Thursday, May 11th, 2000 @ 6:55 PM PST

Yesterday I went back to my old high school. I wanted to come out to a couple of my former teachers, because a few of them were very important to me during my last two years of High School. I told my former Drama teacher, and she basically congratulated me and said "it's about time".. <smile> I suppose she's right, it was about time. She also said something that really struck me and got me thinking. She told me that I should be very careful about who I'm with, because if I'm with a woman, I may find out that later on I really don't want to be with a woman, or if I'm with a man I may find out that I don't want to really be with a man. I suppose that makes sense, there's a certain amount of social conditioning that plays a role there, and I guess I need to look past it and figure out WHO I want to be with, not WHAT I want to be with. I think that I always thought that, but it didn't really hit me until she said it. I've got to be careful.. because I'm not just dealing with my life, I'm dealing with another person's life as well.. and that's always important to consider. I'm glad I told her.. I knew she'd accept me for it, and I'm glad to get it out in the open a bit.. (As if a webpage isn't open enough..)

Now I know this is going to sound petty and kind of unusual coming from me, but here goes.. cuz it's pissing me off. Today I worked from 8 am till 4 pm at the restaraunt. I didn't get a chance to eat until about 3:00.. that's not the problem. Sure I was hungry, but I couldn't just sit down and eat, because there just wasn't time to do it until 3.. Anyway, my mom made dinner tonight and when I said I wasn't very hungry (because she made dinner for 6:00) she got mad at me. She told me to eat earlier at work.. which I explained was NOT possable, because regular eating times are kind of the times that the people who EAT AT the restaraunt come in at. How does she expect me to eat and cook and serve food at the same time? I tried to explain that to her, but she wouldn't listen to me. She just got really mad at me and told me SHE was going to talk to my boss about it. What the hell is he going to say? This just makes me look like some dumb kid who needs his mom to fight his battles for him, when there isn't even a battle to be fought. It's not possable for me to eat until 3:00 and that's the end of it. I can't just sit down and have lunch at 12:30, because we're BUSY then. What am I going to say? "Oh, I'm sorry sir, but I have to eat.. why don't you wait 15 minutes till I'm done?".. it doesn't work that way when you work at a restaraunt.. you eat when you can.. and if that inconveniences HER, then so be it. She's not a paying customer.. ARG! I'm pissed off!

Monday, May 15th, 2000 @ 2:02 AM PST

Wow, I had a great weekend. I had to go to a Bat Mitzvah this weekend for a friend of mine's sister. I haven't seen this friend in a long time, and a lot of the people there I hadn't seen either, so it was pretty cool to see them all.

Anyway, Friday night was hilarious. I was sitting maybe 6 rows behind the mother of the Bat Mitzvah and she hadn't seen me in maybe 6 months, so when she turned to see who was in the Synegogue, she saw me and saw I was looking in her direction. She mouthed the words "It's Matthew! Hi Matthew!" and so I smiled and mouthed "Hi".. but then, EVERYONE who was behind her and infront of me turned around and looked at me.. so I gave them all a little eyebrow raise and a grin.. I was so embarressed though.. cuz I didn't know what the hell to do.. it was pretty funny..

Saturday was pretty hectic.. The Bat Mitzvah was Friday and Saturday, but the Saterday service was at 9:15am-about 12:00.. but most people get there around 10:30. Anyway, I got there at about 10:30, then had to leave early during the lunch cuz I had to work at 1:30.. so I drove home at about 12:45, got home, changed my clothes, and got to work by 1:30. Anyway, I worked till 9:30, drove to my moms, got the address for the party and then drove to my dads to change my clothes (cuz the pants I wanted to wear were at his house). I showered, got dressed and called a Cab (first time I've ever taken a taxi.. momentous occasion or something) because my mom and my dad were both already there.. cuz it started at 7:00.. so I was coming late. Anyway, I got to the party and had an AWESOME time.. partying with little kiddies and adults is fun.. :) Anyway, it was actually a lot of fun.. I got pretty plastered cuz they had an open bar and got to wear a nifty plastic Fadora (how do you spell that?) and some cool neon glow stick things.. you know, the ones you bend and they make a cool cracking noise and then light up.. and I even had a tiny one that apparently you're supposed to put in your mouth.. Anyway.. can you tell I was drunk?

The party ended pretty early, which sucked cuz I was totally in the mood to dance and well.. I started singing too.. and trust me.. THAT'S scary.. but it was fun. I ended up getting a ride from someone who was actually someone that used to bully me.. We ended up hanging out until about 4:30 in the morning.. meeting up with his friends, who I actually used to be friends with as well. It was a really strange set of coincidences, and I had a wicked time..

Today after I woke up (at like 12:30.. so not too bad) I went with my dad and his girlfriend (groan) and her daughter (who's a fuckin HOTTIE!) for lunch, then her daughter and I went to the mall, and I bought a computer game (Final Fantasy 8) and some cologne (Cool Water!).

I did some other stuff too, which I'm currently not at liberty to discuss.. but I'll fill ya'll in sooner or later. :)

Monday, May 15th, 2000 @ 11:31 PM PST

A few months ago, a friend of mine's mom died. She battled cancer for almost 2 years, managed to see her youngest son have his Bar Mitzvah, managed to see my friend graduate high school, and managed to see her oldest son, who is dyslexic make it into aeronautical school. She died in January, leaving behind 3 sons and a husband. Everyone who was close to the family (my (mom) family included, invited them over for dinner, did things to make things easier for the husband and the kids, because , well, that's what friends do.

Well, Saturday night at the party I was at, I saw the father there, and thought I should go and say hi.. little did I realise, he was on the dance floor with some woman, and he had his hand up her dress, and he was pretty much feeling her out in front of a bunch of 13 year olds, not to mention his son, and people who cared about his wife. How absolutely disgusting. I was horrified.. she was a wonderful, selfless person, and there was her supposedly heartbroken husband groping some trailor trash slut. She hasn't even been dead for 4 months and he was apparently dating this slut a month ago.

Worse still was my father and his stupid girlfriends reaction to it. While EVERYONE at the party was horrified, my father and the stupid bitch were chatting with the "geiving" husband and the trailor trash slut.. and not only were they chatting, they ACTUALLY approved of it. I asked them about what they thought about the whole situation yesterday when we went out for lunch (me, my father and the dumb girlfriend), and the dumb girlfriend said "I told him I was happy for him, and I'm glad he's getting on with his life." my father said "Some people never get over the death of a loved one, so good for him". That was too much for me.. I told them both off and just about beat the shit out of them.. Am I wrong in thinking that 4 months is a little early? When you have someone who is as exceptional as this woman was, I don't see how you could POSSABLY get over losing her after 4 months.. Not only that, but it shows a complete lack of respect for her memory and to the children. I hope to god my friend doesn't find out, because he will absolutley freak out.

Ugh! I am just disgusted!