Balls vs Boobs

-when its a male versus a female..its a no brainer who's gonna win. the woman always wins! i'll admit that jones is very cunning and he always gets himself out of the messes that he always seems to get himself into...but HE got himself into that mess and its just a wast of time for himself. and when its a tight situation like this, he'll just screw everything up...and it'll be up to the woman to straighten things out. i don't know that much about lara croft but i figure hey, she's only as good as you make her. but that's weak so i'm just gonna say she's awesome, jones couldn't possibly beat her cuz she's perfect. woman=perfect.

ok so i don't know what i'm talking about but eh, just to humor you matt...

-well, let me start by saying that i love you matt. i haven't laughed as hard as when i read your stuff on this site in a long time......except for last weekend when this chick mooned me going down the interstate, but that's a different tale.
now this grudge match between lara croft and indiana jones is a no-brainer. indiana jones would win this battle relatively easy. in a fight, indy has the size advantage....except for hooters in which respect he is unarmed. the only way that croft could win would be with a gun. this isn't really an issue because indy also carries a gun, and anybody can shoot someone, so i'm saying that the guns cancel each other out. now with guns out of the way, indy has his trademark whip. lara has her boobs. now no matter their magnificance, they aren't equipped for defending against a whip. indy wins the fight.
now i think the question matt was asking was who would recover excalibur. i'm going with experience on this one so indy also takes this one, but it would be close race to the sword unlike an actual fight between the two. indy has an advantage here with his years of dealing with nazis and his ability to always pull of the seemingly-impossible at the last moment possible.(see any of his movies for confirmatiom on this) and if this isn't enough proof to satisfy any skeptical reader, indy's father is sean connery which instantly makes him awesome, and he is named after a beloved family dog.......so there. argue against that. i'm through ranting now.....peace out.

-OMG! as if you underestimated the power of lara's boobs! ok i want you to think back really hard to the movie 10 Things I Hate About You...yes close your eyes or whatever. ok remember the part where Julia creates a diversion so that the dreamy Heath Ledger can sneak out of detention by flashing her soccer coach? well Lara can use this as a similar approach. now you saw how well the diversion worked for Julia and she isn't even close to being as busted as Lara is...so imagine how well it would work is Lara flashed indie right before he was about to take her out. he wouldn't know what to do with himself, so he'll let his guard down and that's when Lara can kick him in the nuts. now if any guy has been kicked in the nuts before you KNOW that indie won't even be able to walk afterwards...so all Lara has to do is finish kicking his butt and then be on her merry way to go get the excalibur. so it doesn't matter how big indie is compared to Lara, everyone has their weakness. and if Jones was so good at dealing with the Nazis then how come he's having all this trouble in the movies? he's always getting caught by them! the only reason why he's victorious in the end is cuz its PART OF THE SCRIPT!

so then Lara will get the excalibur cuz Jones will still be crying on the ground crying in a fetal position cuz his nuts still hurt...she's got a might kick :-Þ
and the nazis will be no match for her, cuz she's the greatest. i gotta go cuz somone's on the phone and its muy importante (my sis's ex-bf is calling from london! woah!)

but Lara rulz!!

-alright....now i'm gonna pretend that you aren't really serious about lara winning. because as we all know she would get whipped royally by indy. as for that boob flashing trick, indy gets all of the women he wants so that isn't an issue. he is immune to the sight of miraculous boobs. and kicking indy in his balls wouldn't stop him from getting excalibur....he's too hardcore of an archaeologist. he would momentarily slow down on his journey to the holy sword. i'd like to point out that linds is correct in saying one thing. everyone does have their weakness, and lara's weakness is a 38 DD-sized target. elbow those puppies amd lara is down just like all of those girls i accidentaly hit in the hallway at my high school. as she's recovering from her boob attack she wouldn't even see the horendous whipping she is in store for. so eat that linds, bring on some other comments about indy being beaten by a girl if you can conjure up any other blasphemes about my lover.....i mean hero.

