Beep, beep, beep. I groaned. What the fuck was that noise? Beep, beep, beep it continued.

My head was still buried over my pillow so I reached over blindly to try and shut off the annoyingly incessant beep of my alarm. It was difficult, but I finally managed to locate the device that was emitting the offensive noise and knocked it to the ground beside my bed. There, I thought satisfied, now I can get back to sleep.

"Connor! Wake up! You’ll be late for school," mom hollered.

Groaning again, I rolled over onto my back and pushed my pillow off my face. I had to squint my eyes for a moment because the light filtering in from my window was blinding. I hated getting up. I was so not a morning person. I thought about just pretending as though I hadn’t heard her and going back to sleep, but I knew that it wouldn’t do me any good. My mom would simply storm in here and yank the sheets off me, which would then make her privy to my little friend standing at attention in my boxers.

Leaning over the side of my bed, I felt around on my floor trying to locate my fallen alarm clock and see what time it was. After a few moments, I finally felt something asymmetrical and plastic. I picked it up and looked at the funny red numbers, which read 7:05 am. I put the alarm back on my nightstand and again seriously considered trying to weasel my way out of school today. But I knew I couldn’t do that. Summer was over and it was the first day of school. The savage would be at my house in about forty minutes and if I didn’t show, he’d kick my ass.

God, I hated the first day of school. No matter how old I got or how many times I went through it, the first day of school always sucked. And it was always the same. Every single year was the same shit. Lately it had gotten a little interesting. In the past couple of years, I’d come back from the summer to see who had gotten boobs, who’d had a growth spurt, and who was suffering from a bad case of acne. Braces came on and off, as well as glasses. Peers changed. Some got cuter, others not so cute.

Over the summer I had gone to the Jersey shore to be with my grandparents. I hadn’t been able to hang out with any of my friends, and I hadn’t really had any contact with them these past three months except some emails and chat every other day. I had also spoken to the savage about once a week.

A part of me couldn’t wait to see how they looked, but another part was apprehensive. I had grown three inches over the summer, bringing me to 5’8. I wasn’t as tall as most of the guys in my grade and definitely not as tall as the savage, but it was certainly an improvement. Being 5’5 in the tenth grade hadn’t been much fun and I didn’t want a repeat of last year.

The first thing I’d done when I got to the shore was get a pair of Invisalign braces which I had worn each night while I slept. During the day I had used Crest whitening strips on my teeth to try and lighten their color. One of my resolutions for the summer was that I was going to get some damage control on my oral cavity.

This year things would be different. I was still what most would call ‘nerdy’, but I had traded in my glasses for contacts, put on 10lbs, grown three inches and discovered Proactive solution. I’d also managed to get quite a tan by going to the beach everyday in Jersey, so all in all I’d made a vast improvement as far as my physical appearance went. I couldn’t help wondering what the savage would think about my new look, and I got a little flutter of nerves in my stomach

"Connor!" I heard my mom call up again and knew that if I didn’t respond this time, she would be up in my room in three seconds flat.

"I’m up!" I yelled back, before pushing off the covers and rising from the tangled mass of sheets on my bed.

The first thing I did was yawn and stretch before making my way towards the bathroom to relieve my bladder. Once I was done, I grabbed my toothbrush and hopped into the shower, simultaneously brushing my teeth and taking a shower.

When I was finished, I went back into the bedroom, naked, drying my hair with my towel. I paused before the full-length mirror in front of my wardrobe and stared at my naked body. A lot had changed in the last eleven weeks. My thick brown hair had grown longer since I had neglected to cut it throughout the summer and now hung around my face in curly disarray.

I placed my hand on my flat stomach; feeling for the first time the ridges of newly formed muscles. I had gone running five times a week for the last two months and three weeks in addition with crunches and push-ups and the results were finally starting to show. A rigorous exercise regimen was just another one of the tactics I had employed to improve my physical appearance for the new school year.

All in all, I did look better. My skin was clear and smooth and possessed a healthy golden hue. My body was less scrawny and more defined and taller. My teeth were bright and straight and my deep blue eyes could now be seen unencumbered by my large glasses.

Reaching into my underwear drawer, I pulled out a pair of boxers and slipped them on. Then I opened my closet and began rifling through for the perfect outfit. I wanted the savage to take notice when he saw me. My older cousin Ursula had had a job at Abercrombie and Fitch for the summer and had taken me shopping on my last weekend in Jersey to help me pick out some clothes in the latest trends since I was hopelessly fashion handicapped.

