Blined by Pain

"Bitch!" He screamed at me, grabbing my hair and pulling my face inches from his own. I could smell the alcohol on his breath.

"What’s wrong Adam? I didn’t do anything." I whimpered.

"Don’t you dare back answer me, whore." He screamed again, slapping me across the face. "And did I say you could speak?"

"No, Adam." I answered, trying not to cry.

"Exactly! So. Don’t. You. Dare. Talk. Unless. I. Tell. You." Each word was emphasized with a punch. I sank to the floor when he was finished beating me.

"Do you understand me?" He shouted.

I couldn’t answer him. My face and body were in agony with the blows he had just delivered.

"I said, do you understand me?" He roared at me, kicking me in the stomach for not answering him quickly enough.

"Yes." I squeaked out.

"What?" He questioned, lifting his foot as a warning.

"Yes, sir, I heard you." I sobbed out.

"Good. Now get your sorry ass off the floor and make me something to eat." He said calmly, brushing his hair back into place and staggering to the chair.

I laid on the floor sobbing quietly, trying to gather enough strength to stand. After five minutes of trying, I managed to pull myself up. I gingerly walked into the kitchen, my eye already swelling shut after the blow I had taken. An hour and a half later, I went into the living room and handed Adam his meal.

"What’s this crap?" He demanded, looking at the plate of grilled chicken and pasta.

"It’s your favourite, Adam." I said, timidly. "It’s done just the way you like it."

"I don’t want this shit," He said, throwing the meal across the room. "Order me a pizza, and clean that mess up." He pointed to the food he had just thrown on the floor, with a smirk on his face.

I stood staring at the food, trying my best not to cry. I couldn’t believe what he had just done. I had spent over an hour in the kitchen making his favourite meal, when I probably should have been at the hospital, and he had thrown it on the floor.

"I said, clean it up! Not stand and gawk at it, slut. And order me a fucking pizza!" He barked at me, raising his hand.

"Yes, sir." I said quickly, going into the kitchen to get a cloth and some hot water to clean the mess up.

I came back into the living room and started to clean the food up, crying quietly while I was doing it.

"You look good like that, Liz, on your knees like all whores should be." He said, in a mocking tone.

His words tore me up inside and made me cry harder. When I was finished cleaning up, I ordered his pizza.

"Your pizza will be here in thirty minutes, sir." I told him quietly.

"Good, now go wash your face and I don’t want to see your ass down here for the rest of the night. Do you understand me?" He questioned threateningly.

"Yes, sir, I understand." I answered in a whisper.

"Good," He said again, "Now, get moving or you’ll feel the back of my hand."

"Yes, sir." I said, going upstairs as fast as I could.

Once I was in my bedroom, I collapsed onto the bed and cried. I couldn’t believe he had hit me again, he promised he wouldn’t touch me. "What did I do wrong?" I thought to myself as I heaved my body off the bed and made my way into the bathroom to clean myself up. When I saw my reflection in the mirror, I gasped in shock.

My left eye was swollen shut and the left side of my face was covered in a big purple and black bruise. Blood, that had been coming from my nose, was slowly drying on my upper lip. The right side of my face had a yellowing bruise on the cheek and my right eyebrow was split open. My top and bottom lip were both swollen and cut.

I slowly took my top off and stared at the growing number of bruises on my stomach and the fresh ones that had just been put there.

I turned away from the sight of myself in the mirror and started crying again.

Slowly I started to clean myself up, wincing in pain as the antiseptic stung at my wounds. When I was finished, I got changed into a nightgown and crawled into bed, crying myself to sleep.

Hours later I woke up to the sounds of laughter coming from the living room. Slowly, I got out of bed, wincing as white hot pain shot through my stomach and head. Quietly, I crept out of the bedroom, along the passage and down the stairs, until the living room came into my field of vision.

I saw the back of Adam’s blonde head, as he took another drink of his beer. Then I saw another blonde head and recognized it to be Chris, one of Adam’s work mates. I was about to go back upstairs, when, I noticed the third blonde in the room.

Jason.

Adam’s best friend. Our eyes locked, and for the first time in years, I felt at ease. Then he smiled at me and I melted.

I was thankful the staircase was dark and he couldn’t see my face. Then, Adam’s voice cut through the peaceful feeling that had settled over me, when he asked Jason what he was looking at.

I froze in terror when I thought of what Adam would do if he caught me here. Just as Jason was about to answer, I bolted upstairs, as quietly as I could, and ran into my bedroom. My heart was pounding in my chest and I was sure Adam would hear it and guess that I had been downstairs.

When I got control of myself, I made my way back to the bed and fell into a fitful sleep.

"You slept with him didn't you, slut?"

"No Adam, I didn't!"

"Liar!"

"No Adam, please....."

"You want to be a slut?! Huh? I'll treat you like a slut."

"NOOO!! Adam, leave me alone!"

"I'll treat you like a slut....."

I woke up in bed, covered in sweat and breathing heavily.

Suddenly I heard a groan and Adam rolled over and slung his arm across me, mumbling in his sleep. I laid awake for the rest of the night, scared of moving incase I woke him up.

********************

"Liz, where’s my white shirt?" Adam asked me.

"It’s in your draw upstairs, Adam." I answered him tiredly.

"Ok baby, would you please find my shoes while I go get it?" He asked me kindly.

"Sure babe, anything for you." I answered.

I found his shoes just as he was coming downstairs, putting his shirt on.

"Oh, thank you, sweetie." He said, as I handed him his shoes. He kissed me on the cheek and I hissed in pain. "Baby, I’m sorry. I was drunk last night and I didn’t know what I was doing. Forgive me? Please?" He asked, flashing one of his infamous ‘Adam Copeland Grins’ that I couldn’t resist.

"Of course I forgive you." I said, "But could you please try to stop drinking, for me, please?" I asked, almost begging.

"Sure, baby, I’ll try anything." He whispered, tears springing to his eyes. "I’m so sorry."

"No, baby, no. Don’t cry. It wasn’t your fault." I said, desperately trying to rid him of the tears I caused.

"It was," He said, tears rolling down his cheeks. "I got drunk and hit you again."

