*GO TO THE MENU*
$ Too much $
A woman was telling her friend, "It is I who made my husband a
millionaire."
"And what was he before you married him." Asked the friend.
The woman replied, "A multi-millionaire."
*****Blondes do have more Fun*****
A blonde woman walks into a store.
Curious about a shiny object, she asks "What is that?"
The store clerk responds, "It's a thermos."
The blond then asks, "What does it do?"
The clerk says "It keeps hot things hot and cold things cold."
So she buys one.
The next day, she brings it to work with her.
Her boss, also a blond, asks, "What is that shiny object?"
She replies "It's a thermos."
He asks, "What does it do?"
She says, "It keeps hot things hot and cold things cold."
He then asks, "What do you have in there?"
"Two cups of coffee and a popsicle."
-=+=-ENGINEERS -=+=-
A group of managers was given the assignment of measuring the height
of a flagpole. They go out to the flagpole with ladders and tape
measures, but they continually fall off the ladders and drop the tape
measures - the whole thing is just a mess.
An engineer comes along and sees what they're trying to do, walks
over, pulls the flagpole out of the ground, lays it down, measures it
from end to end, and gives the measurement to one of the managers.
After the engineer has gone, one manager turns to another and laughs.
"Isn't that just like an engineer! We're looking for the height and he
gives us the length!"
-=+=-
DINNER IS SERVED
John invited his mother over for dinner. During the meal, his mother
couldn't help noticing how attractive and shapely the housekeeper was.
Over the course of the evening, she started to wonder if there was more
between John and the housekeeper than met the eye.
Reading his mom's thoughts, John volunteered, "I know what you must be
thinking, but I assure you, my relationship with my housekeeper is
purely professional."
About a week later, the housekeeper came to John and said, "Ever since
your mother came to dinner, I've been unable to find the beautiful
silver gravy ladle. You don't suppose she took it, do you?"
John said, "Well, I doubt it, but I'll write her a letter just to be
sure."
So he sat down and wrote:
"Dear Mother, I'm not saying you 'did' take a gravy ladle from my house,
and I'm not saying you 'did not' take a gravy ladle. But the fact
remains that one has been missing ever since you were here for dinner."
Several days later, John received a letter from his mother which said:
"Dear Son, I'm not saying that you 'do' sleep with your housekeeper, and
I'm not saying that you 'do not' sleep with your housekeeper. But the
fact remains that if she was sleeping in her own bed, she would have
found the gravy ladle
by now. Love, Mom"
RING RING
One thing that has always bugged me, and I'm sure it does most of
you, is to sit down at the dinner table only to be interrupted by
a phone call from a telemarketer. I decided, on one such occasion,
to try to be as irritating as they were to me. The call was from
AT&T and it went something like this:
Me: Hello
AT&T: Hello, this is AT&T...
Me: Is this AT&T?
AT&T: Yes, this is AT&T...
Me: This is AT&T?
AT&T: Yes This is AT&T...
Me: Is this AT&T?
AT&T: YES! This is AT&T, may I speak to Mr. Byron please?
Me: May I ask who is calling?
AT&T: This is AT&T.
Me: OK, hold on.
At this point I put the phone down for a solid 5 minutes thinking
that, surely, this person would have hung up the phone. Much to my
surprise, when I picked up the receiver, they were still waiting.
Me: Hello?
AT&T: Is this Mr. Byron?
Me: May I ask who is calling please?
AT&T: Yes this is AT&T...
Me: Is this AT&T?
AT&T: Yes this is AT&T...
Me: This is AT&T?
AT&T: Yes, is this Mr. Byron?
Me: Yes, is this AT&T?
AT&T: Yes sir.
Me: The phone company?
AT&T: Yes sir.
Me: I thought you said this was AT&T.
AT&T: Yes sir, we are a phone company.
Me: I already have a phone.
AT&T: We aren't selling phones today Mr. Byron.
Me: Well whatever it is, I'm really not interested but thanks for
calling.
When you are not interested in something, I don't think you can express
yourself any plainer than by saying "I'm really not interested",but this
lady was persistent.
AT&T: Mr. Byron we would like to offer you 10 cents a minute, 24
hours a day, 7 days a week, 365 days a year. Now, I am sure she meant
she was offering a "rate" of 10 cents a minute but she at no time
used the word rate. I could clearly see that it was time to
whip out the trusty old calculator and do a little ciphering.
Me: Now, that's 10 cents a minute 24 hours a day?
AT&T: (getting a little excited at this point by my interest) Yes
sir that's right! 24 hours a day!
Me: 7 days a week?