I now found myself sorting through various shirts and pants trying to pick the most appealing, wondering at which ones the savage would like. Every time I did something, I thought about the savage. It was a purely reflexive behavior from years of worshipping the ground he walked on and constantly looking for his approval.

Over the years our friendship had evolved until I was pretty much in love with the savage. It had started out as a crush in grade school, and the closer we got, the more infatuated I got. To a certain extent, I guess I was baffled by the savage’s friendship and loyalty.

The savage had moved in next door to my house when I was about to start the first grade. He was an only child and I was an only child, and seeing as how we were neighbors our parents naturally insisted that we play together. At the age of seven, the savage had taken one look at the small, pale boy that I had been and taken an instant dislike to me.

This dislike lasted until we started school. With my weak appearance and quiet demeanor, I was a quick and easy target for bullies. Almost immediately I was getting picked on by third grade boys.

One day after refusing to relinquish my lunch to my tormentors, a group of boys were getting ready to beat me into a pulp when the savage unexpectedly came to my rescue. Even at age seven he had been gutsy and a fierce fighter. He had gotten a bloody nose, scraped knees and the older boys had still taken my lunch, but he had put up a good fight.

After that day, he had taken me under his protection and over the next several years he fought for me more times than I could count, earning him the title of "the savage". From that day onward, anyone who had tried to give me a hard time had had to go through the savage first. Till this day, I still don’t know what prompted him to come to my defense, but I’m grateful he did.

Over the years, our friendship had strengthened and endured, even though we were exact opposites. The savage was your quintessential jock, while I was considered a nerd. On the outside we had nothing in common, but on the inside he knew me better than I knew myself, and vice versa. It was sometime in middle school that I came to the full realization of the extent of my feelings for the savage.

Seventh grade had been a terrible year. First I had to come to terms with my homosexuality, after figuring out that I wasn’t into girls, and then I had to reconcile myself to my feelings for the savage. Add on top of that the fact that I had been assailed with uncontrollable raging hormones, and you had one very fucked up year.

Eighth grade wasn’t much better. Acne had hit and hit hard. The savage had become very popular with ladies and I looked like a swarm of bugs had laid eggs all over my face. Yeah, it was that bad. And then randomly at the end of eighth grade, the savage had come out and announced he was gay.

Well, he hadn’t really "announced" it so much as he had been indiscreet about his sexual adventures. I had been stunned for about two seconds before becoming immensely pleased. Back then I had deluded myself into thinking that just because the savage was gay like me, that meant that I had a chance with him.

How mistaken I had been. In all the years that I had know him, the savage had never looked at me in that way. In the past year, I had witnessed him go through boys like underwear. Because he was on the football team, he never had a shortage of willing ass.

I knew I didn’t stack up to the guys that seemed to catch his eye, but I was determined that I would work on myself until I did. And after spending the summer transforming, I was sure that eleventh grade would finally be my year. I was willing to do whatever it took.

Snapping myself out of my reverie, I heard my mom yelling that breakfast would be done in ten minutes. Hurrying, I picked out a pair of dark blue diesel jeans and a green and gray striped rugby polo shirt. I put the clothes on, put on my shoes and socks, popped my shirt collar and grabbed my backpack then headed downstairs.

"Good morning, mom. Morning dad," I said as I entered the kitchen. My mom was over at the cooker making sausage and my dad was already seated at the table with some French toast reading the paper.

"Son," my father replied without looking up.

"Here, honey," my mom said, handing me a plate full of steaming food. "Hurry up and start eating, George will be here any minute." My pulse quickened slightly at the mention of his name, but I just moved towards the table to put down my plate, trying not to show my nerves. The savage’s real name was George, but only adults called him that and only a handful of people knew about it.

I had just reached the table and was pouring myself a glass of milk when our kitchen door swung open and the savage casually walked inside. My hand paused mid-motion bringing the glass up to my lips and I stared openly. I hadn’t seen him in almost three months but my reaction was just the same as it always was; complete captivation.

It wasn’t unusual for me to be totally mesmerized by the savage; in fact, it was pretty much the norm. But it was something that I was eager to change. Still, that didn’t stop my heart from slamming into my throat. I waited for the savage to notice me, to take in my impressive transformation and be totally blown away.