"No, Adam, baby. I shouldn’t have stayed downstairs while you were drinking, I know better." I said, crying cause I had made him fell guilty. It hadn’t been his fault. I did know better and now I had made him cry, and that was worse than any blow I had taken.

"But, look what I did to you....." He said, gently running his fingers down my cheek, trying not to hurt me.

"I should have known better," I repeated, wincing at his gentle touch. "You get yourself off to work and don’t worry about me anymore, I’ll be fine."

"Are you sure?" He asked, wiping the tears from my face and slowly putting his shoes on.

"Of course I’m sure," I answered, "And when you come in tonight I’ll make your favourite, ok sweetie?"

"I don’t deserve someone like you, Liz," He said, "I love you, baby."

"Oh Adam, I love you too." I said, breaking into fresh tears.

He pulled me into a hug and held me close while I cried, telling me he was sorry and that he loved me over and over again. A car horn cut through the peaceful moment.

"That’ll be Jay, sweetie, I’ve got to go."He told me, pulling away reluctantly.

"Ok," I sniffed, "Don’t be late tonight, baby. Please?"

"I won’t be, I promise." He said, giving me one last hug and a kiss to the forehead, before he was out the door and on his way to work.

I watched as the car disappeared round the corner. Sighing heavily, I started to clean the mess Adam and his friends had left last night. Then I started to work my way through the whole house, cleaning everything from top to bottom.

Eventually I ended up in our bedroom. I sank down on the bed, exhausted, from the cleaning and my lack of sleep. I laid back on the bed, toying with my wedding ring, as my mind drifted to the conversation I had with Adam this morning.

"Babe?" He asked groggily.

"I’m right here, Adam." I whispered my response.

"Did I drink last night?" He moaned.

"Yes, Adam, you did." I answered him flatly.

"Would you get me some aspirins?"

"Sure." I said, getting out of bed and going into the bathroom to get the pills out of the medicine cabinet.

"Here," I said, walking back into the room, "You’re only allowed to ha-"

"Who the fuck did that to you?" He shouted, pointing to my face.

My hand instantly went up to my face and touched the cuts and bruises there tenderly.

"You did Adam." I whispered, trying to stop my voice from breaking.

"I did that to you?" He choked out, sounding startled.

"Yes." I whimpered.

"Oh God, baby, I’m sorry!" He wailed at me, before getting out of bed and rushing over to take me in his arms "I’m so sorry."

I had cried while he told me that it would never happen again.

****************

"Liz, that was beautiful." Adam said, eating the last bite of his grilled chicken.

He had come straight home from work, like he promised, and we had the perfect evening in. No shouting, no hitting, just us. It was perfect, I had never felt happier.

"Really?" I asked, his complement adding to my good feeling.

"Yeah, it was, and you want to know what else is beautiful?" He asked me in a teasing tone.

"What?" I asked, starting to clear the table.

"You."

"Adam....." I began.

"Sshhh, baby." He said, cutting me off and resting his long fingers on my still swollen lips.

Silently, he lifted me up and carried me to our bedroom. Laying me down gently on our bed, he slowly traced the cuts and bruises on my face. Surprisingly they didn’t hurt.

"I love you." He said, his lips replacing his fingers.

Slowly, his lips made their way down my neck and along my shoulder until they came to the strap of my dress. "This will have to go." He whispered, removing my dress, so that I was just left in my bra and panties.

He took in the sight of the bruises littered on my stomach and silently began to cry.

"Adam, don’t....." I began, horrified that I had made him cry twice in one day.

"Sshh, baby." He said again, wiping his tears away, "I’m never gonna hurt you again."

I smiled at his words, feeling myself being lifted to cloud nine when he slowly started to make love to me. Afterwards, he pulled me into his strong arms and stroked my hair, lulling me to sleep with his gentle movements. My last thoughts, before I drifted into unconsciousness were, that this night had been perfect. Perfect.

One year later.

"LIZ!" Adam roared at me, "Get your ass down here and clean this fucking living room. NOW!"

"Ok Adam." I answered, slowly making my way downstairs.

"The guys are coming round tonight, so you better have this place looking spotless!" He shouted at me.

"Ok Adam." I answered quietly.

The next instant I was slammed against the wall with Adams face inches from my own.

"What did you call me?" He hissed.

"Sir!" I said weakly, "I said, ‘Ok sir’."

"You better have had." He said, "Or you know what’ll happen."

"Yes sir." I answered.

Silently I started to clean the living room, thinking about the way my life had changed over the past year. I thought back to the night after Adam had beat me. It had been wonderful. I had never felt more loved. Everything had been perfect.

For three months after that night my life had been blissful, there had been no arguments, no hitting and most importantly, no drinking. Then Adam had been invited to a party the boss of his company was holding.

Everything had gone down hill from there.

Adam had started to drink heavily and he had also started to hit me more. I was devastated, he promised he wouldn’t hit me, and here he was doing it on nearly a daily basis. He had torn apart what little self-esteem I had left and isolated me from the outside world.

"But I love him." I thought to myself. I had married ‘For better or worse’, and to me this was just a rough patch we were going through. We could work it out, I knew we could.

Suddenly a searing pain shot through my abdomen, yanking me out of my thoughts.

"When I call you, you answer me, bitch!" Adam shouted at me, hitting me in the stomach once more for emphasis.

"Yes sir." I choked out.

Before he could say anything else, the door bell sounded announcing his friend’s arrivals.

"Get your ass upstairs now." He hissed at me.

"Yes sir." I said again.

Quickly, to avoid being hit again, I made my way upstairs. I heard the front door open and the sound of Adams cheerful voice saying ‘hello’ to all his friends.

Sighing heavily, I climbed into our bed and turned the T.V. on. After channel hopping for an hour I found a movie I hadn’t seen and settled down to watch it.

Just as it was ending, Adam stormed into the room.

"Get up." He ordered.

Slowly I got out of bed. "What’s wrong Sir?" I asked, hoping he wouldn’t hit me.

"You’re coming downstairs with me." He barked.

"What?!" I asked, startled.

"Jay wants to see you," He seethed, "So get your ass downstairs, say ‘hello’ to him, and get straight back up here."

