Ororo
turned over onto her side and closed her eyes.
It had been a very long day, and it was not over yet.
She
could hear the sound of the water running as Logan took his shower. She found herself hoping he would be in
there a long time. She wanted to put
off this conversation as long as possible,
although she knew she would not be able to sleep until they had it.
Try
as she might, Ororo could not keep the wretched memories of a few months ago
out of her head. They were not making
the present any easier.
“Mommy,
Uncle Bobby says you’re gonna go crazy.”
“What?”
“He
said ‘cause of the baby, your ho-ry-mones…”
“Hormones.”
“…hormones
are gonna make you crazy. You’re gonna
be throwing lightening bolts at everyone.”
“When
I was pregnant with you, the situation was—different.”
“Because
my dad just died?”
“…Mostly. At any rate, I know more what to expect
now.”
Ororo
leaned in closer to Ame.
“But
you can tell your Uncle Bobby that if I do
start throwing lightening bolts, he shall be the first person I think of.
Now go. Lisa is waiting. You will be late for school.”
Ame
pulled on the straps of her backpack and kissed her mother on the cheek. She ran off to catch up with the other
children.
‘When did she get so big?’
Ororo put her hand on her stomach and smiled.
She and Logan had celebrated their three-month
anniversary with the announcement that she was expecting. She was three weeks along.
Ame had begged them to make it a baby sister, and
it took some doing to explain to her that it wasn’t really their choice. Still, she was hopeful.
* * * * *
“Cajun,
cool yer jets an’ pass me that torque wrench.”
“It
ain’t right. She only ten!”
“It
ain’t a date date. It’s fifteen kids goin’ to the movies—“G”
rated fer god’s sake.”
“Yeah,
but one of ‘em she say be her boyfriend.”
“Heh,
heh.”
“Yeah,
go on, laugh. C’est tres drole. Can’t wait till Ame start bringin’ home
boys.”
“Why
should I care what she does when she’s thirty?”
“T’ink
you been workin’ too close to d’fuel tank mon ami.”
“If
it was buggin’ ya that much, why’d you say she could go in the first place?”
“CAUSE
SHE—did—dat—t’ing—wit her eyes—again.”
“Wuss.”
“Like
d’Rain Drop don’ know how t’get under your radar.”
“Pass
the screwdriver.”
* * * * *
“So,
Storm, where’s your shorter half?”
Lisa,
who had just returned, smacked Bobby up the back of his head, which caused
Ororo to smile.
“He
is working on the Blackbird’s landing gear with Remy.”
She
stood up to go to the refrigerator and wobbled slightly.
“Are
you okay, Ororo?” Scott asked as he and Jean entered the kitchen.”
“Oh—I
am fine, Scott. I must have stood up
too quickly.”
“I
hope you’re taking it easy.”
“Goddess,
Scott, you are beginning to sound like Logan.”
“That
had t’hurt.” Bobby ducked Lisa’s next
swing and planted a kiss on her cheek.
“Last
night he carried me up the stairs
simply because I yawned when I was at the bottom.”
“Why
can’t you ever do that?” Jean lightly poked Scott in the ribs with her elbow.
“Well—I
knew—know how much you value your independence, dear.”
“Nice
save Buddy—Not!” Bobby whispered exaggeratedly loud.
Ororo
placed her, now finished, glass of water in the dishwasher and headed for the
door.
“Speaking
of Saving, I told the Professor I would go to the bank for him. He wan--* * *”
“Storm?”
“I…*
* *”
“Ororo!!!”
* * * * *
“The
kid’s drippin’ with yer personality, Remy.
Caught her charmin’ Sam inta--”
“Inta
what?”
“Hold
it.” Logan held up his hand. “Bobby’s callin’ me. Sounds riled.”
Remy
listened harder, then heard it.
The
two slid out from under the scaffold and sat up as Bobby came running into full
tilt into the hanger. Even under the
most extreme circumstances, Bobby always managed to keep a hint of jest in his
demeanor. Right now, he had the
strictness in his face could have given Bishop a run for his money. There was not the slightest inkling of humor
or happiness—and that chilled Logan to the bone.