"Good morning, Mrs. H," he said to my mother.

"Hello George," my mother responded.

Then he said, "Mr. H." to my dad who just lifted his coffee cup in acknowledgement and continued to read his paper.

I remained still and rooted to the spot, waiting. Finally, he walked right up to me, but paused just as he reached my side. This was it; I couldn’t wait to see what he thought of my makeover. After a second or two, he reached over a grabbed a piece of French toast from my place, popping it into his mouth and saying around the mouthful of food, "you look different, pee-wee."

I felt a little annoyance at his use of my most hated nickname, but I didn’t dwell on it because he had noticed a change. This gave me enough courage to look up from my shoes, and into his eyes. His breath seemed to catch when our gazes connected, and he seemed almost surprised. It was as if he was looking at me, really looking at me for the first time and noticing.

I couldn’t stop the little thrill that went up my spine at the realization. This is exactly what I had wanted and it was working! We looked at each other for a few seconds, before the savage severed the eye contact and slowly ran his eyes down my body. To the bystander, it would seem innocent enough - after all, my parents were right there - but to me it meant so much more. The savage was checking me out! Surreptitiously at best, but he was still checking me out.

I could feel my skin heat at his perusal. This was the first time in all the years that I had known him that he was showing any sort of interest in my appearance and I was elated. I saw his throat work as he swallowed the mouthful of food, and then returned his eyes to mine once more.

This time when he looked at me, there was a new light of awareness that had previously been missing. It felt like we stood there staring at each other for an hour, when in reality it was probably under a minute. But then, as I watched, my worst fears were fulfilled. The savage took a step back and as I looked on, a mask of humor slid over his features and his eyes went blank.

"It looks like you got a little fatter, pee-wee," he said, and threw a mock punch at my midsection.

My face fell as his words registered. I couldn’t help shooting him a belligerent glare, before retorting, "I did not, asshole."

Behind me, I heard my mother gasp. I knew that she had heard my profanity and I shot the savage another dirty look for getting me into trouble first thing in the morning. He reached for another piece of French toast and this time he put a piece of sausage inside it and wrapped the toast around it like a makeshift hotdog.

I watched his every move, unable to tear my eyes away. I took in his strong jaw muscles as they chewed and then watched his throat flex as he swallowed. He reached over and took the glass of milk that I had previously poured, and downed the contents in about three swallows. My mouth went dry just watching him eat. He finished drinking and put down the glass, catching me in my blatant voyeurism.

I blushed and looked away but it was too late because the savage had already seen me. He gave me a knowing look then chuckled before saying, "come on, we better go or we’ll be late."

I grabbed my backpack and a paper bag containing my lunch then we both said goodbye to my parents before we headed out of the house. The savage’s metallic gray Chevy Silverado was parked in our driveway, and as we made our way towards the car, I walked a few steps behind the savage watching his ass bunch as he moved.

"So did you get any?" the savage asked out of the blue. I immediately allowed my eyes to drop to the ground, but I had a feeling he knew where I’d been looking.

I blushed a little when I asked, "any what?"

"Ass, what else?" he asked like I was retarded. I didn’t think it was possible to get any redder in the face but I was mistaken. I silently shook my head in response. This was so not the direction I wanted our first conversation after the long summer to be taking. My virginity had become the bane of my existence ever since the savage had lost his last in ninth grade.

"I did," I heard him say before I looked up and caught him giving me a cheeky smile. That little piece of news didn’t surprise me in the least, but it did cause a little twinge of sadness in my chest. I decided to brush the feeling aside - this year would be different.

We got into the car and I took the passenger seat. "Dude, where’s Jake?" I asked.

"He decided to bum a ride with his friends," he said as he pulled out of the driveway.

"So …" I began hesitantly, "who did you hook up with this summer?" I tried to come off as nonchalant, but the savage gave me a knowing look before smiling.

"Wouldn’t you like to know," he said evasively.

"Come on, bitch, tell me," I insisted, but he just laughed.

"Wait and see," he said mysteriously. I let out a frustrated sigh, annoyed at having to wait to discover who my competition was.

The drive to Irvington Midwood High School was a short one, and we made the trip in under ten minutes. When we arrived, the savage parked his car and we got out. Just as we approached the doors to the school, the savage leaned down and whispered in my ear, "by the way, you look nice today." Then he gave me a wink before pushing open the double doors and walking into the hallway.

