Back to "The Essay as a Whole"
Coherence
Coherence means "sticking
together," and means the degree to which words make sense together.
This can be applied to the sentence, the paragraph, and the essay
as a whole. There are various techniques for improving coherence:
Parallel structure
Which parts of the following sentences are not parallel?
Change them into parallel structures.
- Several committee members were at the secret meeting but
not agreeing to change their votes (W,162).
- I believe that the United Nations has been fairly
effective but we can improve it (W,162).
- To listen to classical music and reading great novels are
pastimes too few students enjoy (W,162).
- Mullins of the White Sox had a near-perfect day on the
mound, striking out twelve batters and he allowed only
two hits (W,162).
- I will always remember the town because of the good times
and the friends I made there (H,43).
- My hobbies are to listen to music and playing the piano.
- It's not enough to compare two positions and condemning
one.
- It's better to wait and having some money left over.
- When a person has a goal to hope and work toward, he will
be happy.
- Neither his interest nor concern for his employee's
welfare brought him respect.
- He had no love or confidence in his employer (H,43).
- His slumping business, his friends, and even his wife
Mary could in no way offer him a chance to find the
happiness he had known while in college (H,109).
- During her last year in law school, she rose to the top
of her class, worked on the legal review, and married the
day after graduation (H,109).
- If a person is ignorant of the law, they can still be
prosecuted for breaking it (W,170).
- A musician is probably the most envied of professionals
because they enjoy their work so much (W,170).
- Anyone who thinks they are being cheated should complain
to the manager (W,170).
- A football player deserves pay, for they work hard
(W,170).
- People may be a celebrity when they make films (W,170).
- Football players can show they are a good sport when they
lose with grace (W,170).
- All the members raised their hand (W,170).
- A person should not depend on a crutch if he doesn't need
one, for if you do you will soon find yourself unable to
be independent (W,171).
- When someone finds a piece of money, he usually keeps it;
but sometimes you are honest enough to look for its owner
(W,171).
- A student should know the provisions of the Civil Rights
Act, for one cannot be a good citizen unless you keep up
with current legislation (B,450)
- When I study hard for a test, it is usually passed with a
high grade (W,172).
- We refused to admit defeat, and the game was won by us in
the last few seconds (W,172).
- The Governor called in his lieutenants, and they were
lectured by him on the necessity of getting House Bill
5943 passed quickly (W,172).
- When the townspeople heard that the mayor had resigned, a
general meeting was called (B,449).
- Benjamin Franklin felt that learning was as good as
earning. Spend some time everyday with books. Try to
progress as times progress.
- Those who argue that social and moral reform is
impossible on the ground that the Old Adam of human
nature remains forever the same attribute to native
activities the permanence and inertia that in truth
belong only to acquired customs. To Aristotle slavery was
rooted in aboriginal human nature. Native distinctions of
quality exist such that some persons are by nature gifted
with power to plan, command, and supervise, and others
possess merely capacity to obey and execute. Hence
slavery is natural and inevitable. There is error in
supposing that, because domestic and chattel slavery has
been legally abolished, slavery as conceived by Aristotle
has disappeared. But matters have a least progressed to a
point where it is clear that slavery is a social state,
not a psychological necessity. --John Dewey, Human
Nature and Conduct (W,175).
Keeping chronological and spatial order
Explain why b) is more coherent than a):
a) A year spent teaching in the "shacks"
adjacent to the city schools provides a unique education to
any teacher. The classroom temperature gets awfully cold
sometimes. You cannot imagine how hard it is to teach when it
is forty-six degrees inside the building. Field mice race
over the student lockers just as the teacher begins an
important assignment. As summer approaches with its rising
temperatures and increased noise level, the teacher has
decided that she would gladly trade her unique experience for
anyone's traditional classroom. The water fountain is so far
away that it occupies a good part of class time for teacher
and students to get a drink (Ma,57).
b) A year spent teaching in the "shacks"
adjacent to the city schools provides a unique education to
any teacher. She learns to adjust to a temperature of
forty-six degrees inside her classroom, a condition that
persists although all the radiators are working at full
capacity. She learns to cope with the problem of field mice
racing over the student lockers just as she begins an
important assignment. As summer approaches with its rising
temperatures and increased noise level, the teacher has
decided she would gladly trade her unique experience for
anyone's traditional classroom. She learns to control her
thirst and teaches this lesson to her students, since the
water fountain is so far away it is almost impossible to get
a drink.
Explain why c) is even more coherent:
c) A year spent teaching in the "shacks"
adjacent to the city schools provides a unique education to
any teacher. In the fall, the teacher learns to cope with the
problem of field mice racing over the student lockers just as
she begins an important assignment. In the winter, she learns
to adjust to a temperature of forty-six degrees, a condition
that persists inside the classroom although all the radiators
are working at full capacity. In the spring, she learns
self-control of thirst and teaches this lesson to her
students, since a trip to the water fountain occupies a good
part of the class time. In summer, with its rising
temperatures and increased noise level, she has decided that
she would gladly trade the unique setting for anyone's
traditional classroom.
Compare the following for coherence:
- The main characteristic of the little farm we had walked
over was disorder. The winding, narrow road was bumpy and
rough, and weeds grew rank and tall on each side of it.
Near the barn stood a battered, unpainted tractor, plow,
and rake. On the other side of the road, weeds sapping
life-giving substances from the soil were also growing
among the small, withered cotton plants. The house needed
paint and repairs. The steps and porch were rickety, and
several of their boards were broken. The fence around the
pasture was badly in need of repairs. The broken window
panes in the house had pieces of tin and boards over
them. On one side of the road lay bundles of grain
decaying from long exposure to wind, rain, and sunshine.
