Just relax. You knew that it was going to hurt when you agreed to this. You knew it. So, just relax. Relax.

I repeated the words to myself in hopes of calming down. I was tensing up and freaking out and nothing had even happened yet. I felt a puff of air hit the back of my neck. It tickled my skin and I shuddered. Then I felt Troy’s lips land square in between my shoulder blades. I started.

"Easy, Liam," he said against my back.

I kept reminding myself that I wanted this. I had hoped for this, yearned for this, and now I was finally getting it. I was finally going to have sex. And not only that, but I was going to have sex with Troy Harrington. It was like a dream. A dream that was about to get painful. Very painful.

I clenched the sheets beneath me and tried to loosen up. I felt Troy place the tip of his penis up against my hole. I couldn’t help it; I twitched.

"Easy," he whispered again.

I took a deep breath and let it out. The head of his cock rested just at the entrance of my opening. I felt him rub himself around my rim, letting me feel the mushroom head. It felt huge to me. The size of a baseball bat. I knew my mind was exaggerating, but I didn’t care.

At that moment, my psychological hang-ups were manifesting themselves with alarming effect. I wanted to get up, say that I was sorry, but that I didn’t think I could do this. I wasn’t ready. What was I thinking to agree to this? In fact, not only did I agree, but I also instigated. I’d made a huge mistake.

The protest was building in my throat. Troy hadn’t moved. His chest was pressed against my back and he remained still. What was he waiting for? A whistle? A gunshot? The wait was driving me nuts. I wanted to get this over with. I wanted to get out of there.

Troy stiffened, right before I felt him push his hips forward. I tried not to tense up, I really did. But, I failed. I felt his lips graze the spot where my neck met my shoulder right before he bit me. Hard. I jerked and Troy pushed the rest of the way in.

He stopped with just the head of his penis inside me.

"I’m sorry, baby," he whispered.

I sniffed, and then I felt a tear run down my cheek. I was crying?!?

"Shhh," Troy soothed beside my ear, "it’s okay."

God, I was such a loser. I was crying during my first sexual experience. I let my head fall down and pressed my forehead into the pillow.

The object in my ass felt foreign. And big. My asshole hurt, but not as much as I thought it would. It was clenched tight around Troy’s dick and he was once again still, letting me adjust to the size and feel of him. He didn’t move for a few minutes and I wondered how long we would stay like that. I wasn’t sure I wanted him to move.

I was about to say something, when he suddenly shifted behind me. I gasped and bit my lip. I felt Troy place his hands on my hips. He didn’t pull me back as I expected, instead he just rubbed my hips, slowly, occasionally touching my back. His touch was soothing and comforting and soon I started to relax. Maybe this wouldn’t be so bad after all.

Troy then began to move his hips, pushing forward. His hardness began to slide into me and I bit my lip harder. It burned. It felt as though I was being penetrated with a hot poker. I felt stretched to capacity and the length of Troy’s penis appeared to be endless.

Troy stopped again and leaned forward to kiss the spot on my neck where he had bit me. He was going slowly, much slower than I had expected. I was grateful for his consideration.

"Just a little more," he said near my ear.

I whimpered as I felt another inch of the thick cock wedge into my virgin hole. I braced myself for the extreme pain I had heard about, but the pain never came. Troy’s chest was slick against my back. I knew he must have been sweating from all the energy he was exerting to keep his control.

I clenched my teeth. It felt like Troy’s massive cock was growing larger by the minute. I focused on trying to stay relaxed as he slowly and gently inched it into my trembling body. He didn’t rip into me, the way I had heard in horror stories. He just eased inside me.

At last I felt his pubic hair brush my ass cheeks and I knew that he was all the way in. I felt stuffed. My legs quivered and my arms shook. Troy’s arms came around me, holding me steady, and then his hips began to move. Back and forth, making tiny stabbing motions.

He did this for a while. Moving only a little. My ass felt raw, but tingly. There was a weird combination of pain and something else. It was as though Troy was lightly tapping up against something. I wanted him to touch it harder. I would have pushed back against him, but he held me tightly around the middle.

Suddenly, he slammed his hips forward and hit something. It was like dynamite. I jolted. Troy paused and I heard a chuckle.

"You like that?" he asked.

I didn’t trust myself to speak. I didn’t even trust myself to move. Was that my prostate? Had he just hit my prostate? That was the only possible explanation for what I just felt.