I almost tripped as I was walking and I felt a pleasurable warmth spread throughout my chest at his words. I followed the savage into the school where we were instantly accosted by our friends and peers.

The savage and I made our way through the small crowd of boys; there were six in total that made up our little group. Daniel, a short, stocky guy with black hair was the first to say, "Damn, pee-wee, what happened to you?"

I felt my face heat as everyone turned to look at me, taking in my altered appearance. Did I mention that I was easily embarrassed and painfully shy? I hated having everyone’s attention on me, assessing me, judging me. I wished there was some way I could escape all the scrutiny.

I stood still as silence enveloped the group and everyone just stared at me like they didn’t know what to say, then Josh, a wide receiver on the football team, said, "Connor, dude …," and then he drifted off before finishing the sentence.

I felt a sense of dread at the astonishment I saw in my friends’ eyes. I was about to make some hasty excuse and bolt to my locker when Brad, a redhead and captain of the chess team, said, "shit, dude, you look hot!"

All of a sudden everyone started speaking at once. Someone said, "pee-wee got a makeover," and I felt hands going over my hair and clothes as everyone exclaimed over my new look. I experienced a wave of relief that they found me acceptable, not just acceptable but "hot". Never in my life had I been referred to as hot, and I was basking in the glow of the compliment until I saw a guy approaching the group out of the corner of my eye.

I was filled with anger the moment I identified him. Paul Hennessey was a stupid son-of-a-bitch. I couldn’t stand that guy. He was on the football team also and was one of my biggest tormentors when I was growing up. True, he had mellowed out in recent years, but there was a time when he had made my life miserable. I watched in disbelief as Paul walked right up to the savage and kissed him square on the lips as I looked on. This was the guy that the savage had hooked up with?

Have you ever had one of those moments where it’s like you’re watching an accident take place in slow motion and you want to call out, but all of a sudden you can’t find your voice? Multiply that times a million and you’ll know how I felt in that moment. I wanted to scream, to yell and tell that bastard to get the fuck away from the savage.

But instead I stood there, mute and immobile, watching my worst nightmare play out before my eyes. I wasn’t really sure of anything that happened after that point, but I somehow ended up in calculus class. I vaguely remember the bell ringing and everyone going to their respective classes with promises of meeting up during lunch.

I made my way to the back of the math class and took a seat somewhere near the corner. The class was mostly upper classmen with a few freshmen thrown in. I knew most of the people in the class, but I noticed one guy that I’d never seen before and I just assumed he was a freshman. I wasn’t really in the mood to check out random guys, but he kept looking my way and he was cute. I didn’t dwell on him though, because at that moment, all I wanted to do was walk out of math and into English, where I knew the savage was, and shake him till my arms hurt.

How could he do this to me? He knew I hated that jerk. Why would he choose Paul Hennessey of all people to get down with? In fact, why would he choose anyone other than me? I didn’t hear anything that took place in class. I may have been marked absent because I wasn’t paying attention during attendance. Everything was just noise to me, so I tuned it out. What I couldn’t tune out just went in one ear and came out the other.

I came out of my seat and rushed out the door the minute the bell rang and I headed straight for the savage’s locker. I showed up a minute before he did and stood there waiting for him. When he showed up, he could probably tell from the look on my face that I wasn’t happy. That was putting it mildly; I was furious. I didn’t wait to tear into him.

"What the fuck are you doing, man?" I asked when he was within one foot of me. He didn’t even try to pretend like he didn’t know what I was talking about.

"I like him, Connor," he said slowly, putting his hands up in a defensive gesture meant to calm me down. I didn’t want to calm down, I wanted to walk over to Paul Hennessey and beat his ass. It only upset me more because I knew that I couldn’t.

"Why him?" I found myself asking, "why … why not me? What does he have that I don’t?" I could hear the desperation in my voice and I hated it, but I was too distraught to contain myself. Did I just confess my feelings? I hadn’t meant to blurt it out like that. NO! NO! NO! my brain screamed. I hadn’t meant for it to come out that way. Things were not turning out the way I expected.

When the savage looked at me, I could see the answer in his eyes even before he spoke and I saw my world imploding. I couldn’t stand to see the pity in his eyes and I looked away. I didn’t want to hear anything that he had to say, but as I made to move away, the savage placed a hand on my arm, stilling me.

