I hope you know what you're losing Waylon. I know what I have. You made me feel special. When we were talking, I felt like I finally connected with someone. When you kissed me, I felt like you cared about me. You were the first person to tell me I was beautiful. You'll never know how much that meant to me. Nobody had ever treated me the way you did. I wish you luck in everything you do. You're a wonderful person, I guess I just wasn't what you wanted. I'll never forget the month we shared.
Well, it's almost been a week, and things are better. Waylon and I have talked a little, and we're going to stay friends. That's the best that's going to come out of this.. and I'm happy to maintain a friendship with him. He's a really great guy, and despite the fact that I still have feelings for him.. it's not going to happen, and honestly, I knew it wasn't going to work out. Doesn't mean I wasn't hoping.. but realistically, I knew it'd never have worked. Oh well.. I have a new friend anyway..
I have to make SPECIAL mention to my friend Dennis.. Dennis, thank you for being such a good friend to me over the past week and a bit.. You were there when I couldn't talk to my friends about this, and you gave me that extra kick in the ass that I needed.. So thank you for being there for me.. We'll go study again.. I promise.. :)
Anyway, I'll write more later.. when I can think a little more coherently and not make my journal look like a mass e-mail..
Over the past week or so I've been talking to my friend Mike.. (hi Spoogie.. just so you know which Mike I'm refering to:) He's been one of my really good venting outlets.. and I appreciate it SOOOOO much! Anyway, he's made me realise a lot of things that I don't think I would have or could have figured out without his help..
I'm really immature in some ways. This is through no fault of my own, just by virtue of my inexperience. Where a lot of guys come out and start dating at 15 and 16, I've come out at 18, practically 19, and I've had to rebuild, and re-experience everything. All of the first's I had at 14, 15, 16, etc.. I'm forced to go through again. The fact that I've been through all of this before doesn't make it any easier.. infact I think it's makes things more difficult. I analogize what I'm going through to divorced people who have been married for 25 years, suddenly being thrust back into the dating game. They don't know how to react in a lot of situations and their past experience isn't helping.
Woo Hoo! Insight! It doesn't help, but, I survived once, I'll do it again. Thanks Spoogie.. I owe ya! :)
Looks like I'm doing my e-mail on here again.. Deal with it..:P
Some of you may have caught my little message in my guestbook, others may not have, so just to quickly reiterate.. My computer is evil and decided to not allow me to open up the PageBuilder utility, and I've been much MUCH too busy to learn HTML, so I basically was unable to write.. but hey, I'm back now..
So whats up.. that's the question isn't it? Is there a new man in my life? No. Have I been dating.. YES. Things are a lot better for me now than they used to be. I think I needed that first real boyfriend to make me realise that, yes, I too could find someone. I haven't found anyone that has been right for me yet.. but I'm looking.. sort of..
I've made some new friends, and attempted, to some degree to maintain some of my old ones.. It's hard though. I've come to realise that I'm different than I used to be, and so are my friends. This isn't a gay/straight issue either.. it's a me thing. I've changed over the past couple of months, and yes, the gay thing obviously plays a role in that, but I'm not actively seeking gay friends.. the vast majority of the people I hang out with are straight.. I think.. I dunno.. not really an issue.
What else? I've been doing Rocky Horror Picture Show with the Rich Weirdos since August, or September, I can't quite remember which was my first show.. We do it monthly.. except for October.. we did 6 shows.. one show was at The Vogue Theatre.. which was VERY exciting. We almost sold out the theatre.. which was just fantastic.. except we didn't have microphones.. so we were literally SHOUTING.. But whatever.. it was very fun.. and we've been asked back.. so that's very exciting. Got a show on Friday too.. which will be lots of fun. I made some new props for the show and actually have to make another one tonight before I forget..
Oh.. for the last MONTH I have NOT had a car. My transmission died on me last month and I have been WAITING for my father to deal with the car problem. As usual, he expects me to deal with it.. with what money is beyond me, but whatever.. he's dealing with it.. as he should be. Word of advice to parents out there.. don't buy your kids a lemon for their graduation present.. it'll cost you more in the end.. A broken gift is not the responsability of the reciever, but the responsability of the giver. If the problems with this car were minor, yes, I admit I would be angry, but I would not be insisting that my father pay for them.. but let's just look at a list of things that have gone wrong with the car in the year and 3 months I have owned it. New front and rear breaks, new front and rear struts, new fuel pump, new front callipers (however you spell that), new windshield wipers (not the blades, but the wipers themselves), repeated stalling, new front tires because they were worn out too quickly because of the problem with the callipers (don't ask, I don't understand, all I know is sliding along the road is scary). I think that's most of the problems, not mentioning the 2 car accidents I have been in which meant that I needed to take my car in to have the body damage repaired.. thank god neither accident was my fault.. but the inconvenience of taking the car in.. UGH!
Have I bitched enough? :)
Merry Christmas, Happy Chanuka, Joyous Festivus, Seasons Greetings, Happy Kwanzaa, etc.. Catch ya'll later. Hopefully I can write more in the next little while! *cross fingers*