Troy pulled out slightly, angled his hips and thrust hard again. I nearly came right then and there.

"Answer me," he said.

"Jesus Christ," I gasped out.

Troy paused briefly and then began pumping his massive cock slowly in and out of my tight channel. The sudden change was so abrupt that it caught me off guard. Troy didn’t miss a beat. He moved steadily, and reached around without breaking his tempo and began working my cock in time with his thrusts.

My hands clasped and unclasped spasmodically on the sheets as Troy repeatedly bumped my prostate with his cockhead. It was unbelievable. Nothing I had ever heard, read, or seen compared to this. My penis was so hard it hurt.

I felt like screaming or crying or both. The sensations coursing through my body were overwhelming. And just like that it hit me: Troy Harrington was fucking me.

He seemed to let go in that moment. Going from carefully controlled to wild with lust. His thrusts increased in force until he was slamming into my body over and over. All thoughts of pain were forgotten as I succumbed to the incredible pleasure.

Troy thrust deep inside me, again and again. I had never envisioned myself in this position. He let his cock sink in all the way to the hilt, before pulling out and doing it all over again. He was no longer being gentle or slow. He was fucking me with complete abandon.

And, just like that, my orgasm hit. It was so strong that I lurched. My ass clamped down on Troy’s cock and held on with a vice-like hold. Semen shot from my penis and onto the sheets beneath me. Troy continued to stroke my dick until I felt him start coming.

Troy’s forehead fell onto my shoulder. I felt his entire body tense above me, and then he began to shudder. His arms tightened around me and he held me impaled on his rigid dick. He gripped my waist and pulled hard. My ass slipped easily right down over his long cock. He let out a groan before shooting his load and then he collapsed on top of me.

My whole body quivered under his weight and sagged heavily into the bed. Grunting with pleasure - probably because he had reduced me to a state of weakened passion - Troy pulled his now soft dick out of my ass and climbed off me.

I heard him pad over to the bathroom and then I heard rubber snap and I guessed he was disposing of the condom. I knew the exact moment when he re-entered the room, but instead of returning to the bed he just stood there.

I waited a full moment before deciding to turn over and see what he was doing. I began to roll over when I felt a hand touch the base of my back, right before Troy said, "don’t move."

I twisted my head around to see what was going on and I realized that Troy was standing by the bed and he was staring at my ass. It only took a moment before recognition hit. He was staring at my bare, freshly fucked ass. No doubt admiring his own handiwork.

What else had I expected? I could only imagine what he was seeing, how I must look. With my hole all puffy and red and open.

I felt the tip of his finger brush my sensitive entrance and I flinched.

"Does it hurt?" he asked.

I nodded.

"Don’t worry," he smiled, "you’ll be fine tomorrow."

With that, he turned and started heading back to the bathroom.

"You don’t mind if I use your shower before I go?" he asked. He didn’t wait for my reply and just shut the bathroom door behind him.

I remained in the same prostrate position until I heard the shower come on. Only then did I let my body sink down into the mattress. I felt a strange sense of disappointment. What had I been expecting? For Troy to stay and snuggle?

He had done what he came to do and I wasn’t surprised that he was eager to leave. He wasn’t a cuddle kind of guy. I only wished he could have said a little more than five words to me. I wanted to hear that I had done good, that he had been pleased. I wanted to hear something, anything.

What was I supposed to do now? Get up and get dressed? I looked over at the clock. I still had four hours before my dad came home. A part of me wanted Troy to stay, and another part wanted him to hurry up and go.

I was conflicted. And happy. And scared and sore. I wasn’t a virgin anymore. I’d had sex with Troy Harrington. It had all happened so fast. One moment we had been talking at my locker and the next he had been undressing me and rolling on a condom.

Okay, so there was more to it than that. I’d been after Troy all year. He’d never even noticed me or paid me any attention. And then finally on Monday he had noticed me. And now it was Thursday. Only four days after he spoke to me and I’d fucked the guy.

He had been a lot more caring than I had anticipated. Maybe it was because he knew that it was my first time. I’d come like a maniac, though, and my ass was still humming. I gingerly reached around and touched my butt hole. It stung.

No surprise there, considering just how much the elasticity of my tiny hole had just been tested. The rumors were true. All of them. Troy Harrington’s dick was as thick as my wrist. My eyes had nearly popped out of my head when I had first seen it. That’s when I started panicking, worrying that he would never be able to fit it inside of me.