"Connor," he said, but I stubbornly refused to look up. I heard him sigh before you said, "you know it’s not like that between you and me. I don’t feel that way about you." These were things that I had always known, but hearing them out loud, from him, hurt worse than anything I could have imagined.

"Dude," the savage continued, "you’re my best friend. Why would I want to fuck that up?"

I had risked heartbreak only to be rejected. My gaze flickered away from the savage as he stared at me intently. His dark eyes were so intense. The look reminded me that I was a horny, sex-starved teenager, and made me ache for things that I wanted to do with him. Things that caused me to blush when I thought about them. The savage had rarely looked at me like that and having him do so now threw me completely off balance.

I felt my eyes fill with tears. This reaction to him was getting out of hand. The last thing I needed was for him to see me crying like a big loser, but I couldn’t seem to curb the tears. I blamed it on my lack of social skills. Why had I cornered the savage in the halls in the first place? I just wanted to get away. I had to get away before I broke down completely and embarrassed myself further.

I took a step back, away from the savage, shaking my head as I blinked furiously to clear my eyes. When I felt the first drop of moisture run down my cheek, I turned and began walking quickly down the hall. I heard the savage call after me, but I refused to turn around. I wasn’t sure where I was going, but anywhere was preferable to where I was right now.

*****

I knew it was cowardly, but I hid in the library to escape from the savage and lick my wounds, skipping second period. I had gone to the bathroom for a while to finish crying and wash my face. I just wanted to crawl under a rock somewhere until my chest stopped hurting and the library seemed like a good place to do that since it was the last place the savage would ever be seen in.

I took a seat on one of the tables in the far corner, directly adjacent to one of the chemistry isles. I fished out my textbook from advanced math, calculus, and stared, unseeing, at the page until my vision blurred. It was moments like these that really brought home all of my antisocial tendencies.

I was dishonest with myself. I was uncomfortable in my own skin so I pretended to be something I wasn’t. I wasn’t confident enough to think that I was good enough for the savage, probably because I wasn’t, but I had thought that if I changed the way I looked then he would pay me a little attention. How stupid was that?

I heard a thump and looked around until I spotted a guy I that looked vaguely familiar hovering near the chemistry books. I had spared him a glance when I first entered the library, not really paying too much attention because I had been absorbed in my own problems. I frowned as I took in the way the boy bent to pick up the book he’d dropped all the while shooting nervous glances in my direction. That’s when it came to me; he was that same kid that had been looking at me in math class during first period. I did my best to pretend like I couldn’t see him.

I wasn’t sure why the clumsy kid was looking at me but I was determined to ignore him. Right then, I wasn’t sure that I was capable of dealing with anything other than the crushing sensation in my chest. Maybe it wasn’t too late to find that rock and seek refuge. The savage was with Paul, Paul Hennessey. I kept replaying that kiss they had shared in my head until I heard tearing. I looked down to find the first page of my calculus textbook scrunched up in my hand. Great, just what I needed.

I swore under my breath as I tried to smooth out the crinkled page. I was so engrossed in my task that I didn’t hear anyone approach and was surprised when a shadow cast over my book. I looked up and saw the kid from the isle standing right over my chair. Ordinarily, I would have been nice, or at the very least shy, but never had I been unfriendly in my life. I think I was just as surprised as the boy when I heard myself ask, "what do you want?"

His eyes widened right before the stammered out, "umm, you’re in my math class right? First period?"

I felt myself relax a little at the explanation. This was just the sort of thing that I was used to. Looking away from his chocolate brown eyes, I returned my focus to my damaged page, saying, "It’s a little early for you to be needing help with your homework."

I glanced at him out of the corner of my eye, once again noting the look of surprise on his face before he said, "no, see, the thing is … I’m new." Then he held out his hand to me, "my name is Griff." He added the last part with a smile.

I seriously considered just ignoring him. Regardless of what he said, I knew that he must have heard that I was the go-to nerd and he was just making nice so that I would help him with his math. As much as I wanted to be rude and tell him off, I just couldn’t do it. Sparing him a grudging glance, I briefly shook his hand and mumbled, "Connor."

