virus alert

manchester, iowa, usa  several hundred people have had to be quarantined in a top-secret government facility here yesterday following an outbreak of the internet gullibility virus.  this dreaded virus causes people to believe without thinking everything they get by email or read on the internet.

the federal emergency management authority (f.e.m.a.) with a swat jedi team from the world health organization (w.h.o.) have people in spacesuits combing the area and to enforce the quarantine.  low-flying airforce planes and military helicopters have been dropping leaflets within a 500-mile radius warning people of the virus, focusing on key cities to the east of manchester, as the virus is airborne.  the w.h.o. highly recommends that people hold their breaths for as long as they can.

key symptoms of the internet gullibility virus include:

  1. believing every email about a poor little kid somewhere who is dying or has a wish
  2. believing that microsoft or aol or any other company actually can keep track of how many times you forward a message and will give you money for it
  3. an insatiable urge to forward copies of these stories to everyone, thus further infecting the internet
  4. a lack of desire to take two minutes to check the authenticity of the story

it has gotten so bad that the american cancer society has had to release a public statement begging people not to believe every little-kid-with-cancer email they get!

those who exhibit these symptoms are advised to get help immediately.  most hoaxes have already been investigated and discussed by the online community, and all you really have to do is run a search at google to look it up.

other places to get immediate treatment include:

  1. [f-secure] at http://www.f-secure.com/news/hoax.htm is the industry standard and best place to go to investigate a possible hoax.
  2. [don't spread that hoax] at http://www.nonprofit.net/hoax/default.htm looks at common get-rich-quick / chain letter / people dying / virus / tax hoaxes.
  3. [hoaxbusters] at http://hoaxbusters.ciac.org/HBHoaxInfo.html does the same as above.
  4. [symantec hoax page] at http://www.symantec.com/avcenter/hoax.html is a good place to see if there really is a new virus or not.

this article is so important, we send it anonymously!  it's so important the address we include is either fake or belongs to someone else!  this story is so important, we're using lots of exclamation points!  lots!!  forward it to everyone!  don't stop to think about it!  this is not a chain letter!  this story is true!  you're heartless if you don't forward this!  this story is so timely, there is no date on it! 

for every message you forward to some unsuspecting person, the home for the hopelessly gullible will donate ten cents to itself.  if you wonder how the home will know you are forwarding these messages all over creation, you're obviously thinking too much.

act now!  limited time only!

 

download the [ansi text file (*.txt) version of this page] to forward to your friends.  on most browsers, just right click the link and choose to "save target."

go back to the [articles] page

maximilian based this article on a message one of his friends forwarded to him, although he's changed a lot of it, and the links recommended above are from his own research on internet hoaxes.  unfortunately, the email attachment did not contain the author's name.  if you know who wrote the original "gullibility virus alert" please let maximilian know at max_tan_fernandez@yahoo.com.