“Logan! You gotta—Ororo’s—You--”
“Calm
down, kid. What the hell are ya tryin’
t’say? What about Ororo.”
Bobby
swallowed and caught his breath.
“Ororo—they’re
taking her to the infirmary—she collapsed.”
“What?
What happened?” Gambit asked.
Wolverine
didn’t wait for anything else. He
pushed past Bobby and ran for the infirmary.
Remy and Bobby followed in suit.
* * * * *
Scott
could hear him coming and positioned himself accordingly in front of the
doorway. He knew full well what was
about to happen.
Seconds
later, Wolverine came charging into the med lab waiting area. Cyclops held his hands out, grabbing the
shorter man by the shoulders and stopping his advance.
“Logan,
wait!”
“Get
outta my way, Cyke.”
“Wolverine,
hold it, just hold on a minute – listen to me!”
“I
said move it!”
He
attempted to shake him off and push Cyclops out of the way. The team leader stumbled slightly but held
his ground.
“Logan,
what are you going to do?!”
“Whatdoyam-”
“Hank
an Cecilia are both in there, doing their job.
You go in there and you’ll
only be in the way. You won’t be helping things. You won’t be helping her.”
“…”
For
the first time, Logan seemed to back down some. Closing his eyes, he clenched his fists and took a step
back. Those who had gathered in the
small room waited for him to ask the question that was on all of their minds.
“What—happened?” He finally asked. He spoke slowly and in an almost overly controlled voice.
“We
don’t really know Logan.” Jean answered.
“She seemed to get a little dizzy, then she was fine. A couple of minutes later, she just—dropped.
“She passed
out?”
“No,
she just collapsed in pain like h… like her stomach was hurting her.”
Logan
just stared at Jean, not saying anything, letting what she’d said, sink
in. He scratched the back of his head
and turned away from everyone.
‘Not happening. This is not happening.’
He
wished they were talking—arguing—making stupid jokes… anything the break up the heavy silence laying over the waiting
area. The quiet was heightening his
senses and their silent tensed breathing was roaring in his ears like a lion. It was making him even more edgy.
Fifteen
minutes passed. Cecilia came into the
waiting area causing everyone to jump.
“Logan,
Hank wants to see you in Observation.” She told him, before he had a chance to
open his mouth. He walked past her,
leaving Cecilia with the rest of the X-Men.
The
ten-foot walk to Observation was like one of those nightmares where the farther
you walked the longer the hallway seemed to get. And a part of him didn’t want to reach his destination.
Hank
had just removed his glasses from his case was about to put them on when Logan
came in the room. There was no jocular,
over vocabulated greeting. The doctor
walked towards him.
“Logan,
first off I want you to know that Ororo is going to be fine. I don’t want her moved for at least 24 hours
and she will require bed rest for the next few days, but she should make a full
recovery.”
“…Are
ya gonna make me ask?” Logan asked
flatly.
Hank
sighed and sadly shook his head. “…I’m
sorry, Logan. I am so very
sorry… Ororo has miscarried.”
“…Why?”
“I
don’t know.”
“Whatdoya
mean, you don’t know?” He said,
raising his voice for the first time.
“Logan,
sometimes these things just happen.”
“I
don’t buy that.”
“I
can find no medical reason for this.
She was healthy; the pregnancy seemed to be going along fine. Conditions in the womb happen much more
quickly than… out here. I’d say,
within… only the last few hours, the fetus’ stability just… deteriorated. I swear it, Logan, if there were a reason
that I could find, even the most remote, I would tell you.”
“If
you’d found out somethin’ was wrong within the last few hours… could you a done
somethin’?”
Logan
was grasping for something… anything, and Hank knew it. But he had nothing to give.
He
slowly shook his head again.
“No. Neither human nor Shi’ar medicine could have
prevented this. For all our
advancements in technology, the miracle of life is still something we are only
guessing at. Cloning, invitro, all of
it… it’s still a hit and miss game.
Again, Logan, I am sorry.”
Logan
nodded solemnly, his eyes not really focussing on anything.
“Does
she know?”