I had to admit that the kid was cute, in an intense sort of way. He looked like someone that had just escaped from prep school; his clothes were clean and tailored but mismatched and crumpled. He looked like a country club cast off, but a very cute one. His hair had a ‘shaggy’ quality to it and was parted off-center to one side. Yeah, he was cute.

I mentally cleared my head when, instead of leaving, Griff pulled out the chair right next to me and sat down. I couldn’t figure out what this kid wanted, but whatever it was, I wasn’t in the mood to give it. Shooting him a partial glare, I stared pointedly at my book, trying to convey without words that I wanted to be left alone.

Griff, it seemed, was unwilling to take the hint. Propping his elbows on the table, he cradled his chin in his hands and just looked at me. I endured the rude staring for about a minute before I couldn’t take it anymore and put down my book, snapping, "what?"

"He doesn’t deserve you," he said in a serious tone while looking directly into my eyes. I was completely stunned for a moment and sucked in my breath so fast that I started coughing; my saliva went down the wrong tube.

Griff reached over to whack me between the shoulders but I jerked away, pushing my chair away from the table before I asked, "what?!"

The question was asked rather loudly and earned me a sharp "shh!" from the librarian who just happened to be passing at that very moment.

Griff calmly repeated his statement and I said with irritation, "I heard what you said. What are you talking about?!"

"Lower your voice," Griff said instead of answering, and at that moment I wanted to scream. Who the hell did this guy think he was? Suddenly, I wasn’t in the mood to do any more talking. I had come to the library to get some peace and quiet and get some thinking done and escape the savage, but instead this kid wouldn’t leave me alone.

I decided to take my chances running into the savage if it meant getting away from this guy. Grabbing my book and stuffing it into my bag, I rose from the table. Griff rose too, grabbing at my arm and causing me to step back quickly, saying, " dude. Back. The. Fuck. Up." I said each word slowly so that he would know that I was serious.

Then I turned and left the library, turning when I reached the door to make sure he hadn’t followed me. This day was turning into a nightmare. So much for starting eleventh grade on a good note. My schedule sucked, the savage had rejected me and now some weirdo had just approached me. Fan-fucking-tastic.

*****

The rest of my morning classes passed in blur, but I was dreading having to go to lunch and face the savage. When I entered the cafeteria, I immediately spotted our usual group of friends sitting at our regular table but the savage was nowhere in sight. I guess he didn’t want to have any awkwardness either. I let out the breath I had been holding since the bell rang and headed over to the line where I picked up a tray. My mother had packed a lunch for me this morning, tomato sandwiches on whole wheat, but I didn’t feel like eating it anymore.

I usually tried to eat healthy, but after everything that had happened this morning, I just wanted to stuff my face with grease until I couldn’t move. I had just joined the line when I caught movement over at the table. I looked over just in time to see the savage and Paul walk up to the group holding hands. Again it was like an iron fist squeezing my heart. Just when I thought that things might be okay. Suddenly I no longer had an appetite and I left the lunch line, making a beeline for the exit. I dropped my tray on top of a trashcan before leaving the cafeteria. I didn’t look back because I was desperate for the savage not to see me.

I had now lost my appetite altogether, and I wasn’t sure what I was going to do for lunch all by myself. I knew the rest of the group would be wondering where I was but I didn’t care. I don’t think I would have been able to sit across from Paul and the savage while they were together for the entire lunch period and not go out of my mind.

I wandered aimlessly onto the football field where I sat down on the bleachers alone, placing my backpack on my lap and curling over it. At this point I just wanted the day to be over so I could go home and have a good cry.

"I told you he wasn’t worth it," a voice said from behind me and I whipped my head around so fast it hurt. I squinted as I looked up and once again saw Griff standing over me. This was becoming a habit. This was the worst possible day for me to be having a nuisance. I thought maybe if I ignored him he would get tired or bored and go away.

"Your friend is visually impaired," he stated in an solemn voice. "He can’t see how amazing you are."

Despite my resolve to stay quiet, I couldn’t stop myself from asking sarcastically, "oh, and you can?"

"Yes," was all he said, but that one word was said with such sincerity that it temporarily shut me up. But only for a minute before I felt the irritation creeping in. What the hell did this guy know anyway? He was new here for fuck’s sake and he didn’t know shit about the savage and me, yet something kept me from verbally attacking him. Instead I just kept quiet and continued hugging my knees. Griff also remained silent.