"Ok Adam." I answered, quietly.

"I’ll let you off with that one," He hissed, grabbing me by the throat, "And when your downstairs you had better act like we’re the perfect couple or I’ll put you in hospital. Permanently."

"Yes sir." I wheezed out when he let me go.

Five minutes later we were heading downstairs. I had to get changed into a turtle neck sweater to hide the already bruising marks on my neck. Slowly I followed Adam into the living room, looking around all of his friends, before my eyes landed on Jason.

"Say ‘hello’ and get back upstairs." Adam said. I flashed him a glance and he had a huge grin on his face for his friends benefit, but his eyes were far from cheerful.

"Yes sir." I answered quietly, as Jason made his way over to us.

"Hey, there you are," Jason smiled happily at me. "Where you been hiding?"

"Oh, I’ve just been busy." I said.

"Hey, you been keeping this beautiful girl occupied and hiding her from me, Copeland?" Jay asked jokingly.

"Yeah, something like that." Adam said, sarcastically.

"Speaking of busy," Jay went on oblivious to Adam’s attitude, "I’ve heard of this great club that’s opened up a few blocks from here, and I was wondering if you guys would like to go one night?"

"No!" Adam said quickly. "Liz doesn’t like clubs, do you, sweetie." It wasn’t a question.

"No." I answered meekly. "They’re too hot and stuffy." I said stupidly.

I knew Jay could sense that something wasn’t right, Adam could to cause the next instant he was telling Jay that I had been ill earlier on that day and that I should really be getting some rest.

"Oh, ok." Jay said. "Bye."

"Bye" I answered. I turned to head upstairs, when, just outside the living room door, I was grabbed by Adam.

"I’ll see you upstairs." He hissed at me. A shiver of fear ran up my spine and I weakly nodded at him.

The hours flew by and in no time I heard Adam saying goodbye to his friends. I heard the front door slam. The dread that had been gnawing at my stomach suddenly increased.

Adam walked into our bedroom, his face full of rage.

"What the fuck was that?" He asked in a low voice.

"Adam....." I began, but was cut off by him hitting me in the stomach.

"I didn’t say you could speak!" He roared at me, hitting me repeatedly.

"Adam.....Stop....." I managed to choke out between punches.

"STOP! YOU WANT ME TO STOP!" He roared again, raining blows onto my now crumpled body. "You come downstairs and flirt with my best friend and you want me to STOP?!"

The pain was unbearable. I was in agony.

"Adam.......Please....." I whimpered.

"You’re a whore, Liz," He continued, oblivious to my begging. "You’re a fucking WHORE!"

"Adam....."

"You want to act like a whore, Liz?" He questioned, mercifully he had stopped hitting me. "I’ll treat you like a whore." He said.

My eyes widened with terror when I realised he was unbuttoning his pants.

"No, Adam, please......" I begged.

"I’ll treat you like the whore you are Liz." He said, completely ignoring me.

"Adam...."

"SHUT UP!" He roared, gabbing my hair and turning me on my back. He ripped my trousers and panties off in one swift movement, leaving me half naked. "I’ll treat you like a whore." He whispered in my ear, before forcefully entering me.

I blacked out from the pain.

When I woke, I was still on the floor of my bedroom. My tattered clothes were strewn around me. Gingerly, I tried to sit up, but white hot pain coursed through my body and I slumped to the floor once more.

Suddenly the door to my bedroom started to open. I froze in terror. "God, he’s gonna to kill me." I thought, terrified.

A blonde head of hair made its way around the door.

"LIZ!"

"Jay......" I said weakly.

********************

White.

Everything was white.

"This must be heaven." I whispered. Gone was the pain, and my body was left in a blissful numbness that covered me from head to toe.

"No honey. It’s not heaven." I heard a voice say softly.

Then a face came into my line of vision. It was surrounded by a beautiful white light that shone off its golden blonde hair and made it look like an angel.

"You look just like Jay." I whispered, the hint of a smile tracing my lips.

"Liz...." the face began, but the rest of its speech was blurry.

"Tired...." I whispered, as sudden wave of exhaustion swept over my body. Slowly I began to fall into the depths of unconsciousness. But before it took a hold of me completely, I heard what sounded like a door opening and a new voice say, "Mr Reso, may I speak with you for a moment?"

And the soft reply of "Ok, doctor."

****************

"Liz?" I heard a soft voice say to me, "Liz?" It said again.

"Adam?" I croaked out.

"Yeah it’s me babe." He answered in a sweet voice.

I felt him take my hand and I let out an involuntary gasp. My memories were flooding back and I didn’t want him near me. Slowly I opened my eyes and looked at him.

He was sitting by my bedside his eyes were red from crying and his normally perfect hair was out of place. He looked like a grief-stricken husband.

To everyone else.

To me, he looked exactly like I saw him last. His eyes held no feeling, except maybe hate. I pulled my hand out of his grasp and turned away from him.

"Jay, could you leave us for a minute?" He asked.

Jay?, I thought to myself, quickly looking around the room and noticed him standing in one of the corners.

"Sure." He replied, detaching himself from the wall and heading out the door.

As soon as he was gone Adam turned to me and hissed, "Did you say anything?"

"No sir" I answered, quietly.

"Good." He said, "And you’d better not try to tell anyone or the next time you come in here it’ll be in a black bag." He hissed again.

Before I could answer the door opened and a doctor came in. He was cheerful, asking how I felt and checking the machines that I was hooked up to. When he was satisfied that the machines were in working order he took a seat next to my bed.

"Mrs Copeland," He said, his voice becoming serious, " Can you remember what happened to you?"

I turned my head and looked at Adam before answering, he smiled at me and took my hand again.

"Tell the doctor what happened, sweetie." He said squeezing my hand painfully tight in a silent warning.

"I don’t know doctor." I said softly.

"You can’t remember anything?" He inquired.

"No," I whispered, "I got knocked out and then I woke up in here."

"Did you, um, have intercourse with your husband on that night Mrs Copeland?" The doctor asked nervously, looking at Adam.

"What’s that got to do with anything?" I choked out, thrown off by the question.

