Fall

 

Why--if words at times come slow

Why--if words at times I know

When potions whose notions stir down below,

When all is two and nothing is alone

Can my heart utter a single refrain  or

Can my lips only say again and again

Your smile slays me now, as then

I can't ever wait to see you again....

I know a moment, a twinkling of an eye,

That shines and rains and dawns

An instant that caresses and consumes...

I know a calm, a chaos,

A close, a capture that my heart aches for...

I know you, there, then, in my arms

Beneath the shadow of my yearning for you

I hold you, there, then, in my arms forever.

I wanted to tell for some time now

I wanted to say when the moonlight shone in on you

As you slept on your bed the last time we made love

When I felt your heart racing against my chest

When I saw you running across the windows

Of this green world and in my mind

I felt your warm breath on my neck

Even though you weren't there.

 

But mostly I wanted to say it the last time I saw you

As I held you in my arms looking down

At your precious face sleepily looking up at me

Still inside you—quiet, motionless,

But so deep inside you....

I wanted so badly to tell you that--

The words each time grace my lips like an impostor

Only to cascade away like some great blizzard

Banished out to sea to rain its fury

On the dark ocean alone infinitely like being

Unbeknownst to any hearing....

But I pray that you can hear them

For what they are,

Feel them for what they are,

And not mar them with the knowing

That they stand apart from your ability

To see, through the lack of reciprocity.

Please take them into your heart

And feel them with your eyes closed

And your soul open for just a moment,

As my voice speaking them softly

Upon a winged kiss to your ear

Blown ever so gently --

When you smile per chance,

When your head lightly moves to dance,

When your tongue finds my lips,

When tenderness sprouts from your fingertips

When you ramble over a glass of wine,

When you lay in naked serpentine,

When you act boldly

When you laugh loudly

When you squeeze my hand,

When you cry to understand

When you feel lost and out of place

When your heart pounds upon my chest in a close embrace,

When you love me....

What I’m sad about is selfish.

I’m sad at God’s timing

I’m only a man.

And as a man, I miss you.

I miss you terribly.

I miss your kiss.

I miss your smile.

Oh, how I miss your smile….

But most of all I miss the moment

That hasn't happened yet

The moment when you let yourself

Fall...for me.

What makes it hard for me

Is knowing how much you care for me,

How much, in a way, you do love me,

But still unable to let go freely

When you try to fall backwards  for me

You had to look back, you had to see

Before you can say “Catch me, baby”.

 

If I didn’t know that,

I could make you a villain, 

And I the victim thus to soothe

But I can’t because it isn’t the truth,

As we both know deep down below

The truth is: NOT TODAY. NOT NOW.

I know that there is little chance

In wishing for a fantasy romance

But this love out of sight

Will someday find the light

I know it's difficult to see

That someday out of the blue

You'd come to fly a million miles

Just to see me smile at you.

Someday maybe...But not today....

So I guess until then we must once again

Endure to suffer being torn apart,

But no matter come what may

I know you’ll be okay,

And someday soon I, too

Would learn to live like mister blue.

And maybe, just maybe,

If God so desires

A day will come when,

As friends we will find ourselves

Accidentally strolling along

The white sands of the beach

At Sunset...(Beach)

Or on the mountain rocks of Mendocino

Along  the glistening harbor of  old San Francisco.

And from the towering heights, among the stars,

And the angels whose arms will cradle us,

In a moment neither of us was ever told about

But knew just the same from our fondest happiness,

We will look into each other’s eyes and know,

It is today...It is today.

And whether that day is tomorrow

Or next week or next year

Or next lifetime,

I will finally get to tell you

To your sweet face

The face that I will miss

more than I could ever know, that—

I love you….I love you.

Oh baby, I love you.

And you’ll smile wryly,

Close your eyes,

Say, “Catch me, baby”

And fall....

--JaG

GOBACK