Chapter Eighteen: Kutch Kutch Hota -- Yieee! (Jodphur and Jaipur)

Round the World Journal
by Matt Donath

Nov 19. Five am wake-up on the night train to Jodphur. Knowing it will be useless to tramp about town in the dark, we sit in the railway dining hall, nursing a cheap breakfast. When the sun rises at seven, we walk over to the Durag Niwas Guest House (not recommended! -- see upcoming rant).

One of Sybil's rationales for booking so many night trains was to save us valuable daylight hours. Good in theory, but we often wind up napping after these exhausting train rides. No matter, we approach the day slowly, meandering over to Umaid Bhawan Palace. This building was built in 1929 as a work project, ostensibly for "famine relief". Propaganda photos show workers queuing up for their pay. Great way to fight unemployment -- build an Art Deco palace full of lavish furnishings for your decadent leader.

I'm a big fan of Art Deco architecture, but Sybil and I agree that this drab and sterile Indo Deco Palace pales in comparison to most Chicago office building of the same time period. However, the imported period furniture and clocks on display are worthwhile, though decidedly non-Indian. We catch a picture postcard view of the hotel garden next door, off limits to us, and are quite happy to leave.

The Durag Niwas Guest House is one of those unfortunate examples of a place that gets some good guidebook recommendations and then goes to pot. However, few places could fall as low as this one! All the current Indian guidebooks give Durag Niwas rave reviews, especially for its food. In fact, the place, and its restaurant in particular, is a complete disaster. The alcoholic staff spends most of the nighttime hours drinking and screaming at each other to the backdrop of blaring television. Restaurant customers are pretty much completely ignored. No one gets their correct order and the food is terrible. We do battle with the rats in our bathroom who shit in the sink and eat our soap. I find shards of glass in the bed! Honestly, I could go on for pages about how bad this place is but it is not worth the space -- avoid!

Nov 20. We breakfast at Chauhan's Art Gallery, on the road to the fort. This place is in the process of adding some guest rooms and might be worth checking out.

The marvelous Mehrangarh Fort is far and away the best attraction in Jodphur. Passing massive gates and ramparts, we wind our way up to its top and are greeted with fabulous views of the the "Blue City" below. The museum's interesting art collection includes some curious pieces. In one picture -- "Opium Eaters Frightened By A Rat" -- doped up noblemen freak out at the sight of a rodent and call in soldiers to kill it. Another painting depicts rich homosexual cattlemen smoking opium and touching each other with, as the caption cautiously puts it, "dubious interaction".

At the base of the fort, I watch a large cobra slither about. This is the first snake I've seen that appears to be completely unafraid of humans. Every other snake I've come across quickly sped away after noticing me. Not this guy! He appears to move towards people who come near him. After realizing this, I keep a safer distance for my observations.

We're having a "good India Day" up until the point where the admission collector at the Jaswant Thada mausoleum brilliantly tries to fleece us. He professionally takes my offered 50 rs note and with an impressive display of legerdemain, replaces it with a 10 rs note before handing us change for 10 rs. He does this so quickly that I don't notice it and start to doubt that I actually gave him a 50. Plus, I just wasn't expecting an admission collector at a government run tourist attraction to pull that sort of thing. We do catch him though and he shrugs off the bust with practiced flair. This infuriates Sybil to the point where she's ready to leave India on the spot. Instead, we bemo back to the railway station (cost is only 1 rs, although we overpay with 2 rs and many drivers will try to charge much more) and have dinner at the Midtown restaurant (ok).

Nov 21. We grab a bus (2 rs) to Mandore Gardens. Flowering bushes, elaborate devals (cenotaph-cum-shrine), lilly pads, and rocky outcrops provide an attractive spot. A small museum and a garish wall of sculptured heroes are an amusing distraction. One huge problem though! The place is swarming with unbelievably obnoxious children. The little monsters constantly run up to us, screaming and grabbing, and sometimes even hitting and kicking when we ignore their demands for rupees or pens. Some scream insults or try to taunt us. We basically do our best to ignore them completely, but on a few occasions I actually have push some of the grabbier one's off of us. I even have to knock a teenage boy to the ground after he refuses to release our water bottle! These petty incidents completely spoil a pleasant spot.

We walk out of our way to the Mandore Guesthouse, as we'd heard rumors of good food in a peaceful setting. The place was completely locked up though, so we make due at the nearby Sunshine Restaurant (recommended).

Back in town, avoid the Shanti Bhawan Guesthouse -- noisy, filthy rooms, disgusting toilets and an impossibly rude manager.

Nov 22. On the night we waited interminably for our tasteless dinner at Durag Niwas, a man named Praveen Agarwal, who owns a nearby antique shop (Gavatri Art Palace 0291-640882) stopped by to view the restaurant to get ideas about decorating it. He wound up trying to help the many irate customers sort out their orders with the inept, uncaring staff. He has no financial interest in Durag Niwas other than getting them to pay him for decorating their restaurant. He was just being a nice guy. We wound up chatting with him and made arrangements to visit his warehouse today.

All three of us cram onto his little scooter and weave our way through a maze of traffic. At the warehouse we watch his workers churn out reproductions and refurbish antique pieces. He has some nice stuff here -- worth a look if you're into furniture or antiques.

We splurge on a fancy lunch at On the Rocks (recommended). Here we discuss how much we need a break from India. Sybil is completely sick of the place. I am too, but I know our mood could turn around. We've just had a few particularly rough days.

