rage is a emotion of energy, and energy can be a very creative thing. but many people are terrified of their own rage and either keep it bottled up inside or try to distance themselves from it by dissociating it into other parts or aspects of their personality. this is especially true among people who learned to fear the negative results of rage when they were children -- they learned as children to fear the angry parent or guardian, that anger equals violence. they might also have learned as children to fear being angry themselves, because the punishment would also be severe -- more violence.
some victims of severe abuse dissociate this rage so completely that they develop multiple personalities -- where one personality was created out of the need to express all this bottled-up anger. but most people have something very similar to this -- that when the rage has been bottled-up for so long, we often say that something just "snaps" and we go into a rage, saying and doing things that we regret (or enjoy). the dissociation into multiple personalities is very similar to what most of us do in our daily lives -- we've learned that it is not always safe to be angry or to express that anger, so we attempt to mentally and emotionally hide that anger away, to compress and hold it inside. in this way, we protect ourselves, or so we think, from any punishment or consequence of our anger.
the problem with keeping rage in is that it is a very energetic emotion. anger results from a feeling that one has been the victim of an injustice -- sadness is simply feeling loss, but anger is feeling that something has been taken from us that we deserve (dignity, a dream, a right, a thing, a loved one). this is simultaneous with the feeling of wanting to fight to get back what was taken away, as well as with feelings of courage before the perceived enemy and hatred of the perceived evil. how can such a powerful cocktail of emotions stay bottled-up for long without something "snapping?"
so we have people that constantly suffer "stress-related" illnesses. we have people that periodically explode. some people just seem to be habitually angry or mad all the time. all these people, when they do express rage, don't fully deal with the cocktail of emotions left inside. the feelings still remain -- the hatred, the pain, the loss, as well as feeling like a victim of the injustice. especially for sensitive (high e.q.) or intelligent (high i.q.) people who grew up in abusive, painful, stressful, or violent conditions, the connection to the feelings of loss is stronger, and the injustice is difficult to forgive and forget.
so the person has a need to express the rage, but because the person has been told repeatedly, and punished repeatedly, about expressing this rage, the person turns to other ways of expressing anger. the person hurts oneself or goes out to damage things. of course, when it's over, and the person looks at the damage he or she has done to his or her body, or to another person, or to property, the belief that rage is something that cannot be controlled is reinforced. this turns into a vicious cycle of rage, suppression, explosion, guilt, more suppression, a bigger explosion, even more guilt, even more suppression... the longer this goes on, the more unstable the system becomes, and it becomes more likely that the person gets angry at the wrong person or at the wrong time.
but rage, even if cannot be easily controlled, can be directed as energy to be used for creative or healing purposes. because rage makes us feel courageous or strong, it can greatly increase confidence, assertiveness, and self-esteem. this might be surprising until we realize that the only reason why rage could lower self-esteem, why rage is such a "negative" emotion, is because people express and use it negatively. the reason why people express rage negatively is because they don't know how to express it positively (obviously), again, because they've been brought up to not express rage at all -- or they've been the victim of so much rage and violence while they were children that rage scares them.
the first step is identifying that there is rage -- a mental and intellectual habit of observation that notes "for the record" that there is anger. after all, one can't deal with something if one is in denial of it! the second step is owning the rage, understanding that this is a normal emotion because of the abuse or injustice that has happened, and the abuse was wrong, and the person did not deserve the abuse. sensitive (high e.q.) or intelligent (high i.q.) children often form the conclusion that the abuse is their fault, that they deserve the abuse, because of their ability to empathize or analyze -- they quickly find reasons to direct the anger and blame at themselves because this is safer and easier than confronting their abusers. this habit has to be unlearned.
once the angry person decides to act, it doesn't have to be negative and violent. it can propel the person, for instance, to go to proper authorities and speak out. it doesn't have to result in broken things and bloody people. as an emotion that looks at justice and what one deserves, it is an emotion that should remind people of their value. and if properly expressed, it is kept in check by the understanding of the value of others. it does not have to be expressed destructively. rage starts as an emotion. destruction is an action. there is enough of a gap between emotion and action to transform the rage-destruction sequence, through practice, reflection, and the help of good friends, into a rage-creation sequence.
meanwhile, here are some temporary ways to deal with rage. these are not supposed to replace rage and the natural need to express it. these are supposed to be little tricks one can do while one is still learning to control and properly express rage.
go to a lonely place and scream
right the small wrongs in your life
use the energy to start a new project
hit a pillow with a tennis racket
write to the newspaper about abuse
draw your anger
shred paper
go for a jog
get into sports
talk about it with a friend or therapist
write it down
write to your abuser/s (don't send it)
breathe it through your body
sing loudly
talk to the police about your abuse
lend your strength to a friend in need
build something with hammer and nails
hold on very tightly to something
mow the lawn
go back to the [articles] page