Monday February 28th, 2000 @ 8:50 PM PST

Well, I've certainly had a busy couple of days. I've been meaning to update this for almost 3 days now cuz a lot has happened, but hey, better late than never right? So here goes..

Friday: It's my weekend at my fathers, so I'm packing my stuff up and getting ready to go there (the sooner I get there, the sooner I can leave). I pack EVERYTHING up, computer included and get to his house. It's about 6:00 and I'm dead tired. After a long week of school and work I finally get to relax, go out with friends, whatever.. I get a page at 7:00 as I'm talking on the phone. It's Kirsti (my techie friend). Very abruptly she tells me she's picking me up RIGHT NOW. I have no idea why, but I walk outside and stand around waiting for her to pick me up. I get in the car and she explains to me that she's doing a play (The Scottish Play...You know the one..) and one of the actors didn't show up. His understudy had to take his place and unfortunetly his understudy is ALSO the sound guy.. so she informs me that *I* am running sound.. Cool. I've never run sound before, but they taught me what I needed to know in about 5 minutes and then left me to it. It was a lot of fun, and I get to go to the cast party. The actors were all really nice and they all offered to buy me beer at the cast party.. Cool! <grin> I'm only 18, and well, I get ID'd when I go to the movies.. so bars, liquor stores... are pretty much out of the question until May. So hey, that was pretty cool!

Saturday: I had to work.. A couple weeks ago my boss was working the same night as I was and jokingly offered me the manager position. Little did I realise Jason, the manager quit that night and he was actually partially serious. I'm sad.. Jason was a cool guy.. he didn't spaz a lot and he made work a lot more bearable than it could be. That's pretty shitty, but I wish him luck. I got home from work around 10:00, and went over to a friends house. We played Mario Party.. It's so friggin stupid, but so damn addictive. I want to play it again. I was the Princess.. why do I always choose the Princess? (Her name is Peach in the game for some reason...) Ah well, it was fun.

Sunday: Homework! Yuck!

Now that I've got the daily fun stuff mentioned, I've got some more "serious" stuff.

Sean and Tyler (hope you don't mind a mention in here) have both asked me a really good question, one which I want to address, because I didn't even realise it until they brought it up. I came out 10 days ago (has it been 10 days already? Wow.. ) and have been slowly telling more and more of my friends. However, both Sean and Tyler brought up a good point. They both reminded me that I actually came out a lot sooner than the 18th, that I have actually been "out" for a while now. It took me a couple minutes to figure out what they were talking about, but they're right, in a sense. They're right because I said to both of them (and a couple other people) that bisexuality was normal, and that I personally thought most people were actually bisexual to one degree or another. The theory I have come to accept/adopt is the "Continuum Theory of Sexuality". It basically states that everyone fits on this continuum somewhere, and that most people are not totally gay or totally straight, but somewhere in between.

The truth is, I accepted that theory a few years ago, so in a sense, I did come out. However, in my mind I guess I didn't TRUELY accept it, because for a few weeks I was seriously struggling and trying to put together everything. It was a really stressful period for me, because I suppose I was trying to reconcile all the thoughts and feelings, trying to find out who I was. While I may have accepted the theory in some part of myself, there was a larger part of me still trying to figure everything out. So, I suppose I've been "out" longer than I thought.

Next thing that I want to talk about is a dream I've had and keep having. Now, a bunch of you know that I want to move to Toronto in the next little while. People have asked me why I would want to go there specifically, why I would want to leave Vancouver, etc.. The explanation I've given was a partial lie. I've basically said that I just have this gut feeling that I need to move there. That's not totally true. So I suppose now is as good a time as ever to tell you guys the truth.

I had a dream a couple weeks ago and have had it a bunch more times. I am sitting around the school cafeteria, and a guy walks in and sits down. He starts talking to me (so far this sounds like real life, I know) and the next thing I know he and I are going out for dinner. The restaraunt turns into a club (and there is Cher music.. WHY is there Cher music?) and we're still talking. He tells me that he's moving to Toronto and that if I ever want to see him again I can find him there (Toronto is a pretty big city isn't it? Dream logic I suppose). Sure enough I find him in Toronto (I don't actually look for him, but I seem to find him anyway) and he takes me clubbing again, we start dancing and I feel really comfortable with him. Then for some reason I end up back in Vancouver, I feel really shitty and I wake up.

I've had this dream more than once, and rarely to I remember my dreams, but this dream has been playing with my mind for the last couple of weeks. I have been eating a lot less, I feel constantly sick to my stomach, and I REALLY want to have the dream again. I go to bed every night hoping to have that dream, and when I do, I feel really good, until the end where I end up alone.  So what does this mean? I haven't a clue, but the only thing I do know is, I want to move to Toronto. Maybe I can find this guy.. maybe I already know this guy (I've been looking, so if yer reading my webpage let me know :) Would be nice to meat you dream guy!)  but all I know is right now I want someone, and I need a change of scenery.

So, there you have it. Hope you guys have a good week, I may update sometime this week, I may not, but check back, I'll be around..

Saturday March 4th, 2000 @ 2:20 AM PST

I got in a car accident today.. well technically yesterday. I'm rather miffed by the fact that the idiot who hit me (FROM BEHIND) ended up leaving. I signaled for him to follow me so that we could check out our cars, and so that we could exchange information.. the putz didn't follow and ended up leaving the scene, and I didn't get his lisence plate number or anything. I'm too nice, and too trusting. I figure people will do the right thing, because I try to do the right thing.. I suppose I'm an idiot for thinking that people could be able to own up to their mistakes, especially since the damage to my car is pretty damn minimal: chipped paint.

Oh, by the way, someone noticed a Freuidian Slip in my last journal entry. I apparently want to MEAT my dream guy.. Whoops..;)