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This message in a bottle

Sent to sea July 31, 2000

From Westport Harbor, MA

8:42, High Tide.

A much belated apology

To John Michael Mahoney

August 25, 1959 -

August 13, 1987

Blessed Be, dearest friend,

Form one who was dense,

Deaf, blind, stupid and

fearful. I thought you'd

pick up and carry on.

I thought you deserved

Better than me. I should

Never have presumed to

Know what was best for

You. After all this time,

I've done the math.

I owe an apology. The

Magnitude: Unachieveable.

Fourteen years ago today:

I called to announce my

Wedding plans. You

surprized me with a

scream. I wanted to

believe your words that

you were happy for me.

I wanted to believe they

Were shaking with excitement.

Now that scream echos in

My mind... that was no

Scream of joy. You excused

Yourself from the wedding,

With a migraine. I thought

It odd that you called from

A hotel, two miles from your

Home...and two days

Before my wedding anniversary,

You decided to hang around

For eternity in a St. Joseph

Cemetary.

Why Why Why Why Why?

I loved you.

I just didn't see that you loved me.

I didn't choose to walk

through the door you

held wide open for me.

I didn't accept your

Urgent invitation. Now

The door is locked, sealed

And walled over. The

invitation is lost and

buried in the sands of

time.

If only... what if... maybe...

The void you left still

Gapes in my heart,

The tears still quickly

Sting my eyes.

The eagle once flew in the

Depths of your eyes. I

Would travel the beams

Of the stars that shown

There. The waltz no longer

Plays, that breeze has been

Calmed. I loved you. I

Just couldn't see that you

Loved me.

As you said in your

Last good bye:

Another lifetime.

May we be wizer then.

Blessed Be, dearest friend.

You know who I am.

Written 1978 to Mike:

The eagle flies in the depths of your eyes.

And I travel the beam of a star.

We find a time away from now.

And dance to a waltz played low,

On a breeze that came from afar.

I am so sorry.

Not to be published with out the permission of Kate "McCridhe" No permission will be granted.

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