Saturday, May 27th, 2000 @ 9:27 PM PST

I decided to dye my hair blond.. at Craig's CONTINNUAL insistance.. The dye has been in my hair for uhh.. a little under 30 minutes.. I'm at Justin's house right now, waiting to see the results of my HORRIBLE mistake. Debbie was the one who actually put the dye in my hair and turning it god knows what colour. Craig decided to BLEACH his hair.. he rubbed the dye in his hair like it was shampoo.. I on the other hand decided to let Debbie pick and choose (sort of.. it kind of didn't work out as I had hoped..) parts of my hair.. I wanted to have chunks of blond.. We're not quite sure what it will look like.. Oh well.. it's been done now.. no going back..

It's funny.. for some reason, changes in my life seem to be followed closely by changes to my hair.. When I first came out, back in February I ended up changing my hairstyle, which I hadn't done in almost 3 years.. now, I've learned a little bit about myself and have decided to again, do something to my hair. Metaphorical? I'm not sure.. good timing? Probably..

Anyway, I'm going to go rinse my hair.. Wish me luck.. :)

Monday, May 29th, 2000 @ 7:26 PM PST

OK.. I know, I know.. that entry wasn't posted, so nobody saw it.. I'm sorry. I wasn't home when I wrote it, so I didn't have Photoshop to make the date banner..

Anyway.. My hair is BLOND! It's patchy though.. kinda cool.. It's blond, yellow, brown, gold and orange.. cuz when we did it, we ended up reaplying the bleach to different parts of my hair.. don't ask.. but it looks cool. Next time though.. I'm gonna get it professionally done.. sorry Debbie. :)

Last night I did the big birthday dinner thing with my dads family. It was fun.. cuz I didn't have to sit with my dad and I got to catch up with some family members that I hadn't seen in quite a while.. No, none of them know.. but you know.. I am almost at the point where I don't care if they do.. I'm NOT there yet.. but ALMOST..

I can't believe I said that..

Thursday, June 1st, 2000 @ 9:55 PM PST

I don't know who I hate more.. my dad, or his girlfriend.

My aunt came into town last week and was only expecting to stay for a week, but she decided to stay for another week, because she was having a good time in Vancouver. I thought that it would be fun for my brothers and I (well actually, I could ditch my brothers..) to stay at my dads house for the weekend since she is visiting.. so today I called him, but his girlfriend picked up the phone.. so I thought nothing of saying that we (my brothers and I) were thinking about staying at their house for the weekend.. She flat out told me we CAN'T, because it's inconvenient this weekend. Excuse me, but it's SUPPOSED to be my house isn't it? I mean, I do live there don't I? Why is it inconvenient for me to live in my house? I mean, I hardly ever SEE my aunt, and I want to visit with her.. but my dads girlfriend wont let us stay.. HOWEVER, we are EXPECTED to attend her daughter's birthday celebration Saturday night, and we are doing dinner with my dad, the bitch and my aunt on Sunday.. so uhm.. someone care to explain the logic to me?

So, I figure, whatever, she's not going to make the decisions.. she's not my father.. so I call my father up and suggest it.. he said that we can't because the bitch didn't want us to. HELLO?? Aren't you my father? She doesn't run things DAD.. I bet if her daughter wanted to stay at the house for the weekend she would be MORE than welcome to.. but WE aren't? That's just disgusting.. I am really annoyed by that..

They are ALWAYS telling us how we are a family and that a family is supposed to act a certain way yada yada yada.. well, this weekend it would appear that it's inconvenient to be a family.. well I hope he realises that it's going to be inconvenient for ME sometime, and he's just gonna have to deal with it.. His birthday's coming up.. maybe it'll be inconvenient for me then..

Am I being malicious, vendictive, mean? You bet! I have had to play second fiddle to his other priorities my whole life.. well, now it's his turn to be lower down on MY list of priorities. Last year, we had a surprise party for him, so my brothers and I told him we couldn't make it over that weekend.. well, this time.. I'll tell him I can't make it.. and I WONT!

Fucking asshole.. I should just come out at his birthday party.. that'd serve him right.. HAPPY FUCKING BIRTHDAY!

Sunday, June 4th, 2000 @ 2:26 AM PST

Tonight, I was waiting for the bus on my way home from work. (I work downtown in the Gay part of the city..) Anyway,  as I was waiting for the bus, I was looking around, you know.. bored and stuff.. anyway, these two guys come down the street toward me, one with his arm around the other guy and as I watched them, one of them gave the guy a kiss on the cheek. I remember thinking a few weeks ago when I saw the Dawson's Creek episode where Jack and whatever his boyfriend's (?) name is kiss, how it didn't seem so bad.. it wasn't gross, it wasn't anything.. Anyway, they ended up getting on the same bus as I was on, and I didn't realise until they sat down that one of them was really drunk, and the other guy was taking care of him. I was thinking.. wow.. that's really sweet.. and as I watched them (I'm such a voyeur ) they started kissing.. I wasn't actually STARING at them, but as I looked around the bus, other people were gawking at them.. everyone looked completely horrified.. I was sitting there, not really sure whether of not to say anything.. cuz it really bothered me that if it was a guy and a girl NOBODY would care.. but the fact that it was two guys all of a sudden makes it a big deal.

That got me thinking.. 2 months ago.. 3 weeks ago.. what would I have done? Would I have gawked along with everyone else.. probably.. and that's disturbing.. That said.. I guess I'm growing more comfortable with who I am.. tonight's events just made it more obvious.