Chicago Journal

Part Eight: Chicago Marathon, Con Artists, and Hostel.

Why? First, you'll see a lot more. The run starts and ends in Grant Park and goes through many interesting neighborhoods including: Lincoln Park, Lakeview, Old Town, River North, Greektown, Little Italy, Pilsen, and Chinatown. Second, you don't have to worry about training ahead of time (actually, I never do this even when I try to run at full speed). You can see some sites before the race and thoroughly enjoy pre and post race parties. Finally, you won't be too sore the next day to do more touring. I've done the Chicago Marathon at full speeds and at half throttle pace. Both are enjoyable, but the latter is far less of a chore. You can wave at the crowds, hear all the great music people play, pay attention to the architecture or even pause to take photos (yes, I've seen people do this).

Running at a slower pace is actually a lot harder than it sounds. Because of the excitement of the huge crowds, you have to continually stop yourself from racing back to your normal gait. Fortunately, big races like Chicago have pace teams that attempt to keep a consistent running time. These people wear bibs with their expected finishing time on their back. If you're buying into my slow run pitch, then just add 30 minutes to your normal finishing time. If you normally run 3:20, look for 3:50 bibs and stay with them! The crowds are great, the weather is usually perfect and the route is very interesting. What's the rush?

If you're wise enough to just watch the spectacle and avoid the pain, you may want to pick up the handy "Spectator & Transportation Guide" for the marathon. Aside from maps it includes a listing of the times when runners will be passing various viewing areas. Getting a good view at the finish is difficult so I would recommend picking out a spot or two along the course. Don't try to follow the elite runners through the entire course! You'll spend too much time on the El (don't even think about driving around). You'd be better off watching the race on TV (there are both live and delayed broadcasts). The fast runners are going to fly by you without notice anyway. It's the slow runners that really need the crowd.

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Every large city has its fair share of panhandlers and scam artists. Chicago is no exception. As I've lived in two of the most popular haunts of these people -- downtown and River North -- I know most of them by sight and have noted the trickier ones. I'm going to concentrate on the scams as most everyone can recognize a beggar. For the record, I rarely contribute to the professional panhandlers and I never donate to the Streetwise paper sellers, as I see this as organized panhandling. It's a bit like favoring the small, independent merchant as opposed to the chain store. I rather like the professional guys who don't try to hide behind the Streetwise baloney. The other day, I heard one of them say to his buddy: "I hate when you ask for a dollar for a cup of coffee and they go in and get you the damn cup of coffee. I must get fifteen cups a day! Have to go to the bathroom all the time."

Elsewhere I've written about scams in Asia, but the con artists here are different. First off, many of the "crippled" guys you see on the street in crutches or wheelchairs are perfectly ambulatory. I've seen them walking home after their workday with a crutch slung over the shoulder or pushing the wheelchair. (The one, chubby professional in the wheelchair by the west side of the Brown Line El stops is truly handicapped.)

There are at least two guys who dress up as security guards, complete with badges and hats who will ask for money. I guess they think the security guard disguise gives them some legitimacy. I think it's interesting that the one guy copied the other. Their shoes really give them away though.

There are a few, really deplorable hustlers who exploit children for money. One "family" pushes a baby carriage around, usually near the bridges just south of River North. Another guy in River North beats this young kid into begging for him. I've watched him from a roof when he thought no one else was around and have tried to call the cops on him while he's hitting the kid. He may or may not be related to the kid but he certainly forces the youth to beg.

One youngish woman consistently has a car "break down" in River North. She likes to target single men (sailors beware) for aid. When the car can't be fixed she asks for cab fare.

There are a few guys who like to try to intimidate older or foreign tourists. They will aggressively ask for money and will follow them, talking loudly, trying to scare them. They often hang out under the El tracks downtown, an area that can be a bit intimidating to some tourists. Just be firm with them and they will leave. In general, anything that makes you look like a tourist, like a backpack or a map, draws these guys like a magnet.

For the most part, Chicago is a safer town than most tourists envision and almost all of the panhandlers and scam artists are harmless. I can't resist ending with two funny stories. First, many years ago, I was walking down the street drinking from a large bottle of fancy mineral water. A wino, sitting against a wall, saw me and started begging for the bottle -- no doubt thinking it was wine. I gave it to him, thinking it will be good for the guy to actually drink some water instead of alcohol. He took a long pull from the bottle and then spit it all out into the street. It was just like watching a movie drunk who couldn't tolerate the taste of water.

Finally, just yesterday, in my own South Loop neighborhood, a college-aged white guy asked me for fifty cents for the bus. Now, I'm not making a racist statement here, I'm just stating a fact: In all the years I've lived in Chicago, I've never had a white guy who wasn't old and an obvious wino ask me for money. I pass him by -- young, healthy guy like that should be working for his money! Not fifty meters down the road, another college-aged white guy uses the exact same line on me! My theory is that these yo-yos are doing some kind of class project.

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