| Welcome back friends, I hope you've enjoyed your reprieved from my boisterous ramblings. Things are looking good for another season of aquatic apocalypse, and I for one am as giddy as a school girl. A bit of an update on the changing forces at work in Stephenson. We're all a little wiser now, a bit more worn, a lot more lazy, and some of the faces are different. I must sadly bring you the news that my dear friend, comrade, lieutenant, and Right-Hand Man has left this hall for greener pastures. Yes, that's right, Isaac "took the semester off" to "go make some money" in "South Dakota." Please, a moment of silence in honor of his memory.......His loss is felt deeply, and I know that I for one have spent many a late night weeping in my pillow. However, with a little moral strength, and a big bottle of STooch, I'm coming to terms with this. On the upside, we have gained two new residents, Jesse and yet another John, who both seem enthusiastic to spray some stinkin' Pearsonites. Ah, how it does these old bones good to see the hot-headedness of war flowing through their young veins. Taking into account, of course, that Jesse has a good couple of years on me, but oh well. Also, I believe that a lot of the people who tired of our weekly fights last semester have regained the blood lust, meaning we should have a much better turnout, at least for a few weeks. It's strange, I did not foresee this week kicking off the feuding festivities, as it was rather chilly outside, and this I knew quite well after spending two hours on top of some building doing astronomy observations. Damn lab. Well, I managed to get back to the hall around 9:30, and so we started into our weekly testosterone induced celebrations, our vigil if you will, that we have held every week in anticipation of the return of Loopy Days. Brian stepped into Isaac's shoes in our weekly pizza deal, and has actually surpassed the trench-coated one, since Brian PAYS his share on occasion. We sent out for the Big-Ass a little sooner than usual, since Chris decided to get a job and he goes in to work early. Over achiever. We hogged out, played a bunch of video games. It was about 11:30, and since we didn't anticipate any soaking this week, we grabbed the N64 and went downstairs to hook it up on the HUGE tv we had rented for basketball championships, hoping to get in some life-size Smash Brothers action. Unfortunately people we watching a game, but we quickly found another diversion. The parking lot out back was alive with flashing lights and scurrying drunks. It was a site glorified by us schol-hallers, a form of divine retribution, akin to manna in the dessert or marathons of MTV's Undressed; it was a tow-party. A rare event, this was my first (I suppose that makes me a tow virgin), in which a squadron of tow-trucks falls upon our parking lot like the wrathful hand of God, removing the unclean, meaning all those blasted drunks who go to The Wheel and park in our lot. It was great. We got some video tape of it, not knowing when we'd be so fortunate again, and headed back to the hall. It was nearly twelve, and we were tossing about the idea of soaking angry drunks instead of Pearsonites (yes, there are a few SMALL differences) and then we heard it, like an air raid siren or a Viking trumpet calling us to arms, the simple yet glorious call "Happy Loopy Day, Happy Loopy Day, Happy Loopy Day." VICTORY! It was back at last, that which my mind had yearned for and my will had pined in the absence of. We assembled on the fire escape, figuring that even though there wouldn't be a water fight, we could at least taunt them. But a strange happening occurred. Where usually the calls would move quickly from hall to hall, this time there were large, two or three minute pauses between each. Bewildered at first, the actuality occurred to me when we noticed that the calls were coming from different places. Pearson was actually going door to door this week! With a quick yell of "F-ing A!" I scrambled down the steps and tore off to my room, snagged my cps-1200, filled it, capped it, pumped it, and was back on the FE within 30 seconds. There was talk of getting trashcans to dump on the mob, but I pointed out that there was no way they'd be stupid enough to come under our FE. Finally, they approached the front of our hall, where they let out a quick "happyloopydaystephenson" and then took off in fear. Magnificent, the lessons we'd taught last semester had not been forgotten. A plan was quickly formed: if they were going to all the halls, they would have to go across 14th St and yell at Aminni, Maggie, GP, and Douthart, and then pass in front of Stephenson again. We frantically took off through the hall with calls of "To Arms, To Arms" and gathering our armament. Already loaded, I ran down the hallway pounding doors and raising the troops from their slumber. Honestly, this must have been what it was like with those Minute Men militias against the Brits. We