AT&T: That's right.
Me: 365 days a year?
AT&T: Yes sir.
Me: I am definitely interested in that! Wow!!! That's amazing!
AT&T: We think so!
Me: That's quite a sum of money!
AT&T: Yes sir, it's amazing how it ads up.
Me: OK, so will you send me checks weekly, monthly or just one
big one at the end of the year for the full $52,560, and if you send
an annual check, can I get a cash advance?
AT&T: Excuse me?
Me: You know, the 10 cents a minute.
AT&T: What are you talking about?
Me: You said you'd give me 10 cents a minute, 24 hours a day,
7 days a week, 365 days a year. That comes to $144 per day,
$1008 per week and $52,560 per year. I'm just interested in
knowing how you will be making payment.
AT&T: Oh no sir I didn't mean we'd be paying you. You pay us 10 cents a
minute.
Me: Wait a minute here!!! Didn't you say you'd give me 10 cents a
minute.
Are you sure this is AT&T?
AT&T: Well, yes this is AT&T sir but......
Me: But nothing, how do you figure that by saying that you'll give
me 10 cents a minute that I'll give you 10 cents a minute? Is this
some kind of subliminal telemarketing scheme? I've read about things
like this in the Enquirer you know. Don't use your alien brainwashing
techniques on me.
AT&T: No sir we are offering 10 cents a minute
for.....
Me: THERE YOU GO AGAIN! Can I speak to a supervisor please!
AT&T: Sir I don't think that is necessary.
Me: Sure! You say that now! What happens later?
AT&T: What?
Me: I insist on speaking to a supervisor!
AT&T: Yes Mr. Byron. Please hold on.
So now AT&T has me on hold and my supper is getting cold. I begin
to eat while I'm waiting for a supervisor. After a wait of a few
minutes and while I have a mouth full of food:
Supervisor: Mr. Byron?
Me: Yeth?
Supervisor: I understand you are not quite understanding our 10 cents a
minute program.
Me: Id thish Ath Teeth & Teeth?
Supervisor: Yes sir, it sure is.
I had to swallow before I choked on my food. It was all I could do
to suppress my laughter and I had to be careful not to produce a snort.
Me: No, actually I was just waiting for someone to get back to me
so that I could sign up for the plan.
Supervisor: OK, no problem, I'll transfer you back to the person
who was helping you.
Me: Thank you.
I was on hold once again and was getting really hungry. I needed to
end this conversation. Suddenly, there was an aggravated but
polite voice at the other end of the phone.
AT&T: Hello Mr. Byron, I understand that you are interested in
signing up for our plan?
Me: Do you have that friends and family thing because you can
never have enough friends and I'm an only child and I'd really like
to have a little brother...
AT&T: (click)
author unknown
WITH NO DISRESPECT TO AT&T®© .. JUST PHONE SALES IN GENERAL
___________________________________________________________
"RAIN RAIN GO AWAY"
___________________________________________________________
A long time ago, in Communist Russia, there was a famous
weather man named Rudolf.
He's always had a 100% accuracy rate for his forecasts of the
Russian weather conditions. His people loved him and
respected him for his faultless foresight. He was particularly
good at predicting rain. One night, despite clear skies, he
made the prediction on the 6:00pm news broadcast that a
violent storm was approaching. It would flood the town in
which he and his wife lived. He warned the people to take
proper precautions and prepare for the worst.
After he arrived home later that evening, his wife met
him at the door and started arguing with him that his weather
prediction was the most ridiculous thing she had ever heard.
This time, she said, he had made a terrible mistake. There
wasn't a cloud anywhere within 10 miles of the village. As a
matter of fact, that day had been the most beautiful day that
the town had ever had and it was quite obvious to everyone
that it simply wasn't going to rain.
He told her she was to be quiet and listen to him. If he
said it was going to rain, IT WAS GOING TO RAIN. He had all
of his Russian heritage behind him and he knew what he was
talking about. She argued that although he came from a proud
heritage, IT STILL WASN'T GOING TO RAIN.
They argued back and forth for hours , so much that they
went to bed mad at each other.
During the night, sure enough one of the worst rainstorms
hit the village the likes of which they had never seen. That
morning when Rudolf and his wife arose, they looked out the
window and saw all the water that had fallen that night.
"See," said Rudolf, "I told you it was going to rain." His
wife admitted: "Once again your prediction came true. But I
want to know, just how were you so accurate, Rudolf?" To
which he replied, "You see, Rudolf the Red 
knows rain dear!"
Thanks to: The Original Joke of the Day
:: go here anytime :: http://www.joker.org
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