On Sears hair dryer:
"Do not use while sleeping."
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On a bag of Fritos:
"You could be a winner!
No purchase necessary. Details inside.
(The shoplifter special.)
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On a bar of Dial soap:
"Directions: Use like regular soap."
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On some Swanson frozen dinners:
"Serving suggestion: Defrost."
(But it's just a suggestion.)
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On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert
(printed on bottom of box):
"Do not turn upside down."
(Too late!)
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On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding:
"Product will be hot after heating."
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On packaging for a Rowenta iron:
"Do not iron clothes on body."
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On Boot's Children's Cough Medicine:
"Do not drive a car or operate machinery
after taking this medication."
(We could do a lot to reduce the rate of
construction accidents if we could just
get those 5-year-olds with head-colds
off those forklifts.)
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On Nytol Sleep Aid:
"Warning: May cause drowsiness."
(One would hope.)
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On most brands of Christmas lights:
"For indoor or outdoor use only."
(As opposed to what?)
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On a Japanese food processor:
"Not to be used for the other use."
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On Planter's peanuts:
"Warning: contains peanuts."
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On an American Airlines packet of nuts:
"Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts."
(Step 3: Fly Delta.)
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On a child's superman costume:
"Wearing of this garment
does not enable you to fly."
(I don't blame the company.
I blame parents for this one.)
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On a Swedish chainsaw:
"Do not attempt to stop chain
with your hands or genitals."
(Was there a spate of this
happening somewhere ???)
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