After a few moments I started feeling bad about my earlier behavior. I was usually such a nice guy, but Griff just picked a shitty day to get to know me. It was hard to be Mr. Nice Guy when you just had your heart trampled on. Still, that didn’t excuse my behavior. I shouldn’t have taken my bad mood out on Griff. Sure, the guy was a little strange, but that didn’t warrant my nastiness.

Taking a deep breath I said, "I’m … sorry."

Griff didn’t reply and when I turned around to see what he was doing, I caught him staring at the back of my head. The kid had a freakishly intense stare and he appeared to be thinking about something. I decided to continue.

"I’m not usually such an ass, it’s just that today … today wasn’t a good day for me."

"It’s okay," he finally responded, "I know where you’re coming from."

I cocked my head at him over that comment, but I didn’t ask him to elaborate. Maybe some other time, but right now I was too absorbed in my own issues to take much interest in anyone else’s. We spent the rest of the lunch period in silence, and when the bell rang we started to make our way back to the school.

We had just turned a corner from the bleachers when I happened to look up and see the savage standing at the building entrance in the distance. He was alone and I was surprised to see him. Even at a distance I could tell that he was surprised to see me too. He was probably wondering who it was that I was with.

He stood at the doorway as we walked closer and with every step my pulse quickened. He waited until we were about a hundred feet away, then he turned and went inside. I couldn’t stop the disappointment that flooded me. I turned to Griff and said, "listen, I know you’re new here and if you ever, you know, wanna hang out, just let me know."

I wasn’t sure why I had offered. It was probably in reaction to seeing the savage but I didn’t care. The offer had been made and there was no way I could rescind. Besides, I was pretty sure that our misunderstanding from this morning had been cleared up and maybe Griff wasn’t such a bad guy and hanging out with him wouldn’t be so terrible.

It looked like I might be needing some new friends soon, because as long as Paul and the savage were together and hanging with my current group of friends, then I wouldn’t be hanging out with them. It sucked, but that was just the way it was going to be. It would be painful losing my friends, but witnessing Paul and the savage’s relationship would be more so.

When Griff and I reached the building, we split up and went to our lockers, then headed to our respective classes. Being a nerd, I was usually very enthusiastic about school, but today my heart just wasn’t in it. I had a headache from my earlier crying and my stomach was rumbling from missing lunch. I was still miserable, but I was a little more attentive for my afternoon classes than I was for my morning ones.

Everything passed slowly, but finally at three o’clock it was over. At the end of the day, I was getting books from my locker when the savage approached me.

"I wondered where you were at lunch today." I didn’t answer, so he made no further reference to earlier and instead just asked, "Are you ready to go?"

I didn’t look up from what I was doing and said, "You go on ahead. I’m going to walk home today."

"God damn it, Connor," he said in frustration, "don’t do this."

"Don’t do what?" I asked.

"This!" he exclaimed, "You’re just jealous and acting like a dick because I don’t like you back."

My hand paused reaching into the locker, then dropped like a dead weight. We both stood there, in front of my open locker, waiting to see what the other would do first. After a few minutes of this, I simply reached back into my locker and finished gathering my things.

I put on my backpack, then shut my locker and started walking down the hall way, leaving the savage to stare after me.

*******

The walk home from school wasn’t very long, but I was tired from the hot sun beating on my head by the time I got home. The house was empty when I got in and I had just finished taking off my backpack and shoes when the doorbell rang. I went back downstairs to answer it.

I opened the door to reveal the savage standing at my doorstep. For a moment I experienced surprise and a small glimmer of hope sprouted in my chest before it died as I recalled our earlier conversation. My first impulse was to slam the door shut.

The savage must have read my intent on my face, because he reached out and placed the palm of his hand flat against the door before I had the opportunity to close it.

"Wait, just listen okay? I only want to talk to you," the savage began. After Connor had left, he had realized that he had acted like a total jerk. He knew he owed Connor an apology for his bad behavior.

"Why are you here, savage?" I asked, but continued before the savage could respond. "You said it yourself, we're just two different people. I’m sick and tired of having to pretend something I don’t feel. I don’t want to be your reject anymore."

The savage didn’t know what to say. He wasn’t sure why he had come. He had wanted to apologize, but he could have waited till tomorrow to do it at school. All he knew was that he had felt overwhelming fear that Connor might actually be serious about Griff and he had been propelled into motion.