“We
never had to tell her. She seemed to
know what was happening even as they brought her in here.”
“Can
I see her?”
“Of
course. But remember, she needs her
rest.”
Again,
he nodded and left without saying word.
When
the door closed, Hank ran a hand over his face then rubbed his eyes,
sighing. There were times when he hated
being a doctor—hated having to be rational and in control—hated having to look under
a microscope and accept what he saw there as fact. Sometimes these things just
happen. He didn’t want to buy that either.
He didn’t want to be the calm one who had to tell his long time friend
that his baby was gone. He didn’t want
to see that look on Ororo’s face—that blank, empty look that told him she
knew. She knew.
He
didn’t want any of it. He
was angry. He was upset—
But
he was a doctor. So he placed the
glasses on his face, sat down at his computer, and proceeded to fill out the
medical report.
* * * * *
He entered the room quietly, but she knew he was there. Ororo was lying in a medical bed, slightly on her side, facing away from the entrance. Her eyes remained closed. Logan cautiously approached her and placed a hand on the rail of the bed.
“Ro—”
“Don’t… Please… don’t—say anything…………….. please.”
She spoke almost in a whisper, the usual strength, confidence and vigor gone from her voice. It frightened him.
Still behind her, Logan reached over and lightly placed his right hand on the back of hers.
She slowly turned her hand over and laced her fingers with his. She brought both their hands up to her chest, resting them beside her heart. Logan kissed his wife lightly on her temple, then as gently as he could, sat down on the bed beside her. He moved a stray strand of hair and tucked it behind her ear. He gave her hand a slight squeeze. They remained like this until she fell asleep.
* * * * *
“I don’t understand what happened to mommy and nobody will tell me.” Ame whined in a quiet voice. “They keep telling me that mommy’s okay and I shouldn’t worry about it, but I am worried.”
Logan pulled his newly adopted daughter up onto his lap.
“It’s the baby isn’t it?” She continued before he could speak.
“Why’d you say that?”
“‘Cause everytime I ask, everybody goes quiet and tells me to go play. I don’t understand. Why is everybody lying to me?”
“Yer good at readin’ people, darlin’.”
“Is it the baby?”
“…Yeah.”
“What’s wrong?”
“Yer ma, lost the baby.”
“She can’t find it? I thought it was in her tummy?”
Logan couldn’t help but bring the corner of his mouth up in a sad little smile.
“No, Ame. What I mean is, the baby died.”
“Why?”
“I don’ know.”
“Does Uncle Hank know?”
“No.”
“Why not?”
“…Sometimes things happen… and we ain’t got no control over it. We just gotta accept what comes.”
“Oh.”
Logan stroked her hair.
“Is mommy, okay?”
“She needs to stay in bed for a few days, but she’ll be fine.”
“Is she sad?”
“…Yeah, she’s sad.”
“…Are you sad?”
“…”
Logan ran his thumb across her cheek.
“…Yeah… I’m sad.”
Ame wrapped her arms around his neck and gave him a tight hug.
Logan didn’t think he needed anything else in the world as much as he needed that right then.
* * * * *
Three days after she was allowed out of bed, one week since her loss, Ororo received and unexpected visitor.
The Fantastic Four were indeed friends of the X-Men, but when one chose to grace the steps of the Xavier Mansion, it was usually Ben Grimm, also known as The Thing, anxious for a poker game with Remy. This time it was Sue Richards, the Invisible Woman. She asked to see Storm, and although she did not say why, those who had known the FF for a number of years, hazarded a guess why.
Sue’s first child was stillborn.
The two women settled up in the seating area of Storm’s greenhouse. Out of respect for Logan’s sensitive nose, Ororo had separated the greenhouse section of the attic from the living quarters. He had no allergies, but the overwhelming fragrances sometimes got to him.
“Sue, I do not mean to sound rude,” Ororo said, “but how did you find out about this? Did someone contact you?”
“No, no. Nothing like that. Ben and Remy were playing cards again last weekend and Remy happened to mention it, and Ben told me… I’m sure they meant no harm.”
“No. Of course not.”
“…How do you feel?”
