Snead Presents: "Rules For Women" by Men

If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us. Learn how to work the toilet seat. If it's up, put it down. If you ask a question you don't really want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you want to talk about sports, The Simpsons, or Anna Kournikova. Get rid of your cat. And no, it's not different, it's the same as every other cat. The worst dog is better than the greatest cat. Sunday is a day for sports. Just let it be. Shopping is not a sport. Anything you wear is fine. Really. You have enough clothes. You have too many shoes. Crying is blackmail. Use it if you must but don't expect us to like it. Your brother is an idiot, your old boyfriend is an idiot and don't even ask about your father. Ask for what you want. Subtle hints don't work. Don't ask what today is. If you want us to remember an anniversery, mark it on the calendar. Pissing standing up is much more difficult than from point blank range. We're bound ot miss sometimes. If you have a headache for 17 months you're going to a doctor. Your mom doesn't have to be our best friend. Foreign films are best left for foreigners. Check your oil. Don't give us 50 rules if 25 will suffice. Don't think you're getting away with something by faking it. We couldn't care less. Do not ask us to take quizes found in women's magazines. Things said 6 months ago are inadmissable in an arguement. Comments are null and void after 7 days. If you can't dress like Victoria's Secret girls don't expect us to act like soap opera guys. If something we said makes you angry or sad, that's not how we meant it. If you can "window shop" for something you know you'll never buy, we can look at other women. Don't rub the lamp if you're not in the mood to wrestle with the genie. Either ask us to do something OR tell us how you want somthing done. Don't try both. Please hold your comments until the commercials. Christopher Columbus didn't need directions and neither do we. If you wear a WonderBra or a low cut blouse, do not complain about men staring at your breasts. The relationship is never going to be like it was the first two months.