned. “I’m sure I can find some other way to pay you back,” she said in a husky voice.

Angel peeked over his shoulder only to see his lover standing there, in all her glory, a sexy half smile on her face and her eyes dark with the sudden lust. He could see her slightly splotchy skin around her eyes where she had been crying just minutes before. But it seemed to only enhance her beauty.

“I’m sure you can,” Angel purred before standing and wrapping his arms around her, accepting her kisses happily.

“I don’t really see how we’re going to still have a job in the morning,” Cordelia said as she nursed her drink. Sitting at the dark bar with Doyle, she couldn’t believe she had actually agreed to this as he threw back yet another shot. “Angel’s human. And he totally got his ass kicked by the demon. How much help is he really going to be?”

“You’re human, my sweet,” Doyle said, slightly slurred. “Don’t you hold your own fairly well?”

“Well, yeah, but Angel did most of the dirty work. Now we’re all going to have to do the dirty work.”

“What about Buffy? Can’t she take the place of the chief super hero around here?” Doyle asked slowly, raising his hand for another round. The bartender merely nodded.

“Yeah, right. Like Angel would really go for that.” Shaking her head, Cordelia continued, “He can’t stand it when he’s not the super hero.”

“What?”

“Never mind.” Looking up, she noticed the added liquor to Doyle’s cup. “Haven’t you had enough already? God, you’re going to wake up with the worst headache in the morning, you know... although I’m fairly sure you’re used to that.”

“Ha ha,” Doyle replied before taking a long sip from his cup. “I’m Irish, I’ll have you know...” Cordelia rolled her eyes. “And we Irishmen can hold our alcohol very, very well. Ask Angel!”

“Oh, I’m sure-“

Suddenly, Doyle let out a whimper before slamming his head down onto the bar and groaning in pain. Cordelia yelped in surprise before placing her hand on his shoulder as he struggled through the vision.

Short pictures raced through his head amid the horrid pain. It felt like there was lava being poured into an open crack in his brain. It felt like thousands of nails were being rammed into his skull all at once, yet the vision was clear as day.

As the vision slowed and finally stopped, leaving him with a heavy pounding in his head, he looked up blearily, moaning in pain as Cordelia asked what he saw.

Looking at her, he frowned. “We’ve got trouble,” was all he said.

Cordelia frowned before they both got up and left, throwing a couple of stray dollars onto the bar.

His skin was so soft.

Buffy still couldn’t believe how absolutely warm Angel was now that he was human. She was still so used to feeling his cold, dead flesh against her hot skin, rather than his heated flesh against hers. But she wasn’t complaining. What was there to complain about when her previously vampire boyfriend was human and couldn’t lose his soul... no matter what?

Buffy smiled softly as her fingertips danced across his skin. One of his arms was sprawled out and she was using it as a pillow while the other rested on his stomach. He was so cute when he slept. There was this weird sort of innocence about him that he had never been able to escape while he slept, no matter how hard he tried. And plus the happy smile on his face didn’t hurt the picture.

Laying on her stomach, Buffy couldn’t think of anywhere else she would rather be. Nowhere else in the world...

“Buffy! Are you awake?”

Lifting her head quickly, Buffy paused all motion as she looked over her shoulder to where the voice echoed from. She could see Cordelia’s head poking around the corner.

“Shh!” Buffy whispered back semi-loudly. “What is it? Is something wrong?”

“Yes,” Cordelia said so quietly Buffy could barely hear her, stepping into the room fully and coming towards the bed now that she knew none of their precious flesh was bare for her to see. “Doyle had a vision. There are demons. You and Angel need to go and kill them. Now!”

“Shh!” Buffy whispered angrily again before looking back to Angel and moving slowly as she moved to get out of the bed. Cordelia made an annoyed sound and picked up the closest thing she could find on the floor, which was Angel’s silk shirt from a couple of days ago, when it had first left his body when they first made love in his bedroom.