In fact, if it wasn't for Praveen Agarwal inviting us to his house for dinner, I'm sure we would have left Jodphur with a horrible impression. We'd heard that Indian home cooking far surpassed the often indigestible restaurant fare. While this is true most anywhere, there is no greater gap between the two than in India. A partial explanation may contrast the diligent care of food preparation in the Indian home with their decidedly lax attitude towards quality control in the work place. Another major factor is that almost all restaurants use cheap, stomach churning cooking oil that no Indian housewife would dream of using.

No trip to India is complete without a visit to a movie emporium! I used to be a huge film buff and once took a course in Indian Cinema. However, I haven't seen a popular Indian movie for many years, and never in the boisterous atmosphere of an Indian theater. So, we take the opportunity for a night out.

Our film is "Kutch Kutch Hota Hai" (rough translation -- "Something Happened In the Heart"), a melodramatic (probably redundant) musical (definitely redundant) love triangle full of juvenile sexual innuendo (again, redundant) and lots of Western products. Catchy songs, eye grabbing settings, 1960's color schemes, and a plot simple enough for non Hindi speakers to follow, holds our attention throughout most of the three-hour plus film. The two female leads don revealing Western dress during the first half of the film -- most of which is a flashback. Many ridiculous T&A shots, along with impossibly short skirts make this portion of the film seem like a parody of the West. The female attire becomes far more modest during the second half of the film; saris replace spandex, short skirts and plunging necklines. I'm told this is often the case with popular films. I guess they feel compelled to balance the outrageousness with a more conservative ending.

The crowd enthusiastically whistles approval at the start of every song they recognize. We later learn that this film and its music are mega-hits. Numerous theater attendants flash torches around, perpetually counting unoccupied seats. The pop-walla boy bends down to the aisle lights in order to read the tickets of people who have bottles at their seats for him to collect. Sybil has ice cream during the intermission. We're having a great time!

A full five minutes before the end of the picture, everyone jumps out of their seats and starts rushing for the exit. I suppose all of these films have basically the same ending and people don't feel the need to see it repeatedly. We stubbornly stick it out to the end, mainly to see the credits. Surprise -- there are no closing credits. Or perhaps the projectionist didn't feel the need to play them to an empty audience.

Nov 23. We catch an early morning train back to Jaipur. Our plan was to stay at the Jaipur Inn, but all of their reasonable rooms are full and their dorm costs as much as a room at most other places. These guys are a bit too popular, but haven't yet fallen apart because of it. However, they do mess up our lunch order and keep us waiting interminably. Instead, we stay at the very serviceable Shivan Guest House (recommended).

Election rallies rock the streets with band music late into the night. The two main parties are the Congress and the BJP. We're told the race will be close here in Rajastan. One big issue is the artificial price rises for certain goods (remember we saw this in Varanassi?). Pakistan dominates the international issues. We saw some rowdy rallies in Jodphur where cigarettes and alcohol were passed out to potential voters. They seem to have the energy of an enthusiastic fraternity party and all the shouting and blaring music may be just letting off steam.

Nov 24. We make arrangements with an auto-rickshaw driver named "Jimmy" (for Jimmah Kahn) to drive us around for the day. He's kind of a pain, but he's a colorful character and more honest than most of these guys.

Fist stop is Vidyadhar-Ka-Bagh, with its poorly maintained gardens and pavilions. Very disappointing, as this could be a beautiful place if it wasn't so trashed. Next, we head to the pilgrimage center of Galta, where a natural spring flows out of the mouths of marble cow heads into slimy pools where pilgrims bath. A tiny temple to the Sun God sits nearby. It's full of rats since they are fed as sacred animals. Lots of monkeys and sadhus mooching here as well. Some of the buildings below the springs have fascinating murals painted on them. Unfortunately, many are in a bad state of deterioration.

The morning concludes with a view of the Sisodia Rani Ka Bagh. Although these gardens are better maintained (because it is often used as a film backdrop) they fall short of expectation. There's a disquieting sadness about a place that could be beautiful yet is soiled by human pollution.

We treat our guide and ourselves to a tasty thali meal at a real local place. Its name is Khandelwal Pavitra Bhojnalaya, but don't expect to see a sign that isn't in Hindi. After lunch we have the obligatory stop at a textile factory (baksheesh for the guide). Then we head up to Jaigarh Fort. This is a major disappointment after the fine forts of Jodphur and Jaisailmar. The only redeeming feature is the fine views.

Next stop is the Gaitor Memorials for the royal family of Jaipur. These white marble cenotaphs contain interesting carvings. Finally, we climb up to Nahargarh (Tiger) Fort. Another run-down fort with great views.

A busy day! Unusual for us, we acted like real tourists and covered lots of ground in too short a time. This means we spent too much time in Jaipur's abominable traffic! This town has one of the worst traffic problems I've ever seen. My only good memories of this place are from walking around on foot.

Nov 25. Breakfast at the atmospherically grubby Indian Coffee House. Jimmy says they are overpriced because they are in the guidebooks. True, and they don't serve tea either, so us non-coffee drinkers go thirsty. Still, I kind of like it. Reminds me of a Singaporen kopitiam.

We buy a few items at the Royal Textile Emporium (635329). Vinond and Shakeel patiently show us far too many items and laboriously sew up our purchase for mailing.

While waiting for the night train to Udaipur, we run into our Swiss friend Peter, who we last saw in Jaisalmer. He is headed for Agra. The Jaipur train station is infested with thousands of rats. They mostly scurry about the tracks, but occasionally jump up and scramble over our feet. The trip starts out miserably with a late train and annoying neighbors. We're saved by upper berths where we can curl up and hide from India for a bit.

Next: Part Nineteen or see Table of Contents