were almost instantly back on the fire escape, and started the war plan. The idea was to put people on either side of the street, and then sweep in like a pincher when the Pearsons passed. just as we got down the FE though, a mass of guys ran past our hall. Apparently they weren't as dumb as we'd thought, and anticipated our attack. Well, the sight of them turning tail and running was akin to that little rabbit they send along the track in dog racing. We took off after them like bats out of hell, and chased them all the way to their hall, getting in quite a few good shots. As we headed back to the hall we found out that there were stragglers, hoping to miss the main rush. This simply meant that we were able to peacefully stand before Stephenson and soak them individually as they passed. As they approached they knew their fate was sealed, and it was almost pitiful to see their looks of resignation as our streams cut them down. Almost. Now, the thing about Loopy Days is that once they start, you don't want to let them stop. So, we wandered over to Pearson, hoping to catch a few guys outside or something. We hit the jackpot. As we rounded the corner what were we to find but a gaggle of Miller girls trying to sneak out the side door of Pearson. We formed up around the sidewalk and just looked at them. They glanced nervously back and forth at each other, and then one brave soul ventured out and passed among us. For reasons unknown to me, the guys didn't shoot her. I was hidden behind the tree on the corner, and held my own fire, not wanting to give away my position. But when the next one came out, acting rather confident in the perceived safety that she felt her boobs entitled her, I couldn't stay my trigger finger any longer and blasted her. Then, we proceeded to stand there and token squirt each girl that came out. We didn't soak them or anything, just gave them each a little spray so that they knew we weren't above shooting girls. And we would have left it at that, earning our little victory, if they hadn't done the stupidest thing I've seen in a long time. I had noticed the group of girls who had passed were huddled together and whispering, and I figured they were plotting something. Sure enough, when the last one got out, one of them rushed New John and shoved him, as some sort of retaliatory effort. I don't know what they hoped to accomplish, or if they thought we would just let them push us around, but we instantly turned on them and emptied almost our entire tanks. Needless to say, they were wet and perturbed, and ran screaming off to their hall. At a safe distance they turned and yelled "Stephenson Sucks!" and than took off again. I feel I rather succinctly summed up the situation, for myself at least, with my statement "Sure, like I get a lot of dates anyways." I think it was quite worth it. Our appetites were still not sated, so, in an attempt to rouse up some fights, or at least be funny, we went to Pearson's door. I approached, and the rest of the guys stood away and covered my back, as the following exchange took place. *KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK*(apparently Pearson's to cheap to get a doorbell)...."Who is it?" "Stephenson!" "What do you want?" "Can Pearson come out and play?!" "....." *KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK* "Please?!" "...." *KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK* "We've got cookies!" "....." *KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK* "They're GOOD cookies!" "................." "Okay, we'll take that as a no!" "....." "BYE!" We began to walk away, someone commented on the fact that "we sooo own Pearson. they're our bitches" when a voice shouted from a window "You better leave, my roommate's a Marine!" To which I answered the first thing that popped in my mind "My roommate's gay, what's your point?!" Not really sure what that's supposed to mean, since Caleb's one of the most actively heterosexual guys I know, but it sure seemed to stump them. Next we heard a feminine voice yelling at us "What you up to Matt?" I looked, and realized it was a Wench with whom I had prior acquaintance from theatre class. I tried to talk her outside, even offering my scout's honor that I wouldn't squirt her (but with my left hand, so it didn't count; I'm so tricky) but apparently the Wench wasn't convinced by this, and so we decided to move on. Now, at this point, it occurred to us that if we'd done this with one hall, it was only fair to give equal attention to ALL the schol halls. I used the same pound-the-door-and-yell approach for the next two places. Aminni didn't answer, which figures, wusses. At Maggie some really cute girl came to the door and stuck her head out. It was so naive, I didn't have the nerve to spray her. I know, I'm weak, what can I say, I'm a sucker for a pretty face. I asked if she wanted to come out and play, to which she answered "No, I can't, I'll go see if anyone