In the end, Troy’s experience had solved the problem. I shivered just thinking about the way he had used his fingers to stretch me out enough to take him. Inserting his fingers one at a time and pushing them up inside me.

I swallowed and decided to get dressed after all. I rose from the bed and walked over to my dresser to grab a pair of hospital scrubs, putting on just the drawstring pants. I moved a little awkwardly because my ass hurt.

I was giddy. My feelings were rioting inside me and I was switching from one emotion to the other. Sex with Troy had been amazing. Better than amazing. I had only just had sex for the first time but I couldn’t wait to do it again.

I heard the water cut off and my heart sped up. I rushed back over to the bed and sat down at the side, so as to appear nonchalant when Troy re-emerged from the bathroom. My plan backfired though because when Troy stepped out, he was stark naked and dripping wet.

I couldn’t be sure but I think my jaw dropped open. Earlier, when he had first taken off his clothes, I had been too nervous about what was going to happen to pay much attention to his body. But, now I could do nothing but stare.

As my eyes ran down his body, I took in every hard bulging muscle clearly defined under his smooth, tan skin. My eyes were automatically drawn to his member and even in a flaccid state it was totally impressive. I realized that I was staring, and forced my eyes back up.

Troy had a big smirk on his face and I blushed because I knew he had caught me staring so shamelessly.

"You wouldn’t happen to have another towel would you? This was the only one I could find," he said, holding up a face towel.

"Umm, yeah," I croaked out.

My throat suddenly felt like I’d been drinking sand. I went over to my walk-in closet and grabbed a fresh towel from a shelf. When I stepped out of the closet, I handed it to Troy who smiled and said, "Thanks."

He brought the towel up and draped it over his head, using it to dry his hair. He turned around, flashing me his perfect ass, then picked up his clothes before heading back to the bathroom. I gulped, and for a moment I worried I would have to wipe the drool off my chin.

When Troy stepped back out, a few minutes later, he was completely dressed and looked like he had when he had first arrived: yummy. I was back to sitting on the bed, and I was frantically searching my mind for something to do or say before he left.

Troy walked up to me and took my hand, and then he pulled me to my feet. He stood, looking into my eyes for a full minute. He looked almost … sad. But, it was fleeting and the next thing I knew, he lowered his head and kissed me.

The kiss was different. He had been passionate earlier, but not like this. My entire body shook from the force of his kiss. I felt consumed. It was as though Troy were branding me. His hand slid down my back to cup my ass and he pulled me tightly to his body. I wanted the kiss to last forever.

When Troy finally stepped back he said, "I’ll call you tonight. Maybe we can make plans for the weekend."

I felt my chest swell. I wanted to shout for joy. He wanted to see me again! But, instead I just nodded and said, "okay."

Troy turned and headed for the door.

"I’ll call you later," he repeated, and then he smiled. But, his smile didn’t quite reach his eyes.

After he left, I just lay in bed, playing everything that had happened over again in my head. I recalled every kiss, every touch, and I ended up spending the entire afternoon in bed. The time crawled by as I waited for it to be night.

I couldn’t wait for Troy to call. I couldn’t wait to make plans for the weekend. Dad came home at eight and found me sitting by the phone in the den. He spoke to me absently for a few moments while flipping through the mail, before going to his study to do some work.

I sighed. He had just come home from work and he was going to go do more work. I was used to it by now. My dad was a workaholic. As far as I could remember, he had been that way. I wasn’t in the mood to think about my dad, so I went back to listening for the phone.

An hour passed. And then two. And then three.

Troy didn’t call that night. And we never ended up meeting for the weekend. In fact, Troy Harrington never spoke to me again after that day.

******

ONE YEAR LATER …

The food court was packed. Very, very packed. Why was it then, that out of all the people at all the tables, Troy Harrington had chosen this one? I knew why. It was because of Danny, Scott and Ian. Damn mutual friends.

A year had passed since that day at my house with Troy. An entire year of silence. Once I got over being hurt, I realized just how fucked up it was. I mean I had to see the guy every single day. I had class with him, I ate lunch with him and I even played sports with him after school. And we never spoke to one another.

