A/N: Written for mLefay's googlism meme. The prompt was Brian is a foo'.

Next to God, there is no greater protector than I.
-- Lawrence Tureaud

He wasn't the obvious choice for a douche spokesman; but that's what made it so brilliant.

* * *

Brian strolled into the diner with a satisfied smirk on his face. He slid in next to Justin at their usual booth and raised an eyebrow when everyone looked at him expectantly. "Well?" Emmett finally asked.

Brian nodded and Ted whooped triumphantly, "I knew we would get him!"

"Like he's so busy," Emmett said, but clapped his hands in congratulations. "I have to admit, I'm looking forward to seeing the final product. It's clever."

"It's genius!" Justin laid a big wet one on Brian.

* * *

The sun was setting on the beach. In the distance a seagull cawed hauntingly. "Sometimes," a young girl in a sun dress and a headband admitted, "I get that...not so fresh feeling."

"Quit yo' jibba jabba! Don't make me mad!" Mr. T growled. "I told you when you feel rough in yo' stuff you gotta wash that junk out with New Summer's Eve Pacific Wave!"

"Cut!" the director called. "Mr. T, sir, the product is New Summer's Eve Pacific Breeze."

"Do I tell you how to sit in that chair and do nothin'?" Mr. T asked. "No, I do not. So don't tell me how to say my lines, turkey!"

The director turned red, and Brian stepped forward to intervene. "Uh, look, T."

"Yes?" he asked, adjusting his giant gold necklaces.

"My partner's meeting is over in an hour, and he made reservations at some sushi place he insists he can't be in L.A. without eating at, so will you do me a favor and say the goddamn line?" Brian said, not unkindly.

"Your partner? That little blond thing that ate all the stuffed mushrooms and made you eat your chicken?" Mr. T had met Justin at dinner the night before. "You rushin' around for him?"

Brian just rolled his eyes and stuck his tongue in his cheek. "One phone call and Paul Reubens is on a plane."

"All right, all right," Mr. T said quickly. "But I still pity the foo' that be wrapped around a blond finger. Brian, you a foo'!"

"Just hurry up and shoot the fucking spot," Brian said. "and I'll be wrapped around a lot more than his finger."

Fin

A/N: Written for metatrix's googlism meme. The prompt was Brian is warning voyeurs.

Brian eyed the box suspiciously.

"Just open it," Justin insisted. "I had it made by wardrobe. You'll love it."

Brian raised his eyebrow, but opened it. He lifted up a t-shirt disdainfully. "What is this? A cotton-poly blend?"

"Shut up. Look what it says on the back," Justin grinned.

Brian turned it around. THE LINE STARTS HERE.

"You can wear it in the backroom," Justin said, reaching for the other shirt in the box. "This one's for when I'm there."

RESERVED.

Brian snorted and threw the t-shirt in Justin's face. "In your dreams, Sunshine."

"I know, I'm kidding," Justin said, sidling up to Brian and whispering teasingly in his ear. "That one's for me."

Fin

Feedback mcpofife to tell her that drabbles are only supposed to be 100 words.

Disclaimer: I own nothing, least of all QAF. No copyright infringement intended. No sue, 'kay? Thanks.