The wire was broken in many places, and the wooden posts,
rotten at the ground, were supported by the rusty wire.
The yard was littered with rubbish--tin cans, broken
bottles, and paper. The barn lacked paint; its roof
sagged and some shingles needed to be replaced. In the
pasture, diseased with weeds and underbrush, grazed then,
bony cattle, revealing their need for more and better
food and shelter (Ma,60).
- The main characteristic of the little farm we had walked
over was disorder. The winding, narrow road was bumpy and
rough, and weeds grew rank and tall on each side of it.
On one side of the road lay bundles of grain decaying
from long exposure to wind, rain, and sunshine. On the
other side, among the small, withered cotton plants,
weeds sapped the soil. The fence around the pasture was
badly in need of repair. The wire was broken in many
places, and the wooden posts, rotten at the ground, were
supported by the rusty wire. In the pasture, diseased
with weeds and underbrush, grazed thin, bony cattle
revealing their need for more and better food and
shelter. Near the barn stood a battered, unpainted
tractor, plow, and rake. The barn itself lacked paint;
its roof sagged and some of the shingles needed to be
replaced. The house, too, needed paint and repairs. The
steps and porch were rickety, and several of their boards
were broken. A screen hung on one hinge. The broken
window panes were mended with tin and boards. The yard
was littered with rubbish--tin cans, broken bottles, and
paper.
Using pronouns and the active voice
How can the coherence of the following be improved:
- Politics is a suitable profession only for men with agile
minds. Since problems shift suddenly and rapidly, one
must be able to alter his mode of thinking quickly to
meet new and unforeseen situations.
- The president of the school board rejected the lay
committee's recommendation. Shortsightedness and
prejudice were evident (W,101).
- The novel Elmer Gantry by Sinclair Lewis is one of
the most controversial pieces of fiction ever published
in America. Hypocrisy and humbug in the American clergy
are the subject of a satiric attack. Religion was not
actually attacked, but only those who misused religion.
Proof has been cited that some clergymen are corrupt and
that there is respect for those who are not. Many
religious groups believed religion was attacked. Lewis
was mercilessly attacked (W,102).
Using transition words
Addition: and, also, too, as well, in addition,
besides, furthermore, moreover, likewise, another, beyond this,
at the same time
Intensification: very, quite, extremely, indeed,
certainly, to be sure
Illustration: for example, for instance, as an example,
to illustrate, take, consider, let us consider (look at, examine)
Specification: namely, specifically, first, second,
third; a, b, c; 1, 2, 3; in the first place, second(ly),
third(l)y
Alternative: or, nor, either...or, neither...nor
Comparison: as...as, likewise, and, similarly, in like
manner, in the same way, just as, also
Contrast: but, yet, although, though, even though, yet,
however, on the other hand, while, conversely, nevertheless,
whereas, on the contrary, conversely
Condition: if, unless, until, whether, as long as,
provided that, should, so long as
Concession: although, even though granted that,
despite, in spite of, anyhow
Cause and result: because, since, as, hence, thus,
accordingly, then, therefore, as a result, consequently
Purpose: in order to, so...that, with the intention of,
intending (meaning) to, with a view to
Reference back: as we have seen, on the whole, as
mentioned above, as stated previously, as I have said, to repeat,
again
Reference ahead: next, now, at this point (juncture)
Conclusion: finally, now, consequently, to sum up, in
sum, in summary, summing up, in conclusion, then
Improve the transitions in the following:
- Automation can provide worldwide abundance for all
people. If I were directing industrial expansion, I would
reduce the rate of changeover to automated production,
for unemployment is just as much a problem as a scarcity
of goods (W,97).
- I believe it is quite a privilege to be a part of the
highest form of animal life. If I had to be any other
animal I would be a dog (W,98).
- Many educators suggest that we should turn to history and
philosophy in order to solve the problems of our time.
Historians are in disagreement even about what happened
in the past. They are hopelessly confused about why
historical trends occur. Philosophers have been and still
are in muddled confusion. None of them agrees with any
others. Educators can't agree in their choice of
philosophers whom we should listen to. In the midst of
such confusion, does it not seem wise to work with new
ideas (W,99)?
- One of the most important qualities for a politician to
possess is imagination. It seems that most politicians
are singularly unimaginative. Some have such one-track
minds that they never vary from a set line of thought and
procedure. Our current mayor still spends hours a week on
arithmetical check-up on employees even though the city
now owns a computer. He seems to fail to see that the
city's political problems change. He is likely soon to be
out of a job unless he applies more imagination to his
work (W,103).
- Most people have three misconceptions about the nature of
the rules of grammar. They feel that an arbitrary rule
makes an expression correct or incorrect, whereas, it is
custom only that makes correctness. They think that only
whole words are involved in grammatical constructions,
whereas parts of words--or morphemes--play an important
grammatical role. The verb parts ing, en, ed,
s, and so forth are important grammatical
entities. They seem to assume that all languages have
similar grammatical systems, which is of course far from
the truth. Estonian has twelve cases, whereas Latin has
only five. There are innumerable differences between
grammatical systems. We see that the general public is
much misinformed about grammar (W,103).
- My professor of Comparative Religion maintains that
religious truths are relative. It seems to me that many
points of religious belief must be absolute. How can
polytheism and monotheism both be true? Consider the idea
of afterlife. How can it both exist and not exist? It
seems to me that the idea of relativism can be overvalued
(W,103).