My relationship to Troy was a complicated one. We weren’t friends but we hung out almost all the time. It was because we both had the same friends. We both knew the same people and went to the same parties, but we pretended not to see each other.

Our friends noticed, of course. They had even asked me about it a few times and I was pretty sure that they had asked Troy too. I had no idea what he told them, but I had refused to say anything. What could I say?

Troy had been my first; the only person to ever touch me. And I had never heard from him from him again. Take it from me, sex with Troy was bad for the ego. I couldn’t admit to my friends what had happened between us. I wasn’t even really sure what had happened.

Had I been so bad that he had decided to never call me? For the first few weeks afterward, Troy had avoided me like the plague. It had hurt. A lot. But I had been determined to never let him know it.

And now I was sitting across the table from him. I did my best not to look at him, but it was hard. I still thought he was cute. And I still felt a pull in my tummy when I saw him, but it was infused with a twisting pain. Whenever I was around him, he seemed to look right through me. He was doing it right now.

I didn’t know why I was still sitting there. It was time for me to do what I always did: make my excuses and leave. I gathered up my things and started to get up when Ian said, "where are you going?"

I was a little startled because the question sounded like an accusation.

"I, uh, thought I should probably get going," I said.

"Where are you going, William?" It was Scott that asked the question and I didn’t like the way he stressed my full name.

I frowned and said, "I wanted to go to RadioShack. I dropped my phone on the floor and now my earpiece won’t work. I want to have it checked out."

"Okay," Danny said, "I wanted to check out their iPods anyway. I’ll go with you, and we can meet up with these guys later when we’re done."

He rose from the table and moved over to where I stood. I wanted to protest. I didn’t want to meet up with Troy later. I wanted to go to RadioShack and then go home. But, I was cornered and I knew it. I had a sneaking suspicion Danny had done it on purpose.

"Call my cell phone when you guys are done," Ian instructed.

"Will do," Danny promised, then he clapped me on the back as we headed off.

Once we were out of earshot of the other guys, Danny grabbed me to halt our walking and then said, "How much longer is this going to go on?"

I knew what he was talking about, but I decided to play dumb.

"What are you talking about?" I asked.

"You know what I’m talking about." He said, but I just kept quiet, willing him to drop it.

"What’s going on between you and Troy?" he asked.

I sighed and started walking again. I didn’t want to talk about this.

"What do you mean? There’s nothing going on between me and Troy," I said.

Danny grabbed my arm again, turning me back to face him and letting me see how annoyed he was getting.

"Did you fuck him?" he asked.

I actually recoiled at the question. Of all the things I had expected to come out of his mouth, that certainly wasn’t one of them.

"I can’t believe you just asked me that," I stuttered.

Danny shrugged. "You still haven’t answered my question."

"And I’m not going to," I snapped.

I started walking again, only to have him grab my arm. Again.

"Listen," he said, "Scott, Ian and I were talking and we just wanna know what’s going on. We’re tired of you and Troy each walking around pretending that the other doesn’t exist."

Suddenly, I wanted to tell him everything that had happened. I wanted him to know that this was all Troy’s fault. I was the innocent one. He was the one that stopped talking to me. I hadn’t done anything wrong.

But in order for me to convince him, I would have to tell him what happened between Troy and me. I wasn’t willing to do that. It would mean exposing my inadequacy, my rejection, and I was too embarrassed to let any of my friends know.

"Dude," I sighed, "it’s not me okay? Troy doesn’t talk to me, so I don’t talk to him."

"That’s all it is?" Danny asked, "So if he talks to you then you talk to him?"

Crap, I thought. Why wouldn’t he just let this drop?

"Yeah," I said with resignation. I knew that Troy wasn’t going to talk to me, so I felt comfortable telling the lie.

"Great," Danny said with a smile, "cause Scott and Ian were going to invite him to come over with us to your place tonight."

That stopped me dead in my tracks.

"What?!?" I almost screamed.

This couldn’t be happening. He was just kidding. He had to be kidding. It was all a stupid joke.

"Danny Stedquest," I said in a tight voice, "I - "

I was cut off by the sound of his phone ringing. I watched as Danny fished it out of his pocket and looked at the caller I.D.

"Would you look at that?" he asked, then said, "speak of the devil, it’s Troy."

"Listen, Danny, don’t answer that," I cautioned, "please - "

Again I was cut off as Danny flipped open the phone and put it up to his ear, saying, "Hello?"