else can." She left, and we heckled for a while, saying that Maggie was grounded and their mom wouldn't let them come outside. Eventually some other girl came and opened the door a bit. She was a regular at Stephenson, or at least on weekend nights, and figured we wouldn't squirt her. Even so, she was cautious enough to just crack the door and not lean out. Unfortunately, Maggie girls are more known for their looks then their brains, and it was pretty easy to spray the door and soak her with the splashback. Having established our position as "mean guys" there, we started off to GP. It was at this point that we realized that none of us really new were GP was. See, the thing is that GP NEVER goes outside, they don't socialize with any other halls, and no one goes there. We would have been up a creek, except that as we were walking back down the street the sudden and familiar KER-SPLASH of a water balloon resounded off the car next to us. We chased down the three guys with the balloons, who fled back to GP, but when they got there they had a guy with a big super soaker standing to cover them. I admit, it would have been a well planned attack, if not for the fact that they had forgotten their door code. A guy with a super soaker is a formidable opponent, but he's no match for five guys with super soaker. We surrounded them and opened fire, utterly wasting the group. Their gunner tried to retaliate, but he could only shoot one of us at a time, and we were skilled at dodging, and so when they finally got in the front door we walked away with merely a misting by way of battle damage. Next was Douthart, but there some guy answered, not sure why, but he looked like he might have belonged in the girls' hall. In fact, I believe he's the same one who tried to pick Brian and me up at the Mardi Gras party. Needless to say, they didn't want to come out and play. We left in disappointment, when out of nowhere there was another KER-SPLASH. A GP guy ran behind Douthart, and we split, following him and circling around the other way. Managed to get a couple shots off on him, but he made it in his hall and didn't reappear. Since we felt that we had thoroughly dominated yet another section of campus we moved along to the other halls. Battenfeld and Watkins were uneventful, although it is cool to see the look of fear on a person's face when they open a door and are confronted with a huge water gun. Miller was a little more interesting. I knocked, as usual, and eventually a girl came to the the door. "Yes?" "Can Miller come out and play?" "What?" "Can..Miller..Come..Out..And...Play?" "...Just a sec. Hey girls, some guys from Stephenson want to know if we'll come hang out.." "No, come play, not hang out!" "..Some guys from Stephenson want us to come fight.." "PLAY!" "Whatever. Well, do you want to?....Okay, I'll tell them. No, we don't want to come play." "Are you sure? We've got cookies!" "...."*Closes door* "BUT THEY'RE GOOD COOKIES!" And so we left. About halfway down the hill to our last stop, Sellards, we were halted by a yell. It was a girl from Miller, at the top of the hill. "Hey Stephenson guys, we can't play, but do you want to come join our party?" "Can we bring our guns?!" "...No." "Do you have cookies?" "...No." "What about punch? Do you have punch?!" "...No." "What kind of party is it without guns or cookies or punch?!" "...Do you wanna come or not?" "Just a sec, let us talk it over........No thanks!" "...What?" "Sorry, no!" "...." "Thanks anyways, Bye!" And thus, I cemented my position as the gayest straight guy on campus. Unfortunately, I also sort of drug down my companions. Oh well, misery loves company. We finished up our rounds at Sellards, didn't get any good responses, and so headed back to hall. Then, to our complete surprise, who happened to pull up and park in front of our hall but the girl from Maggie, whom we'd sprayed around the door. Of course she was sure that "..you guys wouldn't spray me again, right?" "No." "Course not." "Uh-uh." "Nope" "...Okay." And so, as soon as her truck door was closed, we proceeded to give her the soaking of a life time. She instinctively ran for our front door, but of course since it was after midnight it was locked, so she ran around the corner screaming and with a pack of Lylemen close on her heels. It was at this point that I heard the worst quote of the evening, the speaker of which I won't embarrass by identifying . *cough cough newjohn cough cough* "Boy, you better be glad we're not RAPING you!" ...........Eeeyouch, that's a bad one. Well, after that incident, the evening was through, and so we retired to our parlor to mull over our deeds and revel in our glory as we once more proved ourselves KINGS OF SCHOL HALL ROW! Check back next week, I'm sure there'll be plenty more mayem, until then, have fun, enjoy your spring breaks, and tap that booty one time for me. toodles El Pompador. ps Just kidding about that booty thing. pss Maybe. |