"It’s just, um, when Mr Reso brought you in here," He went on hastily. "It appeared that you had been raped but the only DNA we found was that of your husbands." He finished.

Adam’s grip on my hand suddenly became tighter and I could feel his eyes burning a hole right through me. I knew what he wanted me to say.

"Mrs Copeland?" The doctor asked, waiting for my answer.

"Yes I did." I whispered again, feeling the colour rise in my cheeks. The doctor gave me a disbelieving look, but accepted my answer.

"Mr Copeland," The doctor said, turning his attention to Adam. "May I have a private word with your wife?"

"Sure." Adam replied, giving my hand one last painful squeeze before standing and leaving the room.

When he disappeared out the door, the doctor turned to me and said, "We can get him arrested."

"What?!" I asked startled.

"You don’t have to put up with it. He can be arrested." He told me again.

"I don’t know what your talking about." I said weakly.

"He can be put in prison, and you won’t have to worry about him hurting you again." He told me.

I didn’t answer him. I couldn’t. He was offering me a way out, but I couldn’t picture my life without Adam.

"Mrs Copeland?" The doctor asked, again, waiting for me to answer. I started to panic and I did the only thing I could think of.

"Whatever you might think doctor, my husband is a wonderful man, who wouldn’t hurt a fly," I spat out, "And I would appreciate it if you didn’t accuse him of doing something as terrible as rape!"

"Mrs Copeland..." He began.

"How dare you?!" I said, cutting him off. "Get out."

He opened his mouth to say more, then closed it looking defeated. He sighed heavily, giving me a sad look, then he left the room.

Once he was gone, Adam returned and asked me what the doctor had wanted. I lied and told him that he had wanted to talk about counselling for rape victims. He sighed in relief, but before he could say anything else Jay came into the room.

Soon visiting hours were over and they had to leave. Adam all but ran out of the door, making some excuse about hating hospitals. He gave me a quick kiss on the cheek, then left. Jay gave me a warm smile and said goodbye, saying that he would be back up to visit the next day.

When they had both gone, a nurse came to check up on me, then I was left alone. I turned over as far as my battered body would let me, trying to get comfortable. I lay awake for hours thinking about what had happened to me. How could he do that? I thought to myself, starting to cry. Eventually I cried myself to sleep.

*****************

The next morning I was woken by the sound of the breakfast trolley rattling around outside my room. A kind looking nurse stuck her head round the door frame asking if I would like something to eat. I politely declined. The thought of eating made me sick.

True to his word Jay called in that morning and every morning after, he laughed and joked with me, making me feel good for the first time in years. Adam never visited once.

A week later I was allowed to go home. Adam came to pick me up, sitting in the front seat looking bored as I struggled to get in the car and not hurt myself.

"You know Liz," Adam said to me as we were driving home, "You brought this on yourself."

"What?!" I asked, not believing my own ears.

"You brought it on yourself," He said again, matter-of-factly.

"I brought it on myself?!" I almost screamed at him. "Did I deserve to be raped, Adam?" I asked.

Suddenly pain exploded on the right side of my face and Adam’s voice hissed, "Don’t you ever talk to me like that again, bitch."

I held my face and fought back the tears that were threatening to fall.

*****************

"Get upstairs, slut!" Adam shouted at me.

"Yes sir." I moaned out, trying to pull myself off the floor and make my way upstairs.

I had been out of hospital for six months and everything had gone back to the way it was before. Adam was drinking heavily and I was nothing but a maid and a punch bag to him.

The only time I was allowed to go out of the house was to collect the groceries. I had become a prisoner in my own home. I managed to heave myself upstairs after the latest beating I had received.

Once I was in my bedroom, I crawled into bed and began to cry. I heard Adam banging around downstairs, calling me names. I rolled over and pulled the pillow over my head, trying to block out his shouts, when I heard the door bell ring.

His friends were coming round again tonight and soon I heard the sounds of laughter coming from downstairs and I knew his party was in full swing. Trying to ignore the noise and the distinct sound of female laughter, I made my way into the bathroom.

Gingerly I pulled my top off and examined my body. I looked like a canvas for an artist who insisted on using blue, black, yellow and purple for his main colours. I could barely see the pink of my own flesh because of the bruises.

Slowly I turned around to look at my back and it was the same, no pink. Just the same disgusting shades of black, blue, yellow and purple.

Why do you stay with him? A voice in my head asked me.

"I don’t know." I answered it. More tears slipping down my face.

I had been with Adam since I had come out of high school, he was my first boyfriend. He was the first person to take any notice of me. He made me feel special. When he had asked me out on a date, I had been thrilled. He had made me feel so wanted.

Soon we were inseparable and after three years of dating, he had asked me to marry him. I was ecstatic. I felt like the happiest person alive.

Then we got married and everything changed. He would shout at me for no reason and wouldn’t let me see my friends, telling me they were a bad influence. I had listened to everything he said and soon enough, all my friends disappeared. He did the same with my family until he was the only person in my life. That’s when he started to hit me, he knew I had no where to go and he took full advantage of that fact.

"Liz?" I heard a voice call from the bedroom, pulling me out of my thoughts.

"Who’s that?" I asked, quickly putting my top back on.

"It’s me, Jay."

"Oh, um, I’ll be right out." I stammered, confused at him being here. I quickly grabbed some tissues and wiped my face, I didn’t want Jay to know that I had been crying.

"Hey, Jay-Jay." I said walking out of the bathroom, plastering a fake smile on my face. "What you doing here?"

"Just came to see how you were doing." He answered, sounding a little concerned.

"Me? I’m fine." I told him, trying to brush him off.

"I haven’t seen you for ages." He informed me.

"Yeah, um, I’ve been busy."

"Really?" He asked, walking across the room, gazing at me.

"Yeah." I answered, weakly. His blue eyes seemed to stare a hole straight through me and couldn’t help but feel a little uncomfortable.

"You’re beautiful, Liz, you know that?" He asked unexpectedly, stopping in front of me, the faint smell of alcohol on his breath.

"Jay....." I began but he cut me off by gently resting his fingers on my lips.

