A couple decide to hire someone to help out on their ranch. They only get 2 people that come in for an interview. One is a drunk, and the other is gay. They debate over it and decided it would be better to go with the gay guy, so they hire him. He turns out to be an excellent worker. He does everything he is supposed to, gets everything done on time and never complains about anything. The ranhers decide to reward him one night, by telling him he could take the night off and go into town. He is trillled, so off he goes. Midnight comes...and no hired hand....one comes....and no hired hand....two o'clock rolls around and still no hired hand. The ranchers wife is sitting by the fireplace at 3 in the morning when the hired hand finally comes home. She calls him over to her and says "Take off my shirt" He does so with trembling hands. "Take off my skirt". He does. "Now take off my stockings." He does. "Take off my bra". With trembling hands, he does as he is told. "Now my panties". He does this and the woman says, "Now don't you ever wear my clothes to town again!!!"
Q. What do you call 10 naked men standing on top of one another?
A. A scrotum pole
Q. Why did the condom fly through the air??
A. It got pissed off !!!
Q. What do you do when you see your husband staggering around the backyard?
A. Shoot him again!!
Q. Why are married women fatter than single women?
A.. Single women come home, see what's in the refrigerator and go to bed...Married women come home, see what's in the bed and go to the refrigerator!!
Q. Why did Frosty pull down his pants??
A. He heard the snowblower coming!!
A man and woman made up a password to use whenever one of them wanted to have sex. The password was "washing machine". Well, one night they're lying in bed and the man says, "Honey, Washing machine??". She says, "No, not right now." So he rolls back over and tries to go to sleep, but can't, so a few minutes later he tries again. "Washing machine??". "NO!!", she yells, "I Have a headache." The guy once again rolls over. Now, the woman is beginning to feel kind of guilty, so after a few minutes she says, "Okay, honey, washing machine." To which he replies, "Never mind. It was a small load so I did it by hand!!!"
A mushroom walks into a bar one day and sits down and orders a beer. The bartender comes over and says, "You can't be here. You have to leave. He points to a sign that reads "No mushrooms allowed." The mushroom is extremely disappointed and says, "But I'm a fun-guy!!"