JP: Well folks, it is now time for our Falls Count
Anywhere match between Seth Caliko, NomaD and the monstrous Gutter Rat!
Sully: Well JP, I've been looking' forward to this match all night - I just
can't wait for that bell to ring!
['More Human Than Human' by Rob Zombie roars out of the PA system and the
fans go wild as the disfunctional Gutter Rat walks out of the curtain and
appears on the stage.]
Peter Santos: Ladies and gentlemen, our next contest is scheduled for one
fall and it is the Xtreme Anywhere Falls match! In this bout, no holds
barred rules apply, and falls count anywhere in the arena!
Sully: Here we go!
Peter Santos: Introducing first: Competitor number one. From the alleys of
Guttersville, weighing in at a two-hundred and-
Sully: WHAT!?
[Seth Caliko and NomaD rip through the stage curtain and ambush Gutter
Rat. They are both wielding glass light tubes.]
JP: Oh my God, what the hell is this, a deathmatch?
[Caliko and NomaD strike; they sandwich Gutter Rat's head between the glass
tubes. Blood immediately gushes out of Gutter Rat's skull and pours out all
over his face.]
Sully: Gutter Rat's been ambushed by Seth Caliko and NomaD on his way to the
ring for this Xtreme Anywhere Falls match, and they just crushed his head
with tubes of glass!
JP: This match has already got off to a hardcore and sickening start Sully,
and I hate to think what else we can expect in this fight.
Sully: My thoughts exactly JP - isn't it great!? And you hit the nail right
on the head when you said 'fight', because it's definately far from your
conventional wrestling match!
[Gutter Rat stumbles down the entrance ramp on spaghetti legs as NomaD gives
chase. Meanwhile, Seth Caliko passes through the curtain at the top of the
stage.]
JP: The action is coming to the ring now, but where is Seth Caliko headed?
[NomaD hits some hard European Uppercuts on Gutter Rat, almost breaking his
jaw with each individual strike. He then nails him with a side-elbow, Gutter
Rat turns and stumbles away thanks to the full-force of the strike. He edges
towards the steel crowd barriers at ringside.]
JP: Oh no! NomaD looks to be sizing Gutter Rat up! This could be dangerous
right here!
[NomaD sets a target in Gutter Rat - he charges at him with full-force,
extending the left arm during the sprint.]
Sully: Look's like we're gonna see a rat, steel and bone sandwich right here
JP!
[A split-second away from impact and Gutter Rat elevates NomaD up and over!
He somersaults over the crowd barrier and lands in the third row, crashing
and burning through many steel chairs!]
JP: Oh my God! NomaD there, flew into the crowd like an eagle with the
momentum and spiked himself hard on not only a concrete floor, but
half-a-row of steel chairs!
Sully: Well JP, the eagle has landed...but unfortunately for NomaD - it was
on a pile of chairs and fans!
[Gutter Rat shakes off the pain, he moves towards the ring and pulls up the
apron. He searches for a few seconds, and pulls out an eight-foot wooden
table!]
Sully: Tables! We got tables in play!
JP: But who's it gonna be Sully?
Sully: Who's it gonna be what JP?
JP: Who's gonna be the one to taste the wood!?
[A bloody Gutter Rat sets up the table right by the same section of crowd
barrier that he just launched NomaD over. NomaD is just getting to his feet
now. Gutter Rat jumps the barrier and kicks him right in the gut. He leads
him back to the barrier by his hair and raises him up it! Gutter Rat then
joins him by sitting on the top of the barrier, before raising himself up
and standing.]
JP: What in the lord's name are they doing on that segment of steel crowd
barrier!? We've got Gutter Rat in control here, and he's balancing himself
along with NomaD right on the top of it.
Sully: I don't know JP, I've never seen anything like this before. ...Guess
we'll just have to wait and see!
[Gutter Rat puts NomaD carefully between his legs. Both men are struggling
to keep balance on the incredibly thin rail of steel.]
JP: Oh my God...look out here!
[Gutter Rat falls back with a Sitout Piledriver right off the top of the
steel guard rail on NomaD and straight through the table below!]
Sully: Piledriver through the table!
JP: Gutter Rat just drove him head first through that table, and wood has
splintered everywhere - including deep into NomaD's head!
[Seth Caliko then comes out of the entry curtain, eading a shopping cart
full of weapons down to the ring!]
JP: Seth Caliko is back and look - a shopping cart full of hardcore
instruments!
Sully: This match is about to get even better JP, I can feel it!
[Caliko wheels the shopping cart around the ring and arrives at the site of
the Piledriver through the table. Broken wood is everywhere, and so are the
bloody bodies of NomaD and Gutter Rat.]
Sully: What have we got in that cart? ...Looks like a box of those glass
lighting fixtures, some steel chairs...a stop sign...I can't work out what
that other stuff is but there's some kind of black bag or something...
[Caliko takes out the long box of light tubes and places it on the floor
behind him, he then throws a stop sign at Gutter Rat who is just getting to
his feet, it bounces off of his head, but it seems to have absolutely no
effect! Gutter Rat charges at Caliko; knocking him down with a huge
Clothesline.]
JP: What impact!