"Sshh," He told me softly, still gazing at me. Slowly he started to lean forward, tilting his head to the side, catching my mouth in a sweet kiss.

"JAY?" Somebody shouted from downstairs, startling us both and making Jay take a step backwards. "Where are ya?"

Looking around the room, blinking as if he had just come out of a trance, Jay quickly answered, lying, "Uh, I’m in the bathroom, I’ll be down in a sec."

"Ok." The voice shouted back.

"Liz," Jay began, turning his attention to me. "I’m, uh, sorry, I didn’t mean to...."

"It’s ok," I said cutting him off. He looked at me, uncertain of what to do, then he nodded and headed out the door.

When he was gone, I let out a breath I hadn’t realized I was holding. What just happened? I asked myself not believing that Jay would kiss me. I lifted my hands up to trace my lips. A small smile creeping over them at the thought of the gentle kiss that had been placed there. Adam never kissed me like that.

Slowly I made my way over to the bed, making myself comfortable, I fell into a peaceful sleep, my fingers absently tracing my lips.

*******************

Hours later, I woke up to the sound of the front door slamming shut. Carefully, so I didn’t hurt myself, I climbed out of bed. Ever since Adam had started to have his parties here, he made a habit of falling into a drunken sleep downstairs and I felt it was my job to make sure he got to bed safely.

Quietly I made my way downstairs, being careful not to trip over the empty beer bottles that were scattered around the hallway. Sighing heavily, thinking about the mess I would have to clean up tomorrow, I walked into the living room.

"What are you doing downstairs?" My head snapped up at the sound of the voice, and I stopped dead. Adam was sitting on one of the chairs in the living room, far from passed out like I thought he would be, a near empty beer bottle in his hand.

"I, um, came to see if you, um, needed any help getting upstairs." I stammered. He didn’t reply, instead a terrifying grin spread across his face. Fear gripped me and I felt like a deer trapped in the headlights of an oncoming car. The look in his eyes matched with the grin on his face kept me standing there, unable to do anything.

"You thought I needed help from you?" He finally snorted, standing up. Slowly he started to walk towards me.

"Let me tell you something Liz," He said, his voice laced with menace. "I’ve never needed your help." He bit out, "All you’ve ever been is a pain in my ass." He said, stopping in front of me.

"But I thought you l-loved me." I choked out.

"Loved you?" He laughed. "I’ve never loved you." He said, scowling when he saw tears starting to roll down my cheeks.

"W-Why did you marry me, if you didn’t love me?" I asked, dumbfounded at his words.

"I’ll tell you why I married you Liz, it was because I felt sorry for you." He spat out. "Poor little Liz, never gone out with a boy before." He mocked me.

"You were waiting for a night in shining armour to come whisk you away from your boring life, weren’t you? And you thought that was me, didn’t you?" He almost laughed. "You thought all your prayers were answered when you met me, isn’t that right Lizzy?" He asked, using my fathers nickname for me.

I hung my head, trying desperately to fight the tears that were now streaming down my face.

"Aw, what’s the matter, Lizzy? Does the truth hurt?" He mocked again. I couldn’t answer him, my mind was reeling from the words he had just said.

"Why did you keep me here if you didn’t love me?" I asked bravely, finding my voice.

"Somebody had to clean the place when I was at work." He said matter-of-factly.

"B-but you cried and begged me not to leave you, when you hit me." I said.

"Don’t flatter yourself Liz," He said. "I can turn the waterworks on whenever I want!" And to prove his point he started to cry. Smiling at the look of disbelief that spread across my face at his little display. "Whenever I want." He repeated, wiping the tears from his face.

I stood speechless as the realization of what he had just said hit me.

"I’m leaving." I said, trying to sound angry, but ended up sounding pathetic. I turned to leave, my legs finally obeying me, when Adam’s hand shot out and grabbed a handful of my hair.

"You’re not going anywhere." He hissed.

"Let me go." I said, trying to get out of his iron grip. He laughed at my futile attempts to break free, saying, "No no no Liz, I told you, you’re not going anywhere."

"LET ME GO!" I screamed at him, immediately realizing my mistake, when his green eyes darkened and he dropped the beer bottle he had been holding and slapped me hard across the face.

"Don’t you EVER talk to me like that!" He shouted, punching me in the stomach. I fell to the floor, the wind knocked out of me by the blow. Before I could protect myself, Adam started raining blows on my crumpled body.

"I’m gonna teach you a lesson, Liz." He said, stopping his onslaught long enough to take his belt off and laughing when he saw my eyes widen.

Then without warning he swung the belt in a perfect arc and hit my back. I screamed as excruciating pain ripped its way across my battered torso. Laughing like a maniac, Adam continued his assault on my near broken body.

Just as the pain was becoming unbearable, the blows suddenly stopped. Turning my throbbing head to the side, I saw Adam get thrown against the living room wall and slide down to the floor unconscious.

"LIZ!" I heard a voice call frantically. Dragging my eyes away from Adam’s lifeless body, I focussed on the person that was calling my name. "Liz?!, Can you hear me?"

"Jay......" I said weakly, seeing his face, relief flooding over me.

"Liz, honey, its gonna be ok." He tried to reassure me.

Suddenly a roar cut through the silence, along with the sound of breaking glass, and Jay was grabbed by his hair and flung across the room.

Adam stood in the middle of the room, a broken beer bottle in his hand, glaring at Jay who was at the far side of the room, laying against the wall looking dazed.

"This has got fuck all to do with you, Jay." Adam spat. "That bitch," He said, pointing at me, "needs to be taught a lesson!"

"You’re fucking crazy Adam. She doesn’t deserve what you’ve done to her." Jay shouted, standing up.

"She deserves everything she gets." Adam said, turning and kicking me again.

Then everything went into slow motion.

Jay flew across the room and knocked Adam to the floor, the beer bottle flying out of his hand. Sitting on Adam’s chest, Jay began to rain blows into Adam’s face, screaming at him.

Adam tried to block as many of the blows as he could, while his arm was reaching around blindly, trying to find something to hit Jay with. Grabbing the discarded beer bottle, Adam swung it and it connected with Jays shoulder, leaving a big gash in its wake.