Wrapping the silk around her body, Buffy held it against her tightly before leaving the room, Cordelia following.

“Now what is going on? Doyle had a what?”

“A vision. He saw a bunch of demons about to do some sacrifice thingy... you know, typical demon thing to do these days.” Cordelia rolled her eyes.

Buffy looked around for the overnight bag she had packed with the intention to spend a couple of days with her dad. Spotting it near the elevator, Buffy went to pick it and moved towards the bathroom to change.

“Where are you going?” Cordelia demanded, following her once more, her voice low as they passed Angel. “Aren’t you going to wake Angel?”

Buffy paused, looking towards the bed. She smiled softly. “Not for the world.”

Yawning, Angel awoke slowly, stretching his arms a little before turning and pushing his face into what had been deemed Buffy’s pillow, which smelled distinctly of his soulmate. It was obvious she wasn’t in bed with him anymore, but he could hear someone moving around somewhere, so he assumed it was her.

A quiet moment later, Angel finally opened his eyes and looked around. Everything was oddly still down here. And something felt... wrong.

Sitting up slowly, Angel looked around once more. Everything seemed the same, was in its correct spot and nothing seemed overtly wrong with anything. But then why did he feel like something... bad was going to happen?

“Buffy?” he called softly and got no reply. Frowning, Angel threw the comforter of the sheets they had put on the bed the night before away from him and stood, grabbing the first pair of pants he could find on the ground. Shrugging them on, Angel walked towards his closet and grabbed the first shirt he saw. Slipping the wine-colored silk over his shoulders, Angel walked out of the room without buttoning it, looking around once more.

No one was there and everything was in place. Nothing was wrong here. Looking up at the ceiling, Angel could hear someone moving around, as if they were pacing slightly. Furrowing his brow, Angel went upstairs.

The first thing he saw was Cordelia, her arms crossed and her face creased with worry and agitation as she moved around her small desk space, pausing to fix something sometimes, other times just walking around, seemingly to keep herself busy.

“Cordelia?” Angel asked curiously and Cordelia stopped in her tracks before whirling around to face her boss. She plastered a bright smile on her face.

“Hey,” she chirped and Angel crossed his arms over his chest and stared at her suspiciously. “Good morning! Everything going good? Good... coffee?”

Angel watched as she crossed to the coffee maker and placed some beans in it before switching it on. “It’ll be done in a quick jiffy!”

“What’s going on? Where’s Buffy? And Doyle?”

“Oh, they went out... to get, uh... breakfast!” Cordelia waved her hand around, smiling to cover her stalling. “You know, ‘cause us humans need to eat!”

“Where did they go?” Angel asked again, stepping forward and into the sunlight. Cordelia almost reached forward to push him back but he was in front of her too quickly. “Cordelia?”

“They went to get breakfast. I just told you that.”

Narrowing his eyes, Angel felt his body beginning to tense. Where. Was. Buffy? “Cordelia...”

Opening her mouth to continue, she suddenly snapped it shut, her eyes moving to the floor. Breathing in, she let it out before looking back up at her boss. “She didn’t want me to tell you.”

“What? What do you-“ Angel ran his hand through his hair. This wasn’t happening. Why would she do that? “Where did she go?”

“She doesn’t want you to go out and get hurt again, Angel! And frankly, I kind of have to agree with her.”

“I don’t care what you say,” Angel growled and Cordelia’s eyes widened. “I want to know where Buffy is, and I want to know now.”

The low, dangerous tone of Angel’s voice began to scare Cordelia and she took a step back. “Angel...”

“Cordelia. Just tell me. Where did she go?”

“Doyle’s with her! He won’t let anything happen to her!”

“I don’t care who the hell is with her!” Angel shouted suddenly and Cordelia jumped. “I’m supposed to protect her. It’s my job. Now tell me where the hell she is!”

Cordelia didn’t speak for a moment and Angel began to narrow his eyes when she said, “She can take care of herself, Angel... she just doesn’t want you to get hurt.”

