DISCLAIMER: Hi I’m Joss, yeah right!
DISTRIBUTION: My site. Or if u have anything of mine, u can take, if not then please ask first.
SPOILERS: "The Gift"
SUMMARY: Buffy thinks of Angel as she dies, Angel in turn hears her thoughts
PAIRINGS: B/A
RATING: PG
FEEDBACK: I love it, so if you wanna give, I’ll take it, lol
DEDICATION: To Lana who has always given such wonderful feedback on everything I have posted, thanks girl! And to all my wonderful online friends, here we go – Doc, Krisitan, Sobad, Torey, Sarah, Lynn, Marilyn, Lea and Marchelle you guys are awesome!
AN: I know there are so many fics like this, but could one more hurt? If so I’m sorry!!! **********

Chapter 1 – Buffy’s POV

In the beginning you drove me crazy. But slowly I fell, and I didn't want to get up. We knew back then, back when it was all new, that this, this love, it couldn't grow, it had to be stopped.

So we tried the sensible thing, but in the end it was useless. I couldn't keep myself away and I didn't want to. There are memories that haunt me now, but I wouldn’t trade them for the world.

There’s you and I kissing in my room, making love on the night of my birthday. Then there's Angelus, and those months with him. The ones where I couldn't harm him, because he was you. But in the end, I did it, and it wasn’t to the demon, it was to my Angel… I’m sorry, I’m still so sorry.

I wedged that sword deep inside you, and it felt as though I was doing it to myself. I watched you die, and I felt it Inside, I was gone, there was nothing left.

So I took off, away from everyone I held dear, away from places that reminded me of you. I did it on my own you know, I survived on the outside, I was strong, even if inside was a different story.

When I came back, nothing was the same, and I tried to adjust, but without you it was hard. Then there you were, just like a dream or make that a nightmare, the way you were, so wild, it scared me. I sent you there, I did that to you, you loved me and how did I repay you?

But you forgave me, even though I never did, we never spoke of it, but I knew you never blamed me. We tried to stay away from one another again, but we couldn't, we were in love, and there was no way of fighting it.

Until one night, when you broke my heart into a thousand little pieces, and till this day it was never put back together.

You left me all alone, with nothing but emptiness, I prayed every night for your return, but my prayers went unanswered. My friends didn't understand, not really, they knew I was upset, they didn't know that I had died inside.

When I saw you again, that day just after thanks giving, I felt alive, I felt loved, and then you gave it all up, for me. I remember you know, something like that is impossible to forget. That night, it was the best of my life, how could I forget that. When I returned home it came to me in dreams, and it made my life a lot worse

Then Riley came along, and I thought he could be that normal boyfriend the one I wanted you to be. The sad thing is Riley was the one to find out, he really loved me, and I, well I was completely gone.

I had an empty relationship for over a year, the only time I felt anything, was when I came to L.A. and you followed me back. You were the only one to ever make me feel. So when he left me, I guess it was expected. Everyone leaves Buffy, even my mom.

That was the last nail in the coffin for me, I loved her so much and she left, and I never got to tell her that I loved her that much, that I needed her and still do.

But you helped me with that, the night of her funeral you helped me feel again, and I felt love Angel, I really did.

But now I know, it’s really over, everything we had, everything we did, it’s all gone.

I'm gone Angel, I'm gone.

I'm jumping off this tower because I have to, because Dawn has more to live for than I do.

Take care of her Angel, give her everything she deserves. She needs a family now, your the only one she could call that, you’re the only one that I see as fit to raise her.

I'm running out of time, so I jump into the next world, the one where my mom is waiting. It’s pulling everything from me, its taking me whole.

I know you hear me, and I want you to know that there was never a day that I stopped okay. I love you, never forget that, and maybe one day we’ll get our always.

But for now, I’m done

Goodbye my Angel

Chapter 2 – Angel’s POV

Shhhhh…

Buffy? I swear I hear her

I know you hear me, and I want you to know that there was never a day that I stopped okay. I love you, never forget that, and maybe one day we’ll get our always.

But for now, I’m done

Goodbye my Angel

I hear you…

Buffy... I scream falling to my knees, what’s happening, where are you, my love, where are you?

I can hear you, I'm here, don't go I'm here.

Fading, fading, you're leaving me.

I can feel it, your soul, being pulled away.

Don't leave me, I need you, I love you, I promise I'll make it up to you, just please stay, please baby just stay...

You were the one, I knew it the day I saw you out the front of your school, I knew I loved you. It took you a while but you warmed to me, even though I was scared of letting that happen. You showed me so much, gave me so much. It wasn't until you walked into my undead life that I felt anything, you treated me like a real person, not a vampire. And you loved me, I know you did.

I broke your heart so many times, I'll always be sorry for that. You were so young and you had so much faith in me, you gave me your whole world and I crushed it. I crushed everything. But you never held what I did against me, not really. You kept on loving me, and trusting me.

I have memories of you that will always be with me, they will always be the first things on my mind. Our stolen kisses, feeling you writhing beneath me when we made love on your birthday. What I did to you when Angelus surfaced, and you had to send me there, to hell, where all I could so was think of you, your love, and your beauty. I never forgot you, I forgot everything but you. Not once did I blame you for what you had to do, I blame Angelus, I blame myself.

When they brought me back Buffy all I wanted was you, but I knew we couldn't go there, so I tried to fight it, but it was hard. And then you gave me that Christmas, and we really tried, and for a while things were good, but then there was the dream, I couldn't let that happen to you, so I hurt you again. And what did you do? You saved my life when I would have let me die, but you couldn't, you loved me, and I need you to see that I loved you just as much, if not more.

That night I left, left you. I felt every part of me breaking, it hurt more than any other kind of pain I have ever had dealt upon me. But I just kept thinking that this is what you deserve, it was the only way I could do it.

Then there was that day, I feel that you remember, I didn't want to take it back, in a way I wish I never had. We had every thing we had ever dreamt of, we had what most people take for granted, and I gave that up for you. I wish I could make sense of that.

Seeing you with him, after that I swear I was seeing red. You have no idea what side that almost brought out in me, but you deserved someone to love you, to make love to you, even though I want to kill him for touching you.

I'm sorry if I smiled when I heard he left, it was only for a moment, after that I wanted to hunt him down like the animal I am, and once again destroy him for hurting you.

I'll never forget our night when your mother died, I'm still so sorry you had to be dealt that blow, and I want to say ‘hey you will be with her now’ but it's too hard to accept. I don't want you to go.

I'm sorry for walking out, I'm sorry for the pain, for not giving in and coming home to you, I'm sorry forgive me, and come back please...

Buffy?

You're gone now aren't you?

I love you Buffy, there's no goodbye, I'll see you soon. You're not done, you never will be, we all need you, your family, friends, but mostly me, I need you baby.

How am I meant to go on? You can’t say your goodbye and leave me in this cold world all alone, where you go I will follow.

Please Buffy, it’s time for always.

~Fin~ END

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