Jay roared as the bottle ripped through his skin. Rolling himself off Adam, Jay quickly backed off, holding the torn flesh on his shoulder.

"You still wanna play with me, Jay?" Adam asked, laughing, getting to his feet.

Before Jay could answer, Adam lunged across the room, swinging the bottle at Jay’s stomach. Jay jumped to avoid the blow causing Adam to run into the wall.

Giving off a scream of pain, Adam turned around, blood pouring from a wound in his chest. Looking down at his chest, he dropped the bottle. Slowly lifting a hand to his wound and looking at the blood that covered it, Adam let out a strangled cry, falling to the floor.

Breathing heavily Jay made his way over to me, holding his shoulder with one hand and his stomach with the other.

"Liz, are you ok?" He asked me, trying to smile, falling to the floor beside me. Not saying anything I slowly moved his hand from his stomach, gasping in shock when I saw the huge chunk that had been taken out of it. Silently I started to cry again

"Hey, hey, don’t cry honey." He said, trying to sooth me. Quietly, tears streaming down my face, I moved so that I was holding Jay in my arms. His breathing soon started to become shallow from the lack of blood and the pain his body was in.

"I love you, Liz." He said suddenly, turning his blue eyes on me. "I’ve loved you for years." He said, the light in his eyes slowly fading.

"I love you, too." I told him honestly, just realizing it for the first time. A small smile touching his lips at my words, his eyes beginning to drift shut just as I heard the distant sound of sirens.

"Don’t leave me Jay. Please." I begged him, the sounds of the sirens getting louder.

"I love you." He repeated, smiling at me tenderly, as his chest grew silent.

********************

"Ashes to ashes, dust to dust." The Vicar finished softly. Slowly the people who had attended the funeral started to drift away, leaving me standing alone staring numbly at the coffin.

It had been a week since that night, seven of the longest days of my life.

Slowly my mind drifted back to that night.

I was still begging Jay not to leave me when I felt a strong pair of arms wrap themselves around my waist and I was pulled away from his lifeless body. I screamed and fought to get away from the arms that held me in place, but in my battered state, it wasn’t much of a fight.

I watched as the paramedics started working on Jay, trying to make him breathe and covering the wound on his stomach as well as his shoulder at the same time.

Almost as an after thought I looked at Adam. His hair was matted with his own blood and the paramedics were desperately trying to stop the flow of blood from his chest. I stopped struggling when I saw him and my whole body went numb. That’s when I had been taken out of the room. I vaguely remember someone asking what had happened, but I ignored them.

The next thing I remember was arriving at the hospital and hearing bits of conversation from the doctors and paramedics that were hanging around, stuff like "trauma", "shock", "excessive blood loss", then I heard someone say "dead" and I had gone crazy.

I had screamed and shouted at the doctors, wanting to know who had died. They refused to tell me and that made me worse, I knew I was hysterical but I didn’t care, all I wanted was to know.

They tried to calm me down, but couldn’t and eventually they had to give me a needle to knock me out. When I woke up, I was laying on a hospital bed completely disorientated, a nurse came to check up on me, but she quickly left when I started to ask questions, saying I would have to talk to the doctor.

Hours later, the doctor came into the room, and asked him what seemed like a million questions including "Who phoned the ambulance?", "How long have I been asleep?", and the one thing I wanted to know above all else, "Who’s dead?" But he didn’t answer me. Instead he started to ask questions about what had happened.

I told him everything. Starting from me going downstairs to Adam and Jay fighting to the ambulance arriving, the shock I had felt when I saw the state of Jay’s stomach, I had been so sure he had moved in time and the confusion I felt when Adam had turned around with his chest bleeding.

That’s when the doctor told me that when Adam had ran into the wall, he had somehow managed to turn the bottle so it was pointing at his chest when he made contact with the wall. The bottle had almost impaled him, but his own momentum had caused him to rip the bottle out. And that’s when he told me.

Adam was dead.

He told me that they had tried everything possible to save him, but in the end, he had lost too much blood and died before they could get him to the hospital.

My whole body had flooded with relief, then went completely numb and I couldn’t speak. I desperately wanted to ask the doctor about Jay, but nothing came out. The doctor, sensing this as a form of grief, left the room to give me some time alone.

I had sat staring at the wall for hours, trying to sort my feelings out. I was disgusted with myself for feeling relieved when I found out it was Adam who had died, but another part of me was cheering at the fact that he was no longer able to hurt me.

Then Jay’s face swam into my mind, saying he loved me and that’s when I let go of everything and started crying.

I jumped when a hand was laid on my arm, pulling me from my thoughts. I turned to see who it was and stared into my mothers brown eyes.

"Liz, he deserved what he got, sweetie." She said softly.

"I know mom, but it still hurts." I whispered, silent tears slipping down my cheeks. She hugged me close to her while I cried, shushing me and saying everything would be ok. I melted into the warmth of her body, feeling safe.

She had shown up at the hospital three days after that night, along with my father. They had been horrified at the state of me and all the things I had been put through by Adam. They told me they were sorry for leaving me with Adam and that they thought that was what I wanted. We talked for hours about what had happened to me and forgave each other.

"Come on, we have to go sweetie." She said, gently.

"Ok." I said, casting one last glance towards the coffin, "Goodbye Adam." I said softly.

***************

I sat in the chair silently, watching him sleep. After the funeral I had gone straight to him, just like I had done every day since I found out where he was. The silence in the hospital room was only broken by the sounds of the machines he was hooked up to.

He was in a coma.

My mind drifted back to when the doctor had told me.

I was so happy that he was alive, then when the doctor said he was in a coma my heart felt like it was being torn from my chest. I wanted to see him, but the doctor told me he was in the ICU and I couldn’t see him just yet.

Eventually, they let me in to see him and all the tears I thought had disappeared came flooding back.

He was lying on the bed, his beautiful blonde hair was fanned out around his head, but his face was deathly pale. I could tell that his stomach and shoulder were bandaged heavily and he was hooked up to so many machines I could hardly get near him.

Giving myself a metal shake, I leaned forward and took his hand in mine, speaking to him like the doctors had told me to. I told him about the funeral, my parents and what I was thinking.

