A Bond Story
By Author X

"We have received a report that this man, Dr. Ida Know is trying to sell his formula for a new nerve gas. He is currently in Paris and we believe he is scheduled to meet with a woman tomorrow at about noon.", the young man briefing said. 

"Not much time then, is there?", said M.

"No, not much at all. This sounds like a job for Bond." said the Prime Minister

The next day a well dress Englishman stood in a cue at the lift for a visit to the Eiffel Tower. A few people ahead of him in the cue, an elderly woman in a wheelchair and her guide waited, as well.

The large lift arrived at the platform and the old woman was wheeled on. She appeared a bit nervous, but many tourists to the tower appeared nervous as they waited for the lift.

The tower was almost 300 meters high and the open tower structure and the large glass windows in the lift allowed a visitor to really feel the height as the lift climbed up the structure.

The Englishman followed them on. He appeared to be enjoying the view.

A young blonde American woman was standing next to him. From his viewpoint he could clearly see down her blouse to her braless chest. He smiled. She was obviously a woman who was use to using her feminine charms to their fullest.

A minute or so later the lift reached the first level of the tower.

The man watched as the old lady and her guide got off. As soon as the older woman was definitely off, he too stepped off.

The guide wheeled the woman to a restroom and she wheeled herself in as the guided waited outside, by the door.

Less that 30 seconds later, a young French woman in halter-top and shorts emerged. She headed off to the lift, to continue her trip up the tower.

The British gentleman's eyes caught her as she walked by. She was something he could work on after he finished his current assignment. 'When in Rome do as the Roman do', or more accurate 'When in Paris do a Parisian' he thought.

He waited near the restroom for a few minutes, then a few more. The guide appeared calm, he had probably escorted many old women around the tower and was use to this kind of thing. However, the Englishman was not, nor did he think his target was.

He walked over to the restroom and with the guide standing near the door he walked in. The guide seeing the foreign man's mistake quickly followed him in.

"Misure, Misure" called the guide.

Once inside the restroom the Englishman saw the empty wheel chair sitting just outside an empty stall. Her clothes (i.e. a robe), a mask and wig lay in the wheel chair. The old woman was gone.

The guide came around the corner and still talking in French motioned the Englishman to leave.

"Oh, I'm sorry chap. I thought this was the men's lou."

The Englishman rushed from the restroom. It was obvious that the old woman was a master of disguise, but who was she now. The young French woman, she must be the young French woman, but where was she now.

He looked over and saw an lift slowly moving to the next level. The French woman stood near the door with a large bag in her hand.

He jumped a locked gate and started climbing a long set of stairs to then next level. The lift was slow but the stairs were long and steep. The woman got to the next level ahead of him. She quickly boarded the next lift to the very top. The doors closed just as he arrived at this lift platform.

As he waited for the next lift, he considered the situation. The bag she was carrying was probably big enough for the 5 million Francs the scientist wanted for the special formula. She was going to be making the transfer at the top of the Eiffel Tower, but would he be able to stop her.

Soon he too was on his way to the top. At the top he saw the young American he had seen earlier, she looking out over the city. She noticed him too. Well with the French woman now his target, this American woman would easily do, but that business would have to wait.

Walking around the observation deck he found the French woman. She was talking to an older man. His look clearly said 'mad scientist' in the Englishman eyes. The young woman took a small package from the man and left her bag, the transfer.

He needed to keep his eye on her. She had already given him the slip once, now that she had the formula he couldn't afford it again. He was pretty sure she didn't realize that he was after her. She probably figured her quick change in the restroom had thrown off anyone following her, he thought.

She headed for the lift. The line was a bit long and the she didn't make the next car. The young American woman looked his way again as she caught the lift. The Englishman would have this rapped up in a few moments and then on to his next target, that young lady.

The next lift arrived and the French woman got on, but with the crowd at the top, he missed the lift.

The Englishman reached into his pocket and pulled out a small container of dental floss. He opened it up and pulled out a length of floss and rapped it several times around the guardrail surrounding the lift shaft. He opened his jacket and attached the dental floss container to a set of special suspender he was wearing and jumped over the railing after the escaping lift.

The Kelvar dental floss and descender rig slowed his fall down the lift shaft, but the lift was quite a ways ahead him. It reached the bottom and the doors open. The young French woman stepped out, just as the Englishman landed, knocking her down and her package over the edge.

He stepped again off the structure and continued down the tiny thread. He stopped for a moment, at a safety net designed to catch failing object from the tower. He quickly retrieved the package and again continued down the line.

100 meters above him, people gathered at the railing, watching as he descended. He saw the young French woman, now frantically running down the stairs trying to catch him. Two other men were following her, her back up. 

He was at least a minute or two ahead of them when he got to the bottom, but noticed a car with several men standing around it. As the commotion grew on the tower, the men sprung into action and started running up to meet their colleagues coming down.

The Englishman needed wheels and ran towards the street.

He jumped into the Fiat sitting at the curb, beside the sign marked 'Personal Parisian Guides'.

"Well it's about time?" The woman sitting in the passenger seat said.

"Oh, you", the young American said with surprise when she looked over and saw the good looking well dressed Englishman seating there.

"Well let's go.", he said and they were off.

"This is the Arch De Tramp", he said as he cut through the round about.

"Do all the people in France drive like this?" the young blonde said as the Englishman weaved thru the Paris traffic.

"Well yes, most people here in France don't know to drive on the right side of the road, but I guess having cars with the driver on the wrong side doesn't help."

Weaving and cutting through the traffic, running into alleys and down one way streets, he eventually was able to lose this purser.

He stopped, "Well, I think this ends your tour." he said and started to get out.

"Do you have to leave?", the woman said in a wanting tone.

"Well, I have always believed that while traveling, one should always make time for foreign wonders.", the Englishman said while eyeing the young American's breasts.

"Oh, then maybe you would like to come with me?", she said as she pull him over to her side of the car.

"Why, yes I think I would like that.", he said as he reclined passenger side car seat. 

"Bond, James Bond." He said as he pulled her shirt off over her head and fell back onto her.

"Bond what a wonderful name." she said as he starting kissing her now bare breasts.

He worked his way slowly up her body until he finally reached her inviting lips.

He suddenly reared back, a faint dizziness was coming on.

"Bond, Derma Bond", she said as he stared back at her.

She grabbed herself along the side of her bare chest and started to pull. James Bond, fighting to retain his conscious, saw her breasts peel away as she removed her false chest prosthesis. Underneath was the flat male chest of his namesake.

The beautiful female headpiece and wig soon followed. It was Derma Bond, James' cousin and a master of disguise. James Bond had finally met his match. The new Bond in the spy family would deliver the goods to the crown this time.

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