“I. Don’t. Care. Tell me where she is right now.”

After another moment’s silence, Cordelia relented, unwilling to let herself think how similar this situation was to when Angel had gone out and he hadn’t wanted Buffy to follow. Grabbing a piece of paper, she handed the address to him. “She just wants to protect you, Angel.”

Not responding, Angel turned to get dressed and find out where in the hell his soulmate had disappeared off to.

“Knife, knife, knife!”

Doyle looked up as Buffy ran by him, three of the demons running directly behind her. As she flew by, Doyle looked frantically to the floor, where a deep, brown bag sat. “Knife, where’s a knife?”

After a moment of searching and hearing Buffy’s warning shouts that she needed that knife or she wouldn’t live to eat scrambled eggs, Doyle found a decently long sword that he knew was cherished by Angel. Gripping the handle, he tossed it to the Slayer, shouting, “Heads up!”

Using her preternatural speed, Buffy’s hand snaked out and snatched it from the air, immediately diving forward and rolling gracefully to her feet, now facing the demons. They attacked.

Doyle watched, mesmerized as the Slayer fought. He had never seen one of the mythical beings before and at first glance, she was just a normal girl who didn’t look very threatening. Honestly, how much could a girl who weighed 110 pounds dripping wet do to someone? Apparently, quite a bit.

She executed moves he had never seen and even when one of the long claws slashed through her shoulder, she was right back on her feet as if she had never been touched. This was the Slayer... Buffy the Vampire Slayer... no wonder Angel loved her so damn much.

Doyle shouted his surprise as one of the smaller demons from the sacrificial ritual grabbed him from behind, followed by a sound of disgust as a fair amount of slime smeared all over his jacket.

“Thanks. This was my only one left,” he exclaimed as he pushed away from the disgusting embrace and turned to punch it in the gut. He was further disgusted as his hand sank into its rippling flesh. “Ehh!!”

“You need to cut of its limbs!” Buffy shouted at the sight of Doyle’s arm disappearing. “The arms and legs!”

“What the hell kind of demon is this?” Doyle shouted to himself as he pulled his arm free, flexing his fingers as he ran once again for the bag. Grabbing the first thing he saw, he pulled out a short sword and turned around, hoping the slime on his hand wouldn’t eat through the finish on the sword handle. Angel would kill him.

“Slimy demon creeps from hell?” Buffy guessed, her voice echoing in the room. Doyle chuckled under his breath, once again seeing Angel’s interest in the girl. Then his attention was on the demon.

“Here you go, buddy. Hacking time!” he shouted, swinging the sword down.

Angel was nearly hysterical as he finally reached the warehouse where Buffy was said to reside. He had been forced to take Cordelia’s new car - an old contraption that might have seen much better days but served well enough for chasing demons - because Doyle and Buffy had taken his. Probably an attempt to keep him from coming after her.

But how could he not? She should have woken him!

But you should have woken her when you went after Mohra...

Shaking his head, Angel denied it. That was different. He was protecting her. It was his job. She should have woken him up and taken him with her to take care of whatever the hell was going on. Damn her!

Pulling up to the streetlight opposite the building, Angel contemplated running through the red light to get there quicker. Looking around for cops, knowing Cordelia would surely kill him if he gave her car a bad name, he spotted his blonde lover coming out of the building next to the one of the piece of paper. The joy at seeing her, completely unharmed regardless of the long scratch on her shoulder, dismissed his anger at Cordelia for giving him the wrong address. She was alright. She was alive!

Angel was about to pull through the red light when he saw the other car coming. Right towards her. He couldn’t have moved even if he wanted to. His foot wouldn’t lift from the brake and he watched, in slow motion, as the car came hurtling towards the pair. It wasn’t stopping...

“You know I love you more than anything, right?”

Buffy smiled. “Yes.”