That had been one of the things that had helped me through the last week, talking to him. I had told him everything that had ever happened to me.

Even though he couldn’t hear me, I kept talking, it was like a release for me. Just talking to him made me fell at ease, all the fear and emotional heartache that had been heaped upon me by Adam over the years were lifted from my shoulders by talking to him.

"Jay, I need you." I started softly, laying my head on his hand. "I love you Jay, please come back to me." I finished, crying quietly.

Now that I had finally realized that I loved him, I didn’t want to lose him. And it was tearing me up inside to watch him lying helpless and knowing that there was nothing I could do to about it.

"Liz?" My head snapped up at the sound of the raspy voice and I looked in to a pair of beautiful blue eyes.

"Jay!" I said tears of joy flowing down my cheeks, "You’re awake!" I cried happily. A small sweet smile spread across his face.

"I thought I’d lost you." I said, crying, reaching out to stroke his face.

"You’ll never lose me." He said softly, taking my hand in his own.

****************

"Jay?" I called walking into the house, "Where are you?" It had been more than two years since the funeral and Jay and I were now living together.

"Jay?" I called out again walking into the living room, smiling at the sight of his shirt on the ironing board.

"Jay?" I called for the third time.

"I’m in the yard, Liz." He finally answered.

What’s he doing in the yard? I asked myself, making my way out there. I stopped suddenly, seeing the sight in front of me.

The whole back yard had been covered with candles and roses and sitting on a blanket in the middle of the garden, surrounded by a picnic, was Jay.

"Oh Jay," I choked out through tears, "It’s beautiful."

"Not as beautiful as you." He said, standing and making his way over to me. He took my hand and led me to the blanket. Slowly we started to eat, talking and laughing about how the day had gone for both of us.

Then he got up and put a cd on, holding his hand out he asked me to dance with him. Smiling I accepted and let him pull me to my feet. He wrapped his arms around me and we started to dance, my smile widened when I recognized the song.

Look into my eyes - you will see

What you mean to me

Search your heart - search your soul

And if you find me there you’ll search no more

Don’t tell me it’s not worth tryin’ for

You can’t tell me it’s not worth dyin’ for

You know it’s true

Everything I do - I do it for you

Look into your heart - you will find

There’s nothin’ left to hide

Take me as I am - take my life

I would give it all - I would sacrifice

Don’t tell me it’s not worth fightin’ for

I can’t help it - there’s nothin’ I want more

Ya know it’s true

Everything I do - I do it for you

There’s no love - like your love

And no other - could give more love

There’s nowhere - unless you’re there

All the time - all the way, yeah</i>

I snuggled closer to Jay as the guitar picked up the lead and he held me tighter making me feel more loved than I ever thought possible

<i>Oh - you can’t tell me it’s not worth tryin’ for

I can’t help it - there’s nothin’ I want more

Yeah, I would fight for you - I’d lie for you

Walk the wire for you - yeah I’d die for you

Ya know it’s true

Everything I do - I do it for you

When the song finished, we kept on dancing, lost in the feel of each other, finally Jay pulled away from me and looked into my eyes.

"Liz, I need to tell you some things," he began softly, "Then I need to ask you something, ok?"

"Ok." I answered, wondering what he wanted to tell me.

"I’ve loved you for as long as I can remember," He started, "I just didn’t know how to tell you...."

"Jay..."

"Let me finish, please." He said, placing his fingers on my lips. "I didn’t have the confidence, I suppose, to tell you how I felt," He went on. "Then Adam asked you out and I knew then that you were lost to me, I mean, Adam got all the girls he wanted and he set his sights on you and I knew he would get you."

I flinched at Adams name and Jay hugged me close to him going on, "I was devastated when he told me he was marrying you. I knew I had lost my chance to tell you how I was feeling, but no matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t get you out of my head. Then that night I saw you on the stairs I knew something was wrong, I didn’t know what exactly, I just knew something wasn’t right. I saw the fear in your eyes when he asked what I was looking at and the way you ran up the stairs just heightened my suspicions."

My mind went back to that night and I shivered involuntary.

"Then I didn’t see you for a while," He went on running his hand up and down my back to comfort me. "I tried to forget what happened but it was easier said than done. I kept asking Adam about you but he would give me stupid answers and try to brush me off. Then, when he had that party at your house, I bugged him till he went and got you. I knew you were scared of something, again, by the look in your eyes, but I didn’t know what and I couldn’t ask you, cause he wouldn’t leave us alone. Then, when I mentioned going to that club and Adam all but shoved you out of the living room, just so we would stop speaking the bad feeling I had eating away at me only got worse."

He looked down at me, stroking my face softly, before going on, "When I left that night, I walked around for a while trying to figure out what was happening, I had a feeling it had something to do with Adam but it was like working on a jigsaw puzzle. I was missing all the important pieces that made the picture make sense. Eventually I made it back to my apartment only to realize that I had left the keys back at your place, so I turned around and headed back to pick them up.

"When I got there, the front door was open a bit and the whole house was silent. I pushed the door open and called for Adam, but no-one answered me. I checked around downstairs but found nothing, then I heard a sound coming from your room, so I ran upstairs, thinking something had happened to one of you." He paused, as the memories flashed through his mind. "When I saw you lying on the floor, I felt so...so...helpless and then you said my name and it felt like my heart was being stamped on." He stopped, taking a deep breath before going on. "You blacked out then and I ran downstairs to call an ambulance. When I came back, I looked at you properly and that’s when I noticed that you were half naked."

He paused again, before saying softly, "I knew what happened to you Liz. I knew. But I never in a million years thought it was Adam that did it."

He stopped, his breath catching in his throat. My mind went back to that night and silent tears started to flow down my cheeks. "Jay, stop please." I asked, not wanting to relive the awful memories.

"I have to say this baby please, let me finish." He pleaded, tears staining his own cheeks. "It won’t take long, I promise."

"Ok." I said, softly.

Quickly composing himself, he took my hand and led me to the bench at the top of the garden. When we were settled, he went on. "When we got to the hospital, you were taken straight in and checked out. I stood around for ages waiting to see if you were alright. I tried to get in touch with Adam but I couldn’t. Then the doctors took me to the room you were in. I remember you thinking you were in heaven when you woke up." He said, the smallest hint of a smile on his lips.

