Below are the 1999 Darwin Award Top
CANDIDATES and some "Honorable Mentions." |
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(all events occurred in 1998) |
For those of you not familiar with the Darwin Awards, they commemorate individuals who protect our gene pool by making the ultimate sacrifice of their own lives. Darwin Award winners eliminate themselves in an extraordinarily idiotic manner, thereby improving our species' chances of long-term survival.
THESE are the CANDIDATES ... drum role please ... |
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~DARWIN AWARD CANDIDATES~ |
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1. In September in Detroit, a 41-year-old man got stuck and drowned in two
feet of water after squeezing head first through an 18-inch-wide sewer
grate to retrieve his car keys.
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2. In October, a 49-year-old San Francisco stockbroker, who "totally zoned
when he ran," according to his wife, accidentally jogged off a
200-foot-high cliff on his daily run.
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3. Buxton, NC: A man died on a beach when an 8-foot-deep hole he had dug
into the sand caved in as he sat inside it. Beachgoers said Daniel Jones,
age 21, from Woodridge VA, dug the hole for fun, or protection from the
wind, and had been sitting in a beach chair at the bottom, Thursday
afternoon when it collapsed, burying him beneath 5' of sand. People on the
beach, on the outer banks, used their hands and shovels, trying to claw
their way to Jones, but could not reach him.. It took rescue workers using
heavy equipment almost an hour to free him while about 200 people looked on
.. Jones was pronounced dead at a hospital.
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4. In February, Santiago Alvarado, 24, was killed in Lompoc, CA, as he fell
face-first through the ceiling of a bicycle shop he was burgling. Death was
caused when the long flashlight he had placed in his mouth (to keep his
hands free) rammed into the base of his skull as he hit the floor.
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5. According to police in Dahlonega, GA, ROTC cadet Nick Berrena, 20, was
stabbed to death in January by fellow cadet Jeffrey Hoffman, 23, who was
trying to prove that a knife could not penetrate the flak vest Berrena was
wearing.
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6. Sylvester Briddell, Jr , 26, was killed in February in Selbyville,
Delaware as he won a bet with friends who said he would not put a revolver
loaded with four bullets into his mouth and pull the trigger.
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7. In February, according to police in Windsor, Ont , Daniel Kolta, 27, and
Randy Taylor, 33, died in a head-on collision, thus earning a tie in the
game of chicken they were playing with their snowmobiles.
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~DARWIN AWARD HONORABLE MENTIONS~
(Not eligible for the Darwin Award because they did not actually succeed in
self-extermination) oh well .....
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1) In Guthrie, Okla , in October, Jason Heck tried to kill a millipede with
a shot from his 22-caliber rifle, but the bullet ricocheted off a rock near
the hole and hit pal Antonio Martinez in the head fracturing his skull.
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2) In Elyria, Ohio, in October, Martyn Eskins, attempting to clean out
cob-webs in his basement, declined to use a broom in favor of a propane
torch and caused a fire that burned the first and second floors of his
house.
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3) Paul Stiller, 47, was hospitalized in Andover Township, NJ, in Sept. 96
and his wife Bonnie was also injured, by a quarter-stick of dynamite that
blew up in their car . While driving around at 2 AM, the bored couple lit
the dynamite and tried to toss it out the window to see what would
happen,but they apparently failed to notice that the window was closed.
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4) Taking "Amateur Night" Too Far: In Betulia, Colombia, an annual festival
in November includes five days of amateur bullfighting. This year, no bull
was killed, but dozens of matadors were injured, including one gored in the
head and one Bobbittized. Said one participant, "It's just one bull against
a thousand Morons.
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