“I would... walk across fire for you. I would die a thousand times just to make sure that you lived happily. All for you.”

Rubbing her cheek against his, Buffy kissed it. “And I love you. You are the most precious thing to me in the world... Nothing will ever change that.”

Angel grinned. Everything was perfect... just the way it should be... and would always be...

Angel barely opened his mouth in time to warn them when the blue vehicle hit Buffy where she stood on the sidewalk. Doyle jumped back on instinct, but Buffy didn’t have the chance. It seemed as if the car was heading directly for her.

Buffy was quickly rammed into the hard wall of the warehouse she had just left, her head slamming back and hitting the hard concrete as her hands landed on the hood of the car. He heard someone screaming down the road but couldn’t hear it over his own. Her name fell from his lips as Doyle cried for help. Jamming the door open to get free of Cordelia’s car, Angel ran across the street, dodging the only other vehicle on the road as it started to stop to see what was happening.

“Buffy!” Angel shouted, finally reaching her as the person in the blue car that had hit her started to pull into reverse. Angel watched as Buffy fell to the ground, a sickening sound accompanying her. Her body was completely distorted from the waist down. Blood was everywhere and Angel knew that if he looked at the wall and saw her everywhere, he would throw up.

“Oh, god!” Angel shouted as he came to a skidding halt next to the blonde beauty. He couldn’t hear Doyle talking to him, couldn’t hear him calling for someone to call an ambulance. He didn’t hear the sound of the woman who had been driving the blue car, pleading with him to forgive her. He couldn’t hear anything but his own heartbeat, pounding so loudly in his ears. “Oh, god, Buffy, no!”

With shaking hands, Angel gently turned her over, not hearing Doyle telling him to not move her. Angel felt like crying - not realizing that he was already sobbing, the hot tears falling on his cheeks going unnoticed - at the sight of her bloody face. Her hair was matted to her head with blood where she had hit it on the wall and Angel couldn’t help himself as he looked down her body.

She was... broken.

“Buffy,” Angel whispered, leaning over her and cupping her face in his hands. “Buffy, are you okay? Oh, god, Buffy... please.”

She wasn’t moving and her chest was barely rising with her shallow breaths and Angel felt fear like nothing else rise in him. It wasn’t fair! He should have been here! It should have been him lying on the ground, not her! Not her!

“Angel...”

Angel felt his heart break at her low, cracked voice. Looking back at her face, he saw her smile at him. Oh, god, no...

“Buffy? Baby?” Angel gently lifted her into his arms, falling back on his legs as he cradled her, and she didn’t protest, barely moving herself. “You’re going to be okay, okay?”

Buffy’s bright green eyes were as clear as the sky as she looked up at him. Angel’s sobs came more heavily as he hugged her to him gently, whispering to her so softly that no one could hear. But they weren’t meant for other ears... only hers.

“Angel,” Buffy whispered as loudly as she could. It hurt to talk, but she had to... she had to tell him...

“Don’t talk, please... You’re going to be okay, I promise,” Angel said softly, his voice distorted through his tears. “I promise, I promise...”

“Angel, look at me.”

Angel didn’t want to look at her. He wanted to be back in his bed, just the way they were the night before, after their long shower. He wanted to be happy again...

“Angel...”

Angel finally pulled away, his eyes landing on her bloody face. But he couldn’t see any of that. No... he saw Buffy, literally. Her very soul was shining through her eyes, making her even more beautiful than the day he had first seen her. She was glowing. Her eyes were bright and Angel felt his tears increase.

“I love you.”

“No,” Angel sobbed, closing his eyes and shaking his head as he moved to hide his face in the thick shirt she wore. “Don’t say it, baby, please don’t say it...”

“Angel, please,” Buffy whispered, “Please listen to me. I have to-”

“No, no... shh.” Lifting his head, Angel looked into her eyes, realizing that she had never looked more beautiful than she did in the moment with her very essence shining through her green orbs. She was releasing everything, Angel realized, as if she expected this to happen... as if she knew she would be saying goodbye... “Please, Buffy, don’t talk. Help is coming, you’re going to be okay. Just please, don’t say anything.”

