Because nothing says "Japan" like this pagoda, rising majestically from the rain-soaked woodland of eastern Kyoto.

...or like this pink samurai geezer, who looks like a Village People reject.

A collection of camp Freddies, dressed up as geisha.

Me feeding toilet paper to a stupid deer on Miyajima. For some reason, they love toilet paper, full of all the essential nutrients for developing mange, scurvy and athlete's head.

A little-known disadvantage of living in Japan is the small indigenous rhino population. These mainly nocturnal creatures can be a real pest during the Summer months, when they follow the rivers into major cities, scavenge through people's rubbish bins and rut stray cats (which, as you may imagine, is a pretty noisy affair.) I actually caught this critter in our bathroom and had to phone the Japanese animal protection society. They arrived within 15 minutes, shot the bastard and ground down his horn to make a powerful aphrodisiac. Now that's what I call service.

More thumbnails of Japan, captured on my phone camera. I often use this device to wreak photographic vengeance upon those reckless individuals who like to urinate in public.

Moonlight Shadow as you've never seen it before: Mike and I giving it karaoke stacks, to the resounding indifference of a stillborn audience.

All she saw was the silhouette of a gun
(far away on the other side)
He was shot six times by a man on the run,
and she couldn't find how to push through...