“I am fine. Henry has said I am well on the mend.”
“No.” She said, putting her cup of tea down on the table. “How do you feel?”
Had it been anyone else, Ororo was not sure she would have answered.
“…Numb. No. That is not the right word. …I do not know how I feel. There are so many directions that I could go in… I do not know which one to choose.”
Sue nodded in understanding.
“I am so accustomed to restraining myself with my emotional acts. But this time, the restraint seems to be happening on its own.”
“Maybe that’s because you know it’s what everyone expects of you.”
“So what should I do? What did you do?”
“Eventually… whatever the hell I felt like doing. And it felt good.”
Ororo couldn’t help a small smile.
“They do not understand, do they?”
“No. But it’s not their fault.”
She looked out the window.
“Don’t let anyone dictate how you’re supposed to behave, Ororo. This is your pain. You decide how to deal with it.”
“…So when does the pain stop? The emptiness?”
“I never said it did.” She reached across the table and took Storm’s hand. “But you go on.”
* * * * *
Another week passed.
Everything seemed to be going well… as well as could be expected.
That was until Ame came running into the rec- room crying.
“What is it, darlin’? What’s wrong?” Logan asked tossing aside his pool-cue.
“Mommy! She—she’s breaking everything!” She sobbed. “I’m scared! What’s wrong with her?”
“Where is she?”
“In the {hick} gr-greenhouse.” She hiccupped.
“Remy…” Logan started.
“I’ll watch her.”
Logan made for the door.
From the main floor he could hear the smashing. In the attic he opened the greenhouse door and was just able to dodge a ceramic planter that exploded against the doorframe where his head would have been.
Ororo picked up another pot and hurled it at the opposing wall.
“Ororo, what are ya doin’?!”
{SMASH}
“Storm!”
{SMASH}
She didn’t seem to be hearing him.
“Ororo, stop it!”
She went to reach for another plant when he grabbed her arm, just above the elbow and turned her to face him.
“Stop!” He yelled again, although it sounded more like a plea.
She looked at him a moment, then shook free of his grasp.
She walked away from and roughly began to run her hands through her hair. She stopped and began to tug hard on the roots.
She stamped the floor furiously for a moment and then slammed her fists against the wall before she was silent.
“What’s wrong with you?” He asked at a complete loss. “What are ya doin’? Ya scare Ame half t’death, ya break all yer plants…”
“Ame…?” she said, as though it were the only word she had heard. She shook her head. “I did not mean to frighten her.”
“What’s happenin’, darlin’? What’s wrong?”
Ororo smiled and began to laugh, but there was no happiness behind it.
“Wrong?” she laughed. “What could possibly be wrong?”
“Ro…”
“Don’t! Just, do not say anything. Because whatever you say, it will be the wrong thing.”
“How do you—”
“We’re so sorry about what happened, Ororo. You know, you’re still young and you’re healthy. You still have Ame. This doesn’t mean you can’t have more. You can get past all of this. Don’t dwell on it. At least it happened early on. You can always try for another one… I WANTED THIS ONE!
“Everyone is behaving as though I just got over the flu and I should move on now like it were nothing!
“It wasn’t nothing, Logan! It was my child—our child! And it’s gone now.”
She leaned her back against the wall.
“I am just so angry! And I feel so empty…”
She shook her head. “I know I shouldn’t… but, I—I kept picturing--- I kept thinking this child was going to be a boy… And I could see him, Logan… I could see him as he grew up…
“And now, there’s nothing…”
Ororo took a deep breath, trying to steady her voice, but the tears running down her face allowed little chance of that.
“…I have lost a child.
“I was pregnant. I wanted this baby… And it died….
“And no one seems to understand that…” Her voice broke off.
Freely crying now, Ororo bent her knees and slid down the wall until she was sitting on the floor, surrounded by pieces of pottery and plant-life.
“Why can’t anyone understand that…” She repeated quietly sounding terribly lost.
Logan knelt on one knee in front of her and cupped her chin up so he could see her face.
“I understand that.” He said quietly.
Ororo opened her eyes to look into Logan’s.