Buffy knew her other half was denying what was happening, but she needed him to know... needed him to understand...

“Angel... I love you so much,” Buffy whispered as Angel ducked his head once again, hiding it against her chest where he rubbed his face vigorously, shaking his head in denial of her words. Buffy didn’t realize that she barely felt anything he was doing to her as she lifted her arms. She didn’t even feel that... she felt nothing but her love for him and the intense need to tell him so... “I’ve never loved anyone else as much as I love you, Angel... no one else.”

Wrapping her arms around his head, Buffy cradled him to her as his shoulders shook with his violent sobs at her words. “I’ve never been happier... and I love you so much, Angel... never forget that...”

At the sound of her own tears beginning to spill free, Angel cried harder. This wasn’t how it was supposed to go. He had saved her, hadn’t he? By coming back, he had changed the future and saved her. So why the hell was she dying in his arms? Why the hell hadn’t anything changed?!

“Never forget that...”

“Oh, god, Buffy,” Angel sobbed, looking up. Neither of them noticed the growing crowd. They didn’t hear the woman who had hit Buffy crying somewhere, they didn’t hear Doyle demanding a cell phone to call for an ambulance. To them, all was silent besides their tears. Everything else faded away... just like it always did... just like it always would and should... “Please stop... you’re going to be okay...”

Buffy just smiled, closing her eyes. A horrible panic filled his chest and Angel shook her on instinct, not realizing he was possibly doing more damage. “Buffy! Wake up, baby, please... don’t go... don’t go!”

“Shh...” Buffy whispered, opening her eyes a little as she gazed into her lover’s tearful orbs. “Kiss me?”

Angel’s lips pinched together as he looked down at her bloody shirt before looking back to her and pressing his lips to hers. She tasted wonderful, full of love and light and everything that had made his desire to change his destiny real. Buffy pushed her tongue into his mouth with surprising strength and Angel replied with equal vigor. The kiss held everything that made their relationship special and powerful. Buffy poured her soul into the kiss and Angel felt her warmth enveloping him and Angel whimpered, then moaned in response, tightening his hold on her.

When Angel pulled away, she fell limp in his arms and Angel stared at her in shock for a moment.

Why wasn’t she moving?

Why weren’t her eyes open?

Why wasn’t she breathing?

“Buffy?” Angel asked, his voice low with desperation as the picture before him finally began to make sense. She wasn’t moving. She wasn’t breathing... “Buffy? Oh, god, no, Buffy!”

Angel shook her head so hard he heard her teeth clicking together. “Buffy! Don’t go, baby, please, I need you! I need you, Buffy... no!”

Crying openly, Angel pushed his face into her chest, hugging her dead body to him as he felt his own soul shrivel up, the love Buffy had somehow literally poured into him doing nothing as he mourned his lover’s death. His soulmate’s death. His other half...

“Buffy,” Angel sobbed. “Please, god, don’t do this... please...

“No...”

Angel jerked back from Doyle’s touch, falling back onto the floor with a loud thud as his hands came up to cradle his head. A loud cry came from his lips as everything he had felt in those couple of - imaginary - days came rushing back with a vengeance. The happiness, the tears, the joy... the pain. God, the pain was like having a jackhammer inside of his chest, digging his heart free.

“Oh, god, Buffy,” Angel moaned, his voice cracking with the tears he had no chance in stopping. “Buffy, no...”

“I’m sorry, Angel, man,” Doyle said, regret in his voice as he watched his former friend writhe on the floor. “I hope you can understand why you had to see that.”

“No,” Angel said brokenly. “Why? Why did you do that to me? How could you do that to me?”