"So that’s what you were doing? Pretending to have a crush on me all these years? I knew that eventually you’d get over your little infatuation and move on, but I didn’t think you’d be pathetic enough to try to fuck the first guy that came your way." The moment the words were out, the savage wanted to recall them.

The savage didn’t know why he was saying such hurtful things. He hadn’t wanted to start a fight, but hearing Connor say that he no longer had feelings for him had struck a chord and he had lashed out. Everything that he had carefully rehearsed to say was now forgotten in the wake of Connor’s revelation.

I felt my face burn with shame and chagrin. After making my feelings towards the savage so obvious, how could I expect anything other than ridicule from the other boy? For years I had drooled over the savage knowing full well that my feelings were not reciprocated.

I stood there, looking at the savage in disbelief. I didn’t know why it took me so long before I finally decided to stop making a fool of myself by revealing my feelings so plainly to someone who obviously didn’t return them. I knew the savage had seen me as a friend, and only as a friend.

The savage had never thought that I was good enough. He had flaunted other boys in front of me while blatantly rejecting my feelings for him. And now he had the guts to confront me about Griff. Suddenly, I felt the anger boiling in my blood. Where the fuck did the savage get off?

"What the fuck are you talking about?! I've had the hots for you since I hit puberty. And I've watched you flaunt your ass all over school, knowing you looked right through me." I took a harsh breath before I continued, "Someone like you would never want someone like me. I get it. So fine. We're friends. Let's leave it at that." Red stained my cheeks as I turned quickly away from the savage, shaking my head, feeling just as immature and stupid as I knew I was being at that moment.

"Forget it," I shook my head as I stared at my hands, fighting to hide my humiliation.

Inside, I felt ill. I couldn’t believe how stupid I had been. Trying to make myself more attractive so that the savage would like me. I’d spent years pining over someone who didn’t think I was worth the time of day. There I had been, spending all my free time obsessing about the savage, while the whole time the savage had been laughing at me behind my back.

Pathetic he had called me, and I had to agree. I had been pathetic, but I wasn’t going to be so any longer. I had struggled for years to overcome my feelings for the savage, but had always been unsuccessful. I had stubbornly clung on to the hope that, one day, the savage would look at me the way he did some of the boys he actually liked.

I had long since given up wondering what it would be like to be liked and wanted by the savage. In the savages eyes, I didn’t come anywhere near the other boys that he usually went for in the looks department. It was difficult, but I knew that it was time for me to face up to the truth: the savage would never want me, it was as simple as that.

I wished I knew why. What was so wrong with me that the savage didn’t want me? Swallowing hard past the knot in my throat, I said, "I … I think that it would be best if we didn’t see each other for a while …" I didn’t continue. I could see that I had just surprised the savage with that announcement. Well, tough. It was time I stopped spending so much of my time thinking about the savage and I started worrying about myself.

The savage was stunned. What was Connor trying to say? He couldn’t believe this was actually happening. Did this mean that Connor wanted to end their friendship? The savage experienced a moments panic before he decided that he wasn’t going to let that happen.

"Connor," the savage’s voice was softer now, resonating with a heated emotion that had Connor’s pulse quickening.

The savage had been acting like a complete and total ass lately and Connor had no reason to forgive him but he wasn’t going to let Connor go. They had been friends, best friends, for years. Now he knew what he wanted, and he was going to do whatever it took to convince Connor.

His mind shut down completely just before he did something totally inexplicable and unexpected. He wasn’t sure what prompted him into action, except perhaps the thought that Connor was going to leave, for good, and he had to stop him.

The savage leaned down and kissed Connor and to his delight, Connor didn't pull away. He didn't embrace the savage either, but that was okay. He’d been such an idiot; he understood Connor’s restraint, the reasons for his wariness. He’d show Connor he was sincere, though.

He pushed his tongue against Connor’s closed lips and forced it through. Connor backed up, but the savage just followed, keeping their mouths joined. He continued to slide his tongue forcibly into Connor’s mouth.

I held still unsure of what to do. This was my first kiss and I was sharing it with the savage. Somewhere in the distance I heard myself whimper at the demanding thrust of his tongue. I brought my hands up and placed them, palms flat, against the savage’s chest.

The savage reached out and grasped both of Connor’s wrists, holding them in a vice-like grip while he continued the drugging kiss.