-ok first thing's first, Bradley, i just wanna let you know that you score a perfect 10 on my Shifty Eye scale. i hope you and indy have a wonderful life together, i'm sure you two will be very happy. you can be each other's hero :-Þ
ok now since that's out of the way i can get down to business (in other words i'm going to toss up some really weak arguments that i'm sure bradley can shoot down just like that [just imagine me snapping my fingers]). ok well, the first argument that bradley came up with in favor of indy, was the "fact" that indy gets all the women he wants. of course, as we ALL know both indy AND his dad (Sean Connery is so hot!) got played by that nazi chick in The Last Crusade. you see, he only THINKS he can get any woman he wants...but in all actuality they only sleep with him to gain power, money, etc... so HA! you were wrong! :-Þ THEN bradley pointed out that indy was "immune to the sight of miraculous boobs." COME ON!!! sheesh! indy is a MALE! there is no way that he can be immune to a female who was virtually created beyond perfection. that's just common sense, everyone knows that. the next big mistake you made, bradley, was stating that indy was too hardcore to let a kicking (a strong kicking, i might add) in the balls stop him from getting the excalibur. indy isn't superman! he's a human being! there is no way that he can even come close to withstanding such pain as a steel toe shoe in the crotch. and you think an elbow in her 38-DD will be more painful than getting a steel toe in the nuts? yeah right! now my boobs been pinched, elbowed, punched, and God knows what else many many times. and it HURT! i'm not gonna lie, the pinches left bruises and tore the skin once or twice...those mofos hurt! but i was still able to suck it up and give some dude a major ass whoopin' so you can tell me that a little "elbow" will take her out. that's just nonsense. so if indy is gonna go with your plan bradley, he's gonna get himself into big trouble cuz if he does that, that'll be equivalent to throwing water on a wasps' nest and standing right next to it. he's gonna be burned. it won't be pretty. haha then you said that indy is gonna give lara a horrendous whipping while she's "recovering" from her elbowed boob. son, the only whipping that's gonna be done is the brutal beating of indy by our lovely lara.

so like i said before, women rule. men don't stand a chance. so why don't you stick that in your back pocket (or somewhere else where the sun doesn't shine) and sit on that for a while bradley :-Þ until then, you can be MY hero any day...ok maybe not. but eh...

-Ok, you guys are over looking two major factors here. First, Lara Croft could never stand a chance with Indiana Jones because, well, she isnt real. Whereas Indiana is a tough as nails, ass-kicking archeologist, Lara Croft is a bunch of damn pixels. There is a movie coming out, in which Angelina Jolie will play her, but until then Indiana wins by default. Second, Lara is a girl. Come on. I mean seriously... i am not trying to be sexist, but it is true. I will give an example: some girl at my school is like the universal female high-school wrestling champ for her weight division. Despite this national championship though, I have still seen her get her ass kicked by every guy she has wrestled. Guys are stronger than girls. Maybe if they were having a baking contest, but not a scrap. My man Dr. Dre once said "Bitches aint shit but hoes and tricks". To that I say "word, Dre".
Dont tell my girlfriend I said that.
Lucas

-well grr if you wanna get all technical about it, Indiana Jones isn't real either. he's a fictitious character played by Harrison ford who is nothing more than a mere actor. i mean come on, the guy freaked out when that one ghost girl was playin with his head in What Lies Beneath. so if you're gonna use that against Lara Croft, it won't work. cuz either way both the people are fictitious. and i bet when harrison ford is out of character, he's a big pussy. so unless it was Jackie Chan or someone like that, you can't really tell unless you know the guy personally. which i know most of you don't. so blah on you.

and as far as comparing Lara with your little wrestling girl...hell no. Lara is a Heroine, not some little girl who does high school wrestling. i'm not dissing the girl..more power to the chick if she's good and stuff. but she's nothing compared to lara croft. i ought to kick your ass just for saying that, but i'm not. so count your lucky stars :-Þ and besides, its not whether you're male or female, its how much adrenaline you have at the time, maybe anger. if indy does what bradley says he should do (elbow her boob) that would piss her off and she'd really want to kick his ass and i know she could. so blah, no more sexist comments. Lara Croft would win.

-hey, sexes aside, don't dis on harrison ford. there's no way he could play as many badasses as he has, (i.e. han solo, that guy from american graffitti, indiana jones, jack ryan, etc.) without picking up a few tricks of the trade. he's tough, on screen and off.

and girls have cooties, so they loose.