“To show you what would have happened. Angel, those demons that she killed... they weren’t your regular demons. They were working for something bigger... apocalypse big... after Buffy died, you wouldn’t have been able to stop the demons and they would have overtaken the world. You were only human, brother... nothing you could have done. Things are better now. You had to see that.”

“No!” Angel shouted, stumbling to his feet, his hand still on his forehead and pain like nothing else Doyle had ever seen echoing in his eyes. “Why did you make me watch Buffy die again? Why would you do that to me? Why?”

Doyle didn’t respond as Angel collapsed onto the floor, his tears bursting free from him. Staring down at the vampire’s shaking form, Doyle could only stand there as he listened and watched. He had no choice...

“Why?” Angel whispered sadly, cradling his head in his hands. “Why? Why did she had to die? She didn’t deserve that... she didn’t deserve that!”

“I know, Angel,” Doyle replied, towering over Angel’s shaking figure. “She didn’t deserve to die like that... that’s one of the reasons you turned back time, don’t you see? You saved her... you let her save the world. Don’t you think that is how she would have liked to go out? Saving everyone? Being the hero?”

“Buffy didn’t care about that,” Angel mumbled angrily, slowly bringing himself to a sitting position as he looked up at the former half-demon. “She was supposed to live a normal life. With a husband. Kids. Sunlight... the things I couldn’t give her.”

“But you did give that to me... don’t you know that?”

Angel scrambled to his feet quicker than he could remember ever moving and spun to see who stood behind him, though his soul already knew. His love... his soulmate... standing there, looking at him. She was the perfect image of beauty, practically glowing in a flowing white dress that was strapless and hung against her body in just the right way. Her hair was long and flowing, golden as if the locks themselves had been spun from the sun itself. Her face was literally aglow... she was happy... so happy.

“Buffy?” Angel choked out, looking over his shoulder quickly to check and see if Doyle was still there. He was and upon meeting the vampire’s eyes, he winked and disappeared in a quick flash. Staring at the spot, he turned as her light voice said his name... god, the way she said his name...

“Buffy?” Angel asked again, his face crinkling in pain and tears forming in his eyes. “Is it really you?”

Buffy nodded and took a step forward but Angel didn’t give her the chance reach her destination. He was before her before she could blink, down on his knees as he pressed his face into her warm stomach.

“Oh, god, Buffy,” Angel cried, hugging her tightly as her fingers ran through his hair softly, her other arm wrapped around his shoulders gently.

“You’re not staying... are you?”

Angel didn’t know what to feel. The intense relief at the sight of his soulmate, standing in his rooms as if she had never left, hadn’t dissipated yet, but the uncertainty and confusion was still there. What was he supposed to do when she did go?

“I can’t,” Buffy replied, her face pressed against the crown of his head, her arms wrapped around him gently.

“Why?”

“I don’t belong here, Angel,” Buffy explained. “This isn’t my world anymore.”

“Are you... happy?” Angel couldn’t help the bitter tone in his voice, nor the jealousy. He couldn’t help but think about how unfair it was that she got to be happy while he was stuck here... in hell. But she deserved to be that, didn’t she? Deserved to be happy for everything that she had sacrificed.

“I’m content,” Buffy replied instantly. “That’s all I need right now.”

The couple laid in Angel’s bed, Angel’s head resting against her shoulder, his arms wrapped around her middle tightly and his leg draped over her legs protectively. It just felt so good to be in her arms once more... so good...

“I don’t know if I can go on without you,” Angel said softly. He felt Buffy smile softly against his head.

“Yes. You can. Because you’re strong. You have a calling. A destiny that you can’t ignore. I may not be apart of that destiny right now but... you never know.”

Angel lifted his head, meeting her eyes. “What does that mean?”

Buffy’s eyes roamed his face, her hand lifting to touch his cheek softly. She didn’t reply and Angel almost pushed it before deciding against it. Laying back down, he closed his eyes.

“You have to go on,” Buffy said quietly. “For me. For us. You have to live for me.”