His face was wet. She could not remember the last time she had seen it like that. He was reputed to be made out of stone, the unbeatable, unflinching, unwavering, un-pierce-able Wolverine.
But he was human. And he was her husband. And he understood.
“Our baby is gone.” She stated.
“Our baby’s gone.” He repeated.
He sat down next to her and she rested her head on his shoulder. They remained that way until it got dark.
When the sun was completely down, Logan began to stand up. “I better go give the ‘all clear’ or someone’s gonna come lookin’ for us.”
“Wash your face first.” Ororo said with a genuine smile. “You have a reputation to protect.”
He snorted and gave her a lopsided grin, before leaving.
Ororo remained sitting there for some time, before she actually saw the mess she had created.
“Oh, goddess.” She sighed. “My plants.”
She had just stood up when she felt someone watching her. Ame was very cautiously peeking around the door.
Ororo squatted back down and held her arms out. The little girl ran into them.
“Oh, Ame… I am so sorry I frightened you!”
“I’m okay, mommy. Are you okay?”
Ororo looked her daughter in the face.
“Yes, I am fine now.”
“Are you still sad?” She asked, noting the tear tracks on her face.
“…Yes. And I will be sad for quite a while. But it will get easier with time.”
She sighed and looked around the greenhouse.
“But the next time I get this upset, I must remind myself that we have a Danger Room on the premises.”
“Do you want me to help you clean it up?”
“You do not have to.”
“I want to.”
“Alright. But use those gloves over there. I do not want you cutting yourself.”
Ame nodded and turned to fetch the gloves. She took only one step then stopped and turned to face her mother again.
“Mommy…”
“Yes, Ame?”
“…I’m sorry your baby died.”
Storm motioned for Ame to return to her and she gave the girl another tight hug.
“Thank you.” She said. “I am sorry too.”
And she was not surprised at all that it was a child who finally said the right thing.
The click of the washroom light being turned off brought Ororo back to present. Logan, her husband, her love, her support, silently made his way across the room and slipped into the bed beside her. He draped his arm across her and less than a moment later, propped himself up on his elbow.
“What’s wrong, darlin’?” He asked, for he could tell her mood by the simplest touch.
Ororo sighed. How she loved this man. She didn’t want to have to put him through… she didn’t want to go through…
“‘Ro’?”
“…I am pregnant.”
He paused only long enough to let her words sink in. Then he leaned over and kissed her cheek.
“Good.” He said kindly in her ear.
“Good?” She rolled onto her back to look up at him. The two tears she had been trying to hold back broke free. “Logan, what if… what if it happens again? I could not take that. I do not want to put you through that again, either. What if something goes wrong? What if…?
He cut her off with a long kiss.
“Hey,” He said with a grin and wiped one of the tears away with the side of his hand. “We’re havin’ a baby.”
“…We’re having a baby.” She repeated quietly. And for the first time since her test came back positive, Ororo began to feel a small ray of happiness.
She managed a weak but genuine smile, then threw her arms around Logan tightly. He held her just as tightly.
“We are having a baby.” She said again, her head resting against his chest.
“Uh, huh.”
“…But I am still scared.”
He lay back and gently stroked her hair.
“I know, darlin’.” He started. “An’ you got every right t’be.”
He kissed the top of her head.
“But ya can’t let it consume ya. If… somethin’ happens… it happens… An’ there ain’t nuthin’ we can do about it.”
He cupped her chin so that she was looking at him.
“But yer okay, now. Hold on t’that.”
“…I love you, Logan.”
“I love you, too.”
And less than eight months later, Ame got the baby sister she wanted, even though she thought the child was rather ‘funny lookin’ when they first met.
Ezri Katherine Logan, a strong, healthy, mutant child born with three long extra bones in each of her forearms, could not have come into a more welcoming family.
The End
Well???? stormgates@hotmail.com
Please note, I showed this to a couple of friends and
they said it sounded like it had a pro-life tilt to it. Please note that this story is neither
pro-life, nor pro-choice. It is about
miscarriage. Something that is woefully
misunderstood in our society.
Back To My The Rain Whispers Series