-how are you gonna say that harrison ford plays badasses? holy geez matt! a REAL badass is Steven Seagal. you don't get any more badass then that. and lara is just one step down from him. but harrison ford...no way. i mean, the guy is afraid of snakes...what badass do you know is afraid of SNAKES? or anything at all, at that? none. i think jab's twin brother would be more of a badass than harrison ford would be. so lara still wins. and she doesn't have cooties. :-PPPPPPPPP

-NOOOO! steven seagal is a nancy boy! have you ever seen his movies? he's such a puss! and harrison ford isn't afraid of snakes, indian jones is. keep your facts straight. ford runs a ranch in montana, i bet he eats snakes for breakfast. just chops em up, puts em in a bowl, and pours milk on em.

-NANCY BOY??? PUSS??? WHATEVER!!! you're just mad cuz deep down inside you know steven seagal is better than harrison ford. you're living in denial matt...quit lying to yourself!
and eating a raw snake with milk on it is just nasty. and a terrible breakfast. no wonder he makes a terrible hero, he's got malnutrition.

-ok shut up blockheads!
first off we will see how awesome lara is when the movie comes out. and girl, didn't u see in that movie,steven segul DIES!!!!!!
BECAUSE HE IS A SISSY BOY!!!!!

WORD!

-and that was like in the first 15 min of the movie too!!!
that is how much of a girl he is.

-what movie did Steven Seagal die in?

-the one where they had the plane jacking, and they link up with a stealth bomber, and buttmonkey gets his butt shot down with the plane. can't remember, cause it's not worth it. steven seagal was in it
anyone else think this reply list is getting ludicrous?
yet cool. thanks everyone (the four of you) for writing on here. tell you friends, it's the coolest gig in town. or something.

-what was the movie called?

-ok after close investigation of hours upon hours of specualting. my dad and i recall what movie that was that steven seagal died in. and to properly defend that argument i'd have to start out by saying that it wasn't even steven seagal's movie. he was just like an extra in it...so it doesn't matter. harrison ford on the other hand, he does die in one of his movies. at the end of What Lies Beneath he gets freaked out by the ghost of the girl that he kills and then he drowns. so i mean, duh, if you wanna know who the real puss is, its harrison ford. he dies in his own movie. how sad is that. so THERE!

i think the grudge match turned into one between harrison for and steven seagal. i don't think it was supposed to do that. oh well. :-Þ

-right, but ford died at the end, not five minutes in. and he didn't settle for being a cheap extra in a movie, like that pansy seagal. he's got more respect for himself than that.

-i bet seagal did it out of the kindness of his heart. just for charity or something like that. cuz he's just THAT NICE OF A GUY! maybe you could learn a thing or two from him...you call yourself a chivalrous guy...sheesh! and i don't smell funny :-Þ

-talking to you would also be charity!!!!!!

-was that supposed to be a dis? eh i'm confused already

-hey------
i've been busy the past few days and haven't replied to any of th crap that's been going on in here. i'd like to start by saying that steven seagal is so much of a puss that i could beat him up. so suck on that, linds. next, he's such a terrible actor that he makes me feel embarrassed when i watch his sorry excuses for action movies.......he and christopher lambert(the highlander guy) need to move to their own private island, where they can be dorks until i come and kill them for making such crappy movies. ok, now that i'm done with that, indiana jones would beat lara craoft in a fight and an expedition to find excalibur. then, in his off time, he would trsck down linds and slap her until she cried and apologized for saying that he couldn't beat a girl......the end.

-i grew up watching steven seagal movies and i turned out just fine, if he was a bad actor and all...how come he has millions and millions of dollars from making multiple movies. so after sucking on that for a while like bradley told me to, i have come up with the conclusion that he's a grrreat actor and that's that.
i hope indiana jones does track me down and TRY to slap me until i apologized and whatever...then i'll show you ALL how much of a puss he is. indiana jones might be able to beat up any ordinary girl...but he can't beat up lara croft. she wins and THAT'S the end. so blah.

-ok this is linds typing for Gary, he thinks that indiana jones would win cuz he has a whip. and lara croft is a girl. hold on while i cut off his nuts....
caleb doesn't care.