“Do you remember?” Angel asked suddenly, ignoring her earlier comments for the moment.

Buffy smiled once more. “Yes. How could I forget?”

“You did the first time,” Angel reminded her bitterly, only regretting the slightly harsh words a little. How could he? She had forgotten when she had promised she wouldn’t...

Buffy shook her head, her hand coming up to cradle the back of his head where her fingers played with his hair. “I didn’t forget. I could never forget, Angel. They were just buried. Under denial and pain.”

“Pain that I caused you,” Angel reminded her, guilt lacing his voice and he felt Buffy’s arm tighten her hold on him. But she didn’t say anything.

“Were you happy? When we were together?” Angel asked and Buffy could hear the tears in his voice. She slowly urged him to lift his head and look at her.

“The happiest I’ve ever been,” she said, a sad smile pulling at her lips. A tear traced down his cheek and Buffy erased it with her thumb. “I’ll never forget that time, Angel. Ever.”

“Do you promise?” he asked.

Buffy kissed his forehead. “I promise.”

“I love you. More than anything in the world. You know that... right?”

Buffy grinned as a tear tracked down her cheek. “I do. I love you, too, Angel. Always and forever.”

Laying his head back down, Angel sighed deeply and closed his eyes. “Can you just... talk to me?”

“About what?” Buffy asked.

“Anything... anything in the world...”

“I love what you’ve done with the place,” she said, her tone light and joking. She felt Angel smile weakly against her shoulder and she quickly switched gears.

Kissing the top of his head, she began again, “Do you remember the first time we met? In the alley?”

Angel actually chuckled softly, but didn’t speak.

“I remember you were walking behind him... more like stalking even... and you weren’t exactly the Stealth Guy you are now...”

Angel didn’t have to open his eyes to know that Buffy wasn’t there any longer. It took several minutes to finally open his eyes and when he did, he was greeted with an empty room.

Instead of the gut-wrenching pain he had been expecting he was merely... content, as Buffy had put it. He had reached some degree of peace when she had visited him. When they had laid here on his bed, just talking... her smooth voice quickly putting him to sleep as she recalled the events of their past, somehow putting some of their past demons to rest as well.

Angel felt... rested and calm as he sat up in his bed. Looking around, he noted the shambles that was his room. But he couldn’t seem to care about that right now.

Standing, Angel ran his hands down his clothes as he opened the door to exit his rooms. As he walked towards the lobby, his crew’s voices getting louder and louder, he thought back about what had happened. When Doyle had touched him... it had been so real. Being sent back to the time he was human, laying in bed with Buffy, happy... loved. Then finding out that she wasn’t meant to live that long if he had remained mortal. She wouldn’t have made it nearly as far as she had if he had kept her for his own selfish reasoning.

He knew that now. He was glad that Doyle had showed him what could have happened. He was at peace with what could have happened and what had happened. Buffy was happy somewhere. She was content. And he knew this because he could feel her.

The memories he had now were going to be cherished for the rest of his life.

Because he could never forget Buffy. She wasn’t supposed to be forgotten and the knowledge that she was in point of fact at rest with her decision and in what he could only hope to be described as Heaven, meant that he was happy.

Now it was time to move on. Time to live.

For her.

“I love you... forever and always...”

“I love you, too... nothing will ever change that...”

I have a smile
stretched from ear to ear
to see you walking down the road

we meet at the lights
I stare for a while
the world around us disappears

just you and me
on this island of hope
a breath between us could be miles

let me surround you
my sea to your shore
let me be the calm you seek

oh and every time i’m close to you
there’s too much I can’t say
and you just walk away

and I forgot
to tell you
I love you
and the night’s
too long
and cold here
without you
I grieve in my condition
for I cannot find the strength to say I need you so

oh and every time i’m close
to you
there’s too much I can’t say
and you just walk away

and I forgot
to tell you
I love you
and the night’s
too long
and cold here
without you

The End

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