Alright, ever wonder why your appliances never work, or they cease to work at the exact moment you need them most? Well, its not cos of dead batteries or a rip in the plugin cord. The reason is a conspiracy.
Computers, being the wisest of all the appliances are willing to go as far as commit suicide to make you become frustrated. The computers did not start this conspiracy. In fact, I'm not quite sure which appliance started it. It could have been the telephones, who listen into peoples gossip and secrets all day long. With that much information in them, the telephones could have easily started a conspiracy. Then again, its possible the television began it all. The first thing i could remember about appliances not working was my TV. It has this habit of coming on in the middle of the night and turning on to channel 88. There is NO channel 88, at least not where I live. A logical explaination? Well, its simple. These turn ons by themselves usually occur during thunderstorms. Therefore, the lightning zaps the wires and causes the TV to turn on, but are you sure that thats what happens? The computer, being linked somehow to almost every appliance in the house, or in the world if you think about it, was able to gain charge of the conspiracy, for it could transfer info better than anything else. So, the computers all talk to eachother, even after you turn them off. Not only do the comps talk to themselves, yet to other appliances, such as my CD player. Not long ago as I was playing one of my favorite CDs, the CD player started making a strange noise. Luckily I realised in time what it had been doing. It was eating my CD. I had to shut the power off and reach and grab my CD back from it. Oh, about the computers commiting suicide. Every computer I have owned has died on me.
Every day its a new excuse for me to reboot. We have illegal operations, fatal acceptions, access violations, proxy errors, or the most popular:
the computer turns itself off, but instead of rebooting it goes into sleep mode, and you can't turn it off normally, so you hafta turn it off wrong. Then it goes and wants to run scan disk. 15 minutes later you're back to your start screen and the computer freezes up again. You try pressing CTRL ALT DELETE, but it starts making that annoying lil beeping sound, just to annoy you. Then when you turn it off, run scan disk again and you think everything is fine it has an illegal operation in Internet Exploder and all your icons dissapear, and you have to reset active desktop. After you've reset the Active Desktop your computer tries to tell you that you can't load that version of internet exploder into your computer because a version already exists. Due to this you can't get into the internet because half an hour ago you were kicked outta Netscrape which never wants to respond anyways. So you need to reboot your computer. After you've done this it decides that the internet line needs to be busy, so the computer tells the telephone to be busy, so now you can't even connect to the internet. 3 hours and 5 different connection lines later you're back on the internet, only to find that your email won't even load because the connection line you're on now is too slow to load. So you go back and change the connection line. After you've done so the email STILL won't load. So you go into IRC and decide to chat, because ICQ just had an Abnormal (but more normal to you cos its always happening) Program Error. So while you wait for the converter to run, you wait for IRC to connect. Finally the converter is finished, but you're still not connected to IRC. You run your ICQ and find that the converter, although it has fixed the small problem, has deleted your whole contact list and one month of your history. You go thru and add all your contacts back, and then your internet disconnects you again. Because of this IRC has a Access Violation, and you need to reboot again. After rebooting ICQ can't even connect to the server, and you need to try again in a few years. The converter had erased all your extra ICQ servers, and you can't even remember the port number they all go on. So finally ICQ connects and everybody has gone offline again. You wander back into IRC and find someone really cool to talk to, yet in the middle of your conversation there is a Connection Reset by Peer. (I tell you Peer was framed!! its the computer) You become fed up with ICQ, IRC, and trying to get your email, so you decide to work on your webpage. You begin a long process of HTMLing, and when you press save your computer freezes up. You press CTRL ALT DELETE and tell it to End task, yet this never happens. You sit 20 minutes waiting for the comp to just move a little and stop making that strange sound, and then you decide to turn it off again. When you get back on again, your webpage wasn't even saved, and ICQ is having illegal operations up the wazoo. By this time, you feel like taking a few anvils and slamming it on your computer, but thats when you realise you've stayed up all night long trying to fix your computer, yet your friend who gets up tells you the next day that the internet connection was much faster around 7 am, after you'd gone back to bed.
It's all a plot to make you frustrated. The computer, CD player, TV, and phones are all in it together, and sometimes have affect over non electrical thingys. The computer itself can make you the most frustrated because it has 500000 names for, "I'm taunting you, so you better give up."
Anyways, watch out for electrical appliances, cos there is a conspiracy I tell you, and its out to get me, i swear it is. They don't like me. Especially my computer, and my comp tells everyone elses comp that i go onto to be mean to me. Watch out.. I know.. you don't believe me. You think i'm crazy. But next time your computer has an illegal operation, don't say i didn't warn you!
-Washy