"When I finally did reach Adam, he didn’t seem that concerned about you." He said, going on, "But when he showed up at the hospital, he was crying, so I thought it had just been my imagination. He didn’t talk much in the hospital and I thought it was because he was hurting over what had happened to you. Then you woke up and I saw how you reacted to his touch, and I was so confused, I mean, I figured you’d throw yourself into his arms, not pull away from him. But I just let it slide, and put it to the back of my mind. Then, when you were talking to the doctor alone, Adam was pacing the floor almost seething. I asked him what was wrong but he refused to answer me, saying he didn’t want to talk about it. I tried to ignored the warning bells that were going off in my head, but it was getting hard to do. And they only got louder when he made that dumb excuse about hating hospitals. I knew he was lying, cause when we were kids, he wanted to be a doctor, and whenever anyone was taken into hospital he loved to go along with them just so he could see how the doctors worked.

"When I visited you in the hospital, I was so happy to be spending a few days with you," He smiled slightly, then his features twisted into a frown, "And although I desperately wanted to find out what was going on between you and Adam, I put it to the back of my mind when I was with you. But not when I was with him. I asked him how you were and just by the answers he gave me, I knew he wasn’t visiting you, and that pissed me off. I couldn’t believe he wasn’t going to see how you were, I mean, you were his wife, he should have been there every day.

"When you came out of hospital, I offered to pick you up but he told me he was going to do it. I didn’t see you for six months after that." He stated bitterly, before continuing. "I had a thousand and one things running through my mind during those six months, but the main thing was ‘are you alright?’, I didn’t know and that was killing me. I tried to ask Adam but he never gave me a straight answer. Then he had that party at your place.

"When I arrived, the party was just getting started, so I headed straight for the drinks, intending to get as drunk as possible. I had been trying to figure out what was going on between you and Adam during those six months and I was no closer to finding anything out, and it was becoming really frustrating." He sighed. "Adam was already drunk, and had a slut hanging around his neck. This only made me more angry and confused, so I headed upstairs, intending to get some answers from you.

"When I called for you and you came out of the bathroom, I knew you had been crying and I could see straight through your smile. All the questions I wanted to ask you flew out of my mind. And I didn’t know if it was the alcohol that gave me the courage or if it was the fact that I had wanted to do it for so long, but either way I had to kiss you." A smile crept across his features as he remembered the kiss, "I couldn’t believe I was doing it, I mean, I had wanted to do that for so long and when I finally did, I kinda got lost in it." He said, his smile growing larger. "Then when Chris shouted for me, I was startled. I cursed myself for taking advantage of you when you were obviously upset, but when I tried to apologise, you told me it was fine. But it didn’t stop me from feeling like an idiot." He laughed softly.

"I left the party about an hour after I kissed you," He went on, "I wanted to clear my head and I couldn’t do it with the music blasting. I walked around for a while, replaying the kiss in my mind. Then I headed for home, but something told me to go back to your house. I ignored it at first, just wanting to fall into bed, but it just got stronger so I gave in and headed for your place."

He stopped for a long time, his face unreadable, I was about to speak when he went on softly, "I was at your front gate when I heard you screaming, I ran into the house just in time to see Adam hitting you with his belt over and over again." The memories flashed through my mind as I relived that horrible night.

"That’s when everything fell into place." Jay said softly, pulling me from my thoughts. "Everything that had happened to you, the rape, the fear in your eyes, it was all cause of him. All those times I had spent worrying about you, wondering who you were scared of, and it was him all along. All this was running through my mind as I threw Adam into the wall." He said sadly.

"I didn’t want to hit him, but I couldn’t let him hurt you anymore. You were the first person I ever loved and I couldn’t, wouldn’t, let him hurt you." He repeated.

"Jay?" I asked, softly. "Why did you tell me all this?"

He didn’t speak for a long time. I knew he was going over everything in his mind and was trying to choose his words carefully. "Liz," He said finally. "I’ve loved you for years. And all I’ve ever wanted was for you to love me back, and now that you do, I don’t want there to be any secret’s between us. I wanted you to know that if there was a way to stop what Adam was doing to you sooner, there would have been." He paused and sighed heavily before going on, "Adam had been my best friend since we were kids and I never thought he was capable of doing something as horrible as that. That’s why it took me so long to figure everything out."

"Jay, it’s not your fault." I told him.

"Yeah, I know, but it still hurts." He said softly, echoing my words from Adam’s funeral, more than two years ago. Quietly I hugged him, my mind throwing images of Adam at me, the gentle Adam that I had married, not the monster he turned into.

Then it showed me pictures of Jay at the hospital when he was recovering, the beautiful smile that was always on his face. The shyness he had shown when he asked me out, the love in his eyes when we made love for the first time, the huge grin on his face when I agreed to move in with him. All these things made me love him more than anything in the world and the fact that he loved me just as much made everything more special.

"Liz?" Jay said softly, pulling me from my thoughts once again.

"Yeah?" I answered.

"Remember how I wanted to ask you a question when I was finished?" He asked quietly.

"Yeah." I answered again.

"Well, can I ask it now?" He asked.

"Sure." I told him.

"Ok," He said, pulling me to my feet and standing in front of me. "Ever since we went out on that first date, I’ve been thinking about this and when you moved in with me I thought about it more until I couldn’t get it out of my mind." He laughed slightly, taking a deep breath, "Liz, I’ve loved you for years and I’ll always love you, but I want to prove it to you."

He stopped again, taking something out of his back pocket, then taking my hand in his, he held out a beautiful ring with alternate diamonds and emeralds on the top, before dropping to one knee and asking, "Will you marry me?"

I looked at the ring in his hand, then to the love that shined in his eyes and knew what my answer would be, "Yes, Jay, yes I’ll marry you!" I said through tears.

He jumped up and hugged me close to him, before placing the ring on my finger. "I love you Elizabeth," He said using my full name. "I love you." He repeated, pulling me in for a beautiful kiss.

THE END