[Gutter Rat picks up the box of glass and empties eight or so tubes on to
the floor. He picks up Seth Caliko and rolls him into the ring, under the
bottom rope. Gutter Rat follows as we see NomaD just coming to. Gutter Rat
picks Caliko back up and puts him between his legs, he raises him up on to
his shoulders and runs straight over to the ring post. He launches Caliko
out of the ring with a running-release Powerbomb. Seth falls the ten feet
out of the ring and smashes straight on to all the glass light tubes that
lay on the unforgiving concrete floor.]
JP: NO! NO! NO!
Sully: Oh my God! Rat just Powerbombed him out of the ring and through all
that glass! - Look at the blood, look at the blood!
[Blood begins to soak the concrete from underneath Caliko's body. Gutter
Rat taunts to the crowd as NomaD slides in the ring with a barbed wire chair
in hand!]
Sully: Wood! ... Glass! ...Now barbed wire steel chairs!
JP: Look out Gutter Rat!
[Gutter Rat turns around and is met by NomaD wielding the barbed wire
chair! He strikes, but Gutter Rat engages the offense with a big boot! He
kicks the chair right ouf of NomaD's hands!]
JP: That was too close to call for Gutter Rat right there!
[Gutter Rat goes to pick up the steel chair, but NomaD dives straight on to
him with a clubbing blow. He attacks more with some lethal left and right
handers, and comes off the ropes with a high knee - knocking Gutter Rat down
to the mat.]
Sully: Gutter Rat is down and NomaD is in control of the match.
[Seth Caliko slowly climbs into the ring. Glass is embedded in his face and
arms and he is bleeding all over the canvas.]
JP: That is an absolutely sickening site. Seth Caliko is bleedin' like a
stuffed pig all over the MWF ring!
[NomaD picks up the steel chair and signals something to Caliko. Seth pulls
something out of his pocket. Both men are now doing something to the
chair...They are...setting it on fire!]
Sully: OH MY GOD!
JP: No, no, no! We got a barbed wire steel chair that's on fire now!
Sully: I just hope these three superstars have got good life insurance
policies.
JP: I don't think death via flaming barbed wire steel chair comes under any
'policy' Sully.
[NomaD positions the flaming chair in the middle of the ring using his feet,
as Gutter Rat tries to hold himself together by using the ropes as
leverage. Meanwhile, Seth Caliko has left the ring, and is just coming back
in with that black sack that was in the shopping cart.]
Sully: Look JP, it's that black bag from the shopping cart. I wonder what's
inside...
JP: I wouldn't even want to hazard a guess Sully.
[Caliko opens the sack and pours thousands and thousands of flesh-piercing
thumbtacks into the fire! The burning steel spits thumbtacks over the ring
as Gutter Rat is stalked by both Caliko and NomaD. Rat turns round and
receives a kick to the midsection, a double Front Face Lock is applied by
both men.]
JP: What are they gonna do now? They seem to be working as a cohesive unit
here and are just inches away from that burning mass of thumbtacks, barbed
wire and steel.
[Gutter Rat is driven head-first with a double DDT into the fire! His body
violently bounces back and his head is flung up. He convulses around the
ring like a fish out of water as his face shows horrific signs of burns and
puncture marks. Thumbtacks lace his face.]
Sully: Good God almighty! Gutter Rat got DDT'd into that fire!
JP: Tell me that I am not seeing this, by God!
[Gutter Rat finally stops shaking and settles unconscious in the ring. NomaD
goes to cover him for the pin, but Caliko breaks it up! NomaD doesn't
understand and starts to argue with him.]
JP: Just look at this! - Both men are now arguing over who can pin Gutter
Rat!
Sully: They are like children! ...WAIT AND MINUTE! Gutter Rat is rising and
they don't even know it!
JP: Oh my God, oh my God!
[Gutter Rat stands up - bloody, bruised and burnt. Caliko turns around and
notices - he launches his left leg for a Superkick, but it's caught! Gutter
Rat throws him onto his shoulders and Samoan Drop's him into the fire!
NomaD looks astounded; he throws a right-hand at Gutter Rat, but much like
the Superkick - it is countered! He nails NomaD with an almighty headbutt
and then runs against the ropes! He comes back with violent momentum and
ploughs into him with the Sin City Train Wreck! NomaD explodes and flies
out of the ring! He lands on the MWF broadcast table.]
Sully: OH MY GOD! SIN CITY TRAIN WRECK!
JP: NomaD has gotta be dead...and by the way - I think we should be gettin'
the holy hell outta here!
[Gutter Rat ascends the turnbuckles. He climbs to the top-rope and leaps!]
Sully: BIG...SPLASH!!!
[Gutter Rat flies through the air and connects on the outside with a
devastating Big Splash right on to the chest of NomaD, and putting him right
through the table. Gutter Rat is slumped over him as the referee runs out
of the ring and to the...landing site!]
JP: Our table just shattered all over the place and Gutter Rat has got NomaD
down for the count!
Referee: 1...2...3!!!
JP: It's over! It's over! It's over!
Sully: Gutter Rat has won the Xtreme Anywhere Falls match!
JP: What a sickeningly violent bout!
Peter Santos: Here is your winner of the Xtreme Anywhere Falls match by
pinfall...GUTTER RAT!
